Mustache Jokes
97 mustache jokes and hilarious mustache puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about mustache that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Laugh out loud with the funniest mustache jokes around! Whether you're into mustache rides, mustache and beard comebacks, or just mustache related hilarity, we've got it all covered. Have some mustache you can't handle? Check out our roundup of the funniest curly, Movember, and walrus mustache jokes.
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Funniest Mustache Short Jokes
Short mustache jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The mustache humour may include short moustache jokes also.
- Complementing a mustache should be a good thing I don't know why she took it as an insult.
- I just don't get some people. I mean, you compliment on their mustache out of sheer politeness... ...and all of a sudden she hates your guts.
- People need to learn how to take a compliment... Just today I complimented the most epic mustache I've ever seen and the lady didn't even say thanks.
- I spent years searching for the perfect mustache It was right under my nose the whole time.
- My neighbor always tells me he was the coolest kid in grade 6 Today I found out he was the only kid in his class with a driver's license and a mustache
- I complimented someone for their amazing mustache. I don't understand why she threw a fit though.
- While living alone and always wearing a mask in public, I grew a mustache without anyone knowing. It's my secret 'stache.
- How does a mustache support his family in the event of his untimely death? By investing in a shavings account.
- Nice mustache! ...oh. I hate when you offer someone a sincere compliment on their moustache and suddenly she's not your friend anymore..
- What did the customer say to the barber? I mustache you a question, but I'll shave it for later!
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Mustache One Liners
Which mustache one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with mustache? I can suggest the ones about beard and shave beard.
- My wife: There's a man at the door with a mustache Me: Tell him I've already got one!
- Mustaches are taking over And it's happening right under our noses
- At first I wasn't sure if I liked the mustache But it's growing on me.
- Someone glued a mustache to my face. I can't pull it off...
- What's the difference between Putin and Stalin? A mustache.
- I couldn't find my mustache for a week It was right under my nose the entire time.
- I carry a permanent marker just in case someone without a mustache falls asleep.
- what do you call a guy with twirly mustache but not from france? A fake baguette
- I mustache you a question... But I'll shave it for later
- Hey bro can I see your worm collection? Yeah bro *shaves mustache
- If cows had mustaches, what would hey call them? A Mooooooooooostache!
- The Pope took mass in a false mustache recently. It was a blessing in disguise.
- What do you call a Roman with a wet mustache and a smile? Gladiator.
- What mustache can an alien not pull off? A human chu
- I must ask you a question. I said, I mustache you a question.
Mustache You Jokes
Here is a list of funny mustache you jokes and even better mustache you puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Stopped shaving for November, at first I hated the mustache, but what can I say? It's grown on me.
- Decided to start rocking a mustache during quarantine... Wasn't a fan of it at first but it has started to grow on me
- My wife said my mustache brought out my personality. I replied, Yeah, it's growing on me
(Thought of this one right before sleep, I'll check on it in the morning) - I told my SO that now Movember is over they should shave their mustache. She didn't take it very well.
- Today I found Jesus in my life. Let me tell you about him. He is tan with a thick black mustache, and eyes so brown they make your soul melt. He is my gardner, the best I have ever employed.
- I used to have a great big mustache, but my girlfriend told me it was disgusting and made me shave it. I miss it already. Where else am I supposed to find eggnog in the middle of April?
- what do you call a person obsessed with japanese gaming consoles? A Wiib.
Don't touch my mustache. - Christopher Plummer got an Oscar Nomination for a performance he did entirely in reshoots. Henry Cavill's mustache was robbed.
- In light of Movember... Now that November has drawn to a close, a lot of my friends told me it was finally time to get rid of my 'awful' mustache.
I told them, that goes without shaving! - I don't understand why I don't get a date! -I don't understand why I don't get a date!
-Did you try without your mustache?
-No.
-Maybe you should Jennifer... maybe you should.
Fake Mustache Jokes
Here is a list of funny fake mustache jokes and even better fake mustache puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- A mom finds a fake mustache and pair of glasses in her sons room.... She asks the son, "whose is this?"
The son replied "Disguise".
The Funniest Mustache Jokes for a Bone-Shaking Laugh
What funny jokes about mustache you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean bearded man jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make mustache pranks.
Italian cruise ship captain caught fleeing
The Italian captain of the tragic cruise ship incident was caught at customs trying leave the country. He disguised himself as an Italian women dressed in high heels, a red polkadot dress complete with a wig and red liptick. He was busted because he forgot to add the mustache!!
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
ITALIAN MUSTACHES
WHY DO MOST ITALIAN MEN HAVE MUSTACHES?
A: SO THEY CAN LOOK LIKE MOM
Accidentally told a joke at work today
Lost a bet and had to grow a mustache.
Co-worker: "Hey booskadoo247, how do you like your mustache?"
booskado247: "It's growing on me."
Accidental Comedian strikes again!
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Historians recently discovered evidence that h**... was a ventriloquist.
Apparently he would sneak out some nights with his d**... who was a violinist. He would bring the d**... to small concert venues and ventriloquize the violin music, interjecting humorous anti-Semitic remarks in between songs. To avoid being recognized, we wore a fake mustache, and called his act A Doll Fiddler.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Father's Mustache
Son: Dad when you die, I'm going to have that mustache s**... off so nobody recognizes you in the coffin.
Dad: It'll already be gone.
Son: What do you mean?
Dad: I'm an o**... donor, somebody is gonna want it.
A man walks into a t-shirt store...
There are 3 shirts on display.
The first has a picture of Richard Nixon with a white mustache. Below the picture is titled "Got Milk."
The second tee shirt has a picture of Ronald Reagan with a white mustache. It is entitled "Forgot Milk."
The third tee shirt has a picture of Monica Lewinsky with a white mustache. It is entitled "Not Milk."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A conversation between two strangers in a diner...
Man #1: You know, without the mustache you'd look just like my first wife.
Man #2: I don't have a mustache!
Man #1: She did.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
o**... trained how to kiss using kiwi
So he wasn't confused by neat mustache that Mary had.
My friend has been hiding something.
I was cleaning my friend's room for him the other day and moved a pile of clothes off of the floor and into the hamper. To my surprise, when I lifted them, I found a perfectly gelled, expertly trimmed mustache on the ground, I saw him the next day and confronted him about my discovery. ''You got me.'' he said... I had just found his secret stache.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
My friend told me my mustache makes me looks like Jeffery d**....
I said, "Thanks. I've always wanted a killer stache."
I was hesitant about participating in Mustache March
...but it's really starting to grow on me.
What would u call a deaf man with a red hair and grey mustache.?
U could call him anything... He wouldn't hear it...
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I'm dressing up as a blind man, with a h**... mustache, for Halloween...
so I can say, "*Sorry. I did 'Nazi' that coming!*"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
My girlfriend asked me if I wanted her to shave before we had s**... for the first time.
I said no honey, your mustache looks fine.
Tom Hanks walks into WB studios
Tom Hanks walks into the WB studios and enters one of the many conference rooms.
As he sits down for the read -through, he notices his fellow peers sitting at the table Ben Affleck, Henry Cavill's mustache, Gal Gadot and a couple of other people he was he was only vaguely familiar with. He picks up the script, looks at the first page and throws it back down on the table.
He throws his hands up and says, "I'd like a word with the director please. "
At this point, Zak Snyder steps out with him and asks, "What's the problem,Tom?".
Tom just looks at him and says, " I can't be in a movie with these guys, they're in a league of their own."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What do you call a mustache soaked in u**...?
A pistachio.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
My dad said there's a throbbing pain coming from the f**... hair above his upper lip.
It mustache.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Having an Asian wife is like having a mustache...
Everyone assumes that you m**... children.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I was walking down the street, and some guy came up to me and s**... off my mustache!
He stole it from right under my nose!
One man said that my mustache makes me look like an unattractive pornstar.
If that's the case then why does his mom wants to be my co star so badly?
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
When your girlfriend asks you how many more times youre going to shave a h**... mustache on yourself while shaving:
"9"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
In defense of h**... ...
he sure made that awful mustache REALLY unpopular.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
How are l**... and walruses different?
One has a mustache and smells like fish and the other one is a walrus.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What did h**... do when his toothbrush wore down?
He used the hair from the mustache.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
If you have a beard and wear robes, you're a Wizard. If you have a goatee and wear robes, you're a Sorcerer...
...and if you have a mustache and wear robes, you're not allowed near public schools.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
h**... was an amazing person
He did art, wrote a book, had a cool mustache and killed the man who committed the holocaust, what a hero of humanity
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
It must have been terrifying to be h**...'s barber
If you messed up his mustache... You can't imagine the fuhrer!
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Why do gay men have mustaches?
To hide the stretch marks.
Back in the early 1900s Japanese cops always had a mustache
One day a Japanese man walks into a restaurant and asks the waiter for a free bowl of ramen because he is a cop. The waiter replied " you dont have a mustache so how do i know id you are a real cop...". The man quickly pulls down his pants and undys, points to his bush and says "im undercover"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What's the difference between your mom & a Walrus?
One has a mustache, and smells like fish.
The other one is a Walrus.
I was talking to my plumber...
I told him, "Mario, I'm growing a big bushy mustache like yours, so I got this hair trap to prevent the stray mustache hairs from clogging my drain. It's working great, and I'm thinking of keeping the mustache, so I figure maybe I should get some plumbing epoxy and affix the hair trap to the pipes. What do you think?"
My plumber responded, "Listen, if it ain't a-broke..."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I haven't s**... my mustache since the lockdown begun...
And it's kind of growing on me.
My wife said she found my first gray hair, but I didn't believe her for the longest time. Then when I was brushing my teeth this morning I saw it in the mirror, on the left side of my mustache.
It was right under my nose this whole time.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A man goes into the streets of Moscow and yells :
I am tired of this guy with a silly mustache and s**... rules being a leader! A soldier heard him, so he goes and catches him, later he brings the man to Stalin. Soldier says to Stalin what happened and Stalin asks the man : Who were you thinking about when you yelled in the streets? Man responds: Of course i was thinking about h**...! ; Stalin lets him go but then he stops the soldier to say: Who were YOU thinking about?
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
The guy with a silly mustache
A man goes into the streets of Moscow and yells : I am tired of this guy with a silly mustache and s**... rules being a leader!
A soldier heard him, so he goes and catches him, later he brings the man to Stalin.
Soldier says to Stalin what happened and Stalin asks the man : Who were you thinking about when you yelled in the streets?
Man responds: Of course I was thinking about h**...! ;
Stalin lets him go but then he stops the soldier to say: Who were YOU thinking about?
A man goes to the doctor, he's visibly losing hair.
He says to the doctor, "I've spent months trying to grow my hair back, trying so many different treatments, but nothing has worked." The doctor says, "Well, it sounds a bit weird but, I suggest you rub the top of your head against your wife's private area once a night." The man does so, and a month later he walks into the doctor's office with a full head of hair. He notices that the doctor has grown a mustache and beard.
