Multiple Jokes
157 multiple jokes and hilarious multiple puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about multiple that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Read about the diverse and dual personalities of multiple jokes; from multiple sclerosis to malicious multiple choice. Uncover the multiple meanings, multiple parts, multiple steps, multiple marriages and multiple best men. Explore the world of multiple lines, multiple personalities, multiple choices, and more.
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Funniest Multiple Short Jokes
Short multiple jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The multiple humour may include short numerous jokes also.
- Why do cellular biologists never agree with mathematicians? For them, division and multiplication are the same thing.
- I decided to replace my belt with multiple watches connected together. It was a big waist of time.
- Growing up we didn't have a lot of money. I had to use a hand-me-down calculator with no multiplication symbol on it. Times were tough
- The multiple times I talk to God it's called praying But the one time God talks back to me I'm labeled as a schizophrenic
- What do you call a musician who can play multiple instruments but always chooses the accordion? A firm believer in the “squeeze is worth the juice.”
- Why are reposts always upvoted more than original jokes? You need to tell it to a redditor multiple times for them to get it.
- What is worse than a serial killer A parallel killer, who kills multiple people at once, instead of one at a time
- My dads nickname is lightning. That way I can tell my friends I've been struck by lightning multiple times.
- An irishman named Sean cloned himself multiple times but just couldn't stand being around the 11th one... There was ten Sean between them.
- I once dated a biologist. I don't like to brag, but I always provided her with multiple organisms to keep her happy.
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Multiple One Liners
Which multiple one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with multiple? I can suggest the ones about parallel and countless.
- They say there's safety in numbers... Tell that to 6 million Jews
- Hi I'm Bob I'll be frank with you,
I have multiple personality disorder - What do biographers and serial killers have in common? Multiple life sentences.
- What kind of math was Jesus the best at? Cross multiplication
- There are multiple reports claiming that Kim Jong-Un is dead. Another Un bites the dust.
- A couple of geese fell down from the stairs. They got multiple goose bumps.
- What do you call a black woman who has had multiple abortions? A crime fighter
- What is the punishment for polygamy in the United States? Multiple mothers-in-law.
- Why does the cell always fail at Math? It performs division for multiplication.
- My therapist told me I have multiple personalities... Now she charges me a group rate.
- What do you call a man with multiple noses? No one nose.
- Just found out I have multiple personality disorder I gotta tell the other guys
- The moon landing was staged The rocket they used had multiple stages
- Once you've seen one establishment with multiple stores in it You've seen the mall
- Why should you date a guy who speaks multiple languages? Because he's a cunning linguist.
Multiple Personality Jokes
Here is a list of funny multiple personality jokes and even better multiple personality puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- My psychiatrist diagnosed me with multiple personality disorder... And now she's on the news, apparently she was murdered by one of her patients, wonder if I ever saw him
- My friends always tell me I'm a real people person... But my psychiatrist prefers the term 'multiple personality disorder.'
- If someone trusts you enough to sleep next to you multiple times, That makes you a re-lie-able person .
- My roommate is spreading rumour that I have multiple personality disorder. Well, three can play that game!
- My therapist just diagnosed me as a people's person… ..but he insists it's called multiple personality disorder.
- Why did the lady with multiple personality disorder share her food with a friend? Because Sharon is Karen.
- What's black and white and red all over? A white person wearing blackface with multiple stab wounds.
- A person with multiple sclerosis walks into a bar... and a chair....
and a table...
and the wall...
...you get it. - As someone with multiple personalities it's always tough to end a relationship For some reasons no one wants to hear, "It's not me, it's me."
- What do you call a monster with multiple personality disorder? A we're wolf.
Multiple Personality Disorder Jokes
Here is a list of funny multiple personality disorder jokes and even better multiple personality disorder puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- My analyst told me that I've got multiple personality disorder. I replied "Don't be ridiculous. I haven't got multiple personality disorder - and neither have I."
- I have been diagnosed with DID or Multiple Personality Disorder. Apparently there are multiple personalities inside of me fighting their way out.
I would take them all over my ex-wife's one! - Coping with multiple personality disorder is easy. But, I've always been more of a people person.
- I felt like I was just a statistic, so I went to see a psychologist... She diagnosed me with multiple personality disorder.
Now I feel like a distribution. - I wasn't sure about it... so I asked my other personalities if I had multiple personality disorder...
They said I didn't. - Another therapist joke Therapist : I think you have multiple personality disorder
Me : Oh my god you think I have a personality.
Also me : Tell me something I dont know - What's the best part about having multiple personality disorder? b**... your best friend's wife every night!
Multiple Choice Jokes
Here is a list of funny multiple choice jokes and even better multiple choice puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Women are like multiple choice tests They give you plenty of options but there's only one right answer
- Multiple choice question. Where does a fish swim?
A.
B.
Or C. - Occam's Disposable Razor When given multiple equally valid choices, choose the one that costs the least money.
- I did an exam about polyamory. It was multiple choice.
- How can you tell if a multiple choice exam is racist? All of the answers are not C's
- Multiple Choice Question Which of the following is a dangerous disease?
A)Bola
B)Bola
C)Bola
D)Bola
E)Bola - I applied for a job at a m**... dispensary, and was surprised to learn that I would have to take a drug test. I hope it's multiple choice. I tested m**..., crack, *and* w**....
- Yo' Mama is so s**..., she asked if her drug test was multiple choice.
Multiple Meaning Jokes
Here is a list of funny multiple meaning jokes and even better multiple meaning puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Biology is the only science in which multiplication is the same thing as division. Multiplication in biology means reproduction, which is microscopically accomplished by cell division.
- Is there a word that has the same meaning in multiple languages? No
- If you borrow from multiple loan sharks and then reports them to the police... wouldn't that mean you don't have to pay back?
- My r**... cousin is looking for a girl into multiple partners. I told him that was ridiculously cliché... I mean really. c**... wants a poly?
- Do you know why it's called politics? Poli, Greek origin meaning multiple or many.
Tics, blood s**... animals.
Multiple Sclerosis Jokes
Here is a list of funny multiple sclerosis jokes and even better multiple sclerosis puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- I don't understand why my coworkers get so upset when I joke about medical issues. Yesterday I made one about multiple sclerosis... and that *really* got people bent out of shape.
- What's worse than having a sclerose? Having multiple sclerosis.
Gather Around for Fun Multiple Jokes and Laughter with Friends
What funny jokes about multiple you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean million jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make multiple pranks.
Why did the pancake get arrested?
It had committed multiple unwaffle actions.
Mental health hotline.
Hello, welcome to the mental health hotline.
If you have obsessive compulsive disorder, press 1 repeatedly.
If you are co-dependent, please ask someone to press 2 for you.
If you have multiple personality syndrome, press 3, 4, 5, and 6.
If you suffer from paranoid schizophrenia, we know who you are and what you want. Stay on the line so we can trace your call.
If you are delusional, press 7 and your call will be transfered to the mothership.
If you are hearing voices, listen carefully and a small voice will tell you which number to press.
If you are manic depressive, it doesn't matter which button you press. No one will answer anyway.
If you are dyslexic, press 96969696969696.
If you have a nervous disorder, please fidget with the pound button until a representative comes on the line.
If you have amnesia, press 8 and state your name, address, phone number, date of birth, social security number, and your mother's and grandmother's maiden names.
If you have post traumatic stress disorder, slowly and carefully press 911.
If you have bi-polar disorder, please leave a message after the beep. Or before the beep. Or after the beep. Please wait for the beep.
If you have short term memory loss, please try you call again in a few minutes.
If you have low self esteem, please hang up. All our representatives are busy.
Why did the student do their multiplication problems on the floor?
Their teacher told them not to use tables!
Do you love multiple trees?
...No. I'm mahogamous.
What did JFK say about his multiple affairs?
"I did them not because they were easy, but because I was hard."
A doctor diagnosed me with...
... Paranoid Schizophrenia.
But he's just out to get me. So are you.
... Narcissistic Personality Disorder.
Which means I am AWESOME!
... Multiple Personality Disorder.
But we don't believe him.
... Expressive Aphasia.
Cheddar concrete levitates archetypal moonbeams.
... Dementia.
But I maintain full cognitive... Um. What was the question?
A priest was scolding a nun for exposing herself to the congregation multiple times...
She replied with: "I can't help it, I have a bad habit."
Home safety
I took my name off the Neighborhood Watch List.
I've got two Pakistani flags raised in my front garden, one at each corner and the black flag of ISIS in the center.
The local police, and multiple intelligence services are watching my house 24/7.
I've never felt safer in my entire Life!
Multiple choice test
A teacher has administered a multiple choice test to his students. During the exam he notices one student is flipping a quarter and then filling in his answer key. This continues throughout the exam. Nearing the end of the exam, the techer notices the student picking up pace. He is flipping his quarter faster and faster and frantically erasing and scribbling on his test. The teacher approaches the student and asks "what are you doing?"
"Just double checking my answers"
Is it a good idea to have multiple PhDs?
To a certain degree.
Little Billy started playing o**... when he was 5
Little Billy started playing o**... when he was 5. He practiced and practiced every day. He had heard of this orchestra from his town that was really hard to get accepted into. This made him want to practice and practice even more. He even got private lessons with a skilled organist. Finally, the day came. He went to the audition room and started to play, but no sound would come out. The o**... was broken. The judge immediately arranged for another o**.... As Billy began to play, the o**... also creaked and then ceased to make a sound. The judge arranged for yet another o**... for Billy, but that one broke down as well. The judge suddenly collapsed to the ground.
At the hospital, the doctors pronounced the judge dead and performed an autopsy.
"The cause of death appears to be multiple o**... failure."
Hello, welcome to the mental health hotline.
If you are Obsessive Compulsive, press 1 repeatedly. If you are codependant, have someone press 2 for you. If you have multiple personalities, press 3,4,5,6. If you are paranoid, we know which one you want.
what's it called when a mafia boss named Ana Conda sends his snobbish criminal henchman to go on a mission that includes said henchman going down multiple flights of stairs?
Conda sending condecending con decending
If someone with multiple personalities threatens to commit s**......
is it a hostage situation?
Husband: Babe, after work I had an accident.
Sabrina took me to the hospital. After various tests, they said I was in a bad state with cervical dislocation, multiple f**... injuries. Also, they will have to amputate my right leg.
Wife: Who is Sabrina?
I recently had s**... with a biologist at her laboratory.
I don't like to brag, but she had multiple organisms.
I'm tired of this one night stand mentality in college...
I have multiple lamps and alarm clocks, I need at least two night stands.
The husband had a really bad condition of multiple personality disorder...
"Doctor, for the last eight months, my husband has thought that he's a lawnmower."
"That's terrible. Why didn't you bring him in sooner?"
"Because the neighbor just returned him this morning."
- Doctor, I want to live very old
- Do you drink?
- Never, only water.
- You smoke?
- Oh no, my body is a temple
- Do you have crazy nights out dancing while doing c**... and coming back home to have unprotected s**... with multiple partners?
- Never, I'm single and abstinent.
- I see. So could you explain me exactly why you want to live old?
Why should polygamy be legal?
Any guy willing to take multiple wives is punishment enough!
Algebra walks into a bar...
Orders a drink and sits at the bar alone. The bartender sees him sending multiple texts while constantly looking at the door.
Finally the bartender asks, "looking for someone?"
Algebra responds, "yeah, I'm trying to find my x"
What do you call Salvador Dali after multiple h**...?
A surreal killer.
The most well known person in the world
Some Spanish guy named "Manual"... A copy of his autobiography, printed in multiple languages, comes free with every electronic device or machinery... although much of his life story is lost in translation.
14 year old girls these days be like "I drink because I wanna forget."
What are you trying to forget? The multiplication table?
A plus sign, a multiplication sign , and a minus sign walk into a bar.
The bartender serves the multiplication sign first, then he serves the plus sign, and the minus sign from left to right and a bunch of people from Facebook don't know why.
The biggest problem with polygamy?
Multiple mother-in-laws.
Have you heard of this bad doctor?
When people's limbs get cut off he replaces them, but with other animals' limbs.
One of his patients was really angry at this, and decided to call the doctor. After multiple profanities the patient said that if he finds the doctor he will kill him with his bear hands.
Great Moments in Lawyering
"Have you ever attempted s**...?"
"Yes, on multiple occasions."
"Did you ever succeed?"
There's always multiple sides to a story, unless you're at a library...
...then there's multiple stories to a side.
My wife has to pump breast milk multiple times a day and she's always complaining about it.
I think she's just milking it.
What does a married math teacher call his bed?
A multiplication table.
My wife asks Alexa at least once a day - sometimes multiple times - what's the weather?
I just added a routine to make Alexa respond "you've got windows, don't you?"
And now we wait.
(Not really a joke but I'm giggling with anticipation)
What's the best thing about having multiple personalities?
It turns m**... into an o**....
Why is there a broken phonograph in the Baseball Hall of Fame?
Because it was a record player.
I'm tired and rebuilding a Victrola. If this is a repost, then good, all the ancient aliens people can s**... it with their "evidence". Sometimes multiple people just get the same idea for fuckall reason.
My r**... cousin wants to be with a girl who is into multiple partners.
c**... wants a poly.
Breaking News: cheesecake e**... in France
Multiple reports coming in that there was nothing left but de brie.
Where did the stalker go when he took multiple gunshot wounds to the abdomen?
The ICU
Whenever my buddy gets high, he gains a strange ability to speak multiple languages.
He is Rosetta s**....
I wrote to the Guinness Book of Records . . .
I wrote to the *Guinness Book of Records* and told them that I had a flat piece of plastic with a hole in the middle and multiple grooves. My question for them was, is this a record?
So I bought a bottle of scotch from the store and put in my bicycle basket....
I decided that I would drink the scotch before going cycling back home because the bottle might break.
It turned out to be a very good decision because I fell multiple times on my way home.
A jewish father was on his death bed with his family around him...
He whispered
"son, come close"
And his son leaned forward so he's inches away from his father. The father grabs a watch from his night stand, a very fancy one, and whispers
"son, this watch has been worn by multiple generations, your great grandfather, your grandfather, and me."
The son with tears on his face says
"Yes father, what about it"
And his father, with his last breaths says:
"We'll, son... Wanna buy it?"
What's the difference between a man with multiple stab wounds and a knife juggler?
Practice.
I bought a 12ft tall multiplication symbol and just realised I can also use it as an addition symbol too.
That's a big plus.
Girls are like multiplication tables
If they're under 10 just do them in your head
Being a 6'3 comedian...
a lot of my jokes revolve around short people. However, after receiving multiple complaints, ive decided to stop making short jokes now.
I'm above that.
A snail walks into a car dealership...
A snail walks into a car dealership. The snail wants something fast, elegant, and luxurious, after browsing multiple brands he decides on one.
The rich snail pays in cash and walks up to the dealerships salesman and says "I want you to paint big S's all along this car, big S's on the front, the sides, the back, the top, big S's everywhere. The auto body guy tells him he can do it, but can't help but ask the snail why he wants big S's all over the car.
So the snail answers him "It's simple: When I launch past people on the highway they will say Look at that S car go!
I do not like using abbreviations to refer to multiple people
Not et al.
Addition, subtraction and multiplication might be difficult for Americans.
But g**... are they good at dividing.
Why was the spreadsheet afraid of its chart?
Because it has multiple axes.
A husband comes home one day and tells his wife he found Aladdin's lamp...
Wife: Oh my god, you're SO LUCKY! What did you wish for darling?
Husband: I asked him to increase your brain ten times.
Wife: Awww, you're so sweet baby! And did it work?
Husband: He laughed and said multiplication doesn't apply on zero.
I've been doing my psychology phd thesis on the mental health and wellbeing of little people. After 4 long years and multiple studies, I've concluded...
6 out of 7 dwarves aren't Happy.
My friend asked to tell him about my paranormal experiences...
I said, I've been ghosted by multiple women