Following is our collection of funny Murderer jokes. There are some murderer theif jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.
Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these murderer murder puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.
Police said he was in denial.
A cereal killer
They say he had a loco motive.
"I'm gonna be a doctor when I grow up, and bring babies into the world" said the first one.
"I'm gonna be a preacher, and baptize babies!" said the next.
"I'm gonna be a murderer!" said the last.
"A murderer!" exclaimed the first two. "Why?"
"I'm gonna kill the guy who's poking me in the back every night!"
He was a mass murderer.
society
The New England Patriots must be in town.
He's an ex-murderer.
Because he was a mass murderer
But being an Ironic Sociopathic Murderer is still being a murderer? I'll never get people sometimes.
A mash murderer.
You can explore murderer slayer reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean murderer detective dad jokes. There are also murderer puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.
"Hey," she smiled.
I said, "I bet your mum wouldn't be too happy with you doing this."
"Selling my body for money?" she asked.
I said, "No, sitting in a car with a murderer."
... because when he went to OJ that night to borrow his car keys, OJ said, "..go aXe your mother"
"Can't spell 'slaughter' without 'laughter'"
I thought it's jack, so i killed him before he could harm somebody.
It really tore me into pieces.
1. Murderer 2. Police telling me everyone is dead 3. That book I ordered about positive thinking
He spent his day cutting up vegetables
-"Do you have any last requests? Β
-"Yes,can you please hold my hand?"
A priests asks the convicted murderer at the electric chair, "Do you have any last requests? Β
"Yes," replies the murderer. "Can you please hold my hand?"
and he killed it.
Have you any last requests? asked the chaplain. Yes, replied the murderer. Will you hold my hand?
As soon as the auctioneer started it was a dead giveaway.
You find a Safeway to Target
As is customary, the executioners have a priest brought in.
"Any last requests?" asks the priest.
"Yes," says the murderer, "can you please hold my hand?"
Kilogram.
The bartender asks, "what will it be, Mrs. Clinton?"
He's a mass murderer.
I still wouldn't be a murderer
Because everybody was **dying** to meet him.
Police are calling him the weedkiller.
And one day he was facing a murderer. Little Johnny said "Police donut kill meme!"
"Good grief, Holmes," said Watson. "How on earth did you deduce that?"
"It's a lemon entry, my dear Watson."
Apparently all the evidence was planted
I just wish we could have one dinner without her reminding me of the time I shot her mom in the head
they would make a killing from it
Chopped dates
If you can recommend someone, let me know.
He was a murderer.
The infamous Morgue Murderer was finally apprehended for his crimes of breaking into morgues and brutally slitting the throats of unsuspecting employees.
It turns out that it really never pays to cut coroners.
The murderer responds: 'Can you please hold my hand'?
The police bring him in to a sketch artist, the sketch artist asks him questions about the murderer until he finishes his drawing. The sketch artist then asks the man "does this look like the murderer?" the man replies with "it's an awful good drawing and all, but it looks nothing like the picture I took".
And then he sits down and orders a drink.
He was found the kilty party
...it's a deaf-sentence.
Jack the Rip-off.
You're Killing it!
The man asks for the priest to hold his hand. Needless to say, the priest was shocked.
Seriously Rachel it was 15 years ago and your dad had a knife. Jeez.
Turns out he's just a really bad guitarist.
Nothing. They're both executable.
The bartender asks what'll it be officer?
Mass murderer
A cycle path.
Turns out I am the murderer
Criminal intent
A murderer breaks in to a Republican couple's house while they're asleep.
He turns on the lights and begins tying them each to a chair.
Before he can grab the wife, the husband yells: "Honey, my birthday presents! Use them!"
The woman nods in agreement and rips open her top to reveal a pair of enormous, symmetrical plastic hooters.
The husband yells: "No! I meant the golf clubs from last year!"
Me:what's the catch
Spawn camp
and that's only the first guy
he found out the murderer was a leather container for carrying documents almost immediately
it was a brief case
A second degree murderer.
There was a crowd waiting around the gallows to watch. As the hangman put the noose around his neck, he was asked, Do you have any last words?
The murderer said, Yeah, I have a joke that I came up with while I was waiting.
So, I hadn't showered for a week by the day I killed my wife. I tied her up and told her that I'd cut her apart while she was still alive, and she told me, 'At least cut my nose off first.'
Everyone there burst out laughing. The hangman said, That joke was about something terrible! Why was it so funny?
Well, I believe you can make a joke about any topic funny, said the murderer. After all, good comedy is all about execution.
I suspected it was Dave so I killed him before he could harm anyone.
The policeman dispersed the crowd and began to interrogate the suspect.
The policeman : Tell me what happened.
The suspect : Sir I was driving home within the speed limit when my brakes failed. I had no choice but to either crash the car into a group of 10 people or to swerve into the direction of a single person. Am I a monster for deciding to swerve into the single person?
Policeman : No, that sounds like a difficult yet reasonable decision to make. But tell me how did you end up killing 11 people?
Suspect : Well that asshole ran towards the other 10.
As they walk the sun starts to set.
The girl asks, Are we almost there it's getting dark?
The ax murderer says they're close and it's just a little further up.
They keep walking and get deeper and deeper into the woods.
All of a sudden there is a howl in the distance!
The girl say, Are we almost there I'm getting scared?!
The ax murderer says, >! YOU'RE scared? I have to walk out of here alone! !<
Well, no one plans a murderer out loud.
"Not at all", I replied. "What are the odds of both of us being killers?"
I heard he made a killing on it
Greg was acting very suspicious latetly so I had to kill him before he could do any harm.
Suddenly, a girl walked towards me and shouted at me: "Enjoying your meat, MURDERER??"
"Seriously Vanessa, it was 20 years ago and your dad had a knife..."
It was a life sentence
- 8:45 PM, Assess victim. Cause of death: strangulation, victim's phone and wallet are missing
- 8:45 PM, Gather evidence. No visible fingerprints, rope used to strangle the victim was found in a nearby trashcan
- 8:45 PM, Question witnesses. One witness states the murderer was driving away in a blue Ford Mondeo
- 8:45 PM, Realise watch is broken. Amazon estimates a 2-3 day wait for a new watch
he killed the mood instantly
A mass murderer
Silent but deadly
The chaplain approached him and asked, "Do you have any last requests?"
"Yes," replied the murderer. "Would you hold my hand?"
Chop chop.
He said "aren't you worried I'm might have been a murderer or something?"
I said, "what's the chances of there being two murderers in the same car at the same time??.
A priest asks the convicted murderer at the electric chair, "Do you have any last requests?" "Yes, " replies the murderer. "Can you please hold my hand? "
What do you call a murderer who rides a pedal bike?
A cycle path!
What do you call a murderer who rides a pedal bike?
A cycle path!
Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the murderer killer jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.
We suggest to use only working murderer thief piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.