Muscular Jokes
47 muscular jokes and hilarious muscular puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about muscular that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Are you looking for something to make your muscles quiver with laughter? Look no further! This article is a collection of some of the funniest jokes about the muscular system! We've gathered the best of the best and broken down the most common muscular disorders, scrawny cheddar, and involuntary movements. Get ready to chuckle and crack up at these hilarious jokes!
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Funniest Muscular Short Jokes
Short muscular jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The muscular humour may include short muscle jokes also.
- What do you call a muscular cow? Beefy
(My 8yo claims she made this one up. I'm so proud) - 1,000 Men Were Recently Surveyed About Women 10% of the men surveyed liked women with thin legs.
15% of the men surveyed preferred women with muscular legs.
The rest liked something in-between. - Did you hear there's a new muscular disease that prevents you from making dad jokes? It's called no pun in tendon!
- My body looks as if it were chiseled from marble I'm not muscular whatsoever I'm just really white.
- I bought some Shredded wheat, but I think it's a bit of a con. It's no more muscular than regular wheat.
- Jesus must have had a chiseled, muscular body... I mean, he did cross fit, for God's sake. And the Bible tells us he was cut, ripped, and shredded.
- My buddy didn't let me on his boat because I'm too muscular. I thought it was a strong friendship.
- What do yo call a tall, muscular Irishman with a temper that you shouldn't mess with? Liam Malone
- Warning - Sexist joke: Women like strong muscular men because on a primal level those men make them feel protected....... From having to pay for anything on their own.
- It is a fact that Chuck Norris cannot cry, this is because his tearducts are too muscular.
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Muscular One Liners
Which muscular one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with muscular? I can suggest the ones about mechanical and big muscles.
- What would you call a Muscular Arab? A Protein Sheikh
- I go to a muscular dystrophy support group. We meet weakly.
- I'm a comedian with muscular dystrophy I'll be here all weak
- Whatever doesn't kill you makes you stronger. Except, of course, Muscular Dystrophy.
- Have y'all heard that new hot rapper with Muscular Dystrophy? "TWO CAAAAAAAAAAAAANES!"
- What does a muscular pothead have for breakfast? Shredded Wheat
- I'm not a very muscular man the strongest thing about me is my password
- what did the tricep say to the muscular receptionist bye, 'cep!
- what do you call a muscular snowman? Jacked Frost
- If you own a deli, and you're not fat or muscular, it's not a good deli.
- What do you call a muscular cow? Beefy.
- All of Jesus' disciples were big and muscular Because Jesus was their whey
- What's tall, handsome and muscular? Not you!
- What do you call a muscular black man? Arnold Schwarzenigger
- I am muscular because I'm always on time. No matter when you need me, I'll be on my whey.
Cheerful Muscular Jokes for Unforgettable Laughter with Friends!
What funny jokes about muscular you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean athletic jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make muscular pranks.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A scrawny teenage boy asks his muscular friend how he gets so many girls to sleep with him.
The muscular friend says, "Here's what you do: next time there's a party, get a large potato and stick it down your pants and act normal. You'll see - that'll turn you into a chick magnet."
A minute later, all the girls at the party run away from the scrawny kid, screaming and laughing and pointing.
The muscular friend sees this and comes over to his scrawny friend. "Dude," he says. "You have to put the potato in the front."
Three women and ducks
Three women die in a car accident and go to heaven when they are at the gate god tells them that there is only one rule and that is that you may not step on a duck. They women enter and do their best to enjoy heaven while being cautious about where they step for there are ducks everywhere. After about a week one of the three women steps on a duck and suddenly this old, smelly, repulsive and hairy man is chained to her for life. This only makes the other women more careful and another month passes by when a second of the three women steps on a duck. Then chained to her is a man more repulsive then the first. The third woman becomes ever so cautious and make it a whole year without treading upon a duck. Chained to her is a handsom, muscular and wonderful gentleman. She says to him "What happened to you?" he replies " I stepped on a duck..."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
So there's a little guy sitting at a bar....(heard this years ago, hope it isn't a repost)
...when a much larger, muscular guy walks in who seems to have a chip on his shoulder. The big guy sits down next to the little guy and orders a beer, after a bit the big guy jumps up and completely out of nowhere punches the little guy, knocking him to the floor. "That's boxing, from Las Vegas."
The little guy picks himself up off the floor, dusts himself off, gets back on his stool and just quietly goes back to his drink. The big guy also sits back down, but after a few minutes he gets back up and kicks the little guy who slides all the way to the end of the bar. "That's karate, from Japan."
Again, the little fellow just quietly gets up, goes back to his seat, and resumes drinking. A few more minutes go by and the big fella gets up a third time, grabs the little dude, and throws him right into the door of the bar. "That's kung fu, from China."
This time, however, the little guy gets up and just walks out. After some time he walks back in, right up behind the big guy, and cracks him over the head, laying him unconscious in the floor. The little guy looks at the bartender and says "You tell that s**... when he wakes up that that was crowbar, from Sears and Roebuck."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
(Long) Crashing Plane
The pilot comes on the intercom and announces "ladies and gentlemen we just lost our engines, we are going down, prepare to c**...."
A woman jumps up screaming "I AM NOT READY TO DIE, I"M STILL A v**..., SOMEONE MAKE A WOMAN OUT OF ME!
A good looking guy gets up, walks to her, and takes off his shirt showing his muscular chest and six pack abs,
He throws it at her and says; " Here, iron this".
A man goes to the doctor because it burns when he pees.
When the doctor walks in the man notices how buff he is. This doctor is SWOLE.
The exam begins and after some time the muscular physician cannot stop bringing up the weather.
"Hotter than normal this time of year, don't you think?"
"There's a storm coming in this weekend."
On and on he goes.
After this continues for some time the man asks, "why do you keep talking about the weather? This has nothing to do with it burning when I pee."
"My apologies," said the doctor. "I'm a Meaty Urologist."
John( talking to his counselor ): My wife just hired a young,handsome and muscular man to be our driver..
Counselor: So,you're jealous?
John: No,im just wondering?
Counselor: Wondering about what?
John: We dont have a car.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What do you use if you want a thicc and muscular b**... in space?
Asteroids
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A man named Adam is being sent to prison
On the first day in the shower he is approached by a giant muscular inmate who asks him intimidatingly
"With or without spit?!"
The man (Adam) thinks to himself that it will happen no matter what and that it might hurt less with spit so he frighteningly stammers
"With spit"
To which the giant shouts to another inmate.
"Hey come on over Spit, this dude wants a t**...!"
Two married ladies go for a girly holiday to the Carribbean
They meet a handsome muscular black man on the first day.
They have a wild week of threesomes and parties, and on the last day the ladies say we never asked you your name.
He replies "my name is snow"
The ladies immediately burst out laughing.
The man looking rather upset asks why they are laughing.
And the ladies say "I don't think our husbands will believe that we got 10 inches of snow in the Caribbean.
I was feeling very rundown and tired when suddenly a muscular little person grabbed both of my legs and lifted me into the air with ease. I instantly felt refreshed!
I guess I just needed a little pick-me-up.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
The Japanese Prime Minister formally protested after meeting Trump at the White House
Mr Trump treated Shinzo Abe to his trademark greeting, involving a muscular grasping of the hand and the subsequent pulling of the recipient towards him in a dominant way.
Mr Abe said, "What an awful y**.... And I didn't like the handshake either."
A guy in a Canadian city wants to get hammered.
He goes up to the local pub with a strong man blocking his way.
"I want to drink the night away!"
The muscular guard takes off his sunglasses and says,
"What would you do for a Klondike bar?"
A man goes into a Chinese restaurant and sees people dressed like vikings
"Excuse me, ladies and gentleman. I am a well traveled man and the atmosphere of my excursions must be perfect. I must kindly ask you to leave."
A big, muscular man dressed in Viking armor walked up to the man and said
"Norway"
