The Best 89 Mute Jokes

Following is our collection of funny Mute jokes. There are some mute muted jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.

Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these mute headphone puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.

Top 10 of the Funniest Mute Jokes and Puns

A mute man swallowed a coin by mistake

he was able to talk for a minute

English couple adopt a German baby boy 'Engelbert'....

.....now six years old Engelbert has never spoke a word, everyone just assumed he is mute.

Then one day at the breakfast table Engelbert shouted (with a typical German accent) mummy these sausages are not cooked through!

Mummy rushed across and shocked with disbelief said Engelgert you can talk, how come you never said anything for six years?

(German Accent again) Engelbert replied up until now everything has been quite satisfactory.

What do you call a mute italian?

Armless!

Mute joke, What do you call a mute italian?

When I worked as Tech Support for an ISP I had a woman call outraged that we allowed "filth" on her computer...

After she calmed down slightly she explained that her 10 year old Granddaughter was sleeping over and they were having a "Spa Night" and did a web search on "Facials". . . .I was able to hit the mute button in time to avoid making matters far worse... True Story!

There was a deaf mute

who said so many dirty words that his mother had to wash his hands with soap.


Best listener

Girl: My boyfriend never listens to me.
Friend: You should date a blind mute.
Girl: why?
Friend: he's all ears

I thought this guy on the subway was yawning.

Turns out he was just a mute sitting on a tack.

Mute joke, I thought this guy on the subway was yawning.

A mule walks into a bar, and the bartender asks, "Why the long face?"

The mule replies, "Well, my mother was a horse, of course, of course. And no one can talk to a horse, of course. Which eventually led to divorce, of course. Of which there was no recourse, of course.

So without my father but with my mute mother, it took quite a long time for me to discover...

...I can't have kids"

A mute was arrested..

So I heard a mute was arrested for committing an unspeakable act.

A new spin on an old clichΓ©

I was sitting on a team call for work. We were discussing team restructuring. The question was asked about team leaders.

My boss said, "The cream will rise to the surface."

I replied, "So will the foam. The insubstantial, shiny bits that disappear completely when placed under any load."

...I need to mute the phone more often.

I thought this guy at the library was yawning.

Turns out he was just a mute sitting on a needle.

You can explore mute asl reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean mute bookkeeper dad jokes. There are also mute puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.


What did the mute man say?

Not a joke, but a funny poem

One fine day, in the middle of the night,
Two dead men got up to fight,
A blind man came to see fair play,
A mute man came to shout "Horay!"
Back to back, they faced eachother,
Drew their swords and shot eachother.

What is logic?

A mute telling a deaf guy that a blind guy saw a paraplegic running behind a bald guy while grabbing his hair.

Being Mute.

Being mute means never having to say you're sorry.

My mute grandfather always said:

Mute joke, My mute grandfather always said:

One day, i came across a mute man, and he said

How do you cure a mute coworker?

Tell them a secret

A tasteless joke.

People who can't hear are called deaf.
People who can't see are called blind.
People who can't talk are called mute.

What do you call people that can't taste food?

Ethiopian


My old frog of 10 years finally croaked last night

He'd been mute for years

I was playing the valve trombone today.

I tried to put a mute in, but it charged me.

What did the blind, deaf, mute quadraplegic boy get for Christmas?


Cancer.

How do mute people tell each others secrets?

They put on mittens.

What did the mute man say to his father

Did you hear the one about the shipwreck where only the limbless mute survived?

How do you mute an Italian?

Tie up their hands.

I hate to tell patients that they've become physically mute...

They're always speechless.

Why Couldn't Anyone Understand The Mute Mathematician's?

They didn't speak sine language.

How do you know if an Italian person is mute?

When you see he has no hands.

What do you call an Italian with two broken hands?

Mute

Some people talk the talk, others walk the walk.

And here I am, a mute in a wheelchair.

What has a mouth but never speaks,

Has a bed but never sleeps,

And has legs but never walks?

 

A mute, crippled insomniac

What's the best part about being a mute?

It goes without saying...

I've been volunteering a lot with the hearing impaired lately:

I couldn't care less about them as a group, but it's the only way to find a girlfriend who is completely mute.

A dyslexic mute spent years trapped in a religious cult.

When all he really wanted was a puppy.

Did you hear about the mute motorcycle gang?

They don't answer to nobody.

What do you call a paraplegic Italian?

Mute

What did the blind deaf mute child get for Christmas?

Cancer

How do you silence a mute person?

Tie their hands.

I just found out my girlfriend is a mute.

I just found out my girlfriend is a mute. I didn't know. Although there were signs.

My wife is a mute.

We're happily married.

A mute guy survived an awful car crash early this week, what a lucky man!

I mean, he lost his hands but I guess he can't complain.

Murder

A blind man, a deaf man and a mute are murdered.

These are senseless killings

My wife left me because I'm a mute.

I had nothing to say to her.

If Helen Keller was also mute, you think she would've been as influential as she was?

If anything, Im sure she'd play a mean pinball.

It's hard being a mute.

So they say...

Did you hear about the deaf person who was cut up but was surprisingly happy about the whole thing?

The headline was: Mutilated mute elated

What did the deaf, mute, paraplegic get for Christmas?

Cancer

Did you hear about the two mute people who were telling each other jokes?

They laughed so hard they broke their fingers.

My mute girlfriend and I got into an argument the other day.

She hasn't spoken to me since.

A lawyer was travelling in an almost empty train.

A lady approaches him and says "Put everything you have in this bag or I'll shout that you are molesting me." The lawyer signals that he is deaf and mute and asks her to write what she just said on a paper. She does so. He smiles and keeps the paper in his bag and says "Now do whatever you want!"

What was the mute man's favorite song to sing?

The sound of silence!

Why did Professor X take on an insect as a student when it couldn't talk?

Because it was a mute ant.

Did I ever tell you about my mute friend?

We used to be very close, but I haven't heard from him for a while.

Heres a sentence you've never heard.

Hello. I'm a mute.

What do you call a four-legged, three-eyed, mute, deaf, transgender, African-American, handicapped, eunuch, cancer-riddled, rich, thrice-divorced, tired, fashionable, pansexual, elderly factory worker?

I don't know.

There was a fight between a blind man, a deaf man, and a mute man

I just have to ask, how long until we end this senseless violence?

An American couple adopt a German infant...

He is fine physically, and he is content. But he hasn't started speaking. At two, three, even four years old, he is mute.

Then, one October, at five years old, his parents give him a hot chocolate.

Zis is a bit tepid, he complains.

Gunther, you can speak! Why have you never spoken before?

Up to now, everything had been satisfactory.

What did the mute guy say to the blind guy?

What Did the blind man say to the mute?

I really can't see what your saying

When a mute prophet is predicting the end of the world,

that's a sign of the end times.

Why did Antman stop talking when he joined the x men??

He became a mute ant.

I speak in Electroma quotes

Good thing in mute

A mute couple go to couple therapy.

They found out there was just no communication.

What do you call a mute soldier?

An unsung hero

I hate people with disabilities

However im mute so i cant really talk

What did the mute woman say?

As far as disabilities go, being mute isn't that bad...

But I can't speak for everyone.

Did you hear about the mute couple that got married?

Can't say I do.

Mute budgie for sale

Not going cheap!

Today I asked my mute friend if my jokes were bad

She said nothing, but the silence was deafening

What did the mute person say to his cheating girlfriend?

Nothing.

What do you call a deaf person with no arms?

Mute

The mute chicken

Why did the mute chicken leave his cheating girlfriend at the side of the road.

He couldn't give a cluck

Blind, deaf and mute people can all tolerate a dark joke.

It's because they're not sensitive.

What do you call a man who's blind, deaf, mute, and paralyzed?

Probably dead.

A woman is supposedly home alone and sees a figure from behind in her kitchen.

She creeps forward and grabs the figure by the testicles and asks, "who are you?"

Only silence.

She squeezes hard this time and asks, "who are you?"

Still silence.

She smashes the testicles in her hand and yells, "who are you?"

The figure whispers, "John".

The woman asks, "John WHO?!"

The figure whispers, "John, The Mute."

What is a joke no one has heard before?

The one told by mute people.

A woman bought a rooster, wanting to hear it crow.

However, it turns out the rooster was mute, so she was out of cluck.

My mute son and I got into a fight today...

We're not on speaking terms.

Star Wars names are just regular words if you put a random space somewhere:

Mos Quito

Que Sadilla

Scu Bagear

Syn Tax

Rev Erse

Mala Mute

Trypto Phan

Cano Nical

Impo Tent

Slee Papnea

A mute guy, a deaf guy and a drunk guy walk into a bar...

The mute guy says

What are you guys having to drink?

The deaf guy realizes that the mute just somehow talked and asks him

How come you just spoke if you're mute?

The drunk guy starts to come to his senses about the situation that the supposed deaf guy somehow heard the supposed mute guy. He asks them,

Wait how come you just spoke when you're mute AND he just heard you when he is supposed to be deaf?!?

The bartender says,

Hey who's that drunk guy talking to?

What console does a mute chicken have?

Ex-Bawks

What do you say to a mute man with no arms and no legs?

Doesn't matter what you say. He can't do anything about it.

Everyone keeps on complaining about my offensive jokes but,

whenever I make fun of mute people they don't even say a word!

Someone asked me how being mute was going for me.

Can't complain.

The white-throated dipper is the national bird of Norway, the mute swan is Denmark's, and the blackbird is Sweden's,

these are the Scandinavians.

I remember when I found out that I was a mute.

I was upset to say the least.

Doctor: *panic*

Disabled guy: Stands

Blind guy: did he just stand?

Deaf guy: did he just see?

Mute guy: did he just hear?

Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the mute italian jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.

We suggest to use only working mute silence piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.

Joko Jokes