mustache Jokes

funny jokes and hilarious mustache stories

What are the best Mustache puns and pranks?

Did you ever wanted to prank someone about Mustache? Well here is a complete list of Mustache dad jokes:

My buddy told me he had a threesome with his girlfriend and her twin.......

I asked how he could tell them apart. He said "Her brother has a mustache."


My buddy tells me he had sex with his GF and her twin the other night.

I asked him how he told them apart.
He says, "well her brother has a mustache"


Two Flies in a bar

One fly is sitting at the bar and his friend walks in shivering, covered in frost.

"What's happened to you?" he asks.

"I rode down in here in a big guy's mustache. He got on his motorcycle and just muscled through the storm." The second fly responded.

"Oh, well next time, what you should do is find a beautiful woman with a big bush, snuggle in there and you'll be fine the whole trip."

The next day the first fly is waiting at the bar and the second fly comes in shivering and covered in frost again.

"What happened, didn't you take my advice?" he asks.

"I did, I did," the second fly responds. "I went to sleep nestled down in the bush, and when I woke up I was back in the Biker's Mustache again"


I just don't get some people. I mean, you compliment on their mustache out of sheer politeness...

...and all of a sudden she hates your guts.


Stalin, a secretary, and a general

It's the height of World War II. In a Kremlin briefing room, a leading Russian general has just been given direct orders from Stalin to advance on his front, presumably a suicidal command. Upon leaving, the general mutters under his breath the words "Murderous Mustache".

Stalin's secretary, who is nearby, overhears these words and dashes into the Vozhd's war office. "Comrade Stalin, Comrade Stalin! That General, do you know what he just said! He said murderous mustache!".

Stalin, incensed, calls the general back into his office. "Comrade, I've been told you just said the words "Murderous Mustache". Who were you referring to?"

"The despicable Fascist scum, Adolf Hitler. That was who I was talking about, Comrade Stalin." replies the general in a cool, collected manner.

Stalin turns to his secretary.

"And who did YOU have in mind, Comrade Secretary?"


Why is it that whenever you complement someone on their mustache...

suddenly she's not your friend anymore?


People need to learn how to take a compliment...

Just today I complimented the most epic mustache I've ever seen and the lady didn't even say thanks.


What's the difference between a gay mustache and a straight mustache?

The smell.


My buddys tells me he ha sex with his GF and her twin the other night.

I asked him how he told them apart. He says, "well her brother has a mustache"


Accidentally told a joke at work today

Lost a bet and had to grow a mustache.

Co-worker: "Hey booskadoo247, how do you like your mustache?"

booskado247: "It's growing on me."

Accidental Comedian strikes again!


A guy gets stranded on a deserted island with a supermodel...

After about two weeks, they give in to their desires and start having sex. After about three weeks of this, the guy says to the model, "Would you do me a favor?" "Sure she says." "First, put my clothes on," he says. "Next, would you draw a beard and mustache on your face with this piece of coal I found?" "Sure," she says hesitantly. "Finally, can I call you Fred?" he asks. "Okay... " she agrees. "Great! Hey Fred, you'll never guess who I've been banging for the last three weeks!"


Whats the difference between a gay mustache and a straight one?

The smell.


I complimented someone for their amazing mustache.

I don't understand why she threw a fit though.


A man walks into a t-shirt store...

There are 3 shirts on display.

The first has a picture of Richard Nixon with a white mustache. Below the picture is titled "Got Milk."

The second tee shirt has a picture of Ronald Reagan with a white mustache. It is entitled "Forgot Milk."

The third tee shirt has a picture of Monica Lewinsky with a white mustache. It is entitled "Not Milk."


When is the only right time to slap an ugly woman?

When her mustache is on fire.


Nice mustache! ...oh.

I hate when you offer someone a sincere compliment on their moustache and suddenly she's not your friend anymore..


I hate it when you offer someone a sincere compliment on their mustache,

And then suddenly she's not your friend anymore...


What is the difference between a straight man's mustache and a gay man's mustache?

The smell.


What is the difference between a gay mans mustache and a straight mans mustache?

Andwer: the smell.


When is the only appropriate time to spit in an Italian woman's face?

When her mustache is on fire!


Why gypsies boys let their mustache to grow?

To look more like their mom.


I couldn't find my mustache for a week

It was right under my nose the entire time.


Today I found Jesus in my life. Let me tell you about him.

He is tan with a thick black mustache, and eyes so brown they make your soul melt. He is my gardner, the best I have ever employed.


Why did the hipster burn his mustache on his coffee?

...he was totally drinking it before it was cool.


What's the difference between a gay man's mustache and a straight man's mustache?

The smell.


A reaper decides to take a guy sitting at a bar.

He meets the guy and tells him to be at the bar the next day at 3 pm. The guy goes home, cuts of his hair, dresses differently for the next day so that the reaper wouldn't recognize him and goes to the bar. The pissed reaper kicks open the door of the bar.
Reaper: Has anybody seen that guy with the mustache.
Everyone: No?
Reaper: Ok so I'll be back in 5 minutes, if that guy isn't here, I'm taking uhhh... the bald guy over there.


What is the only appropriate to slap a Portuguese woman in the mouth?

When her mustache is on fire.


When is the only time you can spit on a Persian woman's face?

When her mustache is on fire


Heard in a movie..

What is the difference between a mustache on a heterosexual guy and a mustache on a homosexual guy?

The smell...


Father's Mustache

Son: Dad when you die, I'm going to have that mustache shaved off so nobody recognizes you in the coffin.
Dad: It'll already be gone.
Son: What do you mean?
Dad: I'm an organ donor, somebody is gonna want it.


A bald guy walks into a pharmacy

A bald guy walks into a pharmacy and asks:

- Do you have a good hair growth stimulant?

- Of course - answers the clerk

- I need something very good. Is it very good?

- Indeed it is. Do you see that guy with a big mustache? It's my wife, she tried to open the tube with her teeth...


So this Italian guy is on the witnesses stand

And the prosecutor is questioning him. The prosecutor says, "Please Sir, describe to us the events of the evening in question." And the Italian guy says, "Well we were fooling around in the back a my car. I took offa my shirt and she took offa her shirt. I took offa my pants she took offa her dress." The prosecutor interrupts him and says "So you allege you had her consent?" He answers, "I had her cunt sent on my fingers, her cunt sent on my mustache, her cunt sent was everywhere!"


Is that a milk mustache...

or was Bill Cosby just happy to see you?


When Sean Connery has a runnny nose...

he mustache you for a tissue.


The tale of two gnats

So a gnat is on a vacation and he sees another gnat but he looked beat up with bruises all over his body. He walks over and asks him why he looks the way he does.

"Well," says the beat up gnat, "My living conditions are terrible. I live in this biker's mustache, and if holding on while he's riding faster than everyone else, it's the bar brawls that'll nearly do you in. This is the first time I've gotten a chance to think about it and I need to move."

The other gnat pats him on the back and exclaims, "Well you're in luck, because I know how you can upgrade big time. Do you see that airport over there? Go over there and slip underneath one of the flight attendant's dresses and nestle in their pubic hair. It's warm, it's safe, if you aren't itchy she won't get rid of you, *and* you still get to see the world."

Enlightened, the beat up gnat thanks him and flies straight over to the airport.

One year later, the gnat goes on vacation to the same spot and sees the same gnat from before, beat up as like he was the first time. He flies over and asks him what happened.

"Well," the beat up gnat starts, "I did just as you said, and by golly you were right. For the longest time I felt like I truly had a good home. Then one day, it was suddenly bright, I feel crushed, I heard lots of screaming, and the next thing I knew I was in some biker's mustache."


Pretty offensive joke: Why does all Turkish men have a mustache?

because they wanna look like their mother.


Do you know what the difference is between a straight man mustache and a gay man mustache?

The smell


Why do women love a mustache on their man?

So they can kiss them goodnight and brush their teeth at the same time.



You've red some of the best mustache jokes of all time. We hope you had fun with this collection of 38 puns about mustache. Most of the stories are suitable for kids with good sense of humor, children or teens boys and girls, of course dads. You must supervise your chidlren not to read pranks for adults. Note that some jokes are disgusting, filled with black humor so don't tell dirty mustache gags to your kids. So please respect and be a good joking daddy !

How do I make my girlfriend or boyfriend laugh? How do you make someone laugh? Well, this list of funny stories will make you cry in laughter just like dad jokes. Some of these mustache jokes are funny and some are hilarious. With this collection it's easy to be a joker. Have fun and dig deeper into our archive.

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