The Best 71 Museum Jokes

Following is our collection of funny Museum jokes. There are some museum architecture jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.

Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these museum recreation puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.

Top 10 of the Funniest Museum Jokes and Puns

65,000,011 years ago

Some tourists in the Museum of Natural History are marveling at some dinosaur bones. One of them asks the guard, "Can you tell me how old the dinosaur bones are?"

The guard replies, "They are 65,000,011 years old."

"That's an awfully exact number," says the tourist. "How do you know their age so precisely?"

The guard answers, "Well, the dinosaur bones were sixty five million years old when I started working here, and that was eleven years ago."

How do you know you're getting old?

When you exit a museum, you trigger the alarm.

I just went to the Air & Space museum.

Man do I feel ripped off. It was just an empty room.

Museum joke, I just went to the Air & Space museum.

The "Age" of Dinosaurs

A woman takes her children to a museum of natural history. As they gaze with wonder at a skeleton of *Tyrannosaurus rex*, she asks a museum guide, a bright-eyed young fellow, "can you tell me how old it is?"

The museum guide responds, "well, ma'am, that particular skeleton is 65 million and 2 years, 4 months, and 25 days old."

"Amazing!" the mother replies. "How can you know that so well?"

"Well," replied the museum guide eagerly, "when I started working here, I asked a scientist working on it the same question. He told me it was 65 million years old. And that was 2 years, 4 months, and 25 days ago."

I went to the Space and Air Museum in Indiana...

I paid $20 just to see an empty warehouse.


A children's museum SOUNDS like a good idea...

...but I would imagine it's hard to breathe inside those little glass cases.

The art museum didn't like the box of Tampax I submitted...

especially after I told them it was a period piece.

Museum joke, The art museum didn't like the box of Tampax I submitted...

I tried to buy admission to the World-famous Knife Museum...

...but people kept cutting in line.

I heard this joke from a foreign tour woman of a museum of Communism in Russia...

[Apparently this was a real joke told by anti-communist citizens when Stalin was dictator of the Soviet Union]

Have you tried Stalin bacon before?

*I'm not sure.. I don't think so...*

Well, I know for certain that you haven't - the pig's not dead yet.

Air & space museum.

Shouldn't the air & space museum be empty?

The dinosaur at the museum

A guy is visiting a museum and he sees a dinosaur's skeleton.

Curious about it, he asks the guard next to it:

- Excuse me, sir. How old is this dinosaur?

- It is 65 million years, 4 months and 13 days old.

Amazed by his answer, he says:

- Wow!, How can you be so precise about it?

- Well, when I first started working here, they told me it was 65 million years old... and that was 4 months and 13 days ago.

You can explore museum curator reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean museum art dad jokes. There are also museum puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.


An art museum robber is caught when he tries to get away....

A reporter asks him what went wrong with the robbery. He answers " I didn't have the Monet to buy Degas to make the Van Gogh.

Why did the console gamer get a headache at the art museum?

Too many frames.

What'd they call that place with the collection of escape artist memorabilia?

now museum, now you don't

I went to the National Air and Space Museum in DC...

There was a lot more stuff in there than I'd expected

Kid at the museum

Kid: "How old is that Tyrannosaurus skeleton?"
Guide: "70,000,006 years."
Kid: "Wow. How can you be so exact?"
Guide: "They told me it was 70,000,000 years old when I started working here."

Museum joke, Kid at the museum

A man and his wife are in an art museum and come across....

A portrait of a beautiful woman covered only in leaves. Wife goes to move on to the next exhibit and husband is still there staring at the portrait she asks what are you waiting for?

Husband says... Fall

My body is like a Greek statue.

Even if the staff at the museum don't think so.

A self-absorbed man wants to get his bust sculpted.

He believes that one day he'll be very important, so he asks a sculptor to carve his bust out of marble to put into a museum in the future.

The sculptor says, "Sir, I think you're getting a head of yourself."


A local museum today received a substantial donation of French Impressionist and Eastern European artwork.

They're gettin' Monet for nothing and Czechs for free.

Air and Space Museum

So a 5 year old boy is walking around in the air and space museum, but he doesn't seem to be having a good time. Naturally, his mom asks him what's bothering him, and he responds: "Mom, it's just too boeing."

I went to the Air and Space Museum

It wasn't as empty as I thought it'd be.

Why did the cheese go to the museum?

To get cultured

What do you call a black guy in a museum?

Antique farm equipment

Two art theives were going about their business at an art museum.

One said to the other, "Grab the Monet and let's Gogh."

Today, I saw a painting unveiled at a museum, but it was merely a red dot on canvas.

It must have been a period piece.

My ex-girlfriend is standing at the opposite end of the museum from me!

I want to go say hi but there's just so much history between us.

A museum tour guide points to a fossil "This fossil right here is sixty-eight million and three years old."

One of the visitors asks: "How can you be so precise?"

"I first started working here three years ago, and on my first day the head of the museum told me it was sixty-eight million years old."

I almost accepted a job as a museum historian

but then I realized there's no future in it.

I just got fired from my job in Museum

They said they're not happy with my work here, which is ridiculous, i only worked here for 2 days and already sold 2 picassos.

Why did the console player faint at the museum?

Because there were so many frames!

Two criminals are trying to get away from an art museum in their getaway van after stealing pieces from 3 artists.

One gets in and turns the key. The van won't start.
The other one turns and asks, "Why aren't we moving?"
"I have no Monet to buy the Gascan to make the Van Gogh."

The great thing about the Alzheimers museum is...

No matter how many times you go, it always seems new.

What's the point of having Hellen Keller's house turned into a museum?

If she never saw it why should I?

City council wanted to demolish the local clown museum.

They couldn't because it's a hysterical landmark.

I went to a space museum today but was a bit disappointed...

It was completely empty! Well, except for the black hole on display, but it sucked.

I was going to write something about Madame Tussauds Museum.

But I don't want to wax poetic.

Why did the museum go out of business?

They were out of Monet.

My friend hates his job at the art museum.

He only does it for the Monet.

I took my son to the space museum last weekend.

They charged us $5.50 to stand in an empty warehouse.

A guy is visiting a museum of natural history.

He's examining some fossils when he asks a curator how old they are.

"Those fossils are 65 million years and six months old." The curator says. The man asks the curator how he can know the age of the fossils so precisely.

"Because they were 65 million years old when I started here six months ago."

Vandals have attacked the National Origami Museum in Tokyo...

We'll keep you updated as the story unfolds...

The Scrabble museum was robbed last night.

the curators are at a loss for words.

13,700,000,007

A man asks the worker at the astronomy museum how old the universe is. He responds 13.7 billion and 7 years old.

The man is puzzled how the worker knew the age to such precision. The worker answered, When I got this job, the person who hired me told me that the universe is 13.7 billion years old, and I've worked here for seven years.

What do you get when you empty the Smithsonian?

The Air and Space museum.

I went to a museum, but all it had was one sculpture.

It was a bust.

I spotted my ex girlfriend on the other side of the museum hall, but I was too self-conscious to go say hello.

There was just too much history between us.

A Russian, a Frenchman, and an Englishman are in an art museum admiring a painting of Adam and Eve in the gardens of Eden.

The Englishman takes a look at the painting and says "They look so calm, they must be British!" The Frenchmen responds "no no! They're naked, so beautiful, they must be French!" The Russian says "They have no food, no shelter, nothing but an apple to eat, and they are being told this is paradise? ...They're clearly Russian!"

(Whole thing done in thick fake accents)

I'm a tour guide at a museum, and when I told a group that the fossil they were looking at was 65 million years and 3 weeks old, they asked me where the 3 weeks came from.

I said well it was 65 millions years old when I was hired here, and that was 3 weeks ago.

I went to the JFK memorial museum and got to simulate his assassination in VR

It was mind blowing

Took my kids to the dinosaur museum today.

Spent the whole day looking up at the giant sculptures , I discovered a new species.

Myneckisaur.

This is my first dad joke post :)

I was driving down the interstate when I came across a sign for the world's largest pickle...

I turned at the next exit and found that there was a whole town around it. Shops, restaurants, even churches devoted to this pickle. When I finally found the museum holding this legendary pickle, I discovered it was closed. Dismayed, I went back to the interstate.

I just never saw what the big dill was.

I heard this joke at a new museum opening in DC, told by a five year old:

Knock knock

Who's there?

Donut

Donut who?

Donut ask me, it's a secret.

That kid has a bright future of dad jokes ahead of him

Why did the art thief's van run out of gas as he drove away from the museum?

Because he had no Monet to buy Degas to make the Van Gogh.

Did you guys hear about the new museum opening in Paris for funky music?

It's called the Grouvre.

What's something that feels British but isn't?

The contents of the British Museum

What's the least British thing in a British Museum?

The Exhibits

I visited the National Air and Space Museum.

I believe the title is misleading because it's actually full of stuff.

A man walks into a museum.

While wandering, he trips and breaks a vase.
He panicks and picks the pieces up.
But the curator appears and almost has a heart attack.
"What have you done! that vase was 2000 years old." He shrieks.
"Oh thank God." The man sighs in relief. " I thought it was brand new."

When the curator of The British Museum was asked how they felt about exotic & foreign art exhibitions, he replied...

We could take them or leave them

I met my wife while we working at the same museum

I met my wife while we were working at the same museum. Our first date was in the geology section, the second in paleontology, and the rest was history.

Why are there pyramids in Egypt?

They were too heavy to steal and put in a British museum.

The only reason there are pyramids in Egypt

is because they are too heavy to be carried to the British Museum

Why are there pyramids in Egypt?

They are too heavy to carry to the British Museum.

The only reason why the Pyramids exist in Egypt...

....is because they were too heavy for British folks to steal and put in the British museum

What is the most common line you will read in a British museum?

"Made in Egypt."

While waiting in line at the entrance to a museum, my 16-year old daughter ran up to my wife and me and said, Mom, Dad! We need to get a line form!

Confused, I said A line form? She said, Yes, I think you have to turn it in right over there before you can go in. She pointed to the entrance.

That's when I looked and saw the sign that said Line Forms Here .

True story. Bonus facts: She's now a brilliant NICU nurse so she redeemed herself, and her siblings never miss the chance to send pictures of Line Forms Here signs to the family chat whenever they see one.

Why does milk turn into yogurt when you take it to a museum

Because it turns into cultured milk

A museum tour guide told his visitor group that their T-Rex skeleton was 65,000,023 years old.

When one of the visitors asked how they knew the skeleton's age so precisely, he replied that it was 65 million years old when he started working there 23 years ago.

Took my kids to the dinosaur museum today. Spent the whole day looking up at the giant sculptures , I discovered a new species.

Myneckisaur.

Why the great pyramids are in Egypt?

Because they were to heavy too carry of to the British museum.

Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the museum statue jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.

We suggest to use only working museum exhibit piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.

Joko Jokes