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Mugging Jokes

43 mugging jokes and hilarious mugging puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about mugging that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

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Funniest Mugging Short Jokes

Short mugging jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The mugging humour may include short mugged jokes also.

  1. Patient says, "Doctor I have pain in my eye whenever I drink tea" Doctor says, "Take the spoon out of your mug"
  2. I started carrying a knife after an attempted mugging a few years ago. Since then, my mugging attempts have been a lot more successful.
  3. i started carrying a knife after a mugging attempt years ago Since then my mugging attempts have been a lot more successful.
  4. I've decided to start carrying a knife. After an attempted mugging last week I've decided to start carrying a knife. Since then, my mugging attempts have been much more successful.
  5. My wife walks into the kitchen Me: it sure is muggy outside
    Wife: if you put all the mugs on the porch I'm leaving you
    *Sips coffee out of bowl*
  6. I started carrying a knife after a failed mugging attempt last year... All my attempts have been pretty successful this year.
  7. Me: "Gee honey, it sure is muggy out today!" Her: "If I walk outside and all of our mugs are on the front porch, I'm leaving you."
    Me: *sips coffee from a bowl*
  8. I started carrying a knife after a mugging attempt a few months ago. After that my mugging attempts have been very successful
  9. After an attempted mugging, I started to carry a gun around with me Now my muggings are more successful.
  10. A turtle is crossing the road when he's mugged by two snails. When the police show up, they ask him what happened. The shaken turtle replies, I don't know. It all happened so fast.

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Mugging One Liners

Which mugging one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with mugging? I can suggest the ones about mugs and robbing.

  1. I got mugged by 6 dwarves... .... not Happy.
  2. Coffee is the silent victim in our house... It gets mugged every day.
  3. What did the German physicist call his beer mug? Ein stein.
  4. Why did the coffee file a police report? It got mugged.
  5. Someone stole my coffee. He was charged with mugging.
  6. What do you call a sick cup of coffe? A coughy mug
  7. I lost 70 pounds last month I got mugged in London
  8. I put root beer in a square mug. Now I have beer.
  9. I go mugged by six dwarves last night. Not happy.
  10. Why did the coffee file a police report? Because it got mugged!
  11. why don't mathematicians get mugged? Because there's safety in numbers.
  12. Courtesy of my 6-year-old: How does a coffee mug fight off dementors? Espresso patronum
  13. Two coffees were walking down the street... One of them was mugged!
  14. What did the coffee do after it got mugged? It got drunk.
  15. Why did the barbarian mug the bard? So he could take the lute!

Mugging joke, Why did the barbarian mug the bard?

Rib-Tickling Mugging Jokes that Bring Friends Together

What funny jokes about mugging you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean armed robbery jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make mugging pranks.

Britain's oldest woman turned 114 today

When asked the secret of her longevity, she attributed it to taking a walk at midnight every night. When quizzed on whether she was concerned about the increase in muggings in recent years, she said that she was not, and would continue mugging people as long as her health holds out.

..ever since an attempted mugging last year i have carried a knife.

Since then my muggings have been way more successful.

I'm still a bit shaken up. I was involved in a violent mugging this morning.

On the plus side I did make $43 and I think the watch looks really good on me.

After a mugging attempt a few years ago, I started carrying a knife.

My muggings are much more successful these days.

I was injured in a violent mugging this afternoon.

On the plus side, I did make $23 and I think this old lady's watch looks really good on me.

I started carrying a hand gun after a failed mugging attempt.

Now, all my mugging attempts have been successful.

John robbed some coffee from starbucks the other day.

The police are charging him for mugging.

Magician mugging

I got mugged by a magician the other day. He pulled a knife on me, but what was weird is that it was behind my ear the whole time.

Do you know how I know that I'm ugly?

The guy who was mugging me took off his mask and made me wear it!

What Do You Call it When Someone Steals Someone Else's Coffee?

A Mugging.

I was involved in quite a violent mugging the other day.

On the plus side I made a few bucks.

I started carrying a knife with me after an attempted mugging a few years ago.

The muggings have been working out a lot better now.

If I had a dollar for every mugging in S Chicago...

I'd still have nothing

What does Samuel Jackson say when he is mugging you?

What's in your wallet?

I experienced my first mugging last night...

I got a little banged up, but at least I now have some beer money!

Mugging

A tortoise went out for a few beers and despite being severely worse for wear decided to walk home through the rough part of town. Half way home he was set upon by four snails who beat him senseless and stole what little money he still had and as a final insult they sprayed obscenities on his shell . Utterly distraught he was taken to the local police station where the inspector asked if he could remember anything about the assailants .
No - it all happened so quickly

Just experienced my first mugging

After living in D.C. for over a year, I just experienced my first mugging.
Got $80 off the old guy.

Influencers' life

A twenty-something walks into a shop with a parrot on her shoulder, and begins recording herself in the floral, with fabrics mugging with product.
The shopkeeper is intrigued, and asks her where did you get that?
The parrot says Instagram! There's millions of them there!

The cab

A Jewish guy in New York City is in a cab. The cab is going down the street when the cabbie sees a guy on the sidewalk mugging a woman. The guy is hitting her and trying to grab her purse. The cabbie zooms to the side of the road and jumps out to go help the woman.
The Jewish guy rolls down the window and yells, "Stop it! Stop it! Stop the meter!"

How do you stop a mugging?

By giving them the money.

I'm fed up hearing about people mugging O.A.P's for a couple of pounds.

Pensioners should be made to carry a tenner at least.

Mugging joke, I'm fed up hearing about people mugging O.A.P's for a couple of pounds.