murderer Jokes

funny pick up lines and hilarious murderer puns

A murderer is to be executed by electric chair and the priests asks if he has any last request.

The man asks for the priest to hold his hand. Needless to say, the priest was shocked.

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My top 3 assumptions when doorbell rings:

1. Murderer 2. Police telling me everyone is dead 3. That book I ordered about positive thinking

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I've dedicated my life to find my wife's murderer.

If you can recommend someone, let me know.

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How do you know the Japanese mass murderer was a chef?

He spent his day cutting up vegetables

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"Get in," I said to the prostitute.

"Hey," she smiled.

I said, "I bet your mum wouldn't be too happy with you doing this."

"Selling my body for money?" she asked.

I said, "No, sitting in a car with a murderer."

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A priest asks the murderer at the electric chair....

-"Do you have any last requests?  

-"Yes,can you please hold my hand?"

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A murderer, sitting in the electric chair, was about to be executed.

Have you any last requests? asked the chaplain. Yes, replied the murderer. Will you hold my hand?

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If I killed all of your friends.

I still wouldn't be a murderer

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A Priest, rapist and murderer walk into a bar.

And he orders a drink

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A priests asks the convicted murderer at the electric chair, "Do you have any last requests?

A priests asks the convicted murderer at the electric chair, "Do you have any last requests?  


"Yes," replies the murderer. "Can you please hold my hand?"

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A Sadist, a Rapist, a Murderer, a Necrophiliac, a Pyromaniac, and a Masochist find a cat...

"Lets torture it!" says the Sadist

"YEAH, lets Torture and then we RAPE it!" says the Rapist

"YES!! Lets Torture and rape it then KILL it!" says the Murderer

"OH YEAAHH! lets torture, rape, kill and then RAPE IT AGAIN!!!" says the Necrophiliac

"YES! lets torture, then rape it, then kill it, then rape it again, and then BURN!! IT!!" says the Pyromaniac.

And the Masochist goes

"Meow..."

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A police officer, a Klansman and a murderer walk into a bar...

And then he sits down and orders a drink.

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A liar, a murderer, and a cheater walk into a bar.

The New England Patriots must be in town.

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Sitting on a bench in a mental institution

A sadist, a masochist, a murderer, a necrophile, a zoophile and a pyromaniac are all sitting on a bench in a mental institution.

"Let's have sex with a cat?" asked the zoophile.

"Let's have sex with the cat and then torture it," says the sadist.

"Let's have sex with the cat, torture it and then kill it," shouted the murderer.

"Let's have sex with the cat, torture it, kill it and then have sex with it again," said the necrophile.

"Let's have sex with the cat, torture it, kill it, have sex with it again and then burn it," said the pyromaniac.

There was silence... then the masochist said: "Meow."

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A Sadist, a masochist, a murderer, a necrophile, a zoophile and a pyromaniax are all sitting on a bench in a mental institution.

A sadist, a masochist, a murderer, a necrophile,

a zoophile and a pyromaniac are all sitting on

a bench in a mental institution.

"Let's have sex with a cat?" asked the zoophile.

"Let's have sex with the cat and then torture

it," says the sadist.

"Let's have sex with the cat, torture it and

then kill it," shouted the murderer.

"Let's have sex with the cat, torture it, kill it

and then have sex with it again," said the necrophile.

"Let's have sex with the cat, torture it, kill it,

have sex with it again and then burn it," said

the pyromaniac.

There was silence, and then the masochist

said: "Meow."

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Why did the physicist at the Hadron Collider get thrown in jail?

Because he was a mass murderer

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A zoophile, sadist, masochist, murderer, necrophiliac, and pyromaniac are sitting in an asylum

A zoophile, sadist, masochist, murderer, necrophiliac, and pyromaniac are sitting in an asylum, bored out of their minds.

The zoophile says, "Let's have sex with a cat."
The sadist says, "Let's have sex with a cat, then torture it."
The murderer says, "Let's have sex with a cat, then torture it, then kill it."
The necrophiliac says, "Let's have sex with a cat, then torture it, then kill it, then have sex with it again."
The pyromaniac says, "Let's have sex with a cat, then torture it, then kill it, then have sex with it again, then set it on fire."
The masochist says, "Meow?"

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In a mental asylum for the criminally insane there is a masochist, a zoophile, a sadist, a murderer, a necrophiliac and a pyromaniac...

The zoophile says "Lets get a cat and fuck it!"

The sadist sadist says "Yeah, lets get a cat fuck it and torture it!"

The murderer says "Lets get a cat fuck it and torture it and kill it!"

The necrophiliac says "Lets get a cat fuck it and torture it and kill it and then fuck it again!"

The pyromaniac says "Lets get a cat fuck it and torture it and kill it and fuck it again then set it on fire!"

Through all this the masochist has been totally silent so they all turn to him to see what hes going to say. He looks at everyone and says..."Meow!".

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Just bros being bros...

A sadist, a masochist, a murderer, a necrophile, a zoophile and a pyromaniac are sitting in a park, when suddenly they see a cat passing by.

Zoophile: "Let's fuck the cat."

Sadist: "Let's fuck the cat and then torture it!"

Murderer: "Let's fuck the cat, torture it and then kill it!"

Necrophile: "Let's fuck the cat, torture it, kill it and then fuck it again!"

Pyromaniac: "Let's fuck the cat, torture it, kill it, fuck it again and then burn it!"

There's a silence. They turn to the masochist who looks at them with puppy eyes and softly says: "Meeeow..."

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A sadist, a murderer, a necrophile

In a mental institution...

A zoophile, a sadist, a murderer, a necrophile, a pyromaniac and a masochist are all sitting on a bench in a mental institution, bored out of their minds.

"How about having sex with a cat?" asks the zoophile.

"Let's have sex with the cat and then torture it," says the sadist.

"Let's have sex with the cat, torture it, and then kill it," shouts the murderer.

"Let's have sex with the cat, torture it, kill it and then fuck it again," says the necrophile.

"Let's have sex with the cat, torture it, kill it, fuck it again and then burn it," says the pyromaniac.

Silence took over, and then the masochist says:

"Meow."

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A sadist, a masochist, a murderer, a necrophile, a zoophile and a pyromaniac are all sitting on a bench in a mental institution.

"Let's have sex with a cat" suggested the zoophile.

"Let's have sex with the cat and then torture it," says the sadist.

"Let's have sex with the cat, torture it and then kill it," shouted the murderer.

"Let's have sex with the cat, torture it, kill it and then have sex with it again," said the necrophile.

"Let's have sex with the cat, torture it, kill it, have sex with it again and then burn it," said the pyromaniac.

There was silence, and then the masochist said: "Meow."

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A sadist, a masochist, a murderer, a necrophile, a zoophile and a pyromaniac start getting bored...

"How about having sex with a cat?" asked the zoophile.

"Let's have sex with the cat and then torture it," says the sadist.

"Let's have sex with the cat, torture it and then kill it," shouted the murderer.

"Let's have sex with the cat, torture it, kill it and then have sex with it again," said the necrophile.

"Let's have sex with the cat, torture it, kill it, have sex with it again and then burn it," said the pyromaniac.

Silence took over... and the masochist says:

"Meow."

[Brazenly re-said for the purpose of your enjoyment]

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A sadist, masochist, murderer, necrophile, zoophile, and pyromanic are sitting together.. (nsfw)

A sadist, a masochist, a murderer, a zoophile, and a pyromanic are all sitting on a bench in a mental institution.
"Let's have sex with a cat?" Asked the zoophile.
"Let's have sex with a cat and then torture it" says the sadist.
"Let's have sex with a cat, torture it and then kill it" shouted the murderer.
"Let's have sex with a cat, torture it, kill it and then have sex with it again" said the necrophile.
"Let's have sex with a cat, torture it, kill it, have sex with it again and then burn it" said the pyromanic.
There was silence and then the masochist said: "Meow"

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Another masochist joke. Self post. hope you guys like it!

Self post! Just wanted to share it because i like it.

A sadist, a masochist, a murderer, a necrophile, a zoophile and a pyromaniac are all sitting on a bench in a mental institution, bored out of their minds.


"How about having sex with a cat?" asked the zoophile.

"Let's have sex with the cat and then torture it," says the sadist.

"Let's have sex with the cat, torture it and then kill it," shouted the murderer.

"Let's have sex with the cat, torture it, kill it and then have sex with it again," said the necrophile.

"Let's have sex with the cat, torture it, kill it, have sex with it again and then burn it," said the pyromaniac.

Silence took over... and the masochist says:

"Meow."

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6 patients in a psych ward.

There are 6 patients in a mental facility all sitting around chatting. There was a zoophile, a sadist, a murderer, a necrophiliac, a pyromanic, and a masochist. And for some reason they are talking about cats.

The zoophile says, "I know! Let's get a cat, and fuck it!"

To which the sadist responds, "Yeah! We will fuck it, then torture it!"

The murderer chimes in, "Let's fuck it, torture it, then let's kill it!"

And then the necrophiliac says, "Perfect! Let's fuck it, torture it, kill it and then fuck it again!"

The pyromaniac chimes in with, "So let's fuck it, torture it, kill it, then fuck it again, then we can set it on fire!!"

After a small pause they turn to the masochist and say, "Uh, you got any input here?"

The masochist replies, "MEOW!"

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What kind of murderer has moral fiber?

A cereal killer

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Did you guys hear about the murderer who stole a train in Mexico?

They say he had a loco motive.

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A zoophile, a sadist, a murderer, a necromaniac, a pyromaniac, and a masochist are sitting around...

And for some reason they are talking about cats.

The zoophile says, "let's get a cat and have sex with it".

The sadist agrees, "yes! Let's screw it and the torture it!"

Then the murderer chimes in, "we can fuck it, torture it, and then kill it!"

Next the necrophiliac says, "ok! We can screw it, torture it, murder it, and then fuck it again!"

The pyromaniac jumps in, "we'll fuck it, torture it, kill it, fuck it again and then set it on fire!"

All of them now excited turn to the masochist. He looks at the group and says... "meow"

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A sadist, a rapist, a murderer, a necrophiliac, and a masochist were all sitting together on a park bench...

...The sadist said "hey, I got an idea. Why don't we get a cat and torture it?" The rapist replied "yeah, we can torture it and have sex with it after!" The murder enthusiastically chimed in "and then we kill the thing!" and the necrophiliac added "yeah, and have sex with again after it's dead!" They all nod in agreement, and turn to the masochist, who looks at them all and says "Meow."

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A liar, a murderer, and a thief walk into a bar.

The bartender asks, "what will it be, Mrs. Clinton?"

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Meow !!

4 men in a prison cell, a rapist, murderer, psycho and finally a gay man.

Rapist says, "If there was a cat in here I'd fuck it till it dies!'

The murderer replies, "Once you were done I'd torture it further!"

The psycho pipes in, "Oh yeah?, once your were done I'd fuck it till I die!"

The gay man in the corner listening in, very softly says, "Meow"

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Crazy people in a mental institution

A sadist, a masochist, a murderer, a necrophiliac, a zoophiliac and a pyromaniac are all sitting on a bench in a mental institution.

"Let's have sex with a cat?" asked the zoophiliac.

"Let's have sex with the cat and then torture it?" says the sadist.

"Let's have sex with the cat, torture it and then kill it?" shouted the murderer.

"Let's have sex with the cat, torture it, kill it and then have sex with
it again?" said the necrophiliac.

"Let's have sex with the cat, torture it, kill it, have sex with it again and then burn it?" said the pyromaniac.

There was silence, and then the masochist said: "Meow."

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A zoophiliac, a murderer, a necrophiliac, a pyromaniac and a masochist are sitting together in a prison cell...

The zoophiliac looks around himself and muses:

"Damn, I wish there was a cat around here... ya know, we could... fuck the cat."

His inmates nod in agreement. The murderer then says:

"Or we could fuck it, and then kill it!"

The necrophiliac turns to the others and, grinning, says:

"How about: we fuck the cat, we kill it, and then we fuck it again!"

They all cheer, and the pyromaniac adds:

"Even better: we can fuck the cat, then kill it, fuck it again, and then BURN it!"

Curious, the group turns to the masochist who was still silent. The pyromaniac, who was the last to speak, asks:

"So, what about you? What else do you think we could do to the cat?"

Instead of a reply, the masochist looks them all dead in the eyes and says "meow".

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A zoophile, a sadist, a murderer, a necrophile, a pyromaniac and a masochist are all sitting on a bench in a mental institution, bored out of their minds.

"Let's about having sex with a cat?" says the zoophile.

"Let's have sex with the cat and then torture it," says the sadist.

"Let's have sex with the cat, torture it, and then kill it," shouts the murderer.

"Let's have sex with the cat, torture it, kill it and then fuck it again," says the necrophile.

"Let's have sex with the cat, torture it, kill it, fuck it again and then burn it," says the pyromaniac.

Silence took over, and then the masochist says: "Meow."

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They say there is a murderer in every group

I thought it's jack, so i killed him before he could harm somebody.

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What are the most funny Murderer jokes of all time ?

Did you ever wanted to stand out with a good sense of humour joking with someone about Murderer? Well, here are the best Murderer dad jokes to laugh out loud. Crazy funny puns and Murderer pick up lines to share with friends.

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