music Jokes

funny jokes and hilarious music stories

What are the best Music puns and pranks?

Did you ever wanted to prank someone about Music? Well here is a complete list of Music dad jokes:

How did Metallica get people to stop pirating their music?

They stopped releasing anything worth listening to.

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I got a phone call from my son's school today

Hello, is that Mr Jenkins?

Yes, how can I help you?

Hi, This is little Billy's music teacher calling

Oh, hi

Yeah, hi. I just wanted to let you know it looks like you have a little Elvis Presley on your hands!

Really? Wow! That's..

Yeah, we just found him dead on the toilet

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TIL that for release in Finland, the original Mortal Kombat had to be censored in an unusual way. Censors were fine with the gore, but insisted the music be replaced with traditional Christian songs.

FINNISH HYMN!!!

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Three new cellmates are contemplating their life sentences in prison.

The first guy pulls out a deck of playing cards and says, "Don't worry, guys. I brought these cards with me so that we can play poker to pass the time."

The second guy pulls out a harmonica and says, "I brought this harmonica so that I can play some music to cheer us up when we're feeling down."

The third guy pulls out a box of tampons.

"What the hell are we supposed to do with those!?" ask the first two.

"Well, it says on the back that I can ride, swim, ski, *and* play tennis with these."

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A reporter is interviewing Stevie Wonder


They talk about all the amazing music he has created over the years and the incredible things he has done with his life and as a last question the reporter asks:

"But don't you wish you hadn't been born blind?"

and Stevie replies "Hey, it could've been much worse - I could have been born black"

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New Apple Product Announcement: The iBra

Apple announced a new product: a bra that can store and play music. The iBra. The product is being praised as a step toward better relations between men and women. It is intended to address the complaints of women about men staring at their breasts and not listening to them.

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If we all end up going to jail for downloading music......

I at least hope they separate us by music genre.

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If you like to have sex while listening to music, always pick a live album

... that way you'll get applauded every 3-4 minutes

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My son asked me what it was like to be married

I deleted all the music off his iPod except one song.

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So Chris Brown has quit music...

Unsurprisingly, he has beaten Rihanna to it.

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Tip: when making a sex tape, play Disney music in the background.

That way, if it ever gets leaked online, Disney attorneys will have them all taken down.

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Music Joke

One day, a bassoonist for a symphony got very sick and spent a whole day of rehearsal in the hospital. He recovers and is sent home to see his house surrounded by police cars. He goes up to the officer in charge and asks, "Officer, what happened?"
"Well," the officer said, "while you were away, the conductor of your symphony came by your house to talk to you. He was angry that you didn't come to rehearsal, and when he found that you weren't home, he killed your entire family in anger."
"I can't believe it..." the bassoonist said in disbelief. "The conductor wanted to talk to *me*?"

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How do you get a musician off your porch?

Pay for the pizza.

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What did the pirate say on his 80th birthday?

Man, I wish I had paid for all that music...

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Which four-member rock group doesn't sing or play music?

Mount Rushmore.

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Did any of you hear about that pedo music teacher?

The one who broke a G string while fingering A minor.

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Hippie jokes

Q: How can you tell a hippie has been at your house?

A: He's still there.

Q: What did he say when you told him to leave?

A: Namaste.
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Q: What's the difference between a hippie chick and a joint?

A: The joint won't make it all the way around the circle.
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Q: How do you starve a hippie?

A: Hide his drug money under the soap.
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Q: What did the Deadhead say when he ran out of weed?

A: Man, this music sucks!
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Q: What do hippie chicks and hockey players have in common?

A: They both shower and change pads after 3 periods.
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So this guy got his dog really high. He tells the dog "Play dead." And the dog says, "Nah man, play Floyd!"
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Please add more if you think of them, most of my friends are "hippies" and these jokes freakin crack me up.

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When it comes to music.....

Nobody beats The Jackson 5. Except for their dad. That guy beat the shit out of those kids.

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Steven Spielberg is casting for his upcoming blockbuster on the history of classical music.

He asks his stars who they want to play. Brad Pitt says, "I want to be Mozart. His pastiche of influences from several European countries has always fascinated me." Tom Cruise chimes in with, "I'd like to be Beethoven. I love the way he handled the transition from Classicism to Romanticism." Arnold Schwarzenegger says, "I'll be Bach."

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Music Joke

A C chord and an A chord walk into a bar.

The bartender says to the C chord "I'm sorry, I can't serve your friend; even though he's your relative, he's still a minor."

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How do you get a musician off of your porch?

You pay for the pizza.

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Strange music

In Vienna, the great composer Mr. Beethoven had recently died and been buried in the city cemetery, with much mourning by the Viennese citizens.

A few nights after the burial, the town drunk is stumbling on his way home through the cemetery. All of a sudden he hears some very strange-sounding music wafting up from Beethoven's fresh burial plot. Terrified, the man runs through the streets, screaming about ghosts in the graveyard.

Pretty soon he's gathered quite a crowd around the grave, all muttering to each other about devils and ghosts. Finally one man makes his way to the front of the crowd, squats down by the grave, and listens.

"Why... that's Beethoven's Ninth Sympony, but... it's playing backwards!" He listens some more. "There's his Eighth Symphony, also backwards! ... And the seventh.... sixth..."

Finally he stands up and addresses the crowd. "My good people, you have nothing to fear. This is simply Mr. Beethoven decomposing."

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As it's May 4th, here are two Star Wars jokes.

What is the most popular music on Endor?

Ewok and Roll.

Why did Vader know what Luke had given him for Christmas?

He had felt his presents.

*I'll get my coat*

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When Miley Cyrus gets naked and licks a hammer..it's "art" and "music".

But when I do it...I'm "wasted", and "have to leave Home Depot".

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How many music majors does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

16

One to screw it in and 15 others to stand around and talk shit about how bad the one person did.

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I think it's bullcrap how Miley Cyrus can get naked, lick a sledge hammer, and people call it "art" and "music".

Yet when I do it, I'm "wasted" and " have to leave Home Depot".

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What music do chickens listen to?

Bach

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Some people ask the secret of our long marriage. We take time to go to a restaurant two times a week. A little candlelight, dinner, soft music and dancing.

**She goes Tuesdays, I go Fridays.**






Source: The furthest source I could track this anecdote back to was Henny Youngman

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Face the Music

A man is walking around the streets of the city one day when he spies an old friend of his from college.

"George!" he yells. "I haven't seen you in ages! How have you been?"

"Well," George replies. "I am the Clarinet player for the International Orchestra."

"Spectacular!" the man replies.

"It is not what you might think, my friend. We play for the king of England, he loves the music. He says 'Fill the instruments with gold!' and they fill the Tuba with gold and they fill the Saxophone with gold, and me with the fuckin Clarinet."

"We play for the queen of France. She loves the music; she says 'Fill the instruments with silver!' and they fill the Tuba with silver and they fill the Saxophone with silver, and me with the fuckin Clarinet.

"Then we play for the czar of Russia. He hates the music; he say 'Shove the instruments up their asses!' and the tuba doesn't fit and the Saxophone doesn't fit. And me with the Fucking Clarinet!"

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How do you confuse a drummer?

Give him sheet music

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For The Musicians: What's the difference between an orchestra and a bull?

On a bull, the horns are at the front, and the ass hole is at the back.

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What does Santa and his elves listen to in their Christmas workshop?

WRAP MUSIC!

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What do call a poor black man listening to classical music?

A Baroque nigga.

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Some musician jokes

Q. Why don't violinists play hide and seek?

A. No one would look for them.

Q. How can you tell if a stage is level?

A. Drool is coming out of both sides of the drummer's mouth.

Q. What is the definition of perfect pitch?

A. Tossing an accordion into a dumpster without hitting the sides.


Q. How do you get two guitarists to play in unison?

A. Shoot one.

Q. How can you tell if a cello is out of tune?

A. The bow is moving.

Q. Why are musician jokes so short?

A. So the bassist can understand them.

Q. If a conductor and a watermelon are both dropped from a 24 story building, what hits the ground first?

A. Who cares?

Q. How can you keep your violin from being stolen?

A. Keep it in the violin case.

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I bought a CD of ice cream van music.

Now I drive with the stereo on full blast, watching the disappointment on all the little kids faces..

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What does rock music and my grandpa have in common?

The Strokes

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I went to a karaoke bar last night.

I went to a karaoke bar last night that didn't play any 70's music…

at first I was afraid, oh I was petrified.

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Seeing another person with synesthesia...

is like music to my eyes.

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I can hear music coming out of my printer.

I think the paper's jammin' again

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What did the music thief do in college?

Take notes.

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We had a outage at my place this morning...

We had a outage at my place this morning and my PC, laptop,
TV, DVD, iPad & my new surround sound music system were all shut down.
Then I discovered that my iPhone battery was flat and to top it off it
was raining outside, so I couldn't play golf.
I went into the kitchen to make coffee and then I remembered that this
also needs power, so I talked with my wife for a few hours.

She seems like a nice person.

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WHAT KIND OF BAND PLAYS SNAPPY MUSIC?

A RUBBER BAND.

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Two wind turbines in a field and one says to the other, "Do you like music?"

He replies, "I'm a big metal fan."

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Modern music is like taking a poop

you like it at first, but then you realize its all shit in the end

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Country music is like a vacuum. . .

As soon as you turn it off it stops sucking.

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Why couldn't Beethoven find his music teacher?

He was Haydn

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How does a corpse write music?

He decomposes.

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me: Can I play some music?


**uber driver:** Yeah, sure.

**me *[pulling out my tuba]*:** Do u like veggie tales?

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What did the garden say when he liked the music?

LETTUCE. TURNIP. THE BEET!

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They're making a movie about classical music composers...

They're making a movie about classical music composers. In the middle of the auditions, Arnold Schwarzenegger walked in and simply declared, "I'll be Bach."

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CONCLUSION

You've red some of the best music jokes of all time. We hope you had fun with this collection of 50 puns about music. Most of the stories are suitable for kids with good sense of humor, children or teens boys and girls, of course dads. You must supervise your chidlren not to read pranks for adults. Note that some jokes are disgusting, filled with black humor so don't tell dirty music gags to your kids. So please respect and be a good joking daddy !

How do I make my girlfriend or boyfriend laugh? How do you make someone laugh? Well, this list of funny stories will make you cry in laughter just like dad jokes. Some of these music jokes are funny and some are hilarious. With this collection it's easy to be a joker. Have fun and dig deeper into our archive.

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