mussolini Jokes

funny pick up lines and hilarious mussolini puns

Why did Hitler and Mussolini get into a footrace?

They wanted to see who was the fascist.


Hitler, Mussolini and Stalin are all sitting in a restaurant discussing their plans for World War 3.

A waitress approaches the table and listens to their talk. Hitler opens by saying:

"Okay guys, I've got a great idea. I already talked to Stalin about it, but I figure I should get your input. He didn't believe me."

Mussolini responds "believe you about what?"

"Okay this time, the plan is to kill ten million jews and one mexican."

The waitress at this point is intrigued and confused, decides to chime in. "One Mexican? Why do you want to kill the mexican?"

Hitler turns to Stalin and says "HA! I told you nobody would care about the jews!


Out of all the enemy leaders during World War II, who could run with the most speed?

Mussolini, because he was the fascist


They say Mussolini made the trains run on time....

But Hitler's were free.


Going to Hell for this one

Hitler and Mussolini came back from the dead and were sitting in a bar in TX, because why not? This drunk redneck hears them making plans of picking up where they left off.

He hears Hitler say, so the plan is to round up all the Jews in Hollywood, DC, and Isreal; get them all together along with ten puppies and drop a bomb right on that spot.

The Texan asks, but wait, why the Hell would you want to kill the ten puppies?

Hitler nudges Mussolini "See, I told you. Nobody cares about the Jews."


What do Hitler, Stalin, Mussolini and Ayn Rand have in common?

They are all dead.


Did you know that herbs are a good fuel source?

Yes, Mussolini made the trains run on thyme.


During WW2, oil shortages forced some countries to start using organic fuels.

Mussolini made the trains run on thyme.


Next time someone compares Trump to Mussolini, remind them of the biggest difference.

Mussolini was well hung.


Mein Scherz

Hitler: Are there any Jews left?
Hirohito: I don't know.
Mussolini: I will go Czech.


Hitler and Mussolini meet in Rome...

and Hitler wants to demonstrate how obedient the Nazi army is.

"Look Benito, I will put ten soldiers in this room. Then I'll drop a feather inside it and close the door. When the feather hits the floor, they will all shoot each other."

After five seconds from shutting the door, the sound of bullets firing tells them the feather has hit the floor. They open the door to find ten dead German soldiers.

Mussolini then tells Hitler "Adolf! Italian soldiers are just as disciplined. I will now do the same thing with ten Italian soldiers!"

Ten Italian soldiers enter the room, a feather is dropped and the door is closed.

Ten seconds pass.
Twenty seconds pass.
Thirty seconds pass.

After a minute they open the door, to find ten Italian soldiers taking turns to blow air under the feather.


Was Mussolini a fan of spices?

Well, duh. I mean, he even made the fucking trains run on thyme!


TIL Italian scientists in the 1920's discovered they could power engines with common herbs and spices

Mussolini made the trains run on thyme.


What do you call a lazy Italian at the gym?



On hearing that Mussolini's offensive against Greece is failing, Hitler rings him up and asks: 'Won't you be in Athens soon?'

Mussolini replies back: 'And I suppose you're calling from London?'


So Mussolini, Hitler, and Stalin go to hell...

They have to cross the swamp of revelation on their way. The more they lied, the more they will sink into it. Mussolini goes first, he sinks down to his belly button. Stalin goes next, he sinks to the chest.

Then comes Hitler, he barely even sinks. Stalin asks him "Adolf, how do you do this?

Hitler replies "I'm standing on top of Goebbels"


So apparently the 1918 Flu pandemic started in Italy...

The king of Italy was talking to Mussolini one day and said, "Benito, I think-a we need-a to get-a more-a influence-a in the world." It was a simple misunderstanding.


Mussolini was the first Green politician

He made the trains run on thyme.


Why did Mussolini only make the trains run on time and not early?

Because he was only fastish.


Where did Mussolini put the Jews during WWII?

Why, in the spaghettos of course!


Why was Mussolini never invited to parties?

He was always fascistly late.


What's an Italian's least favorite pasta?

Not spaghetti or fettuccini.


A short chat between Hitler and Mussolini

Mussolini: How goes your conquest, Hitler?
Hitler: I don't know, let me Czech...


What do you call a tyrant fish?

Bonito Mussolini


You know what they said about Mussolini...

Is the same thing they say about Brett Kavanaugh.

He got the trains to run on time.


What is the child of Hitler and Mussolini?

A Combonazi


What are the most funny Mussolini jokes of all time ?

Did you ever wanted to stand out with a good sense of humour joking with someone about Mussolini? Well, here are the best Mussolini dad jokes to laugh out loud. Crazy funny puns and Mussolini pick up lines to share with friends.


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