Mushroom Jokes

Humoristic puns and funny pick up lines

How much space is needed for fungi to grow?

As mushroom as possible.

Why don't fairies live under toadstools?

Because there's not mushroom!

So a mushroom walks into a bar. Bartender says "We don't serve mushrooms here. You're always ruining jokes."

The mushroom says "Come on. I'm a nice guy."

What did the claustrophobic fungi say to his friends?

There's not mushroom in here

How much room is needed for fungi to grow?

As mushroom as possible

I can't put anymore toppings on my pizza...

There's not mushroom

Why did the mushroom go to the party?

'Cos he's a fungi!

Why didn't he get in?

There wasn't mushroom!

How much room do you need to grow fungus?

As mushroom as possible.

Cheesy Jokes/ Lame Jokes. They make my day.

How do you make an egg laugh?
Tell it a yolk.

Why did the cookie go to hospital?
Because he was feeling a little crummy.

Why was the mushroom happy?
Because he was a fungi.

How do you organise a party in space?
You planet.

How does the man on the moon cut his hair?
Eclipse it.

Why couldn't the skeleton go to the party?
He had no body to go with.

Hear about the Italian chef?
He pasta way.

What did one ocean say to the other?
Nothing they just waved.

Did you hear about the movie constipated?
It never came out.

Pie rates of the Caribbean joke

In Jamaica you can get a steak and kidney pie for Β£1.75, a chicken and mushroom pie for Β£1.60 and an apple pie for Β£2.15.
In St Kitts and Nevis a steak and kidney pie will cost you Β£2, a chicken pie (without mushrooms) is Β£1.70 and a cherry pie can be yours for Β£1.95.
In Trinidad and Tobago, that steak and kidney pie comes in at Β£2.50, but you can two for Β£3.50, while the chicken and mushroom pie is Β£2.25, or two for Β£3.25. They also offer meat and potato pie for Β£2, or two for Β£3. Their apple pies and cherry pies are often sold for Β£2.75, or two (any combination) for Β£4.75.
Those are the Pie Rates of the Caribbean

What kinda room has no doors and no windows?

A mushroom.

A fine country lady is hosting a dinner party

and she wants to serve her famous Mushroom Soup. She invites over the whole neighborhood for dinner. The day of her big event she runs out of mushrooms and the small country store is sold out. She panics! "What evah shall I do??" she pleads to her husband.

"Well" he says "There are lots of mushrooms growing back in the cow pasture. We could use those." "Absolutely not!" she yells. "Those might be poisonous!"

He replies "Tell ya what, I'll go back and pick some and you make a small batch of soup. We'll feed it to the dog, Jack. If he is OK in an hour or so, we'll know they're OK". With no other options, she agrees. He goes and gets the mushrooms, she makes up some soup and old Jack just LOVES it. He horfs it right down and is just happy as a clam.

Few hours go by and old Jack is just dandy. The lady of the house goes into full Dinner Party mode. She is running behind schedule now so she calls the neighbor girl over to help her prepare. The lady figures she should warn the girl about Jack but doesn't want to confess the whole story. She tells the girl to just keep a CLOSE EYE on Jack, that he is very special to the family, and to let her know if anything comes up.

A few hours later the guests start to arrive and they all sit down for an absolutely wonderful presentation of Mushroom Soup. The guests are raving about it. They can't get enough. Everyone is just having a wonderful evening,..

When all the sudden the neighbor girl bursts into the room in hysterics! "OLD JACK IS DEAD!!!!" she cries. "HE'S DEAD, JUST.. DEAD!!"

The country lady immediately jumps into action. She calls the paramedics, the hospital and the police! They all arrive quickly and begin pumping stomaches and administering anti-poison medicines. People are puking in the yard, screaming, and crying. Ambulance after Ambulance comes and goes with guest after guest for what seems like hours.

Finally.. at 5am an exhausted lady and her helpful neighbor girl are setting in the kitchen trying to take stock in what happened. The neighbor girl looks over at the lady and says

"It really is a shame. The guy that ran over old Jack didn't even stop."

So broccoli was having a conversation with some of his friends...

The broccoli said: "I look like a tree!"

The mushroom said: "I look like an umbrella!"

The walnut said: "I look like a brain!"

The banana said: "Can we please change the subject?"

So----A mushroom walks into a bar

the bartender says, "Hey! no mushrooms. Get out." The mushroom says, "Hey, what's the matter? I'm a fun guy."

A mushroom walks into a bar...

The bartender says, "We don't serve vegetables!"

The mushroom responds, "But I'm a fungi!!"

Every cloud has a silver lining...

... unless it's a mushroom cloud. Then it's likely strontium.

Classic

Why'd the mushroom go to the party?

Cause he's a fungi!

Why'd the fungi leave the party?

Cause there wasn't mushroom!

Why wouldn't the frog lend his hammer to the mushroom?

Because it's a toad's tool.

My first wife died...

after eating a poisoned mushroom!

My second wife died of a poisoned mushroom!

My third wife died of a crushed skull.

She wouldn't eat the mushroom!

My wife went mushroom hunting all day and found nothing.

I'm offering morel support.

Why was the mushroom the life of the party?

Because he was giving out free cocaine

A mushroom walks into a bar and sidles up to a stool.

Bartender: You'll need to leave. We don't serve your kind here.

Mushroom: Why not? I'm a . . . fun-gi.

So two mushrooms walk into an elevator.

One turns to the other and says, "There's not mushroom in here is there?"

What do you call a mushroom with a 10-inch stem?

A fungi to be with.

A mushroom walks into a bar and sits down...

The bartender turns to him and says, Get outta here. We don't serve your kind. Mushroom says, Why not? I'm a fungi.

A Mushroom walks into a bar

The bartender tells him that they do not allow mushrooms inside. The mushroom responds, "Why not. I am a fun guy."ο»Ώ

A giant mushroom attempts to enter a bar...

and is stopped by the bouncer. The bouncer says we'll have none of your sort in here tonight. The mushroom says, "Why not? I'm a fungi!"

Mushrooms

A man was talking to his friend on the phone after many years:

"Hey buddy, how is your life, heards you got married again, is this the fourth time now?"
"Yes"
"So what happened to your ex-wives, do you still see them?"
"No, they're all dead."
"My condolences, how did the first one die?"
"She was poisened, eating mushrooms"
"Terrible. What about the second one?"
"She was also poisoned, mushrooms"
"Wow, don't tell me your third wife also died because of mushrooms?.."
"No, her neck was broken"
"I see, car accident then."
"No. She refused to eat the mushrooms."

Why did everyone invite mushroom to the party?

Because he's a fungi.

What do you call a mushroom that insults you behind your back?

Shit-talky.

What is a mushroom in a tent?

A Campingon.

Who do you hang out with, a strawberry, a celery stick or a mushroom?

The mushroom because he's a fungi.

Did you hear about the mushroom hunter who was terrible at finding edible mushrooms, so would resort to stealing them from the baskets of other hunters?

He had no morel compass.

What do you call a gossiping mushroom?

a shitalking mushroom.

What happens if your car breaks down in the Mushroom Kingdom?

It gets Toad

What did the girl mushroom say to the boy mushroom?

Hey you look like a fun guy,

Why are mushroom hunters so selfish?

Because it's mycology, not yourcology!

Why did the Fungi leave the party?

Because there wasn't mushroom

Why is the fungus such a hypocrite?

because it doesn't have mushroom to talk.

Dad joke: A woman goes to the doctor with...

A carrot in her ear, a mushroom in her nostril and a piece of steak on the other ear.

"I see" says the doctor. "You're not eating right"!

A caretaker at a cemetery sees a woman crying over a grave...

"I'm sorry for your loss ma'am, was that your husband?"
"Yes. He died eating a poison mushroom"

The next day the caretaker sees the same woman crying over a different grave.
"Ma'am I'm so sorry. Who was he?"
"This was my second husband. He also died eating a poison mushroom"

The following day he sees the woman, again, crying over another grave.
"Don't tell me, was this your third husband?"
"Yes"
"Poison mushroom?"
"No, he died of a fractured skull. He wouldn't eat the mushroom"

Why does everyone like hanging out with Mr. Mushroom?

Because he is a fungi

(2 for 1) A mushroom walks into a bar...

The bartender says Hey we don't serve your kind here,

Mushroom says why not? Im a fun guy

β€”-

A string walks into a bar

The bartender says Hey we don't serve your kind here,

The string goes out feeling dejected and sits on the curb. He absently ties a knot in his lower half before going back into the bar.

The bartender says Hey! Aren't you the guy that was just in here?

The string say I'm afraid not

I was going to grow a fungus farm in my backyard

but there wasn't mushroom.

A mushroom walks into a bar

the bartender says hey, I won't serve you, get out of here.
The mushroom says, why not?! I'm a fungi!

What kind of room has no walls?

A mushroom!

What did one mushroom say to the other mushroom after being teased for losing a game of tennis?

That's poor spore-tsmanship.

Had some mushrooms this morning.

Breakfast of Champignons.

What mushrooms are easiest to move around?

***Portabell***os

What kind of room doesn't have any doors/windows inside?

A mushroom.

Why did the Japanese guy get mad and kick the mushroom?

He was sick of all its shiitake.

Hear about the mushroom who had to make a tough choice?

It was a big morrel dilemma.

Why were there no vegetables in the bolognese?

There wasn't mushroom

A mushroom walks into a bar...

Sorry, this bar is for people only, says the bartender.



Oh, come on, says the mushroom. I'm a fun guy!

What a fruit.

Broccoli: Hey, I look like a tree.

Mushroom: Wow, I look like an umbrella.

Walnut: I look exactly like a brain.

Banana: Can we change the topic please?

Why is the mushroom so fun at parties?

He's a fungi.

A Broccoli, Mushroom, Walnut and a Banana are having a discussion

Broccoli: I look like a tree!

Mushroom: I look like an umbrella!

Walnut: I look like a brain!

Banana: You guys wanna talk about something else?

I think I'm a mushroom

Everyone keeps me in the dark and feeds me bullshit.

So I ordered a pizza

I ordered a funghi pizza yesterday but I was pretty disappointed.. They obviously have mushroom for improvement

Why did the mushroom get invited to all the parties?

Because he's a fungi

What do you call a trash talking mushroom?

Shittalki

How do you tell the gender of a mushroom?

It's either a fungi, or fungal.

My father says he works with a guy who has a mushroom growing out of his head

I've never met him but he sounds like a fungi

Did you hear about the sketchy mushroom vendor?

He has no Morels

There's this couple outside looking at clouds.

The guy points at a cloud and says, That one looks like a horse.

The girl laughs and points another cloud and says, That one looks like a dog.

They both laugh and the guy points at another cloud and says, That one looks like a mushroom.

What do you call a mushroom that goes into a bar and buys drinks for everyone all night long?

Fungi to be around!

What did the lesbian mushroom say to the other lesbian mushroom during oral sex?

Umami.

What do you call a female mushroom who happens to be a killjoy?

antifungal

What did the mushroom do when it broke its stem?

Sought aid (sauteed)

One mushroom turned to the other mushroom and says...

What do you know about my father?
The other mushroom replies, not much, but I heard he's a fun guy.

a mushroom walks into a bar...

and the bartender said

"hey you're not allowed to be here!"

the mushroom said, but why?

im a fun-gi

Why shouldn't you live in a house with Fungi?

Because there's not Mush-room!

An old one but a good one..

Two guys walk into a bar, and one of them orders a mushroom soup. The other guy asks him how the mushroom soup tastes, to which he responds "It's good, but there is mushroom for improvement"

What did one mushroom say to the other?

"Dave, for the millionth time! You are not a freaking mushroom! No more drugs for you!"

Why was the mushroom happy?

Because he was a fungi.

What did the mushroom say to the chef?

Don't eat me! I'm a fun guy!

A man is walking through the forest when he discovers a gnome

If you step on a purple mushroom, you'll be forced to marry the ugliest person in the world, warned the old gnome, so the man continued carefully through the woods.
He didn't step on any purple mushrooms.
Suddenly a beautiful woman walked up and said: We have to get married.
Why? asked the man, smiling.
I just stepped on one of those pesky purple mushrooms!

What species of mushroom is known for being an instigator?

The shiitalkie mushroom.

What do you call a room with no walls, no windows and no door...

...A Mushroom

I love Toad from Super Mario

you know, the little guy with the mushroom head. He always made me laugh.

He's a real fungi.

What are the funniest mushroom jokes of all time?

Did you ever wanted to stand out with a good sense of humour joking about Mushroom? Well, here are the best Mushroom puns to laugh out loud. Crazy and funny Mushroom pick up lines to share with friends.

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