Museum Jokes
135 museum jokes and hilarious museum puns to laugh out loud. Read places jokes about museum that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Looking for a laugh? Check out our collection of funny museum jokes. From jokes about art to jokes about history, we've got something for everyone.
Quick Jump To
- Short Museum Jokes
- Museum One Liners
- Art Museum Jokes
- British Museum Jokes
- History Museum Jokes
- Museum Curator Jokes
- More Museum Jokes
Funniest Museum Short Jokes
Short museum jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The museum humour may include short art gallery jokes also.
- Vandals have attacked the National Origami Museum in Tokyo... We'll keep you updated as the story unfolds...
- I saw my ex girlfriend at the other end of the museum hall, but I was too self conscious to say hello. There was too much history between us.
- Why are there pyramids in Egypt? They were too heavy to steal and put in a british museum.
- The only reason there are pyramids in Egypt is because they are too heavy to be carried to the British Museum
- Why are the Great Pyramids in Egypt? Because they're too heavy and big to take to the British Museum
- TIL America has more museums than Starbucks and McDonald's combined. starbucks and McDonald's have a combined total of 0 museums.
- Why the great pyramid are in Egypt? Because they were to heavy too carry of to the British museum.
- My ex-girlfriend is standing at the opposite end of the museum from me! I want to go say hi but there's just so much history between us.
- I spotted my ex girlfriend on the other side of the museum hall, but I was too self-conscious to go say hello. There was just too much history between us.
- Took my kids to the dinosaur museum today. Spent the whole day looking up at the giant sculptures , I discovered a new species.
Myneckisaur.
This is my first dad joke post :)
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Museum One Liners
Which museum one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with museum? I can suggest the ones about art exhibition and theater.
- Why did the console gamer get a headache at the art museum? Too many frames.
- Why are there pyramids in Egypt? They are too heavy to carry to the British Museum.
- Why are the pyramids in Egypt? Because they wouldn't fit in the British Museum.
- What is the most common line you will read in a British museum? "Made in Egypt."
- I met a beautiful woman in the museum in Paris I think I'm in Louvre.
- What's something that feels British but isn't? The contents of the British Museum
- Why did the console player faint at the museum? Because there were so many frames!
- I went to the Air and Space Museum It wasn't as empty as I thought it'd be.
- I went to the Museum of Miniature Wind Turbines last night. Not a big fan.
- What do you get when you empty the Smithsonian? The Air and Space museum.
- How do you know you're getting old? When you exit a museum, you trigger the alarm.
- What do you call souvenirs from the wax museum? Paraffinalia!
- What song is played in museums? U Can't Touch This
- The Scrabble museum was robbed last night. the curators are at a loss for words.
- I visited the air and space museum today... There was nothing to see there.
Art Museum Jokes
Here is a list of funny art museum jokes and even better art museum puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- An art museum robber is caught when he tries to get away.... A reporter asks him what went wrong with the robbery. He answers " I didn't have the Monet to buy Degas to make the Van Gogh.
- Why did the art thief's van run out of gas as he drove away from the museum? Because he had no Monet to buy Degas to make the Van Gogh.
- Two art theives were going about their business at an art museum. One said to the other, "Grab the Monet and let's Gogh."
- Did you hear about the magician who made an entire art gallery disappear? Now museum, now you don't
- I had a dream I was in a part of the US that was filled with nothing but museums. It was State of the Art.
- The art museum didn't like the box of Tampax I submitted... especially after I told them it was a period piece.
- When the curator of The British Museum was asked how they felt about exotic & foreign art exhibitions, he replied... We could take them or leave them
- My friend hates his job at the art museum. He only does it for the Monet.
- What did the art museum do when their LEGO exhibit was inadvertently destroyed? They were distraught, but eventually they picked up the pieces and moved on.
- I recently took a trip to learn more about Greek culture and to gain a greater appreciation of their amazing works of art and architecture. The British museum is a really cool place.
British Museum Jokes
Here is a list of funny british museum jokes and even better british museum puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- There's a place in UK where you can search for lost and found Its called The British Museum
- The only reason why the Pyramids exist in Egypt... ....is because they were too heavy for British folks to steal and put in the British museum
- why are pyramids located in egypt? they were too heavy for british people to steal and put in british museums
- What's the least British thing in a British Museum? The Exhibits
- What did the British Museum guard say to the Indian thief? No takebacks!
- Dinosaur Age There is a dinosaur in the British museum that is 3 million and 24 years old.
I know this because when I visited it 24 years ago, it was 3 million years old.
History Museum Jokes
Here is a list of funny history museum jokes and even better history museum puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- I went to a military history exhibit at a museum in Little Italy. I saw a cool old German submarine. I walked up to a guy and said, "Hey, is that a U-boat?"
He said, "No, it's-a the museum's!" - Yo momma's so old, they had to take her t**... to the natural history museum to find out what period it came from.
Museum Curator Jokes
Here is a list of funny museum curator jokes and even better museum curator puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Why did the robot become a museum curator? Because he was an Art-Offical Intelligence
- What did the manager of the frankenstein museum say? I'VE CURATED A MONSTER!
- The museum curator was able to identify the s**... violin... ...it was a Straddlevarious :(
Silly & Ridiculous Museum Jokes to Spread Joy & Laughter
What funny jokes about museum you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean zoo exhibit jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make museum pranks.
65,000,011 years ago
Some tourists in the Museum of Natural History are marveling at some dinosaur bones. One of them asks the guard, "Can you tell me how old the dinosaur bones are?"
The guard replies, "They are 65,000,011 years old."
"That's an awfully exact number," says the tourist. "How do you know their age so precisely?"
The guard answers, "Well, the dinosaur bones were sixty five million years old when I started working here, and that was eleven years ago."
I just went to the Air & Space museum.
Man do I feel ripped off. It was just an empty room.
The "Age" of Dinosaurs
A woman takes her children to a museum of natural history. As they gaze with wonder at a skeleton of *Tyrannosaurus rex*, she asks a museum guide, a bright-eyed young fellow, "can you tell me how old it is?"
The museum guide responds, "well, ma'am, that particular skeleton is 65 million and 2 years, 4 months, and 25 days old."
"Amazing!" the mother replies. "How can you know that so well?"
"Well," replied the museum guide eagerly, "when I started working here, I asked a scientist working on it the same question. He told me it was 65 million years old. And that was 2 years, 4 months, and 25 days ago."
I went to the Space and Air Museum in Indiana...
I paid $20 just to see an empty warehouse.
A children's museum SOUNDS like a good idea...
...but I would imagine it's hard to breathe inside those little glass cases.
I tried to buy admission to the World-famous Knife Museum...
...but people kept cutting in line.
I heard this joke from a foreign tour woman of a museum of Communism in Russia...
[Apparently this was a real joke told by anti-communist citizens when Stalin was dictator of the Soviet Union]
Have you tried Stalin bacon before?
*I'm not sure.. I don't think so...*
Well, I know for certain that you haven't - the pig's not dead yet.
Air & space museum.
Shouldn't the air & space museum be empty?
The dinosaur at the museum
A guy is visiting a museum and he sees a dinosaur's skeleton.
Curious about it, he asks the guard next to it:
- Excuse me, sir. How old is this dinosaur?
- It is 65 million years, 4 months and 13 days old.
Amazed by his answer, he says:
- Wow!, How can you be so precise about it?
- Well, when I first started working here, they told me it was 65 million years old... and that was 4 months and 13 days ago.
I went to a space museum, because they where having a prize drawing for a car.
I didn't win the car but they gave me a constellation prize.
What'd they call that place with the collection of escape artist memorabilia?
now museum, now you don't
I went to the National Air and Space Museum in DC...
There was a lot more stuff in there than I'd expected
Kid at the museum
Kid: "How old is that Tyrannosaurus skeleton?"
Guide: "70,000,006 years."
Kid: "Wow. How can you be so exact?"
Guide: "They told me it was 70,000,000 years old when I started working here."
A man and his wife are in an art museum and come across....
A portrait of a beautiful woman covered only in leaves. Wife goes to move on to the next exhibit and husband is still there staring at the portrait she asks what are you waiting for?
Husband says... Fall
A self-absorbed man wants to get his bust sculpted.
He believes that one day he'll be very important, so he asks a sculptor to carve his bust out of marble to put into a museum in the future.
The sculptor says, "Sir, I think you're getting a head of yourself."
A local museum today received a substantial donation of French Impressionist and Eastern European artwork.
They're gettin' Monet for nothing and Czechs for free.
Air and Space Museum
So a 5 year old boy is walking around in the air and space museum, but he doesn't seem to be having a good time. Naturally, his mom asks him what's bothering him, and he responds: "Mom, it's just too boeing."
Why did the cheese go to the museum?
To get cultured
What do you call a black guy in a museum?
Antique farm equipment
Today, I saw a painting unveiled at a museum, but it was merely a red dot on canvas.
It must have been a period piece.
A museum tour guide points to a fossil "This fossil right here is sixty-eight million and three years old."
One of the visitors asks: "How can you be so precise?"
"I first started working here three years ago, and on my first day the head of the museum told me it was sixty-eight million years old."
I almost accepted a job as a museum historian
but then I realized there's no future in it.
I just got fired from my job in Museum
They said they're not happy with my work here, which is ridiculous, i only worked here for 2 days and already sold 2 picassos.
The great thing about the Alzheimers museum is...
No matter how many times you go, it always seems new.
What's the point of having Hellen Keller's house turned into a museum?
If she never saw it why should I?
City council wanted to demolish the local clown museum.
They couldn't because it's a hysterical landmark.
I went to a space museum today but was a bit disappointed...
It was completely empty! Well, except for the black hole on display, but it s**....
Why did the museum go out of business?
They were out of Monet.
I took my son to the space museum last weekend.
They charged us $5.50 to stand in an empty warehouse.
A guy is visiting a museum of natural history.
He's examining some fossils when he asks a curator how old they are.
"Those fossils are 65 million years and six months old." The curator says. The man asks the curator how he can know the age of the fossils so precisely.
"Because they were 65 million years old when I started here six months ago."
13,700,000,007
A man asks the worker at the astronomy museum how old the universe is. He responds 13.7 billion and 7 years old.
The man is puzzled how the worker knew the age to such precision. The worker answered, When I got this job, the person who hired me told me that the universe is 13.7 billion years old, and I've worked here for seven years.
I went to a museum, but all it had was one sculpture.
It was a bust.
A Russian, a Frenchman, and an Englishman are in an art museum admiring a painting of Adam and Eve in the gardens of Eden.
The Englishman takes a look at the painting and says "They look so calm, they must be British!" The Frenchmen responds "no no! They're n**..., so beautiful, they must be French!" The Russian says "They have no food, no shelter, nothing but an apple to eat, and they are being told this is paradise? ...They're clearly Russian!"
(Whole thing done in thick fake accents)
I'm a tour guide at a museum, and when I told a group that the fossil they were looking at was 65 million years and 3 weeks old, they asked me where the 3 weeks came from.
I said well it was 65 millions years old when I was hired here, and that was 3 weeks ago.
I went to the JFK memorial museum and got to simulate his assassination in VR
It was mind blowing
I was driving down the interstate when I came across a sign for the world's largest pickle...
I turned at the next exit and found that there was a whole town around it. Shops, restaurants, even churches devoted to this pickle. When I finally found the museum holding this legendary pickle, I discovered it was closed. Dismayed, I went back to the interstate.
I just never saw what the big dill was.
I heard this joke at a new museum opening in DC, told by a five year old:
Knock knock
Who's there?
Donut
Donut who?
Donut ask me, it's a secret.
That kid has a bright future of dad jokes ahead of him
Did you guys hear about the new museum opening in Paris for funky music?
It's called the Grouvre.
I visited the National Air and Space Museum.
I believe the title is misleading because it's actually full of stuff.
A man walks into a museum.
While wandering, he trips and breaks a vase.
He panicks and picks the pieces up.
But the curator appears and almost has a heart attack.
"What have you done! that vase was 2000 years old." He shrieks.
"Oh thank God." The man sighs in relief. " I thought it was brand new."
I met my wife while we working at the same museum
I met my wife while we were working at the same museum. Our first date was in the geology section, the second in paleontology, and the rest was history.
While waiting in line at the entrance to a museum, my 16-year old daughter ran up to my wife and me and said, Mom, Dad! We need to get a line form!
Confused, I said A line form? She said, Yes, I think you have to turn it in right over there before you can go in. She pointed to the entrance.
That's when I looked and saw the sign that said Line Forms Here .
True story. Bonus facts: She's now a brilliant NICU nurse so she redeemed herself, and her siblings never miss the chance to send pictures of Line Forms Here signs to the family chat whenever they see one.
Why does milk turn into yogurt when you take it to a museum
Because it turns into cultured milk
A museum tour guide told his visitor group that their T-Rex skeleton was 65,000,023 years old.
When one of the visitors asked how they knew the skeleton's age so precisely, he replied that it was 65 million years old when he started working there 23 years ago.
Took my kids to the dinosaur museum today. Spent the whole day looking up at the giant sculptures , I discovered a new species.
Myneckisaur.
A couple is taking a tour through the Natural History Museum. They ask the tour guide: "How old is this dinosaur skeleton?"
He replies: "It is sixty five million and fourteen years and three months old."
"Wow! It's amazing that you can tell this precise. How do you do that? Is it with carbon dating?"
"I don't know" says the guide. "But when I first came here they told me it was sixty five million years old. And I started here fourteen years and three months ago."
I visited the Air and Space Museum
...but there was nothing there.
Was driving through downtown Pigeon Forge and dropped this one…
So Pigeon Forge, Tennessee (US), is a HUGE tourist trap. We're talking zip lines, roller coasters, Ripley's Believe it or Not museum, Ferris wheels, life sized King Kong, etc.
Anywhoo, I was driving the family through this insanity when my wife pointed out a building to the kids and said look at that one with all the giraffes on top! I wonder what that is! Without missing a beat I said, Welcome, to Giraffic Park! And hummed the theme song while navigating through a left hand turn. I was proud and laughed out loud at my own joke. My 7 year old loved it.
A Russian, a Frenchman, and an Englishman are in an art museum admiring a painting of Adam and Eve in the gardens of Eden.
The Englishman takes a look at the painting and says "They look so calm, they must be British!" The Frenchmen responds "no no! They're n**..., so beautiful, they must be French!" The Russian says "They have no food, no shelter, nothing but an apple to eat, and they are being told this is paradise? They're clearly Russian!"
Jim and Margret really enjoyed their trip to the museum of glue
It was a bonding exprience
So I was out at the museum with my daughter today and got the ultimate dad joke. Employee asks kids "Does anyone know the difference between a Crocodile and an Alligator?"
One will see you later and the other will see you in a while?
Daughter groaned, employee laughed and other dad's nodded approvingly.
What did Tom Cruise say when he went to the art museum?
Show me the Monet!
My fiance had a girls day with her sister at the art museum today, and sent me this.
Fiance: "I would take you to an art museum too. But then i couldn't hold your hand"
Me: "Why couldn't you hold my hand?"
Fiance: "Because i'm not allowed to touch the art"
She got me good.
Gas prices are getting out of hand
There was an attempted heist at the art museum. It seems the gang was Baroque and needed Monet. But they didn't buy enough of Degas to make the Van Gogh so they all got arrested.
Some tourists in the Chicago Museum of Natural History are marveling at the dinosaur bones.
One of them asks the guard, "Can you tell me how old the dinosaur bones are?"
The guard replies, "They are 3 million, four years, and six months old."
"That's an awfully exact number," says the tourist. "How do you know their age so precisely?"
The guard answers, "Well, the dinosaur bones were three million years old when I started working here, and that was four and a half years ago."
