Musician Jokes
156 musician jokes and hilarious musician puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about musician that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Discover the best musician jokes, memes, and light bulb jokes that'll have vocalists and treble makers alike playing the funniest tunes! Get ready to laugh out loud as you read through this collection of musical jokes.
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Funniest Musician Short Jokes
Short musician jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The musician humour may include short guitarist jokes also.
- What's the difference between a rock musician and a jazz musician? A rock musician plays 3 chords for 20,000 people, and a jazz musician plays 20,000 chords for 3 people
- How do you tell the difference between a fisher and a musician? You ask them to say the word bass.
- How many ska musicians does it take to change a lightbulb? Three. One to drop the bulb and two to yell "pick it up, pick it up, pick it up!!!"
- A young child says to his mother, "Mom, when I grow up I'd like to be a musician." She replies, "Well honey, you know you can't do both."
- Many people told beethoven that he would never be a musician because he was deaf, but Did he listen?
- Guys I really want to break up with my Jazz musician girlfriend but I can't The Sax is too good
- Never let anyone tell you what you can and can't do. Take Beethoven for example, they told him he could not be a musician because he was deaf ... but he didn't listen.
- What's the easiest way to pay a musician? Open the door, hand him the cash and take the pizza
- Being an aspiring musician is like getting a contract with Verizon. 10 gigs for $80 a month
- What do you call a musician who can play multiple instruments but always chooses the accordion? A firm believer in the “squeeze is worth the juice.”
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Musician One Liners
Which musician one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with musician? I can suggest the ones about music artist and guitar player.
- How do you make a musician's car more aerodynamic? You take the pizza delivery sign off
- What is a guy who hangs out with musicians called? A singer
- Why the musician sold his computer... Not enough gigs.
- What does a rock artist say to a jazz musician? To the airport please
- I said to the musician do you know what time it is please? He said its 5/4
- What does a dead musician do? He decomposes
- My friend is so rich He thought manual labor was a Spanish musician
- Why did the musician give his daughters the same name? So he could yell "Anna 1, Anna 2!"
- I failed as a farmer. I think I could be a musician. Look at all my sick beets.
- Why was the polka musician a good gardener? He knew how to pick the right tune-ips!
- What do you call a polka musician who doesn’t know how to play? A polka-don’t!
- Why did the polka musician go to jail? He was caught in too many squeeze plays!
- As a musician, I hate the key of E minor. It gives me the E-B-G-Bs.
- What do you call a guy who hangs out with musicians? A drummer.
- Someone told me I couldn't be a musician because I'm deaf. But I didn't listen to them.
Jazz Musician Jokes
Here is a list of funny jazz musician jokes and even better jazz musician puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- BREAKING: American Jazz musician sentenced to 12 months in prison, legally changes name Felonious Monk will be eligible for parole in 6 months
- Don't upset jazz musicians They might snap
- Why would Koreans make great jazz musicians? Because they have Seoul.
- My attempt to travel to North Korea to become a popular jazz musician failed. Turns out they've got no Seoul.
- What do you call a jazz musician who doesn't have a girlfriend? A homeless person.
- The jazz musician appreciated his wife allowing him to have extra practice time with his band... ...It was ragtime.
- What is a jazz musician that got kicked out of the catholic church? Sax-communicated.
- What did the DJ say to the jazz musician? Take me to the airport.
- What do you call a sad jazz musician? Elvis Depressley
- What do jazz musicians and sneakers have in common? They put their soul on the track.
Blues Musician Jokes
Here is a list of funny blues musician jokes and even better blues musician puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Why do so many blues musicians come from Korea? Theres a lot of Seoul
- When I told my parents I wanted to be a blues musician they I decided it was time to have "the sax talk"
- What did the dead blues musician sing? "Didn't wake up this morning..."
- Did you hear about the Korean blues musician? He was a Seoul man.
- Who is Terrance & Phillip's favorite blues musician? Buddy Guy
Musician Light Bulb Jokes
Here is a list of funny musician light bulb jokes and even better musician light bulb puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- How many bluegrass musicians does it take to change a light bulb? Four - one to change it, and the rest to complain because it's electric.
- How many musicians in my band does it take to screw in a light bulb? None, we get the drummer to do it.
Amusing & Witty Musician Jokes for Laughter-Filled Fun
What funny jokes about musician you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean music teacher jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make musician pranks.
A lot of my favorite musicians died young, but at least they went doing what they loved
Drugs
I have ranked the greatest musicians of all time in order:
Nelly
Erika Badu
Vanilla Ice
Eminem
Rhianna
Green Day
Oasis
Nirvana
Nine inch Nails
Aerosmith
George Strait
Ilene Woods
Vince Gill
Enya
Yoko ono
Otis Redding
U2
Uncle Kracker
Pappa Roach
It is okay if you disagree just let me know, but first read the first letter of each line only.
I'm pretty sure I shouldn't be a musician
First thing is, that I don't have the talent and the second is, that I cannot C sharp due to my glasses
What's the difference between a musician and a large pizza?
The pizza can feed a family of 4.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Tatoos of Elvis
A woman goes into a tattoo parlor and asks for a picture of Elvis be tattooed high up on her left thigh.
The tattoo guy complies, but when he's done, the woman looks at the result and says "That doesn't look like Elvis at all!"
The guy says, "I can't do anything to remove it, but I could try again on the other thigh".
The woman agrees, but when all is done, she thinks that the new tattoo looks nothing like Elvis, either and refuses to pay.
The tattoo artist makes a proposal, "Ma'am, I'll ask a customer in the waiting room to come in and have a look at the tattoos. If he can identify Elvis, you pay me. Otherwise, you owe me nothing."
The woman agrees. A customer is called in and the woman, dropping her pants and spreading her legs, says "Do you recognize these famous musicians?"
The guy looks, thinks for a minute, then says "I don't know about the twins, but the one in the middle with the beard and bad breath is definitely w**... Nelson."
What do you call a musician's best friend?
A drummer...
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
If al gore tried his hand as a musician, his album would be called...
**Algorithms.**
Girlfriend thought of this while doing dishes earlier.... I could hear her laughing to herself in the other room for almost 10 minutes.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What do you call a musician's e**...?
A tromboner.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Just some jokes about musicians.
How do you know the stage at a concert is level?
Drool is coming out of both sides of the drummers mouth.
What do you call a drummer with no girlfriend?
Homeless.
What do floutists eat for breakfast?
Flute loops.
How do you tune three oboeists?
Shoot 2 of them.
How many flute players does it take to change a light bulb?
One, they stand on the ladder holding the bulb in the socket and wait for the world to revolve around them.
An observation by Adam Hills
"I have a slight theory as to why there's such a high percentage of obesity in America as compared to the rest of the world. I think it's because in 1984, a group of English and Irish musicians got together and put out a song that told us to 'feed the world'.
And then a year later, a group of American singers told us, 'We Are the World'"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
B'dum tsss
A collection of jokes I have found over the years about drummers.
**NOTE:** Before you get offended, I AM A DRUMMER. I FIND THESE FUNNY TOO.
1. What do you call a drummer in a suit? The defendant
2. How can you tell a drummer's at the door? The knocking speeds up
3. What do you call a drummer with half a brain? Gifted
4. What does a drummer use for contraception? His personality
5. Did you hear about the drummer who finished high school? Me neither
6. What did the drummer say to the band leader? "Do you want me to play too fast or too slow?"
7. How many drummers does it take to screw in a light bulb? Five: One to screw it in, four to say that Neil Peart could've done it better
8. Why do guitarists put drumsticks on the dash of their car? So that they can use the handicapped parking space
9. How do you get a drummer off your porch? Give him the money for the pizza
10. What do you call a guy who hangs out with musicians? A drummer
Anyone got any more?
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
How does it feel to be a famous rock-and-roll musician?
Fan-f**...-tastic!
Three guys go to Heaven.
At the pearly gates, St Peter asks the first one:
"What did you do on Earth, son?"
I was a lawyer for public interest, i helped people keep their jobs"
"Come in, son!"
"And you?" to the second guy.
"I was a doctor, i helped people be healthy"
"Please come in, son"
Third guy answers: "I was a musician"
St Peter: "Oh, there's a door in the back"
What do you call the crazy people who always hang out with musicians?
Bass players
At what age are musicians the loudest?
Forte
Old musicians don't die.
They just decompose.
Musician's Joke: The guitarist of a band walks into their rehearsal room and sees the bassist and the drummer having an argument
Guitarist: "Why are you arguing?"
Bassist: "The drummer detuned one of my strings."
Guitarist: "So what's the problem?"
Bassist: "He won't tell me which one!"
My favorite musician pun
||: lather, rinse :||
Two people are walking down the street......
One is a musician. The other doesnt have any money either.
If women who hang out with a group of musicians and follow them around from gig-to-gig are called "groupies", what do you call the men who do the same thing?
They are called "bassists".
Why did the police arrest the musician who homemade his instruments?
Domestic violins!
I brought a classical musician back from the past to prove that my time-machine works, but I can't find him.
He must be Haydn.
What do you call it when one musician abuses another?
An act of violins.
Two Musicians
Two musicians are walking down the street, and one says to the other, "Who was that piccolo I saw you with last night?"
The other replies, "That was no piccolo, that was my fife."
A boy said to his father one day,
"Dad, when I grow up I want to be a musician."
His father responded, "I'm sorry, son, you can't have it both ways."
My dad always told me...
Always B sharp and B natural, but never B flat.
Safe to say, I'm a terrible musician. Thanks a lot, dad.
what is the key to picking up girls who are musicians?
get a flat and be sharp
The Terminator and his friends decided to go to a costume party dressed up as famous classical musicians.
"I'll be Beethoven!", said one friend.
"I'll be Mozart!", said the other friend.
"I'll be Bach.", said The Terminator.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Two classical musicians had s**... for the first time together.
Woman: "That's a pretty small o**... you're playing down there."
Man: "Well, I didn't know I would be performing in Carnegie Hall tonight."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Musicians are perverts.
The drummer sits in the back beating it, the guitarist is constantly f**... minors, the bassist is slapping it around, and they all like the pianist.
What was the musician doing when he was struck by lightning?
He was conducting.
What's the difference between a musician and a dead body?
One composes, the other decomposes...
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What do justin bieber and Adolf h**... have in common?
Neither of them are musicians.
Why did the musician get fired
Because he couldn't fix a minor problem that ended with major consequences and got himself in treble.
What Happens When You Cross A Programmer And A Musician?
An Algo-rhythm.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Why do jazz musicians prefer to drive c**... old cars?
Because they're always making a new sound.
Did you hear about the musicians who murdered a guest at the concert?
It was very cleverly orchestrated.
If the musicians, Ice T and Lemonade formed a band, what would it be called?
Arnold Palmer
What do you call a flat chested musician?
She♭
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What would Ed Sheehan be if he wasn't a famous musician?
A v**...
Arnold Schwarzenegger is asked in an interview...
If you could be reincarnated as any famous musician in history, Who would it be.
He replies "I'll be Bach."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
An old man is about to die.
While he is laying in his bed waiting to die, he said to his sons ( a rich musician, a rich doctor and a lawyer ) : When i die i want you to put in my coffin 5K $ each for my after life.
One week later the old man dies.
At his f**... the musician came and put 5k $ in his dads coffin while he's crying.
The doctor did the same thing , he left 5k $ and left crying.
Finally, the lawyer took the 10k $ and left a check with 15k$ and said : thank you dad.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
When a musician's fingers move really fast across a piano, they're considered a prodigy and a genius.
But when i go even faster on full-screen rhythm games on my iPad, I'm "lazy", "going to get carpal tunnel syndrome", "unproductive", and "ruining the f**..., Emily".
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A musician died while smoking w**... from a dollar bill...
At least he went out on a high note
What's the difference between a soprano and a porsche?
Most musicians have never been inside a porsche
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What's Ted Nugent's favorite book?
The musicians guide to f**... A Minor.
As the Titanic sank, the musicians remained on deck and continued to play music as the ship went down.
The captain had said "aBandOn Ship", so they really had no choice.
I ran into a 19 year old hipster who's favorite musician was Jimi Hendrix...
It was so strange to see a hipster who liked older music, so I had to ask, What about his music did you like so much?
I just love underground artists he replied.
What do you call a musician with problems
A trebled man
Bad musicians can be scary.
But their Bach is worse than their bite.
Did you hear about the musician who played through the silent part of a song?
He was charged with resisting a rest
What's a musician's favorite weapon?
C4.
But a knife will do in a pinch, so long as its #.
How do you determine who the best musician is?
You compare their scores.
What Do They Tell Musicians About Crossing the Road?
C sharp or you'll B flat.
Musicians really need to do something about that E minor
It always gives me the E B G Bs
A classical musician bought a Stradivari violin
Now he is quite Baroque.
I once met a very misfortunate polyamorous musician
He was in a no strings attached relationship with his guitar.
A famous musician came into our store today and complained that it was too hot and asked if I could cool him down but I politely rejected him
I told him I wasn't a fan
As a musician I'm jealous sofas
They can at least support a family of 4 comfortably
My ex is a musician. Her musical instrument and I had a lot in common.
We both got played, constantly.
What's the difference between a musician and a savings account?
One eventually matures and starts to make money...
Why do musicians make great scavengers?
They're always luting.
"When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading." —Henny Youngman
Henry "Henny" Youngman was an English-American comedian and musician famous for his mastery of the "one-liner". 1906 - 1988
Where does a musician live?
They live in A♭
