Mummy Jokes
109 mummy jokes and hilarious mummy puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about mummy that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
A collection of hilarious mummy jokes guaranteed to make children and adults alike chuckle this Halloween. These clever jokes include puns about silly mummies, mischievous daddies, and wise grandmas that are sure to leave you rolling on the floor in laughter.
Funniest Mummy Short Jokes
Short mummy jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The mummy humour may include short morgue jokes also.
- Archaeologists found a mummy adorned with ancient nut and wrapped in gold foil. They believe it may be the legendary Pharaoh Rocher.
- Egyptian babies didn't know that one day their daddy would become a mummy Neither did the kardashians
- I keep having bad dreams about an ancient Egyptian mummy attacking me while I'm cooking. I call them my... Rameses kitchen nightmares.
- Found an old joke from a 1953 newspaper: What do naughty Egyptian girls become? Mummies, I guess.
- Why didn't the british boy's mother ever dress up for halloween? Because she already was a mummy.
- A New tomb has been unearthed in Eqypt Archeologists found a mummy wrapped in gold foil and knew they had found the tomb of Pharaoh Rocher
- What did the ancient egyptians call their milfs? Mummies
- Ancient Egypt must have been super progressive I mean, all their daddies ended up turning into mummies.
- Why did Oedipus become an archeologist? He liked uncovering mummies.
- Mummy! I hate my brother's guts! Well, leave them on the side of your plate then!
This joke was told to me 60 years ago by my then 3 year old brother. He still finds it funny!
Share These Mummy Jokes With Friends
Mummy One Liners
Which mummy one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with mummy? I can suggest the ones about tomb and coffin.
- Why wasn't the archaeologist interested in girls? Because he only dated mummies.
- What type of music do mummies like? Wrap
- Why was the Egyptian kid confused? Because his daddy was a mummy
- My mom joined a pyramid scheme now I call her Mummy.
- Why did you go to Egypt for honeymoon? To make the wife a mummy.
- What do you call a mummy dipped in chocolate? Pharaoh Roche
- What do the Egyptians and Kardashians have in common? Their daddies became mummies
- How do mummies attract mates? Pharaoh-mones!
- Mothers on Facebook. Full time mummy is not a job. Only Tutankhamun can claim that...
- Why did the pharaoh visit his parent's tomb? He missed his mummy.
- Why don't mummies like vacations? They're afraid to unwind!
Happy Spooky Month!! - Which monster is best at paying attention to a speech? Mummies. They sit there rapt.
- My friend says he wants to sleep with Cleopatra I think he just has mummy issues.
- Who does a pharaoh talk to when he's sad? His Mummy.
I'm sorry. - What was the most common reason ancient Egyptians would cry? They missed their mummies.
Egyptian Mummy Jokes
Here is a list of funny egyptian mummy jokes and even better egyptian mummy puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- What is one thing that Egyptian kids do not realise? That their Daddies will eventually become Mummies...
- You should check out that Egyptian antiquities store. They have a mummy-back guarantee!
- Mummy DNA shows that the ancients don't have much in common with modern Egyptians But at least they have Tutankhamun
- What did the baby Egyptian say when he got lost? .
.
.
..
.
.
I want my mummy. - What did the Egyptian boy say to the Egyptian girl? Come behind the pyramid, I'll make you a mummy
- Why did the little British boy become an Ancient Egyptian Historian? Because he wanted his mummy to be proud him.
- Archeologists discovered an ancient Egyptian tomb that was dedicated solely to women. At least that's what they concluded as it was full of Mummys.
- Why did the Egyptian kid in therapy? Because he thought his daddy was his mummy.
Uproarious Mummy Jokes to Share with Friends
What funny jokes about mummy you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean skeleton jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make mummy pranks.
At a family breakfast the following conversation takes place between a Dad and his 7 year old son.
Son: Daddy what are those big round things on mummies chest?
Dad: They're balloons son. When mummy dies we can blow them up and she'll float to heaven.
Son: Really? Because Uncle Frank was blowing them up yesterday and mummy kept saying Oh God, I'm coming but she didn't float anywhere..
My daughter came up to me and said
My daughter came up to me and said "daddy when my cat died why were its legs in the air?" I replied "well that's so Jesus can grab it to take it to heaven." "That means mummy nearly died this morning!" She said, I asked "how?"
"well when I looked in her bedroom she was screaming "Jesus I'm coming!" And if it wasn't for the postman holding her down he would have got her."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
My young daughter asked me this morning....
My young daughter asked me this morning, "Daddy, what were you and Mummy doing in the bedroom last night? I could hear a buzzing noise, then Mummy started to scream."
"Nothing, darling," I replied.
It was then I burst out laughing as my wife walked down the stairs with her half-s**... head.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
For weeks, Tommy was telling his kindergarten teacher about the baby sister who was going to be coming to his house soon.
One day at home, Tommy's mother let him feel the baby k**.... Tommy didn't say anything, and he stopped talking about the baby at school. Finally the teacher sat Tommy down and said, "Whatever happened to your new baby sister?"
Tommy burst into tears and confessed, "I think my mummy ate her!"
English couple adopt a German baby boy 'Engelbert'....
.....now six years old Engelbert has never spoke a word, everyone just assumed he is mute.
Then one day at the breakfast table Engelbert shouted (with a typical German accent) mummy these sausages are not cooked through!
Mummy rushed across and shocked with disbelief said Engelgert you can talk, how come you never said anything for six years?
(German Accent again) Engelbert replied up until now everything has been quite satisfactory.
Who does a dead pharaoh talk to?
His mummy.
A baby mouse is out for a walk one day and sees a bat...
He quickly runs home to his mother and says "Mummy! Mummy! I just saw an angel!"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
She Knows Why
**boy whispering to mum during wedding**
Boy: "Mummy?"
Mum: "What?
Boy: "Why is the lady dressed in white?"
Mum: "Because this is her happiest day in her life"
Boy: "... So Why is the man dressed in black?"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Whats for Dinner
A man kills a Deer and takes it home to cook for dinner.
Both he and his Wife, decide that they won't tell the kids what kind of meat it is, but will give them a clue and let them guess.
The kids were eager to know what the
meat was on their plates, so they begged their dad for the clue.
"Well," he said,
"It's what Mummy calls me, sometimes."
The little girl screams to her Brother,
"Don't eat it, it's an a**....."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Child walks in on parents in c**...
Mummy and Daddy are having s**... and their beautiful child walks in. Flustered, Mummy leaps off the bed (and off her husband) and wittingly tries to console what she thinks is her scarred son.
son: mummy, what's going on?
mum: oh son! I was just helping your daddy to flatten his belly
son: but why mummy? there's no point. the nanny just comes and blows it back up again.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I was in the car with my son.
"Daddy, why did you and Mummy break up?" he asked.
I said, "I don't want to talk about it right now."
"Why not?" he asked.
"We're on the way to a f**...," I replied, "Where we're supposed to be sad."
Why are the undead so angry all the time?
They have mummy issues.
Two children pieces of graphite are playing with a diamond.....
...Mummy piece of graphite walks in and says "Leave your Father alone - he's been under a lot of pressure"
Chef Joke.
What do you call a mummy that hates other peoples cooking?
Gordan Ramses
My son and I were driving along the countryside.
He looked out the window and said, "Daddy, what are those two cows doing?"
"They are creating children," I replied, stopping the car.
"Is that how you and mummy made me?" he asked.
I said, "Yes, in the middle of a field while people watched."
A mummy calls a restauraunt.
- Hello, I'd like to reserve a table for the pharaoh Sakhrakhotep I.
- Could you spell it out, please?
- Of course. Bird, two triangles, wavy line, the sun, bird again, jackal's head and a scarab.
Archaeologists have found a hidden chamber in Tutankhamun's tomb
Archaeologists have found a second mummy inside Tutankhamun's tomb. The mummy appears to be covered in chocolate and hazelnuts. Experts believe it is the remains of Pharaoh Rocher.
What do you call a mummy on a horse?
A knight in Charmin armor.
Two kids looked at a mummy exhibit...
Two kids looked at a mummy exhibit. On the bottom of the mummy case it said, "5000 B.C."
"What does that number mean?" the first one asked.
The second one wondered for a while, then said, "It must be the license plate number of the car that hit him."
What do you call a mummy that's been knighted by the queen?
Sir Cophagus
It seems I passed my mummy embalming exam...
It was a no brainer!
Did you hear about the mummy that reached the top 10 with his new album?
People say it's cause he has the tightest wraps
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Making Cakes
One day a daughter hears her parents having s**... in the next room.
The next day she says her to her mother "mummy what were you and daddy doing last night?"
"We were making cakes honey."
A few weeks later, the daughter said to her mum.
"Mummy were you and daddy making cakes again last night?"
"Yes honey, how did you know?"
"Because I licked the icing off the table"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
We have little Johnny in Australia too.
Little Johnny walks into the bathroom just as his mother is getting out of the bath.
He points at her nether region and asks "mummy, what's that?"
She thinks quickly and replies "that's where god hit me with his little golden axe."
Little Johnny replies "geez, he got you right in the c**t didn't he"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Mummy, what's an o**...' ?
I don't know. Ask your father.
My wife's going to be a mummy any time now.
Only her head left to wrap.
A good boy asked to his mummy.....
Little Charles approached his mother and asked her "Mummy, whats a girlfriend" To which his mum replied "If you're a good boy, you will get one." Charles then asked, "What if I am a bad boy?" His mum answered "You will get many.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
How does a mummy attract a mate?
Pharaoh moans.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Dad how are babies made?
Dad: Daddy plants a seed in mums tummy.
Daughter: Does mummy s**... the seed?
Dad: Only if she wants new shoes
A mummy was found in Egypt.
The archaeologists could not determine its origin. Then a Soviet adviser offered his help. The mummy was delivered to the Soviet embassy. In two hours the Soviet adviser appeared and said, "His name was Amenkhotep 23 rd."
"How did you find out?"
"He confessed," the advisor said.
Why didn't the mummy go on vacation?
He was afraid he'd relax and unwind!
Why did the mummy go to jail?
They got wrapped up in a pyramid scheme.
What movie is universally loved by all orphans in England?
The Mummy Returns.
What does the Mummy use for commerce?
Crypt-o-currency!
There was a family of balloons...
Daddy Balloon, Mummy Balloon, and Baby Balloon.
One night, Baby Balloon crept into his parents' bedroom. He carefully undid Daddy's knot and deflated him a little.
Then he did the same to Mummy. Then he undid his own knot and let some air out.
The next morning Daddy Balloon confronted him.
"Baby Balloon, we are very disappointed in you. You let me down. You let your mother down. But worst of all...
You let yourself down!"
What did the mummy study in school?
Cryptography.
Baby Whale
Baby Whale says to Dad Whale, 'Dad where did I come from?'
Dad Whale says, ' You came from me son, I put a seed in Mummy Whale and it grew into you'
Baby Whale says, 'thanks Dad'
Dad Whale says, You're Whalecum.'
Did you know Kint Tut had struggles growing up?
One day he woke up and found out his Daddy was a Mummy.
*- As Told By My Son*
I lost a lot of money in a pyramid scheme.
But at least I got to keep the mummy!
The Biggest Coward
Two kids are arguing over whose father is the biggest coward.
The first kid says," My dad is so scared that when a lightning strikes my dad slides underneath our bed."
The second kid goes," That's nothing, my dad is so scared, that when mummy works night shift, my dad sleeps with the woman next door."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Whaddya call a gay mummy?
A dried fruit
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Mummy can I wear a bra now that I'm sixteen?
No, David.
Ancient Egyptians who worked to preserve the Pharaoh for the afterlife are known for having being very good businessmen. In fact, they even invented what we know today as the "return policy."
It was know back then as the "mummy back guarantee..."
This mummy is sore...
It needs a Cairo-practor
A little girl runs to her mum
"Mummy, I just saw a rat as big as an elephant!".
Her mum starts shouting angrily at her: "I told you one hundred thousands billions times not to exaggerate things!"
Why did the Egyptologist cry?
Because he'd lost his mummy.
A woman is walking home with her three daughters.
The eldest daughter turns to her and asks, "Mummy, how did I get my name?"
"Well sweetie, when we were bringing you home from the hospital, a rose petal landed on your head! So that's why we named you Rose".
The second daughter, now curious, asks the same question.
"Well darling, when we were bringing *you* home from the hospital, a *lily* petal landed on your head! So that's why we named you Lily."
The third girl asks "AAArrgghhrasfdg".
"Shhh, quiet now, Cinderblock".
My two year-old son told his first joke today. Afterwards, he burst out laughing for about 5 minutes straight saying 'I'm so funny' over and over again.
The joke.
Son comes in carrying a soft toy, a cow.
Son: "Mummy Mummy cow is being noisy!"
Mummy: "How is cow being nois---"
Son: "Moooooooo!!!!"
Then bursts into loud laughter.
Love this kid!
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A little girl runs up to her mother and says "mummy, daddy hanged himself in the basement!"
Upon hearing the news the mother breaks down in tears and, shakily, makes her way into the basement.
When they get there, the woman cannot see the father's corpse.
The little girl then exclaims "April fools! Daddy did it in the garage"
Teacher to a grade 2 student : Who is the youngest member in your family ? STUDENT : Papa
Teacher : How ?
Student : Because he still sleeps with mummy.
Don't know if this has been posted here but let's try
Little Johnny came home and ran to his mother.
"Mummy! I was on the bus with Daddy and he made me stand up so a woman could sit down."
"Well...How kind of your daddy! You should learn from him."
Johnny then frowned.
"I was sitting on Daddy's lap"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Whats the difference between an ancient Egyptian Prince and a Kardashian?
The Egyptian knew from the start that their daddy would become a mummy.
Urgent news: A mummy covered in chocolate and nuts has been discovered in Egypt.
Archologist believe it maybe Pharaoh Roche...
A Soviet archeology team is in Egypt on an expedition.
After some digging, they found a pyramid and a mummy inside it. Unfortunately, they can't determine who the mummy is. They get in touch with the NKVD who arrive a few hours later in the form of three hulking men carrying briefcases. The NKVD goons go inside the pyramid. After a few hours they come out.
"The mummy is Amenhotep XIII" says one of the NKVD goons.
"How did you find out?" asks one of the archeologists.
"He admitted it", replies the NKVD goon.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
My wife was in the garden.
She started yelling to me.
Her: There are two spiders here, "is that a mummy longlegs
under the daddy longlegs.?
Me: No don't be silly there are no mummy longlegs only daddy longlegs. "I felt pretty proud of myself with my answer.
Until she stomps on both spiders, "Well we are not having any of that gay s**... in our garden.
A Soviet archeology team is in Egypt on an expedition
They come across a pyramid and inside it is a mummy. Unfortunately, they can't determine who the mummy is. They get in touch with the NKVD who arrive a few hours later in the form of three hulking men carrying briefcases. The NKVD goons go inside the pyramid. After a few hours they come out.
"The mummy is Amenhotep XIII" says one of the NKVD goons.
"How did you find out?" asks one of the archeologists.
"He admitted it", replies the NKVD goon.
The skeleton asks the mummy
"What music do you listen to?"
The mummy replies, "wrap".
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I recently swapped a Sarcophagus for a bottle of Bacardi
Well they certainly gave me a r**... for my mummy
A little boy goes up to his pregnant mum, points at her fat belly and says, what's that?
She says… (a bit startled…) erm… that's a baby your daddy gave me that…
So the little boy walks off to find his dad with a confused look on his face…
daddy did you give mummy a baby ?
yeh I did son, that's right why do you ask…?
well don't give her another, she ate the last one!
Did you know Brendan Fraser took a Business Ethics class before filming The Mummy Returns?
He wanted to learn about pyramid schemes.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What's the difference between a f**... and an Egyptian mummy?
One is common tootin' but the other is Tutankhamen
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What do you call an Egyptian mummy that thinks its a doctor?
A Cairopractor
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Archeologists say that in very rare cases, you can experience a mummy f**... in their crypt.
If you get the chance to experience this phenomena, you can call that toot uncommon.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
My 2 year old told his first joke.
We were walking down to the car and he put his hands in his pockets. He says oh mummy what's that in my pocket.
I dont know sweetheart let's see what it is
Pulls out his hands and shouts 'my hands' and does jazz hands and kills himself laughing.
He takes after his dad. His smile and laughter made my day.
I said to my little boy 'What's the difference between Mummy and Jesus?'
He stared at me blankly.
'Jesus loves you.'
I'm joking. I don't have kids.
(An original… plagiarise at your peril)
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Mummy, how was I born?
A 10-year-old girl asks her mum, Mummy, how was I born**?**
The mother smiled and replied:
Once upon a time, your daddy and I decided to plant a wonderful little seed. Daddy put it in the earth & I took care of it every single day.
After a while, the seed started to grow more and more leaves and in a few months, it turned into a beautiful healthy plant.
So we took the plant, dried it, rolled it up, smoked it, and got so high that we forgot to wear a c**....
A woman is walking home with her three daughters
The eldest daughter turns to her and asks, "Mummy, how did get my name?"
"Well sweetie, when we were bringing you home from the hospital, a rose petal landed on your head! So that's why we named you Rose."
The second daughter, now curious, asks the same question.
"Well darling, when we were bringing you home from the hospital, a lily petal landed on your head! So that's why we named you Lily."
The third girl asks "HHGHGNGHGHNG?!?!?!
DDDNBHGHBHNGHHH!"
"Shhh, quiet now, Cinderblock."
