Playful Mustard Jokes to Add Joy and Laughter to Your Group
What did the wiener dog say to the Doberman?
Go ahead I'll ketchup, I mustard.
Did you hear about the man who survived mustard gas and pepper spray?
They say that he's a seasoned veteran.
Dry Cleaning
Monica Lewinsky walks into her dry cleaning store and tells the guy, "I've got another dress for you to clean."
Slightly hard of hearing, the clerk replies, "Come again?"
"No," says Monica. "Mustard this time."
Dry cleaners.
A hot blond walks into a Dry cleaners. She tells the teller "I need to get a stain removed from my sweater. The teller being a little hard of hearing asks "Come again?" To which she replied " No, its mustard."
A woman walks into a dry cleaner...
and says "I've got another dress for you"
The man behind the counter, whose a little hard of hearing, reply "come again?"
The woman responds with "No this time its mustard"
A German, an American, and a Russian are arguing who can feed a spoonful of mustard to a cat more easily...
The German just grabs the cat and forces the spoon with mustard into its mouth. The other two protest: "This is violence!"
The American hides the mustard between two slices of sausage. The other two protest: "This is deception!"
The Russian spreads the mustard under the cat's tail. The cat starts furiously l**... it off, meowing loudly. "See - he does it voluntarily and with songs!"
Blonde walks into a...
A blonde goes into a laundry mat and asks to have her sweater cleaned. The laundromat attendant doesn't hear her correctly and says, "come again?" The blonde blushes slightly and giggles, "oh, no it's just mustard this time."
I once knew a soldier who suffered through both mustard gas and pepper spray.
He was a seasoned veteran.
Being a man of many flavors.
I survived mustard gas and pepper spray, yesterday I was honored a seasoned veteran.
Lindsay Lohan got her blouse dirty...
..and had to take it to the dry cleaners. She says "I need to get this cleaned" to the man behind the counter. The man who was hard of hearing replies "come again?", Lindsay responds "No, mustard".
Another day at the White House
After returning from the White House after a forum on s**... in the workplace, Monica Lewinsky takes her dress to the dry cleaner.
The dry cleaner has an ear infection and is having trouble hearing.
Monica says to the dry cleaner, I need my dress cleaned. The dry cleaner does not hear her well and says "come again", and Monica replies, "No, mustard"
You can explore mustard cranberry reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean mustard paprika dad jokes. There are also mustard puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.
What do you call a soldier who has been mustard gassed and pepper sprayed?
A seasoned veteran.. I'm so sorry
Dijon vu
The feeling you've eaten this mustard before.
I didn't want to add Dijon to my sandwhich thinking it would be too spicy
But I mustard up the courage and did it anyway.
What did the bun say to the hot dog?
I relish the fact that you've mustard the will to ketchup to me!
What happens when you mix mustard and ketchup together?
it's must-up ..*rubs brow*
Colonel Mustard invited me to the library to check out his candlestick collection, but I dunno... I got a bad feeling.
Monica Lewinski walks into the dry cleaners
She says, "I have another dress for you to clean."
The owner who is slightly hard of hearing replies, "Come again?"
"Oh no, it's just mustard"
I don't think that's a drool stain.
A pretty young girl goes into a her local dry-cleaners with an evening dress under her arm. She shows the dress to the old man behind the counter and asks
"It's really not too dirty except for this one stain, can you take care of the stain for me, please?"
The old man is hard of hearing and says
"Come again?"
The girl replies
"No, just some mustard."
In light of Germany's discovery of ISIS using mustard gas:
What do you call a soldier who's survived mustard gas and pepper spray?
A seasoned veteran.
Why did the drill instructor squirt condiments on his trainees in the morning?
That's how he mustard the troops.
What do you call a singing bottle of mustard?
Celine Dijon
Monica Lewinsky walks into her dry cleaners
Monica Lewinsky walks into her dry cleaners, the guy is a little old and hard of hearing. Monica says "i need to get this dress cleaned, no starch, use the same hanger."
The dry cleaner responds "come again?"
Monica says "nope, this time it's mustard."
Bill Clinton takes a dress to the dry cleaners...
He asks the laundress to get a stain out of the dress, but she doesn't quite hear him with the machines running.
"Come again?" she says.
"Actually, it's mustard this time."
You know which singer really cut the mustard?
Celine Dijon
I'll have an Italian BMT on Cheddar bread with everything but lettuce. A squirt of mayo and yellow mustard too please.
Oops. Wrong sub.
A blonde walks into a laundromat...
And says to a worker, "can you wash this shirt?"
The worker did not hear her and said "come again?"
The blonde than replies "no it is mustard this time"
After years in the Military
After years in the Military, the soldier survived mustard gas and pepper spray and was proud to finally be able to call himself a seasoned veteran.
A soldier survived mustard gas in battle, and then pepper spray by the police. What type of veteran is he?
A seasoned veteran.
Well this should spice things up.
I relish the fact that you've mustard the strength to ketchup to me.
What do you call it when the stars align for a mustard thief?
A Gulden's opportunity.
What do you call mustard that's not very hot?
Air condijoned.
I'll see myself out.
What do you call a Mustard Competition?
A Compe*Dijon*
I was really nervous before going to my interview at the Coleman's factory...
But eventually I mustard up the courage.
A blonde goes to the dry cleaners.
She tells the attendant that she needs to have her dress cleaned.
However, the attendant wasn't paying attention. Snapping out of his day dream, he asked, "Come again?"
Giggling, the blonde replied, "No, just mustard this time."
Why is ketchup married to mustard?
Cause ketchup accidentally broke the condiment.
A soldier was assaulted with pepper spray and mustard gas.
He returned home a seasoned veteran.
I thought the mustard would prevent pregnancies...
...but the condiment nothing!
My wife told me if I kept making puns about my dark yellow glove then she'd leave me.
I told her I could see where she was coming from, even I found it annoying I mustard mitt.
A blonde walks into a very noisy dry cleaners..
blonde: "Could you get this stain out for me please"
cashier: "COME AGAIN?"
blonde: "NO ITS MUSTARD THIS TIME"
Did you hear about the retired soldier that got mustard gassed and pepper sprayed by the police?
He's now a seasoned veteran.
Not sure if this is a repost, one of my friends told me this
I was fired from my job in a restaurant kitchen for refusing to slice up one of the condiments with a knife...
I just didn't cut the mustard.
Why it's called the pc mustard race?
Because consoles need to ketchup
The military man survived mustard gas and pepper spray
He's a seasoned veteran
What do you call a discount for mustard?
A poupon coupon
Former president Clinton
Walks into a dry cleaner with a suit,
"I'm in a hurry can I get this by 3 today?"
The clerk, preoccupied, quickly looked up and asked "come again?"
"No, it was mustard this time."
I thought about making a new condiment that was a mixture of Ketchup and Mustard.
But then I decided the name KetchTard would be pretty MustUp.
I knew a guy who survived mustard gas and pepper spray
He is now a seasoned veteran
What's the best thing to give a dog with a fever?
Tomato sauce and mustard, it's the best thing for a hot dog!
Monica Lewinsky takes a dress to her dry cleaner.
"Do you think you'll be able to get the stain out?" she asks.
"Come again?" the man at the counter responds.
"No, mustard," Monica replies
A woman walks into the dry cleaners...
Clerk: Hello ma'am, what can we do for you?
Woman: I would like to drop off my coat.
Clerk: Ok, what would you like us to do with it?
Woman: I would like you to get the stain out of the collar area.
Clerk: Come again?
Woman: No, it's mustard this time.
What was the battle where mustard gas was first used?
The battle of Hienz
Blonde Joke!
Blonde walks into a dry cleaner with her sweater and asks the clerk how much it would cost to get the stain out. The clerk didn't hear her turns to her and says come again? The blonde giggles and says no it's just mustard this time
. What did the hot dog say when his friend passed him in the race
A. Wow, I relish the fact that you've mustard the strength to ketchup to me.
A man goes to the dry cleaner's and says, Hey buddy, can I get this dress cleaned?
Dry cleaner guy, taking off his earphones: Come again?
Man: No, mustard.
Lawyers are like mustard gas
When used by the enemy, it's a vile, dirty, despicable trick.
When used by your side, it's perfectly justifiable.
I told folks at work that Colonel Mustard did it in the library with the candle stick.
They looked at me dumbfounded as if they didn't have a clue!
I'll have a club sandwich on rye.
Hold the mayo. Cuddle the mustard. Whisper soft words of confidence to the lettuce. Make love to the onion
Yo momma is like a glass of mustard.
Every man already had his sausage inside.
At a deli for lunch yesterday. . .
I had this strange feeling come over me that I had tasted the mustard before. I think that's dijon vu.
What did the mustard salesman say when a bird pooped on him?
I have Grey Poupon me
A soldier was hit by mustard gas in war, and then pepper spray by a police officer.
He's now a seasoned veteran.
What do you call a soldier that's survived mustard gas and pepper spray?
A seasoned veteran
How did the hot dog get a date?
He mustard up the courage to ask.
when I worked at Wendy's, the company insisted that whoever made the burgers must draw the mustard onto the bun as a "W"
but I would draw the mustard onto burgers as an "M" and no one ever found out.
The soldier who got assaulted by pepper spray and mustard gas in WW2...
... Is now a seasoned veteran.
My Grandfather survived Pepper spray and Mustard gas attacks in two wars..
..and came to us a seasoned Veteran.
Doctor, I've got mustard in my eyes and I can't see a thing.
Doctor: any other symptoms?
Me: no, but I have the strangest feeling that this has happened before
Doctor: French mustard?
Me: yes, why?
Doctor: It's dijon view
Why did the mustard lose the race between sauces?
Because it couldn't ketchup
Did you hear about the soldier who was attacked with mustard gas and pepper spray?
He was a seasoned veteran
You hear about the soldier who survived both mustard gas and pepper spray?
He was a seasoned veteran.
My Grandfather survived mustard gas and pepper spray attacks in the war.
We call him a seasoned veteran.
Just been talking to an old guy, ex-soldier.
He explained to me he had been exposed to mustard gas and pepper spray, it was nice chatting to a seasoned veteran.
Here goes
A soldier survived mustard gas in battle, and then pepper spray by the police. He's now a seasoned veteran.
Do you know what my uncle got for surviving the mustard gas and pepper spray attacks?
He got the seasoned veteran award.
A guy survived pepper spray and mustard gas
Now, he's a seasoned veteran
Biden, Macron, and Putin make a bet who is going to successfully feed mustard to dog
Biden takes the mustard bottle, shoves it in dogs mouth, then squeezes. "That's animal cruelty!" the other two protest.
Macron takes a sausage, puts the mustard inside it, then give it to the dog. "That's cheating!" the other two protest.
Putin takes the mustard, then squeezes it all on the dog's b**.... The dog howls in pain, l**... off the mustard from his b**..., whining the whole time. Putin, with a victorious smile on his face: "That's how we do things in Russia: voluntarily, and with a song!"
How did the hot dog ask the ketchup out on a date?
He mustard up the courage.
Maybe I should have put more mustard on my cheeseburger
In Heinz sight, I should have added more ketchup
A guy walks into a bar
A guy walks into a bar and orders a beer and a hot dog. "Do you want ketchup and mustard on that?" the bartender asks. "Neither. I just want to relish it."
A soldier survived mustard gas in battle, And then Pepper Spray by the police, He's now a seasoned veteran.
First time on this sub reddit so don't have a lot of experience
