Mustache Jokes
116 mustache jokes and hilarious mustache puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about mustache that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Laugh out loud with the funniest mustache jokes around! Whether you're into mustache rides, mustache and beard comebacks, or just mustache related hilarity, we've got it all covered. Have some mustache you can't handle? Check out our roundup of the funniest curly, Movember, and walrus mustache jokes.
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Funniest Mustache Short Jokes
Short mustache jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The mustache humour may include short moustache jokes also.
- Complementing a mustache should be a good thing I don't know why she took it as an insult.
- I just don't get some people. I mean, you compliment on their mustache out of sheer politeness... ...and all of a sudden she hates your guts.
- I hate when you offer someone a sincere complement on their mustache And suddenly she's not your friend anymore.
- Why is it that whenever you complement someone on their mustache... suddenly she's not your friend anymore?
- People need to learn how to take a compliment... Just today I complimented the most epic mustache I've ever seen and the lady didn't even say thanks.
- I made a genuine compliment about a co-workers mustache I don't know why she made such a big deal about it to HR.
- I spent years searching for the perfect mustache It was right under my nose the whole time.
- My neighbor always tells me he was the coolest kid in grade 6 Today I found out he was the only kid in his class with a driver's license and a mustache
- I complimented someone for their amazing mustache. I don't understand why she threw a fit though.
- While living alone and always wearing a mask in public, I grew a mustache without anyone knowing. It's my secret 'stache.
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Mustache One Liners
Which mustache one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with mustache? I can suggest the ones about beard and shaved beard.
- My wife: There's a man at the door with a mustache Me: Tell him I've already got one!
- Why do Italian men grow mustaches? To try to look like their mothers.
- Mustaches are taking over And it's happening right under our noses
- Why do Italian men grow a mustache ? So they can look like their mother.
- I just complimented someone's mustache and suddenly I'm not friends with her anymore. :(
- At first I wasn't sure if I liked the mustache But it's growing on me.
- Conpliment someone on their mustache .... And suddenly she won't talk to you.
- When is the only right time to slap an ugly woman? When her mustache is on fire.
- Someone glued a mustache to my face. I can't pull it off...
- What's the difference between Putin and Stalin? A mustache.
- I was thinking about shaving my mustache when November ended But it's growing on me.
- ITALIAN MUSTACHES WHY DO MOST ITALIAN MEN HAVE MUSTACHES?
A: SO THEY CAN LOOK LIKE MOM - Why do most newfie men have beards or mustaches? They wanna look just like their mothers.
- I am liking my mustache more and more every day its really growing on me
- Why gypsies boys let their mustache to grow? To look more like their mom.
Mustache You Jokes
Here is a list of funny mustache you jokes and even better mustache you puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- How does a mustache support his family in the event of his untimely death? By investing in a shavings account.
- What is the difference between a gay man's mustache and a straight man's mustache? The smell.
Sorry, stole this from the movie This is 40 and I was cracking up. - An Eskimo goes to the mechanic the mechanic says "It looks like you blew a seal." and the Eskimo says "No, that's just frost on my mustache."
- Nice mustache! ...oh. I hate when you offer someone a sincere compliment on their moustache and suddenly she's not your friend anymore..
- Women are like the police Once they've settled on a partner they eat a lot of donuts and then grow a mustache
- What did the customer say to the barber? I mustache you a question, but I'll shave it for later!
- Stopped shaving for November, at first I hated the mustache, but what can I say? It's grown on me.
- What's the difference between your mom & a Walrus? One has a mustache, and smells like fish.
The other one is a Walrus. - When is the only appropriate time to spit in an Italian woman's face? When her mustache is on fire!
- Decided to start rocking a mustache during quarantine... Wasn't a fan of it at first but it has started to grow on me
Shave Mustache Jokes
Here is a list of funny shave mustache jokes and even better shave mustache puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- I told my SO that now Movember is over they should shave their mustache. She didn't take it very well.
- I used to have a great big mustache, but my girlfriend told me it was disgusting and made me shave it. I miss it already. Where else am I supposed to find eggnog in the middle of April?
- I mustache you a question... But I'll shave it for later
- In light of Movember... Now that November has drawn to a close, a lot of my friends told me it was finally time to get rid of my 'awful' mustache.
I told them, that goes without shaving! - Hey bro can I see your worm collection? Yeah bro *shaves mustache
- My girlfriend asked me if I wanted her to shave before we had s**... for the first time. I said no honey, your mustache looks fine.
- I s**... my mustache after having kept it for a few years I hated the way I looked at first, but it's growing on me.
- I was walking down the street, and some guy came up to me and s**... off my mustache! He stole it from right under my nose!
- I haven't s**... my mustache since the lockdown begun... And it's kind of growing on me.
- I hated the way I looked after I s**... my mustache... But then it started growing on me.
Hitler Mustache Jokes
Here is a list of funny hitler mustache jokes and even better hitler mustache puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- In defense of h**... ... he sure made that awful mustache REALLY unpopular.
- It must have been terrifying to be h**...'s barber If you messed up his mustache... You can't imagine the fuhrer!
- h**... was an amazing person He did art, wrote a book, had a cool mustache and killed the man who committed the holocaust, what a hero of humanity
- What did h**... do when his toothbrush wore down? He used the hair from the mustache.
- When your girlfriend asks you how many more times youre going to shave a h**... mustache on yourself while shaving: "9"
- I'm dressing up as a blind man, with a h**... mustache, for Halloween... so I can say, "*Sorry. I did 'Nazi' that coming!*"
- Why did h**... killed himself? A Jewish rapper roasted his mustache.
- What's in common between h**...'s mustache and his g**...? They are both small and hairy
Fake Mustache Jokes
Here is a list of funny fake mustache jokes and even better fake mustache puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- what do you call a guy with twirly mustache but not from france? A fake baguette
- A mom finds a fake mustache and pair of glasses in her sons room.... She asks the son, "whose is this?"
The son replied "Disguise".
The Funniest Mustache Jokes for a Bone-Shaking Laugh
What funny jokes about mustache you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean shave beard jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make mustache pranks.
I carry a permanent marker just in case someone without a mustache falls asleep.
Italian cruise ship captain caught fleeing
The Italian captain of the tragic cruise ship incident was caught at customs trying leave the country. He disguised himself as an Italian women dressed in high heels, a red polkadot dress complete with a wig and red liptick. He was busted because he forgot to add the mustache!!
My buddy tells me he had s**... with his GF and her twin the other night.
I asked him how he told them apart.
He says, "well her brother has a mustache"
I couldn't find my mustache for a week
It was right under my nose the entire time.
What is the only appropriate to slap a Portuguese woman in the mouth?
When her mustache is on fire.
My buddy told me he had a t**... with his girlfriend and her twin.......
I asked how he could tell them apart. He said "Her brother has a mustache."
Today I found Jesus in my life. Let me tell you about him.
He is tan with a thick black mustache, and eyes so brown they make your soul melt. He is my gardner, the best I have ever employed.
Accidentally told a joke at work today
Lost a bet and had to grow a mustache.
Co-worker: "Hey booskadoo247, how do you like your mustache?"
booskado247: "It's growing on me."
Accidental Comedian strikes again!
A man walks into a t-shirt store...
There are 3 shirts on display.
The first has a picture of Richard Nixon with a white mustache. Below the picture is titled "Got Milk."
The second tee shirt has a picture of Ronald Reagan with a white mustache. It is entitled "Forgot Milk."
The third tee shirt has a picture of Monica Lewinsky with a white mustache. It is entitled "Not Milk."
I spent 20 years traversing across the globe searching for the best mustache...
... Until I realized the best mustache was right under my nose the whole time
My friend has been hiding something.
I was cleaning my friend's room for him the other day and moved a pile of clothes off of the floor and into the hamper. To my surprise, when I lifted them, I found a perfectly gelled, expertly trimmed mustache on the ground, I saw him the next day and confronted him about my discovery. ''You got me.'' he said... I had just found his secret stache.
My friend told me my mustache makes me looks like Jeffery d**....
I said, "Thanks. I've always wanted a killer stache."
My wife said my mustache brought out my personality.
I replied, Yeah, it's growing on me
(Thought of this one right before sleep, I'll check on it in the morning)
What do you call a mustache soaked in u**...?
A pistachio.
My dad said there's a throbbing pain coming from the f**... hair above his upper lip.
It mustache.
With a s**... look and come-hither eyes filled with passion, my girlfriend asked me if I wanted her to shave before we had s**... for the first time. I rasped...
"No honey, your mustache looks fine to me."
Having an Asian wife is like having a mustache...
Everyone assumes that you m**... children.
How come people with mustaches lose them so often?
They're hiding right under their noses.
How are l**... and walruses different?
One has a mustache and smells like fish and the other one is a walrus.
Back in the early 1900s Japanese cops always had a mustache
One day a Japanese man walks into a restaurant and asks the waiter for a free bowl of ramen because he is a cop. The waiter replied " you dont have a mustache so how do i know id you are a real cop...". The man quickly pulls down his pants and undys, points to his bush and says "im undercover"
I was talking to my plumber...
I told him, "Mario, I'm growing a big bushy mustache like yours, so I got this hair trap to prevent the stray mustache hairs from clogging my drain. It's working great, and I'm thinking of keeping the mustache, so I figure maybe I should get some plumbing epoxy and affix the hair trap to the pipes. What do you think?"
My plumber responded, "Listen, if it ain't a-broke..."
My wife said she found my first gray hair, but I didn't believe her for the longest time. Then when I was brushing my teeth this morning I saw it in the mirror, on the left side of my mustache.
It was right under my nose this whole time.
One day a Soviet Party member is walking through red square when he hears a man shout down with the tyrant with the mustache.
Immediately the party member drags the man to Stalin and explains what he said. Stalin, furious asks: why did you say that? The man replies he was talking about h**.... Stalin understands and sends the man on his way. The party member is about to go as well but is stopped by Stalin and asked: which mustached tyrant were you thinking of when you dragged the man here?
A russian went out of Stalin's office and says to himself
This s**... mustached man.
A KGB officer hears him and grabs him to stalin and tells him what he heard.
Stalin to the man: who did you mean when you said "mustached man".
The man: h**... of course.
stalin to the KGB officer: And who YOU thought he was referring to?
A man goes into the streets of Moscow and yells :
I am tired of this guy with a silly mustache and s**... rules being a leader! A soldier heard him, so he goes and catches him, later he brings the man to Stalin. Soldier says to Stalin what happened and Stalin asks the man : Who were you thinking about when you yelled in the streets? Man responds: Of course i was thinking about h**...! ; Stalin lets him go but then he stops the soldier to say: Who were YOU thinking about?
The guy with a silly mustache
A man goes into the streets of Moscow and yells : I am tired of this guy with a silly mustache and s**... rules being a leader!
A soldier heard him, so he goes and catches him, later he brings the man to Stalin.
Soldier says to Stalin what happened and Stalin asks the man : Who were you thinking about when you yelled in the streets?
Man responds: Of course I was thinking about h**...! ;
Stalin lets him go but then he stops the soldier to say: Who were YOU thinking about?
A man goes to the doctor, he's visibly losing hair.
He says to the doctor, "I've spent months trying to grow my hair back, trying so many different treatments, but nothing has worked." The doctor says, "Well, it sounds a bit weird but, I suggest you rub the top of your head against your wife's private area once a night." The man does so, and a month later he walks into the doctor's office with a full head of hair. He notices that the doctor has grown a mustache and beard.
