Mumbles Jokes
47 mumbles jokes and hilarious mumbles puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about mumbles that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
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Funniest Mumbles Short Jokes
Short mumbles jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The mumbles humour may include short mutters jokes also.
- So Tekashi69 could face life in prison Which is nice because we might finally get to see a mumble rapper completing a sentence
- Wife was in ICU Doctor: She is in a coma.
Husband: Please save her. She's just 30.
*Just then, ECG starts beeping. Fingers move. Her lips mumbled...
And she spoke:
I'm 29 - What do mumble rappers from the East coast rap about? I don't know...Their verses aren't Pacific.
- As I handed him my passport, the immigration officer stared at me with cold, dead eyes and mumbled, "I might not always agree with you, but..." "I can see where you are coming from."
- Why did the mumble rapper broke out of the prison? Because he couldn't complete his sentence
- What's the difference between a mumble rapper and a convict... One of them can finish a sentence.
- Long ago, my mentor told me to look into self improvement. He used to mumble a bit, though. Now I don't have the discipline to actually build one, but I know everything about constructing shelves.
- As I stared at my grandpa on his deathbed not knowing what to say, he turned to me and mumbled "take my picture... it'll last longer."
- What did Han Solo say to the Keebler elf who complained he couldn't understand Chewbacca? Sorry friend, that's the way the Wookiee mumbles.
- Why don't you see mumble rappers at gas stations? You can't fuel up your car with a Lil' Pump.
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Mumbles One Liners
Which mumbles one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with mumbles? I can suggest the ones about grumbles and stammers.
- How do you pump up a room full of shy introverts? "LETS GET READY TO MUMBLE!!!"
- Mumble rappers are dying off Lil' by Lil'
- What did the insolent sheep mumble to the shepherd? You herd me.
- Dad's joke: What kind of bee can never be understood? A mumble-bee
- What do you call an insect that talks under its breath? A mumble bee
- Mumble rappers and Japanese Anime are the same both require subtitles.
- What's a mumble rappers favorite food? Skrrt Steak!
- What do you call a Chinese mumble rapper? Yung Savage
- Why do mumble rappers have neck tattoos? So the paramedics know it was fentanyl.
- 6ix9ine in prison: first mumble rapper to make a full sentence
- What do you call a black mumble rapper? Cottonmouth
- What did the old man say to the sea? Nobody knows. He mumbles.
- What do you call it when a mother speaks unclearly? She mumbles.
- When in doubt, mumble.
- What disease do mumble rappers catch when their diet is not healthy enough? Skrrrvy
Happy Mumbles Jokes for a Lighthearted Night with Friends
What funny jokes about mumbles you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean stumbles jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make mumbles pranks.
An old man is selling watermelons...
His pricelist reads: 1 for $3, 3 for $10
A young man stops by and asks to buy one watermelon.
"That'd be 3 dollars", says the old man.
The young man then buys another one, and another one, paying $3 for each.
As the young man is walking away, he turns around, grins, and says, "Hey old man, do you realize I just bought three watermelons for only $9? Maybe business is not your thing."
The old man smiles and mumbles to himself, "People are funny. Every time they buy three watermelons instead of one, yet they keep trying to teach me how to do business..."
Drunk in confession booth.
A drunk staggers into a church, enters a confessional booth, sits down, but says nothing. The priest coughs a few times to get his attention, but the drunk continues to just sit there. Finally,the priest pounds three times on the wall.
The drunk mumbles, "Ain't no use knockin, there's no paper on this side either!"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A guy driving down the road hits a p**... with his car
He immediately stops the car, jumps out and runs to the lady lying on her back on the road.
She is groaning in pain. She mumbles, "I think I'm blind, I think I'm blind..."
Quickly the guy holds three of his fingers up in front of her and says, "How many fingers do I have up?"
"Oh my God," she says. "I'm not paralyzed too, am I?!?"
Two drunk people are walking down a road.
The first one says, "What a beautiful night...look at that bright, full moon." The second man stops and looks at his drunk friends. "You fool, that's the sun, not the moon", he mumbles. Soon, they start arguing.
As they are arguing, they pass by another drunk man. They both stop his ask him, "Can you tell us wether that thing up in the sky is the sun or the moon?"
The drunk man looks up, and then looks back and says, "Sorry, I don't live around here."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A b**... is eating an ice cream
He has a sour look on his face. 'I wish I'd reach the stick already' he mumbles to himself.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A woman and her baby get on a bus to head out for some errands. The bus driver mumbles: 'Wow, that's one *ugly* baby!' The woman was absolutely livid and storms to the rear of the bus to sit. The man next to her asked if she was OK. She replied: 'No, the driver just insulted us!'
The man replied: 'You should go back and tell him off! Go on, I'll hold your monkey for you.'
So a guy walks into the doctor's office with a celery stick in each ear and a carrot in each nose nostril...
He mumbles to the doctor "I think there's something wrong." to which the doctor replies "I don't think you're eating right."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
My wife still thinks I'm hot after all these years
Every time I walk away from a conversation she mumbles what an a**...
Always on duty
A doctor has some trouble with the sink, on a public holiday. He calls the local plumber, only to be told it's his day off.
"But I get called out on my days off, too!" says the doctor, somewhat exasperated, and the plumber relents.
The plumber arrives, and glances over the sink, looking preoccupied. He mumbles something about golf, then hands the doctor a couple of aspirin and walks out, saying,
"Put these in. If it doesn't clear up in 24 hours, come and see me tomorrow."
A joke walks into the bar
He starts aggressively drinking until he starts puking all over the bar.
After the he finally leaves, the bar tending looks around at all the mess and mumbles,
"Man, that was a pretty sick joke."
A drunk staggers into a Catholic Church...
A drunk staggers into a Catholic Church, enters a confessional booth, sits down, but says nothing. The Priest coughs a few times to get his attention but the drunk continues to sit there. Finally, the Priest pounds three times on the wall.
The drunk mumbles, "ain't no use knockin', there's *no* *paper on this side* either!"
A priest, a doctor and an engineer walk into a bar..
.. The bartender glances at them as they enter the door and starts pouring drinks. Before they reach the counter their preferred drinks are ready for them. The engineer asks the bartender "How did you know what drinks we wanted?". The bartender mumbles "Repost from yesterday"
The world's best dentist and the world's worst pastry chef walk into a bar.
Being friends of the owner, he pours them both a drink and sits them down to catch up.
How was your birthday? He asks the dentist.
It was like pulling teeth he says with a smile.
Then the owner turns to the pastry chef.
How was your divorce?
It was as easy as pie the chef mumbles sadly.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
a priest and a rabi...
a priest and a rabi are eating lunch when a young waiter drops a tray of dishes. as the waiter bends over to pick up his mess the priest mumbles "man I would love to screw him!" to which the rabi says "out of what?"
Shaggy dog story…
Rudolf, the high ranking communist and his wife are asleep in their dacha outside Moscow. A noise on roof wakes her up. Wife says 'there's something moving around on our roof. I heard a plop then a clink'.
Rudolf says 'don't worry dear, it's just the first large raindrops'. Wife mumbles unconvinced, but sure enough, a few minutes later the obvious sounds of a drenching hit the roof.
Wife says 'I'm sorry I doubted you my love. You were right'
He says 'Yes. Never forget: Rudolf the Red knows rain dear'.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Final words
A man is holding his wife's hand as shes lying on her death-bed.
"j**... , I have something to tell you before I pass on," she whispers."
"No, no, dear," says j**.... "Everything is forgiven now. All is well."
"No j**..." she mumbles." I've been carrying this load for years now, and I must tell you. I... I've been unfaithful to you. I slept with your best friend, Phil. I'm so terribly sorry."
"Yes,dear I know," Says j**.... "Why do you think I poisoned you?"
Time Traveler
A time traveler shows up in Manhattan and asks the nearest person what year it is. The person responds, 2023 of course.
The time traveler looks up at the sky and mumbles, Ah yes, the first year of the Balloon Wars.
I psych student posted this joke on Facebook and I don't get it, can someone explain?
Two psychotherapists pass each other in the hallway. The first says to the second, "Hello!"
The second smiles back nervously and half nods his head. When he is comfortably out of earshot, he mumbles, "God, I wonder what *that* was all about?"
I walked into my room to find my girlfriend watching a video.
"Hey baby, what are you watching?", I ask.
"Ted talks", she mumbles softly.
"Really?", I say. "That's so awesome! What's your favorite talk? Mine is---"
"Baby, I said 'Tik toks'..."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A bat is flying in the dark of the night
and suddenly smashes into a tree. Seconds later it gets up off the ground rubbing its head and mumbles: "d**... iPod, it will kill me one day"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A priest, a rabbi and a buddhist monk get arrested for i**... gaming
They get in front of the judge. He starts questioning the priest first.
„Did you play poker yesterday?
The priest mumbles a quick lord forgive me and answered „No .
The judge turns to the rabbi and asks him:
„Did you play poker yesterday?
The rabbi crosses his fingers behind his back and answers a clear „No .
Finally the judge turns to the buddhist monk and tells him:
„So you are a buddhist monk, I know for a fact that you are absolutely not allowed to lie to me. Did you play poker yesterday?
The monk looks at the priest, then at the rabbi. He smiles at the judge and asks
„How could I possibly play poker all by myself?
So three nuns have passed and are at the pearly gates..
When they arrive, Gabriel is there and says "Each of you must answer a question correctly to enter heaven."
His question to the first nun was "What was the name of the first woman?" and she replies "Eve!" And of course thats right, so on she goes.
His question to the second nun was "Where did Eve live when God created her?" to which she replies "Eden, of course." Another correct answer and on she goes as well.
His third question to the last nun was a bit trickier as she was a nun for the longest. "What did Eve say when she first saw Adam?" The nun mumbles "Oooh, thats a hard one.."
So in to heaven she went as well.
A man comes home from work...
..., sits in his lazyboy in front of the TV and rudely tells his wife, 'Gimme a beer before it starts.'
She gives him his beer.
About 15 minutes later, he says again, 'Gimme a beer before it starts.'
She does.
A few minutes later, he asks again for a beer.
The wife says, 'Don't you think you're drinking too much beer? It hasn't been half an hour that you got here and you've already had two beers. I'm getting fed up with this.'
The husband looks up and mumbles, 'Now it starts.'
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Are My t**... Black?
A male patient is lying in bed in the hospital, wearing an oxygen mask
over his mouth and nose.
A pretty, young, student nurse appears to give him a partial sponge
bath.
'Nurse', he mumbles, from behind the mask. 'Are my t**... black?'
Embarrassed, the young nurse replies, 'I don't know, Sir. I'm only
here to wash your upper body and feet.'
He struggles to ask again, 'Nurse, please check. Are my t**...
black?'
Concerned that he may elevate his blood pressure and heart rate from
worry about his t**..., she overcomes her embarrassment and pulls
back the covers. She raises his gown, holds his manhood in one hand
and his t**... in the other.
Then, she takes a close look and says, 'There's nothing wrong with
them,
Sir!'
The man pulls off his oxygen mask, smiles at her and says very slowly:
'Thank you very much. That was wonderful, but, listen very, very
closely......
'A r e - m y - t e s t - r e s u l t s - b a c k ??'
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Black t**...?
A male patient is lying in bed in the hospital, wearing an oxygen mask over his mouth and nose.
A young student nurse appears to give him a partial sponge bath.
"Nurse" he mumbles from behind the mask, "are my t**... black?"
Embarrassed, the young nurse replies, "I don't know, Sir. I'm only here to wash your upper body and feet."
He struggles to ask again, "Nurse, please check. Are my t**... black?"
Concerned that he might elevate his blood pressure and heart rate from worrying about his t**..., she overcomes her embarrassment and pulls back the covers. She raises his gown, holds his manhood in one hand and his t**... in the other.. Then, she takes a close look and says, "there's nothing wrong with them, Sir. They look fine."
The man slowly pulls off his oxygen mask, smiles at her, and says very slowly, "Thank you very much. That was wonderful – but please listen very, very closely to me: 'Are – my – test – results – back?"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
An old man is lying bed in at the hospital...
An old man is lying in bed in the hospital, wearing an oxygen mask over his mouth and nose. A young student nurse appears to give him a partial sponge bath.
Nurse, ' he mumbles from behind the mask, are my t**... black?
Embarrassed, the young nurse replies, I don't know, Sir. I'm only here to wash your upper body and feet.
He struggles to ask again, Nurse, please check for me. Are my t**... black?
Concerned that he might elevate his blood pressure and heart rate from worrying about his t**..., she overcomes her embarrassment and pulls back the covers.
She raises his gown, holds his manhood in one hand and his t**... in the other.
She looks very closely and says, There's nothing wrong with them, Sir. They look fine.
The man slowly pulls off his oxygen mask, smiles at her, and says very slowly, Thank you very much. That was wonderful. Now listen very, very closely: Are – my – test – results – back?
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Nurse, are mt t**... black?
A male patient is lying in bed in the hospital, wearing an oxygen
mask over his mouth and nose. A young student nurse appears and
gives him a partial sponge bath.
"Nurse,"' he mumbles from behind the mask, "are my t**... black?"
Embarrassed, the young nurse replies, "I don't know, Sir. I'm only
here to wash your upper body and feet."
He struggles to ask again, "Nurse, please check for me. Are my
t**... black?"
Concerned that he might elevate his blood pressure and heart rate
from worrying about his t**..., she overcomes her embarrassment
and pulls back the covers.
She raises his gown, holds his manhood in one hand and his t**...
gently in the other.
She looks very closely and says, "There's nothing wrong with them,
Sir. They look fine."
The man slowly pulls off his oxygen mask, smiles at her, and says
very slowly, "Thank you very much. That was wonderful. Now listen
very, very closely:
Are - my - test - results - back?"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A male patient is lying in bed in the hospital
A male patient is lying in bed in the hospital, wearing an oxygen
mask over his mouth and nose. A young student nurse appears and
gives him a partial sponge bath.
"Nurse,"' he mumbles from behind the mask, "are my t**... black?"
Embarrassed, the young nurse replies, "I don't know, Sir. I'm only
here to wash your upper body and feet."
He struggles to ask again, "Nurse, please check for me. Are my
t**... black?"
Concerned that he might elevate his blood pressure and heart rate
from worrying about his t**..., she overcomes her embarrassment
and pulls back the covers.
She raises his gown, holds his manhood in one hand and his t**...
gently in the other.
She looks very closely and says, "There's nothing wrong with them,
Sir. They look fine."
The man slowly pulls off his oxygen mask, smiles at her, and says
very slowly, "Thank you very much. That was wonderful. Now listen
very, very closely:
Are - my - test - results - back?"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
t**.... (Not sure if a repost, found this joke on a fb page)
A male patient is lying in bed in the hospital, wearing an oxygen mask over his mouth and nose. A young student nurse appears and gives him a partial sponge bath.
"Nurse,"' he mumbles from behind the mask, "are my t**... black?"
Embarrassed, the young nurse replies, "I don't know, Sir. I'm only here to wash your upper body and feet."
He struggles to ask again, "Nurse, please check for me. Are my t**... black?"
Concerned that he might elevate his blood pressure and heart rate from worrying about his t**..., she overcomes her embarrassment and pulls back the covers. She raises his gown, holds his manhood in one hand and his t**... gently in the other.
She looks very closely and says, "There's nothing wrong with them, Sir. They look fine."
The man slowly pulls off his oxygen mask, smiles at her, and says very slowly, "Thank you very much. That was wonderful. Now listen very, very closely:
Are - my - test - results -back?
