Following is our collection of funny Muslims jokes. There are some muslims fundamentalist jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.
Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these muslims muslim women puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.
...I had tons of private messages from Muslims on this site. As an apology to them I would like to say this:
"Islam is a religion based on peace, love and respect, and this is the central message of the Qur'an. As such I offer a full apology for making the claim that it encourages suicide bombing and violence."
OK, there - I said it. Now can you please stop sending me death threats?
Clothes get hanged when they come INTO the closet.
**If a muslim sees a woman he has to look down, but he's allowed one look. ( too see if there are any women in the room)**
Three muslims walk in to an airport full of half naked women. Two of them immidiately look down , but one of them keeps staring at the women.
Yusuf: Khaled, what are you doing, look down
Khaled: Shut up, I didn't blink yet
the Indian looks up and with a single tear and says "My people were once many, but now we're few." The Muslim chuckles and says " My people were once few, but now we're many." The cowboy looks up and says "Thats because we haven't played cowboys and Muslims yet."
As it turns out, Muslims in the middle east one day came up with the brilliant idea to use goat intestines as a suitable condom. It wasn't, however, until in 1827 when the British perfected the idea by taking the intestines *out* of the goat first.
Two English Muslims go on a long holiday in Spain, and they're having a wonderful time until one day the weather turns and it rains for three days straight. On the fourth day, one of them looks out of the window in the morning.
"Ahmed, I think we can visit some of the local buildings today. We should bring an umbrella though."
"Ah, but Hissam, how is the weather looking on the forecast? Is it Sunni, or is it Shi'ite?"
Because they refuse to Submit to anyone but Allah.
My friend told me this 'joke' after he found out I was Muslim.
Him: Why do Muslims hate Hitler?
Me: Why?
Him: He didn't kill ALL the Jews.
'Cause they hate the French press
It's not so much that they love espresso. They just really hate the French press.
Turban Outfitters.
You can explore muslims islam reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean muslims haram dad jokes. There are also muslims puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.
Allahu Snackbar
If they aren't Sunni side up, they're probably Shiite.
An ISIS member stopped the car of a Christian couple.
ISIS member: Are you Muslim?
Christian man: Yes, I'm Muslim.
ISIS member: If you are a Muslim, then recite a verse of Quran.
Christian man recited a verse from the Bible.
ISIS member: Ok yallah go.
Later his wife tells him: "I cannot believe the risk you just took.
Why did u tell him that we are Muslims?
If he knew you were lying he would have killed both of us."
"Do not worry! If they knew the Quran they would not kill people" answered the Husband.
1272AD - Arab Muslims invent the first condoms using the lower intestine of goats.
1856AD - English farmers improve on the idea by first removing the intestine from the goat.
They're always going on and on about some Great Profit.
When asked why, Trump said, "They already have a wall and fear of Muslims. My work there is done."
Donald says to Ted
"What we need to do is kill 140 million Muslims & one smoking hot blonde woman."
Overhearing this the bartender asks why they need to kill a hot blonde woman.
Donald says to Ted, "See I told you no one would care about the Muslims"
I was kinda shocked when I saw him and looked on him with suspicion. Then he understood what I was thinking and approaching me, he said, "Not all Muslims are terrorists" and we laughed so hard that his grenades fell out of his pocket.
The Rabbi went first and said they were having a terrible issue with squirrels. He said they were hanging around outside of church and aggressively begging for food. He said they were scaring their kids. The preacher said they were having the same issue, in fact, a few of the squirrels had actually gotten inside of the church and had done some damage to the roof. The Imam agreed saying that in fact one of the squirrels had bitten a few people at the mosque. The Priest then spoke up and said they used to have the same issue but had solved it. He said they took all of their squirrels, Baptized them, confirmed them, and now they only come around on Christmas and Easter.
Quranic
Because it's the future
Muslim's were the ones that invented the condom. This was well before plastics so they used goat intestines. Then the British came along and stole the idea from the Muslims and improved it by removing the intestines from the goat.
"Aloha Akbar!"
My wife just got kidnapped by a group of muslim cannibals.
I'm not worried though, I heard muslims don't eat pigs.
Islam ok though?
Isis just invaded Narnia.
Allah them
Some are Al-Qaaeda or Taliban.
They add halalapeΓ±o.
I wanted to step in, but I was afraid it would blow up in my face.
Sunni side up. I know this is a Shiite joke.
... But the Muslims are the "Randomly Selected".
We'll NEVER get rid of all the immigrants and Muslims.
If you've seen Juan, you've seen Amal.
Everyone looks around the table and, after a long silence, Mike Pence says. Mr. President, why do you want to deport a kitten? Trump smiles and turns to the rest of the table. You see, no one cares about the Muslims.
... I'm not sure extreme vetting for Muslims is such a good idea.
It's 2021 and I went to the supermarket to buy some oranges but couldn't find any. I went to another one but there were no oranges again...
I asked the store manager what's the matter
He said "Trump banned all the Muslims for what some of them did so the new president banned all the oranges for what one of them did".
You know, just like Republicans.
One of the guests asks: Mister President, what are you talking about with president Putin? β We are planning World War III.' - 'And what does it look like?' β Trump: We will kill 4 million Muslims and a dentist... The guest looks a bit confused: Why a dentist? - Putin claps Trump on the back and says, What did I tell you, Donald? No one will ask about the Muslims.
We'd have to say CMXI instead.
Halal Cool J
It would have been IX/XI.
The Muslims first invented the condom in the year 654 using a goat intestine. Christians expanded on this idea in 1364 by taking the intestine out of the goat first.
Thanks Reverse-Flash
Dad: Cause it's the future son
They both get stoned after smoking weed.
Because they need to give the goat a break.
Ramadan. They fast during Ramadan.
As he was wandering around taking a look, the clerk asked if he could help the man find anything.
Β
Do you have a copy of Donald Trump's book on his U.S. immigration policy regarding Muslims and illegal aliens?
Β
The clerk said, Kiss my ass⦠get out⦠and stay out!
Β
The man said, Yes, that's the one.Β Do you have it in paperback?
Elon's Mosque
All of them died out one year when Ramadan was in December
In 1873, the British refined the idea by taking the intestine out of the goat first.
If you lived in the Middle East, you would too.
Most of them are poorly executed.
...the other 9/11, towards Muslims.
A mecca
The muslims can't have it.
The dad looked down at his son and said, "God didn't need to force us to take a break because in His infinite wisdom He knew we'd never work that much to begin with."
Mosque'O
Hindus, on the other hand, never had any beef.
Qur'antine
Her: "I am sorry, but I was Christian before we were together. I know I should have told you earlier."
Him: "No problem, if you don't feel like Christian anymore, you have nothing to worry about."
Her: "Oh, thanks. Don't worry. I feel much better as Christina now."
Allahbama
Other muslims are still fasting, but I was faster.
Eid Mubarak!
Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the muslims muslim name jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.
We suggest to use only working muslims muslim pork piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.