Mummy Jokes
111 mummy jokes and hilarious mummy puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about mummy that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
A collection of hilarious mummy jokes guaranteed to make children and adults alike chuckle this Halloween. These clever jokes include puns about silly mummies, mischievous daddies, and wise grandmas that are sure to leave you rolling on the floor in laughter.
Funniest Mummy Short Jokes
Short mummy jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The mummy humour may include short egyptian mummies jokes also.
- Archaeologists found a mummy adorned with ancient nut and wrapped in gold foil. They believe it may be the legendary Pharaoh Rocher.
- A little boy asks grandpa to make a noise like a frog. Grandpa asks why? Because mummy said the moment you croak is when we're all going to Disneyland!
- They've unearthed a sarcophagus in Egypt filled with chocolate and nuts The mummy was wrapped in gold foil, so they believe it is the legendary Pharaoh Rocher
- Egyptian babies didn't know that one day their daddy would become a mummy Neither did the kardashians
- What's the Mummy's plan to destroy Superman? He's going to lure him into the crypt tonight.
- I just found out that Archeologist were recently digging in the pyramid of Egypt and found a mummy covered in chocolate and nuts. Experts on site identified the mummy as Pharaoh Roche.
- A 7 year old kid happily asks him mum Kid: Mummy, why am I getting my Christmas present on 18th august?
Mum: Because it's cheaper than chemotherapy, son. - Archeologists in Egypt have discovered a mummy covered in chocolate and hazelnuts. They believe it to be Pharaoh Rocher.
- Egyptian joke A mummy covered in chocolate and nuts has been discovered in Egypt. Archaeologists believe it may be Pharaoh Rocher.
- I keep having bad dreams about an ancient Egyptian mummy attacking me while I'm cooking. I call them my... Rameses kitchen nightmares.
Share These Mummy Jokes With Friends
Mummy One Liners
Which mummy one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with mummy? I can suggest the ones about morgue and tomb.
- Why wasn't the archaeologist interested in girls? Because he only dated mummies.
- What type of music do mummies like? Wrap
- Why was the Egyptian kid confused? Because his daddy was a mummy
- Mummy, Mummy, I hate daddy's guts Then push them to the side of your plate!
- "Mummy, can I lick the bowl?" "No Samantha you can flush like everyone else does"
- How does a mummy attract a mate? Pharaoh moans.
- My mom joined a pyramid scheme now I call her Mummy.
- Why did you go to Egypt for honeymoon? To make the wife a mummy.
- What do you call an Egyptian mummy that thinks its a doctor? A Cairopractor
- What is a mummy's favourite genre of music? Wrap music.
- What do you call a mummy dipped in chocolate? Pharaoh Roche
- What kind of music do mummies listen to? Wrap music
- What do the Egyptians and Kardashians have in common? Their daddies became mummies
- What happens to Egyptian girls who forget to take their pills? They become mummies.
- How do mummies attract mates? Pharaoh-mones!
Egyptian Mummy Jokes
Here is a list of funny egyptian mummy jokes and even better egyptian mummy puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Found an old joke from a 1953 newspaper: What do naughty Egyptian girls become? Mummies, I guess.
- What was the most common reason ancient Egyptians would cry? They missed their mummies.
- What did the ancient egyptians call their milfs? Mummies
- What is one thing that Egyptian kids do not realise? That their Daddies will eventually become Mummies...
- Whats the difference between an ancient Egyptian Prince and a Kardashian? The Egyptian knew from the start that their daddy would become a mummy.
- You should check out that Egyptian antiquities store. They have a mummy-back guarantee!
- Mummy DNA shows that the ancients don't have much in common with modern Egyptians But at least they have Tutankhamun
- What did the baby Egyptian say when he got lost? .
.
.
..
.
.
I want my mummy. - What did the Egyptian boy say to the Egyptian girl? Come behind the pyramid, I'll make you a mummy
- Why are sounds made by Egyptian mummies such a turn-on? They're pharaoh-moans.

Uproarious Mummy Jokes to Share with Friends
What funny jokes about mummy you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean corpse jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make mummy pranks.
My daughter came up to me and said
My daughter came up to me and said "daddy when my cat died why were its legs in the air?" I replied "well that's so Jesus can grab it to take it to heaven." "That means mummy nearly died this morning!" She said, I asked "how?"
"well when I looked in her bedroom she was screaming "Jesus I'm coming!" And if it wasn't for the postman holding her down he would have got her."
My young daughter asked me this morning....
My young daughter asked me this morning, "Daddy, what were you and Mummy doing in the bedroom last night? I could hear a buzzing noise, then Mummy started to scream."
"Nothing, darling," I replied.
It was then I burst out laughing as my wife walked down the stairs with her half-s**... head.
For weeks, Tommy was telling his kindergarten teacher about the baby sister who was going to be coming to his house soon.
One day at home, Tommy's mother let him feel the baby k**.... Tommy didn't say anything, and he stopped talking about the baby at school. Finally the teacher sat Tommy down and said, "Whatever happened to your new baby sister?"
Tommy burst into tears and confessed, "I think my mummy ate her!"
Who does a dead pharaoh talk to?
His mummy.
So two boys are by the lake...
...and see a n**... women. One runs away crying while the other stays.
Later, they meet up and the one that stayed said, "Why did you run away like that?"
"Mummy said if I saw a n**... women I would turn to stone, and I felt something going hard!"
Whats for Dinner
A man kills a Deer and takes it home to cook for dinner.
Both he and his Wife, decide that they won't tell the kids what kind of meat it is, but will give them a clue and let them guess.
The kids were eager to know what the
meat was on their plates, so they begged their dad for the clue.
"Well," he said,
"It's what Mummy calls me, sometimes."
The little girl screams to her Brother,
"Don't eat it, it's an a**....."
Child walks in on parents in c**...
Mummy and Daddy are having s**... and their beautiful child walks in. Flustered, Mummy leaps off the bed (and off her husband) and wittingly tries to console what she thinks is her scarred son.
son: mummy, what's going on?
mum: oh son! I was just helping your daddy to flatten his belly
son: but why mummy? there's no point. the nanny just comes and blows it back up again.
I was in the car with my son.
"Daddy, why did you and Mummy break up?" he asked.
I said, "I don't want to talk about it right now."
"Why not?" he asked.
"We're on the way to a f**...," I replied, "Where we're supposed to be sad."
Archaeologists digging in Egypt have found a Mummy embalmed with chocolate and hazlenuts
It's believed to be a Pharaoh Rocher
Why are the undead so angry all the time?
They have mummy issues.
My son and I were driving along the countryside.
He looked out the window and said, "Daddy, what are those two cows doing?"
"They are creating children," I replied, stopping the car.
"Is that how you and mummy made me?" he asked.
I said, "Yes, in the middle of a field while people watched."
A mummy calls a restauraunt.
- Hello, I'd like to reserve a table for the pharaoh Sakhrakhotep I.
- Could you spell it out, please?
- Of course. Bird, two triangles, wavy line, the sun, bird again, jackal's head and a scarab.
Archaeologists have discovered a mummy in Egypt encased in chocolate and surrounded by hazelnuts
They are calling it "The Pharaoh Rocher"
What do you call a mummy that's been knighted by the queen?
Sir Cophagus
It seems I passed my mummy embalming exam...
It was a no brainer!
Did you hear about the mummy that reached the top 10 with his new album?
People say it's cause he has the tightest wraps
Why didn't the british boy's mother ever dress up for halloween?
Because she already was a mummy.
Making Cakes
One day a daughter hears her parents having s**... in the next room.
The next day she says her to her mother "mummy what were you and daddy doing last night?"
"We were making cakes honey."
A few weeks later, the daughter said to her mum.
"Mummy were you and daddy making cakes again last night?"
"Yes honey, how did you know?"
"Because I licked the icing off the table"
We have little Johnny in Australia too.
Little Johnny walks into the bathroom just as his mother is getting out of the bath.
He points at her nether region and asks "mummy, what's that?"
She thinks quickly and replies "that's where god hit me with his little golden axe."
Little Johnny replies "geez, he got you right in the c**t didn't he"
Mummy, what's an o**...' ?
I don't know. Ask your father.
A good boy asked to his mummy.....
Little Charles approached his mother and asked her "Mummy, whats a girlfriend" To which his mum replied "If you're a good boy, you will get one." Charles then asked, "What if I am a bad boy?" His mum answered "You will get many.
Dad how are babies made?
Dad: Daddy plants a seed in mums tummy.
Daughter: Does mummy s**... the seed?
Dad: Only if she wants new shoes
Who does a pharaoh talk to when he's sad?
His Mummy.
I'm sorry.
BREAKING NEWS!
Archaeologists digging in a pyramid in Egypt have found a mummy covered in chocolate & hazelnuts, and believe it to be Pharoah Rocher.
A mummy was found in Egypt.
The archaeologists could not determine its origin. Then a Soviet adviser offered his help. The mummy was delivered to the Soviet embassy. In two hours the Soviet adviser appeared and said, "His name was Amenkhotep 23 rd."
"How did you find out?"
"He confessed," the advisor said.
Archaeologists have recently found a mummy while excavating a tomb in Egypt
Oddly enough, the mummy was covered in chocolate and hazelnuts. They believe it to be the tomb of Pharaoh Rosher.
What movie is universally loved by all orphans in England?
The Mummy Returns.
There was a family of balloons...
Daddy Balloon, Mummy Balloon, and Baby Balloon.
One night, Baby Balloon crept into his parents' bedroom. He carefully undid Daddy's knot and deflated him a little.
Then he did the same to Mummy. Then he undid his own knot and let some air out.
The next morning Daddy Balloon confronted him.
"Baby Balloon, we are very disappointed in you. You let me down. You let your mother down. But worst of all...
You let yourself down!"
Archaeologists have been searching around ..
Archaeologists have been searching around The Great Pyramids, and have come across a mummy covered in hazelnuts and chocolate. After more research it has been discovered it was the late Pharaoh Roche
Baby Whale
Baby Whale says to Dad Whale, 'Dad where did I come from?'
Dad Whale says, ' You came from me son, I put a seed in Mummy Whale and it grew into you'
Baby Whale says, 'thanks Dad'
Dad Whale says, You're Whalecum.'
The Biggest Coward
Two kids are arguing over whose father is the biggest coward.
The first kid says," My dad is so scared that when a lightning strikes my dad slides underneath our bed."
The second kid goes," That's nothing, my dad is so scared, that when mummy works night shift, my dad sleeps with the woman next door."
Whaddya call a gay mummy?
A dried fruit
Mummy can I wear a bra now that I'm sixteen?
No, David.
Ancient Egyptians who worked to preserve the Pharaoh for the afterlife are known for having being very good businessmen. In fact, they even invented what we know today as the "return policy."
It was know back then as the "mummy back guarantee..."
Mothers on Facebook. Full time mummy is not a job.
Only Tutankhamun can claim that...
A little girl runs to her mum
"Mummy, I just saw a rat as big as an elephant!".
Her mum starts shouting angrily at her: "I told you one hundred thousands billions times not to exaggerate things!"
A woman is walking home with her three daughters.
The eldest daughter turns to her and asks, "Mummy, how did I get my name?"
"Well sweetie, when we were bringing you home from the hospital, a rose petal landed on your head! So that's why we named you Rose".
The second daughter, now curious, asks the same question.
"Well darling, when we were bringing *you* home from the hospital, a *lily* petal landed on your head! So that's why we named you Lily."
The third girl asks "AAArrgghhrasfdg".
"Shhh, quiet now, Cinderblock".
My two year-old son told his first joke today. Afterwards, he burst out laughing for about 5 minutes straight saying 'I'm so funny' over and over again.
The joke.
Son comes in carrying a soft toy, a cow.
Son: "Mummy Mummy cow is being noisy!"
Mummy: "How is cow being nois---"
Son: "Moooooooo!!!!"
Then bursts into loud laughter.
Love this kid!
A little girl asks her mum
A little girl asks her mum "mummy, how was I born" Her mother smiled and replied "once upon a time your daddy and I decided to plant a wonderful tiny seed. Your daddy planted it in the earth and I took care of it every single day. After a while the seed germinated and grew tall with many leaves until it became a lovely healthy plant. Then we dried it and smoked it and got so high we forgot to use a c**..."
A little girl runs up to her mother and says "mummy, daddy hanged himself in the basement!"
Upon hearing the news the mother breaks down in tears and, shakily, makes her way into the basement.
When they get there, the woman cannot see the father's corpse.
The little girl then exclaims "April fools! Daddy did it in the garage"
Teacher to a grade 2 student : Who is the youngest member in your family ? STUDENT : Papa
Teacher : How ?
Student : Because he still sleeps with mummy.
Don't know if this has been posted here but let's try
Little Johnny came home and ran to his mother.
"Mummy! I was on the bus with Daddy and he made me stand up so a woman could sit down."
"Well...How kind of your daddy! You should learn from him."
Johnny then frowned.
"I was sitting on Daddy's lap"
Urgent news: A mummy covered in chocolate and nuts has been discovered in Egypt.
Archologist believe it maybe Pharaoh Roche...
Why did the pharaoh visit his parent's tomb?
He missed his mummy.
A Soviet archeology team is in Egypt on an expedition.
After some digging, they found a pyramid and a mummy inside it. Unfortunately, they can't determine who the mummy is. They get in touch with the NKVD who arrive a few hours later in the form of three hulking men carrying briefcases. The NKVD goons go inside the pyramid. After a few hours they come out.
"The mummy is Amenhotep XIII" says one of the NKVD goons.
"How did you find out?" asks one of the archeologists.
"He admitted it", replies the NKVD goon.
My wife was in the garden.
She started yelling to me.
Her: There are two spiders here, "is that a mummy longlegs
under the daddy longlegs.?
Me: No don't be silly there are no mummy longlegs only daddy longlegs. "I felt pretty proud of myself with my answer.
Until she stomps on both spiders, "Well we are not having any of that gay s**... in our garden.
A New tomb has been unearthed in Eqypt
Archeologists found a mummy wrapped in gold foil and knew they had found the tomb of Pharaoh Rocher
A Soviet archeology team is in Egypt on an expedition
They come across a pyramid and inside it is a mummy. Unfortunately, they can't determine who the mummy is. They get in touch with the NKVD who arrive a few hours later in the form of three hulking men carrying briefcases. The NKVD goons go inside the pyramid. After a few hours they come out.
"The mummy is Amenhotep XIII" says one of the NKVD goons.
"How did you find out?" asks one of the archeologists.
"He admitted it", replies the NKVD goon.
The skeleton asks the mummy
"What music do you listen to?"
The mummy replies, "wrap".
Scans of a newly discovered sarcophagus have revealed that the mummy inside was coated in nuts and chocolate
It's believed to have been body of Pharaoh Roche.
I recently swapped a Sarcophagus for a bottle of Bacardi
Well they certainly gave me a r**... for my mummy
A little boy goes up to his pregnant mum, points at her fat belly and says, what's that?
She says… (a bit startled…) erm… that's a baby your daddy gave me that…
So the little boy walks off to find his dad with a confused look on his face…
daddy did you give mummy a baby ?
yeh I did son, that's right why do you ask…?
well don't give her another, she ate the last one!
Did you know Brendan Fraser took a Business Ethics class before filming The Mummy Returns?
He wanted to learn about pyramid schemes.
What's the difference between a f**... and an Egyptian mummy?
One is common tootin' but the other is Tutankhamen
Archeologists have discovered a mummy covered in chocolate and nuts.
They believe it's Pharaoh Rocher
Archeologists say that in very rare cases, you can experience a mummy f**... in their crypt.
If you get the chance to experience this phenomena, you can call that toot uncommon.
My 2 year old told his first joke.
We were walking down to the car and he put his hands in his pockets. He says oh mummy what's that in my pocket.
I dont know sweetheart let's see what it is
Pulls out his hands and shouts 'my hands' and does jazz hands and kills himself laughing.
He takes after his dad. His smile and laughter made my day.
I said to my little boy 'What's the difference between Mummy and Jesus?'
He stared at me blankly.
'Jesus loves you.'
I'm joking. I don't have kids.
(An original… plagiarise at your peril)
Mummy, how was I born?
A 10-year-old girl asks her mum, Mummy, how was I born**?**
The mother smiled and replied:
Once upon a time, your daddy and I decided to plant a wonderful little seed. Daddy put it in the earth & I took care of it every single day.
After a while, the seed started to grow more and more leaves and in a few months, it turned into a beautiful healthy plant.
So we took the plant, dried it, rolled it up, smoked it, and got so high that we forgot to wear a c**....
Mummy! I hate my brother's guts!
Well, leave them on the side of your plate then!
This joke was told to me 60 years ago by my then 3 year old brother. He still finds it funny!
A woman is walking home with her three daughters
The eldest daughter turns to her and asks, "Mummy, how did get my name?"
"Well sweetie, when we were bringing you home from the hospital, a rose petal landed on your head! So that's why we named you Rose."
The second daughter, now curious, asks the same question.
"Well darling, when we were bringing you home from the hospital, a lily petal landed on your head! So that's why we named you Lily."
The third girl asks "HHGHGNGHGHNG?!?!?!
DDDNBHGHBHNGHHH!"
"Shhh, quiet now, Cinderblock."
A young girl asks her father, Daddy what does the word 'corruption' mean?
- Bring me a beer and I'll tell you.
- But mummy says you shouldn't drink!
- Get a nice ice cream as well while you bring me beer.
- Oh, okay!
My friend says he wants to sleep with Cleopatra
I think he just has mummy issues.
A little girl asks her mum: Mummy, why do we never visit grandma?
Oh darling, you don't remember? She fell of the balcony…
And where is she now?
Well… she went to heaven
The little girl thinks about it for a moment…
Wow, that's a big bounce

