The Best 87 Musician Jokes
Following is our collection of funny Musician jokes. There are some musician pianist jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.
Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these musician jazz musician puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.
Top 10 of the Funniest Musician Jokes and Puns
What's the difference between a musician and a large pizza?
The pizza can feed a family of 4.
What's the easiest way to pay a musician?
Open the door, hand him the cash and take the pizza
If Al Gore tried his hand as a musician, his album would be called...
**Algorithms.**
Girlfriend thought of this while doing dishes earlier.... I could hear her laughing to herself in the other room for almost 10 minutes.
What does a rock artist say to a jazz musician?
To the airport please
How does it feel to be a famous rock-and-roll musician?
Fan-fucking-tastic!
Three guys go to Heaven.
At the pearly gates, St Peter asks the first one:
"What did you do on Earth, son?"
I was a lawyer for public interest, i helped people keep their jobs"
"Come in, son!"
"And you?" to the second guy.
"I was a doctor, i helped people be healthy"
"Please come in, son"
Third guy answers: "I was a musician"
St Peter: "Oh, there's a door in the back"
A young child says to his mother, "Mom, when I grow up I'd like to be a musician."
She replies, "Well honey, you know you can't do both."
Old musicians don't die.
They just decompose.
How do you get a musician off your porch?
Pay for the pizza.
My favorite musician pun
||: lather, rinse :||
Two people are walking down the street......
One is a musician. The other doesnt have any money either.
You can explore musician treble reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean musician violinist dad jokes. There are also musician puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.
Why did the police arrest the musician who homemade his instruments?
Domestic violins!
I brought a classical musician back from the past to prove that my time-machine works, but I can't find him.
He must be Haydn.
What do you call it when one musician abuses another?
An act of violins.
Did you hear about the pedophile musician?
He only liked it in A-minor.
Why the musician sold his computer...
Not enough gigs.
Two Musicians
Two musicians are walking down the street, and one says to the other, "Who was that piccolo I saw you with last night?"
The other replies, "That was no piccolo, that was my fife."
A boy said to his father one day,
"Dad, when I grow up I want to be a musician."
His father responded, "I'm sorry, son, you can't have it both ways."
Being an aspiring musician is like getting a contract with Verizon.
10 gigs for $80 a month
What do you call an unemployed classical musician?
Baroque
My dad always told me...
Always B sharp and B natural, but never B flat.
Safe to say, I'm a terrible musician. Thanks a lot, dad.
What do you call a musician who's been dumped by his girlfriend?
Homeless!
Why did the musician give his daughters the same name?
So he could yell "Anna 1, Anna 2!"
Musicians are perverts.
The drummer sits in the back beating it, the guitarist is constantly fingering minors, the bassist is slapping it around, and they all like the pianist.
Who was the chicken's favorite musician?
Bach.
What was the musician doing when he was struck by lightning?
He was conducting.
A musician, a lumberjack, and a mathematician were in a room together...
They made a log-rhythm.
What do you call an emperor who's also a musician?
A rock-czar
What's the difference between a Blues musician and a Jazz musician?
A blues musician plays 3 chords to audiences of thousands.
A jazz musician plays thousands of chords to audiences of 3
What's the difference between a musician and a dead body?
One composes, the other decomposes...
Why did the musician get fired
Because he couldn't fix a minor problem that ended with major consequences and got himself in treble.
What did Arnold Schwarzenegger say when he was invited to a classical musician theme Halloween party?
I'll be Bach.
Never let anyone tell you what you can and can't do.
Take Beethoven for example, they told him he could not be a musician because he was deaf ... but he didn't listen.
My friend is so rich
He thought Manual labor was a Spanish musician
A woman stood in court accused of attacking her musician husband with his own guitars.
The judge looked down from his elevated position and asked "First Offender?"
The accused replied "No your honour, first a Gibson then a Fender".
What Happens When You Cross A Programmer And A Musician?
An Algo-rhythm.
What's the difference between a rock musician and a jazz musician?
A rock musician plays 3 chords for 20,000 people, and a jazz musician plays 20,000 chords for 3 people
When I told my parents I wanted to be a blues musician
they I decided it was time to have "the sax talk"
If the musicians, Ice T and Lemonade formed a band, what would it be called?
Arnold Palmer
Why was the musician arrested?
He fingered A Minor.
What would Ed Sheehan be if he wasn't a famous musician?
A virgin
Arnold Schwarzenegger is asked in an interview...
If you could be reincarnated as any famous musician in history, Who would it be.
He replies "I'll be Bach."
Did you hear about the classical musician who couldn't find work?
He was Baroque.
An old man is about to die.
While he is laying in his bed waiting to die, he said to his sons ( a rich musician, a rich doctor and a lawyer ) : When i die i want you to put in my coffin 5K $ each for my after life.
One week later the old man dies.
At his funeral the musician came and put 5k $ in his dads coffin while he's crying.
The doctor did the same thing , he left 5k $ and left crying.
Finally, the lawyer took the 10k $ and left a check with 15k$ and said : thank you dad.
A musician died while smoking weed from a dollar bill...
At least he went out on a high note
Why did the musician get sent to jail?
For fingering A minor.
Someone told me I couldn't be a musician because I'm deaf.
But I didn't listen to them.
What's the quickest way to get a musician off your front porch?
Tip him for the pizza.
How many musicians does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
100 - 1 to actually do it, and 99 to say how they would do it better.
What has R. Kelly done more successfully than any other musician?
Using A minor
I ran into a 19 year old hipster who's favorite musician was Jimi Hendrix...
It was so strange to see a hipster who liked older music, so I had to ask, What about his music did you like so much?
I just love underground artists he replied.
What do you call a musician with problems
A trebled man
What did the Terminator say when he decided to become a musician?
"I'll be Bach".
What do you call a dead musician?
A decomposer.
Did you hear about the musician who played through the silent part of a song?
He was charged with resisting a rest
How do you determine who the best musician is?
You compare their scores.
What Do They Tell Musicians About Crossing the Road?
C sharp or you'll B flat.
People told Beethoven he cannot be a musician because he was deaf
But he didn't listen
Musicians really need to do something about that E minor
It always gives me the E B G Bs
Never let a disability get in the way of your dreams.
Just look at Beethoven. Everyone said he couldn't be a musician because he was deaf. But did he listen?
As a musician, I hate the key of E minor.
It gives me the E-B-G-Bs.
A classical musician bought a Stradivari violin
Now he is quite Baroque.
Guys I really want to break up with my Jazz musician girlfriend but I can't
The Sax is too good
What happens to musicians when they die
They de-compose
I once met a very misfortunate polyamorous musician
He was in a no strings attached relationship with his guitar.
A famous musician came into our store today and complained that it was too hot and asked if I could cool him down but I politely rejected him
I told him I wasn't a fan
As a musician I'm jealous sofas
They can at least support a family of 4 comfortably
BREAKING: American Jazz musician sentenced to 12 months in prison, legally changes name
Felonious Monk will be eligible for parole in 6 months
My ex is a musician. Her musical instrument and I had a lot in common.
We both got played, constantly.
What's the difference between a musician and a savings account?
One eventually matures and starts to make money...
What's the difference between a musician and a pizza?
A pizza can feed a family
My son, 9 years old told me these jokes on different days and I wrote them all down as he told them.
What did the the dancer say when he found proof:
he found evi-dance
What did the lazy person buy at the store?
A Nap-kin
What is a goldfishes favorite story?
Goldilocks
What did the musician say when he was safe?
I'm safe and SOUND.
What do butts like to push best?
Buttons
What dinosaur make the best music?
Rap-tors
What does pizza hate to get?
Pizzeria
Why do musicians make great scavengers?
They're always luting.
For the musicians out there:
Q: How many bluegrass musicians does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Five. One to change the bulb and four to bitch about how it's electric.
"When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading." —Henny Youngman
Henry "Henny" Youngman was an English-American comedian and musician famous for his mastery of the "one-liner". 1906 - 1988
Where does a musician live?
They live in A♭
What do you call it when a symphony musician hits his wife?
Domestic violins.
Musicians! How do you make one million dollars playing jazz?
You start with two mil. Ba-dum-tss!
I told my mom that when I grow up, I want to be a musician.
She said don't be silly, you know you can't do both!
Never let anyone tell you what you can or cannot do
Just look at Beethoven, everyone told him he would never be a musician, just because he was deaf. But did he listen?
What is a Communists favorite musician?
Cher
A musician walks in to a music store.
"I'm looking for an instrument that goes *ding*." he says.
"*Ding*?" asks the confused shopkeeper.
The musician replies "You'll do fine."
Musicians never die
They just decompose.
Did you know that the first ever musicians were also mathematicians?
Their music was based off log-rhythms
She fell in love with...
She fell in love with an electrician, and she got shocked.
She fell in love with an artist, and things got sketchy.
She fell in love with a musician, and she got played.
She fell in love with a photographer...
What'd the difference between an aspiring musician and a large Pizza?
The large Pizza can actually feed a family of four.
A guy walks up to a musician...
"You ok?" He asks?
"Yeah." The musician responds, "Just thirsty."
"There's a vending machine with some water over there if you need it."
"Yeah I tried it... It only accepts ones."
The musician opens a suitcase next to him, revealing a saxophone.
"I only got a tenor on me."
Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the musician trombone jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.
We suggest to use only working musician baroque piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.