muhammad Jokes

funny pick up lines and hilarious muhammad puns

What do you call a 58 year old man that has sex with a 9 year old girl?

The Prophet Muhammad.


We need to start giving hurricanes Arab names

Nobody is going to leave for Irma but if Muhammad was coming the whole country would evacuate


A Muslim man sees the face of Muhammad in a tub of margarine one day

His neighbor from Nepal looks over and says "I can't believe it's not Buddha"



Three first-graders are flunking their class. The teacher calls them in and tells them: "I will ask you one question each, if you can answer it, you pass."

"Jim, how do you spell 'Cow'?"

"Jack, how do you spell 'Car'?"

"Muhammad, how do you spell 'Racial discrimination'?"


A Muslim Extremist orders an Uber.

His uber driver arrives so he gets in the car to proceed to his destination, the extremist then asks the driver a question.

Extremist: in the time of Muhammad did they have radio?

Driver: no.

Extremist: so why do you have the radio on?

Driver: *turns off radio*

The extremist then asks another question

Extremist: in the time of Muhammad did they have air conditioning?

Driver: no.

Extremist: so why are using it?

Driver: *turns of the air conditioner*

The driver decided to ask the extremist a question.

Driver: in the time of Muhammad did they have uber?

Extremist: obviously not.

Driver: then get the fuck out!


What does Allahu Akbar actually mean?" I asked Muhammad at work today.

"It has two meanings," he replied, "The first meaning is 'God is Great'".

"And the second?" I asked

"Run like fuck!" Muhammad smiled.


Little Muhammad goes to 1st grade...

When the teacher asked his name he replied: "Muhammad".
The teacher says:" you live in France, from now on you're name is Phillip and you will be French"
Little Phillip goes back home and his mom asks him" well little Muhammad, how was school?"
Phillip replied: "I'm French now, my name is Phillip!"
The mom is shocked, an hour later his dad comes home and they both slap Phillip.
The day passes and Phillip goes to class with a black eye, the teacher asks him:"what happened Phillip?"
"An hour after I became French, two Arabs beat the shit out of me!"


My favorite drawings at the Muhammad cartoon festival in Texas were the two chalk outlines out front.

Credit Evan Sayet.


Jesus, Moses, and Muhammad are fishing on a boat

As Jesus winds down the fishing lesson, he notes the time. He bids them farewell, and walks across the lake home.

After a while, Moses decided he wasn't very good at fishing, so he parted the lake and went home.

Being the last one left, Muhammed ██████████ █████ ████████████████ ██████████ ███████████████ ███████


Did you hear Muhammad Ali burnt his hand in a few fights?

That's what happens when you punch George Foreman in the grill.


Jesus and Muhammad were having an intense debate about which of their religions is stronger.

My faith moved mountains, exclaimed Jesus.

Yes, agreed Muhammad, but mine moved skyscrapers.


My friends kept saying they saw Muhammad walking around town. They never found him.

I guess he was just a turban legend.


I started a figurine company that specializes in miniature Muhammad statues

We make a small prophet.


I was at a urinal when I realized standing to my left was Muhammad Ali and to my right was Michael J. Fox...

bad day to wear sandals.


Muhammad, Jesus and Buddha walks into a bar...

The bartender asks each of them what they want.

Muhammad orders a glass of cranberry juice.

Jesus orders a glass of water, and promptly turns it into wine.

Then the bartender asks Buddha, "what do you want?"

Buddha replies, "Make me one with everything."


What do you call a 53 year old who has sex with a 9 year old?

1.6 billion people call him Muhammad.


Everyone thinks Muhammad Ali was the best boxer in history, but Jim Jones had a way higher number of KO's...

900 with just one punch.


Muhammad Ali in 1974: Float like a butterfly, sting like a bee

Floyd Mayweather in 2015: Run like a chicken, hug like a bear


Why couldn't Muhammad pick his wife up from childcare?

Because Muslim girls can't go to school


What do you call a Muslim flying a plane?

Muhammad, statistically


Why did Muhammad hire Moses to help with his start-up?

He wanted to double his prophets.


What is the name of Muhammad Ali's sheep?

Ali BaaBaa.


What do you call a surrealist painter that converts to Islam?

Muhammad Dali


What do you call a Muslim person standing between two buildings?

Muhammad Alley


Muhammad walks up to the Buddha and says "Guess what a mosque and 9 year old have in common."

I've been in both.


So Muhammad Ali is dead...

Is it too soon for a punchline?


What do you call Muhammad Ali after he eats lots of beans?

Gaseous Clay


I figured out why so many Muslims are called Muhammad.

So they don't have to have their picture in the yearbook.


What did Muhammad Ali name his son?



What do you call Muhammad Ali after he eats a burrito?

Gaseous Clay


I've always wanted to shake Muhammad Ali's hand

Unfortunately, Parkinson's beat me to it.


Muhammad Ali & Joe Frazier go to a Dry Cleaner.

Owner says, "Can I help you?"

They say, "How much to wash an old pair of boxers?"


Who would win in a fight between Muhammad Ali and Stephen Hawking?



What do they call Muhammad Ali on bean night?

Gaseous Clay


Why is Aisha a world renowned penetration tester?

Because muhammad taught her from a very young age.


What are the most funny Muhammad jokes of all time ?

Did you ever wanted to stand out with a good sense of humour joking with someone about Muhammad? Well, here are the best Muhammad dad jokes to laugh out loud. Crazy funny puns and Muhammad pick up lines to share with friends.

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