Humorous Musical Jokes to Bring Fun and Laughter to Your Life
I would never hit someone with a musical instrument...
I don't like to resort to violins
Musical Contradiction
Piano is my forte.
Who always wins at musical chairs?
Rosa Parks
What us the most musical kind of computer?
Adele.
Accordion to a recent survey, most people don't notice when a musical instrument is inserted into a sentence.
Sean Connery has been scouring Israel for ancient musical instruments.
When asked about his progress, he replied, "I've only found one shofar."
What musical group is Jesus most afraid of?
Nine Inch Nails
Why are old printers so musical?
Because they are prone to jamming.
THE GOVINATOR
Jean Claude Van Dam, Steven Segal, and Arnold Schwarzenagger all decide to go out trick-or-treating as musical composers for Halloween. They go into a costume store and look for masks. Jean Claude sees a costume that he likes and says, "I think I'll go as Beethoven." Steven Segal sees a costume that grabs his attention and says, "I'll be Mozart." Arnold had a tough time finding a costume that he liked, but he eventually found one that appeased his interest. He picks up a costume and said, "I'll be Bach."
What type of pasta is most likely to cheat for a musical award?
Rigatoni
Have you ever seen Puns: The Musical?
If not, you really should. It's a great play on words.
You can explore musical musically reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean musical orchestra dad jokes. There are also musical puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.
A landscaper's favourite musical genre?
Mow-town.
What's the name of a musical collaboration between Shia LaBeouf and a Judge?
A just duet.
So there's this school play...
Sylvester Stallone, Chuck Norris, and Arnold Schwarzenegger have to put on a play featuring their favorite musical composers. They each toil over who they will play, until the next day they meet.
Stallone goes first.
"I'll be Mozart"
Next up is Chuck Norris.
"I'll be Beethoven".
Happy that no one picked his composer, Arnold announces "I'll be Bach".
Terminator, RoboCop, & Optimus Prime are all together thinking of their next costume for Halloween...
when RoboCop says "We should all be classical musical composers; I'll be..Beethoven!".
Optimus Prime agrees and says "alright - I'll be..Mozart!".
Terminator stands up and says "I'll be Bach!".
What's a whales favorite musical group?
An orcastra
How was the sound quality of Shrek's musical keyboard?
Nothing special, it was just MIDI-Ogre
Have you heard of the musical condoms?
They started a rubber band.
What was Michael Jackson's favourite musical key?
A Minor
What's a p**...'s favourite musical scale?
A minor
Our President Elect is a real tough guy...
The candidate who was going to "defeat ISIS" is currently at war with Saturday Night Live and a Broadway musical.
What do you call a musical wreath made from $100 bills?
Aretha Franklins
What do kings call musical chairs?
A game of thrones.
I'm writing a musical about a rag-tag team of Breitbart columnists standing up to the mainstream media elites.
It's called Fake Newsies.
What do you get when you combine a gay man and a Jew?
A hit Broadway musical
Accordion to scientific studies, 90% ..
of people do not realise I replaced the beginning of this joke with a musical instrument.
What's an emo's favorite musical instrument?
The forearm violin.
What do you call ten whales playing musical instruments?
An orca-stra 😊
What do you call a bunch of musical condoms?
A rubber band
Why was the musical R-rated?
Because there was lots of Sax and Violins.
What's the difference between puberty and musical notes?
Not too much. Tenors can't seem to hit either.
I was bullied a lot in school.
Eventually I went on to musical success. Years down the line, I stopped in my hometown to do a show. It turned out the biggest of my bullies was hired to handle my displays.
I watched for a while as he tried to put up some cardboard cutouts of myself. Every time he would set one up, another one fell over.
Now that I'm in charge, he can't stand up two me's.
What do you call a musical equation that a former Vice President composes?
An algorithm
(Credit to my girlfriend)
I auditioned for a musical about the periodic table
I got the lead role!
I was reading this survey the other day
And accordion to it, replacing words with the names of musical instruments in a sentence often goes undetected
What do you call a group of musical whales?
An Orcastra!
What's a l**...'s favorite musical?
Footloose.
Now that there is a musical about Alexander Hamilton, I'm going to make a Musical about the founding of the Webster's English Dictionary
It's going to be a play on words
I come from a very musical family
Even the sewing machine's a singer
9/10 people.
Accordion to research, 9/10 people don't notice when you replace words with random musical instruments.
"My favourite musical composer has gone missing!"
"Don't worry, I've got your Bach"
What do you call a musical puppy?
A subwoofer
Who's the most musical snake in the army?
Major scales.
What are the most musical letters of the alphabet?
P and O
I told my therapist about my compulsion to methodically disrupt live musical performances.
She said, That's disconcerting.
Accordion to studies, its very easy to hide musical instruments in every day sentences.
I find that harp to belive though.
What do you call a musical chicken?
Bach.
What is the church's favorite musical chord?
G sus
In 1985, new wave band, A-Ha, wrote a song for a new Broadway version of Peter Pan that was never used. In the musical, Tinkerbell was supposed to sing to Peter, urging him to try and fight Captain Hook's right hand man with the intent of demoralizing Hook and his pirate crew...
Taaaaake oooooon Smeeeee
Tchaikovsky, you cannot use instruments of war as musical instruments
Tchaikovsky: I cannon I will
I live in a musical house,
Actually it's A Flat.
"Rincewind, all the shops have been smashed open, there was a whole bunch of people across the street helping themselves to musical instruments, can you believe that?"
"Yeah, Luters I expect." --Terry Pratchet, The Light Fantastic
What is the priest's favorite musical note?
A minor.
How do you call a musical group consisting of all existing genders?
A duet
Accordion to a recent survey, inserting musical instruments into sentences largely goes unnoticed.
Read it slowly.
What's R Kelly's favorite musical key?
A Minor
Interesting Research
Accordion to research, 9 out of 10 people don't notice when you replace words with random musical instruments.
Survey says
Accordian to a recent survey, replacing words with the names of musical instruments often goes undetected.
Danny Devito and Arnold Schwarzenegger are hanging out
Danny suggests they do some musical reenactment. Arnold, being the nice guy that he is agrees and let's Danny choose who he will be. Danny chooses Mozart. As for Arnold, he'll be Bach
Nowadays there's too many musical instruments
It seems today, that all you see is violins in movies and sax on TV
I wanna become a musical comedian
Sadly, none of my jokes are noteworthy...
What is the most musical animal?
The fish, they got scales
My ex is a musician. Her musical instrument and I had a lot in common.
We both got played, constantly.
Fact
Accordion to a recent survey, replacing words with the names of musical instruments in a sentence, often goes undetected.
What do you get when you lock a Jewish man and a gay man in a room for a week?
One h**... of a musical.
What's the most musical animal?
A hip hopopotamus
Recent study
Accordion to a recent survey, 90% of people
don't notice when you replace words with names of musical instruments.
A bunch of hooligans are smashing up my shop and stealing musical instruments
d**... luters!
What's a pothead's favorite musical instrument?
bag pipes
How did the musical band get into treble?
They fell off a cleff.
no regrets
Accordion to a recent survey, 7 out of 10 people don't notice when a word in a sentence is replaced
by a musical instrument.
"All the shops have been smashed open, there was a whole bunch of people across the street helping themselves to musical instruments, can you believe that?"
"Yeah," said Rincewind. "Luters, I expect."
* Terry Pratchett, *The Light Fantastic*
Accordion to research, 9 out of 10 people don't notice when you replace words with random musical instruments.
Please don't become angry and resort to violins if you don't notice.
Accordion to a recent study...
Replacing words with the names of musical instruments often goes undetected,
What do you call musical chairs with toilets?
Game of Thrones
Accordion to a scientific study released by the Department of Psychology at the University of British Columbia,
most people will not immediately notice if one of the words in a sentence has been replaced with a musical instrument until they've read more than three quarters of the way through it.
My girlfriend just saw a musical about etymology
She said it was a word play
What's a pirate's favorite musical note?
The High Cs
What is a discord moderator's favorite musical chord?
A minor
When a mine shaft collapses it's known to make a specific musical tone when the air rushes through the tunnels. What note is it?
A flat miner
What's God's favorite musical chord?
G sus
After hearing me sing, my music teacher said that I should be tenor.
Ten or twelve feet away from all musical instruments at all times.
A large movie studio is making a movie about famous musical composers played by very muscular actors. They had all of the actors choose who they wanted to be.
Dwayne Johnson chose Mozart.
Lou Ferrigno wanted Beethoven.
When asked who he wanted to play, Arnold Schwarzenegger said, I'll be Bach.
What do you call a group of killer whales carrying musical instruments?
An orca-stra.
My dad owns 4 tents which he uses for camping
He uses all 4 at different times of the year, and each one is based on 1 of 4 different musical genres.
In spring he uses the jazz tent, in summer he uses the pop tent, in autumn he uses the classical tent….
But now is the winter of our disco tent.
