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Multiple Personality Jokes

68 multiple personality jokes and hilarious multiple personality puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about multiple personality that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

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Funniest Multiple Personality Short Jokes

Short multiple personality jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The multiple personality humour may include short split personality jokes also.

  1. My psychiatrist diagnosed me with multiple personality disorder... And now she's on the news, apparently she was murdered by one of her patients, wonder if I ever saw him
  2. My friends always tell me I'm a real people person... But my psychiatrist prefers the term 'multiple personality disorder.'
  3. If someone trusts you enough to sleep next to you multiple times, That makes you a re-lie-able person .
  4. My roommate is spreading rumour that I have multiple personality disorder. Well, three can play that game!
  5. My therapist just diagnosed me as a people's person… ..but he insists it's called multiple personality disorder.
  6. Why did the lady with multiple personality disorder share her food with a friend? Because Sharon is Karen.
  7. What's black and white and red all over? A white person wearing blackface with multiple stab wounds.
  8. A person with multiple sclerosis walks into a bar... and a chair....
    and a table...
    and the wall...
    ...you get it.
  9. As someone with multiple personalities it's always tough to end a relationship For some reasons no one wants to hear, "It's not me, it's me."
  10. My analyst told me that I've got multiple personality disorder. I replied "Don't be ridiculous. I haven't got multiple personality disorder - and neither have I."

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Multiple Personality One Liners

Which multiple personality one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with multiple personality? I can suggest the ones about split personalities and dissociative identity.

  1. Hi I'm Bob I'll be frank with you,
    I have multiple personality disorder
  2. My therapist told me I have multiple personalities... Now she charges me a group rate.
  3. Just found out I have multiple personality disorder I gotta tell the other guys
  4. What do you call a monster with multiple personality disorder? A we're wolf.
  5. Having identical triplets is like.... Having one kid with multiple personalities.
  6. I hosted a seminar for multiple personality, It took me hours to make all the name tags.
  7. What's the art of having multiple personalities? Acting
  8. What do you call a bear that has multiple personalities A bi-polar bear
  9. What do you call a clown that has multiple personalities? Skits-ophrenic
  10. I once met a guy with multiple personalities. He was pretty cool. Aww, thank you!
  11. What do you call a person who uses multiple accounts to upvote their own memes? Unidank
  12. Sometimes I feel like i have multiple personalities...
  13. A girl is dating a multiple personality... His names are 'Stream' and 'Pulse'

Multiple Personality Disorder Jokes

Here is a list of funny multiple personality disorder jokes and even better multiple personality disorder puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • I have been diagnosed with DID or Multiple Personality Disorder. Apparently there are multiple personalities inside of me fighting their way out.
    I would take them all over my ex-wife's one!
  • Coping with multiple personality disorder is easy. But, I've always been more of a people person.
  • I felt like I was just a statistic, so I went to see a psychologist... She diagnosed me with multiple personality disorder.
    Now I feel like a distribution.
  • I wasn't sure about it... so I asked my other personalities if I had multiple personality disorder...
    They said I didn't.
  • Another therapist joke Therapist : I think you have multiple personality disorder
    Me : Oh my god you think I have a personality.
    Also me : Tell me something I dont know
  • What's the best part about having multiple personality disorder? b**... your best friend's wife every night!

Comical Puns & Laughs: Enjoy Fun, Witty Multiple Personality Jokes with Friends.

What funny jokes about multiple personality you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean personality jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make multiple personality pranks.

Welcome to the physchiatric hotline

If you have multiple personalities, please press 3,4,5, and 6.
If you are obsessive compulsive, please press 1 repeatedly.
If you are co-dependent, please ask someone to press 2.
If you are paranoid-delusional, we know who you are and what you want. Just stay on the line so we can trace the call.
If you are schizophrenic, listen carefully and a little voice will tell you what number to press.
If you are maniac depressive, it doesn't matter which number you press. No one will answer.
If you are delusional and occasionally hallucinate, please be aware that the thing you are holding on the side of your head is alive and about to bite off your ear.
If you are a depressive, don't press anything. Just sit there and cry.

Mental health hotline.

Hello, welcome to the mental health hotline.
If you have obsessive compulsive disorder, press 1 repeatedly.
If you are co-dependent, please ask someone to press 2 for you.
If you have multiple personality syndrome, press 3, 4, 5, and 6.
If you suffer from paranoid schizophrenia, we know who you are and what you want. Stay on the line so we can trace your call.
If you are delusional, press 7 and your call will be transfered to the mothership.
If you are hearing voices, listen carefully and a small voice will tell you which number to press.
If you are manic depressive, it doesn't matter which button you press. No one will answer anyway.
If you are dyslexic, press 96969696969696.
If you have a nervous disorder, please fidget with the pound button until a representative comes on the line.
If you have amnesia, press 8 and state your name, address, phone number, date of birth, social security number, and your mother's and grandmother's maiden names.
If you have post traumatic stress disorder, slowly and carefully press 911.
If you have bi-polar disorder, please leave a message after the beep. Or before the beep. Or after the beep. Please wait for the beep.
If you have short term memory loss, please try you call again in a few minutes.
If you have low self esteem, please hang up. All our representatives are busy.

So my friend who has multiple personalities called me yesterday.

My Caller I.D. exploded.....

A doctor diagnosed me with...

... Paranoid Schizophrenia.
But he's just out to get me. So are you.
... Narcissistic Personality Disorder.
Which means I am AWESOME!
... Multiple Personality Disorder.
But we don't believe him.
... Expressive Aphasia.
Cheddar concrete levitates archetypal moonbeams.
... Dementia.
But I maintain full cognitive... Um. What was the question?

Hello, welcome to the mental health hotline.

If you are Obsessive Compulsive, press 1 repeatedly. If you are codependant, have someone press 2 for you. If you have multiple personalities, press 3,4,5,6. If you are paranoid, we know which one you want.

Answering machine message

Welcome to the Psychiatric Hotline. If you are obsessive-compulsive, please press 1 repeatedly. If you are co-dependent, please ask someone to press 2. If you have multiple personalities, please press 3, 4, 5 and 6. If you are paranoid-delusional, we know who you are and what you want. Just stay on the line until we can trace the call. If you are schizophrenic, listen carefully and a little voice will tell you which number to press. If you are manic-depressive, it doesn't matter which number you press. No one will answer.

What does a suicidal multiple personality say every morning?

If I don't kill myself soon, I will!

If someone with multiple personalities threatens to commit s**......

is it a hostage situation?

The husband had a really bad condition of multiple personality disorder...

"Doctor, for the last eight months, my husband has thought that he's a lawnmower."
"That's terrible. Why didn't you bring him in sooner?"
"Because the neighbor just returned him this morning."

Hello and welcome to the mental health hotline..

If you are obsessive compulsive press 1 repeatedly.
If you are co-dependent ask someone to press 2 for you.
If you have multiple personalities press 3, 4, 5 and 6.
If you are paranoid we know who you are and what you want..stay on the line and we'll trace your call.
If you are delusional press 7 and your call will be transferred to the mothership.
If you are a nymphomaniac please stop doing that with the phone..
If you are schizophrenic listen carefully - a small voice will tell you which button to press.

The most well known person in the world

Some Spanish guy named "Manual"... A copy of his autobiography, printed in multiple languages, comes free with every electronic device or machinery... although much of his life story is lost in translation.

A person who speaks multiple languages is a polyglot. A person who speaks two languages is bilingual. A person who speaks only one language...

Is American.

Hey girl, are you looking for someone with a nice personality?

You are in luck! I've got multiple.

What do a chinese name and someone with multiple personalities have in common?

They're a bunch of characters.

What's the best thing about having multiple personalities?

It turns m**... into an o**....

The answering protocol for the psychiatric hotline.

Hello. Welcome to the Psychiatric Hotline.
If you are obsessive-compulsive, please press 1 repeatedly.
If you are co-dependent, please ask someone to press 2.
If you have multiple personalities, please press 3, 4, 5 and 6.
If you are paranoid-delusional, we know who you are and what you want. Just stay on the line so we can trace the call.
If you are schizophrenic, listen carefully and a little voice will tell you which number to press.
If you are manic depressive, it doesn't matter which number you press. No-one will answer.

Do people with multiple personalities prefer…

…to be referred to as plural pronouns or singular pronouns?

I used to have multiple personalities...

"And how are you doing after all this time in therapy?"
We are all doing just fine.

Why shouldn't you ever argue with someone who has multiple personalities?

One of them might be a lawyer

Thank you for calling the Psychiatric Institute of Mental Health

If you have an obsessive-compulsive disorder, please press button 1. Again. And again. And again.
If you have a multiple personality disorder press in rapid sequence keys 2, 3, 4, 5, and 6.
If you suffer from paranoia, we have to inform you that we already know who you are, what you do in life, and what you want from us. Please stay on the phone while we trace your call.
If you suffer from hallucinations, press the 7 on the big pink telephone that you, and only you, see at your immediate right.
If you are suffer from chizophrenia, please kindly ask your imaginary friend to press the 8 key for you.
If you suffer from depression, it doesn't matter which key you press, as there is nothing to do: yours is a basket case, and there is no cure.
If you suffer from amnesia, press keys in rapid sequence 2, 7, 5, 3, 9 5, 7, 5, 1, 6, 4, 9 and repeat out loud, in the following order, your name, surname, home address, mobile number, e-mail, social security number, bank account number, ATM pin code, date of birth, marital status, place of birth and your grandmother's maiden name.
If you suffer from indecision, leave your message before, after, or during the beep.
If you suffer from short-term memory loss press 0.
If you suffer from short-term memory loss press 0.
If you suffer from short-term memory loss press 0.
If you suffer from obsessive avarice we have to inform you that this call costs 500 euros per minute.
If you suffer from low self-esteem, keep waiting: all our operators are busy responding to people who are much more important than you.
If you are one of the Italians that voted for Berlusconi, please hang up. We cure the crazy, not the jerks.