Mustard Jokes
116 mustard jokes and hilarious mustard puns to laugh out loud. Read food jokes about mustard that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Are you ready for some cheesy laughter? Get ready for the best mustard jokes around, from the mustard seed to mustard and ketchup to mustard gas and mustard up. Learn about dijon mustard, Colonel Mustard and honey mustard, and get ready to laugh out loud at the puns about the condiment from the dispenser to Heinz to cranberry!
Quick Jump To
- Short Mustard Jokes
- Mustard One Liners
- Mustard Up Jokes
- Mustard Gas Jokes
- Mustard And Ketchup Jokes
- Dijon Mustard Jokes
- More Mustard Jokes
Funniest Mustard Short Jokes
Short mustard jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The mustard humour may include short mayonnaise jokes also.
- What do you call a soldier that's survived mustard gas and pepper spray? A seasoned veteran
- A soldier survived mustard gas in battle, and then pepper spray by the police. What type of veteran is he? A seasoned veteran.
- Just been talking to an old guy, ex-soldier. He explained to me he had been exposed to mustard gas and pepper spray, it was nice chatting to a seasoned veteran.
- I once knew a soldier who suffered through both mustard gas and pepper spray. He was a seasoned veteran.
- A soldier survived mustard gas in battle, And then Pepper Spray by the police, He's now a seasoned veteran. First time on this sub reddit so don't have a lot of experience
- What do you call a soldier who has been mustard gassed and pepper sprayed? A seasoned veteran.. I'm so sorry
- Monica Lewinsky takes a dress to her dry cleaner. "Do you think you'll be able to get the stain out?" she asks.
"Come again?" the man at the counter responds.
"No, mustard," Monica replies - A blonde walks into a laundromat... And says to a worker, "can you wash this shirt?"
The worker did not hear her and said "come again?"
The blonde than replies "no it is mustard this time" - Did you hear about the man who survived mustard gas and pepper spray? They say that he's a seasoned veteran.
- After years in the Military After years in the Military, the soldier survived mustard gas and pepper spray and was proud to finally be able to call himself a seasoned veteran.
Share These Mustard Jokes With Friends
Mustard One Liners
Which mustard one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with mustard? I can suggest the ones about mayo and condiment.
- I knew a guy who survived mustard gas and pepper spray He is now a seasoned veteran
- The military man survived mustard gas and pepper spray He's a seasoned veteran
- Why did the mustard lose the race between sauces? Because it couldn't ketchup
- A guy survived pepper spray and mustard gas Now, he's a seasoned veteran
- Dijon vu The feeling you've eaten this mustard before.
- What do you call a Mustard Competition? A Compe*Dijon*
- How did the hot dog ask the ketchup out on a date? He mustard up the courage.
- How did the hot dog get a date? He mustard up the courage to ask.
- What do you call it when the stars align for a mustard thief? A Gulden's opportunity.
- What do you call a singing bottle of mustard? Celine Dijon
- What happens when you mix mustard and ketchup together? it's must-up ..*rubs brow*
- What do you call a discount for mustard? A poupon coupon
- I thought the mustard would prevent pregnancies... ...but the condiment nothing!
- Why is ketchup married to mustard? Cause ketchup accidentally broke the condiment.
- What did the wiener dog say to the Doberman? Go ahead I'll ketchup, I mustard.
Mustard Up Jokes
Here is a list of funny mustard up jokes and even better mustard up puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Did you hear about the soldier who was attacked with mustard gas and pepper spray? He was a seasoned veteran
- Did you hear about the retired soldier that got mustard gassed and pepper sprayed by the police? He's now a seasoned veteran.
Not sure if this is a repost, one of my friends told me this - A man goes to the dry cleaner's and says, Hey buddy, can I get this dress cleaned? Dry cleaner guy, taking off his earphones: Come again?
Man: No, mustard. - You hear about the soldier who survived both mustard gas and pepper spray? He was a seasoned veteran.
- My Grandfather survived Pepper spray and Mustard gas attacks in two wars.. ..and came to us a seasoned Veteran.
- A soldier was hit by mustard gas in war, and then pepper spray by a police officer. He's now a seasoned veteran.
- Lawyers are like mustard gas When used by the enemy, it's a vile, dirty, despicable trick.
When used by your side, it's perfectly justifiable. - My Grandfather survived mustard gas and pepper spray attacks in the war. We call him a seasoned veteran.
- Here goes A soldier survived mustard gas in battle, and then pepper spray by the police. He's now a seasoned veteran.
- Maybe I should have put more mustard on my cheeseburger In Heinz sight, I should have added more ketchup
Mustard Gas Jokes
Here is a list of funny mustard gas jokes and even better mustard gas puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- The soldier who got assaulted by pepper spray and mustard gas in WW2... ... Is now a seasoned veteran.
- Do you know what my uncle got for surviving the mustard gas and pepper spray attacks? He got the seasoned veteran award.
- A soldier was assaulted with pepper spray and mustard gas. He returned home a seasoned veteran.
- In light of Germany's discovery of ISIS using mustard gas: What do you call a soldier who's survived mustard gas and pepper spray?
A seasoned veteran. - Being a man of many flavors. I survived mustard gas and pepper spray, yesterday I was honored a seasoned veteran.
- What was the battle where mustard gas was first used? The battle of Hienz
- Why is mustard gas so dangerous? Because it was used in World War One to kill people.
- h**... became temporarily blinded from a Mustard gas attack during WW1, which means... He could not see.
Mustard And Ketchup Jokes
Here is a list of funny mustard and ketchup jokes and even better mustard and ketchup puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- I thought about making a new condiment that was a mixture of ketchup and mustard. But then I decided the name KetchTard would be pretty MustUp.
- A guy walks into a bar A guy walks into a bar and orders a beer and a hot dog. "Do you want ketchup and mustard on that?" the bartender asks. "Neither. I just want to relish it."
- . What did the hot dog say when his friend passed him in the race A. Wow, I relish the fact that you've mustard the strength to ketchup to me.
- Why it's called the pc mustard race? Because consoles need to ketchup
- Well this should spice things up. I relish the fact that you've mustard the strength to ketchup to me.
- What did the bun say to the hot dog? I relish the fact that you've mustard the will to ketchup to me!
- I relish the fact that you've mustard the strength to ketchup to me.
- He loves ketchup and mustard... ...but Manti Te'o is Anti-mayo.
Dijon Mustard Jokes
Here is a list of funny dijon mustard jokes and even better dijon mustard puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- You know which singer really cut the mustard? Celine Dijon
- I didn't want to add Dijon to my sandwhich thinking it would be too spicy But I mustard up the courage and did it anyway.
- At a deli for lunch yesterday. . . I had this strange feeling come over me that I had tasted the mustard before. I think that's dijon vu.
Playful Mustard Jokes to Add Joy and Laughter to Your Group
What funny jokes about mustard you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean ketchup jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make mustard pranks.
Dry Cleaning
Monica Lewinsky walks into her dry cleaning store and tells the guy, "I've got another dress for you to clean."
Slightly hard of hearing, the clerk replies, "Come again?"
"No," says Monica. "Mustard this time."
Dry cleaners.
A hot blond walks into a Dry cleaners. She tells the teller "I need to get a stain removed from my sweater. The teller being a little hard of hearing asks "Come again?" To which she replied " No, its mustard."
A woman walks into a dry cleaner...
and says "I've got another dress for you"
The man behind the counter, whose a little hard of hearing, reply "come again?"
The woman responds with "No this time its mustard"
A German, an American, and a Russian are arguing who can feed a spoonful of mustard to a cat more easily...
The German just grabs the cat and forces the spoon with mustard into its mouth. The other two protest: "This is violence!"
The American hides the mustard between two slices of sausage. The other two protest: "This is deception!"
The Russian spreads the mustard under the cat's tail. The cat starts furiously l**... it off, meowing loudly. "See - he does it voluntarily and with songs!"
Blonde walks into a...
A blonde goes into a laundry mat and asks to have her sweater cleaned. The laundromat attendant doesn't hear her correctly and says, "come again?" The blonde blushes slightly and giggles, "oh, no it's just mustard this time."
Lindsay Lohan got her blouse dirty...
..and had to take it to the dry cleaners. She says "I need to get this cleaned" to the man behind the counter. The man who was hard of hearing replies "come again?", Lindsay responds "No, mustard".
Another day at the White House
After returning from the White House after a forum on s**... in the workplace, Monica Lewinsky takes her dress to the dry cleaner.
The dry cleaner has an ear infection and is having trouble hearing.
Monica says to the dry cleaner, I need my dress cleaned. The dry cleaner does not hear her well and says "come again", and Monica replies, "No, mustard"
Colonel Mustard invited me to the library to check out his candlestick collection, but I dunno... I got a bad feeling.
Monica Lewinski walks into the dry cleaners
She says, "I have another dress for you to clean."
The owner who is slightly hard of hearing replies, "Come again?"
"Oh no, it's just mustard"
I don't think that's a drool stain.
A pretty young girl goes into a her local dry-cleaners with an evening dress under her arm. She shows the dress to the old man behind the counter and asks
"It's really not too dirty except for this one stain, can you take care of the stain for me, please?"
The old man is hard of hearing and says
"Come again?"
The girl replies
"No, just some mustard."
Why did the drill instructor squirt condiments on his trainees in the morning?
That's how he mustard the troops.
Monica Lewinsky walks into her dry cleaners
Monica Lewinsky walks into her dry cleaners, the guy is a little old and hard of hearing. Monica says "i need to get this dress cleaned, no starch, use the same hanger."
The dry cleaner responds "come again?"
Monica says "nope, this time it's mustard."
Bill Clinton takes a dress to the dry cleaners...
He asks the laundress to get a stain out of the dress, but she doesn't quite hear him with the machines running.
"Come again?" she says.
"Actually, it's mustard this time."
I'll have an Italian BMT on Cheddar bread with everything but lettuce. A squirt of mayo and yellow mustard too please.
Oops. Wrong sub.
A blonde goes to the dry cleaners.
She tells the attendant that she needs to have her dress cleaned.
However, the attendant wasn't paying attention. Snapping out of his day dream, he asked, "Come again?"
Giggling, the blonde replied, "No, just mustard this time."
My wife told me if I kept making puns about my dark yellow glove then she'd leave me.
I told her I could see where she was coming from, even I found it annoying I mustard mitt.
A blonde walks into a very noisy dry cleaners..
blonde: "Could you get this stain out for me please"
cashier: "COME AGAIN?"
blonde: "NO ITS MUSTARD THIS TIME"
I was fired from my job in a restaurant kitchen for refusing to slice up one of the condiments with a knife...
I just didn't cut the mustard.
Former president Clinton
Walks into a dry cleaner with a suit,
"I'm in a hurry can I get this by 3 today?"
The clerk, preoccupied, quickly looked up and asked "come again?"
"No, it was mustard this time."
What's the best thing to give a dog with a fever?
Tomato sauce and mustard, it's the best thing for a hot dog!
A woman walks into the dry cleaners...
Clerk: Hello ma'am, what can we do for you?
Woman: I would like to drop off my coat.
Clerk: Ok, what would you like us to do with it?
Woman: I would like you to get the stain out of the collar area.
Clerk: Come again?
Woman: No, it's mustard this time.
Blonde Joke!
Blonde walks into a dry cleaner with her sweater and asks the clerk how much it would cost to get the stain out. The clerk didn't hear her turns to her and says come again? The blonde giggles and says no it's just mustard this time
I'll have a club sandwich on rye.
Hold the mayo. Cuddle the mustard. Whisper soft words of confidence to the lettuce. Make love to the onion
when I worked at Wendy's, the company insisted that whoever made the burgers must draw the mustard onto the bun as a "W"
but I would draw the mustard onto burgers as an "M" and no one ever found out.
Doctor, I've got mustard in my eyes and I can't see a thing.
Doctor: any other symptoms?
Me: no, but I have the strangest feeling that this has happened before
Doctor: French mustard?
Me: yes, why?
Doctor: It's dijon view
Biden, Macron, and Putin make a bet who is going to successfully feed mustard to dog
Biden takes the mustard bottle, shoves it in dogs mouth, then squeezes. "That's animal cruelty!" the other two protest.
Macron takes a sausage, puts the mustard inside it, then give it to the dog. "That's cheating!" the other two protest.
Putin takes the mustard, then squeezes it all on the dog's b**.... The dog howls in pain, l**... off the mustard from his b**..., whining the whole time. Putin, with a victorious smile on his face: "That's how we do things in Russia: voluntarily, and with a song!"
