Mugger Jokes
37 mugger jokes and hilarious mugger puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about mugger that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Quick Jump To
Funniest Mugger Short Jokes
Short mugger jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The mugger humour may include short robber jokes also.
- A mugger jumps out in front of a university student... ...and shouts "your money or your life!"
The student keeps walking, and says "Sorry mate, I'm a computer science student. I don't have either". - A mugger holds a man at gunpoint and says, "Give me your wallet or you're science!" The man says, "Don't you mean history?"
The mugger yells, "Don't try to change the subject!" - *mugger pulls a knife* Mugger: gimme your money
Me: well this night took a SHARP turn
*later*
Doctor: it's a record for amount of stabs - A mugger held me up at knife point, demanding I give all my money... So I drew him a map to my ex-wife's house.
- A mugger pulls a knife and shouts "Your money or your life!" The victim just shurgs, keeps walking and calls over his shoulder "I'm a postdoc, I don't have either."
- A mugger was able to lure a woman very easily behind the building where he always sits... She was right up his alley.
- A blonde was walking down a shady alley, when all of a sudden a mugger jumps out from behind cover and says "I have a knife, give me all your money!" She screamed and yelled "Don't shoot!"
- What's the difference between a mugger and an American doctor? The mugger will cut you, then take all your money.
The doctor will cut you, then you'll give him all your money. - Why didn't the mugger shoot the mime? Because a mime is a terrible thing to waste.
...
Thank you, I'll see myself out. - A mugger attacks a man in an alley, and demands all his money. The man cries, "I'm a civil servant; I don't *have* any money!"
The mugger sneers, "Alright. Then give me all of *my* money."
Share These Mugger Jokes With Friends
Mugger One Liners
Which mugger one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with mugger? I can suggest the ones about armed robber and burglar.
- I had to chase a mugger after he stole my wallet He really gave me a run for my money!
- I met a mugger in northern Germany. He said "Hannover your wallet!"
- You've got the perfect weapon against muggers. Your face.
- what do you call a thief who specializes in mugs? a mugger.
- What do you call a japanese non-wizard thief? A mugger
- What do you call a black muggle? A mugger
Gather Around for Fun Mugger Jokes and Laughter with Friends
What funny jokes about mugger you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean gangster jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make mugger pranks.
A mugger
Late one night, a mugger wearing a ski mask jumped into the path of a well-dressed man and stuck a gun in his ribs.
"Give me your money," he demanded.
Indignant, the affluent man replied, "You can't do this, I'm a United States Congressman!"
"In that case," replied the mugger, "give me MY money."
A politician is walking down the street when he is suddenly attacked.
The assailant says "give me all your money." The politician says "do you know who I am? I'm an important government official." The mugger says, "fine, give me all my money."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Mugger: Give me all your stuff or you're science!
Me: Don't you mean history?
Mugger: Don't try to change the subject!
Late one night a mugger wearing a mask !!!
Late one night a mugger wearing a mask stopped a well-dressed man and stuck a gun in his ribs. "Give me your money," he demanded. Scandalized, the man replied, "You can't do this – I'm a US Congressman!" "Oh! In that case," smiled the robber, "Give me MY money!
Two friends are walking down an alley when a mugger ask for their money.
The two men sigh and start emptying their pockets. The first friend hands the second man $20 and says "here's that money I owe you."
Two friends Sam and Terry are spending the day together
As they are walking home down an empty street they find themselves at gunpoint with a mugger asking for their wallets.
As they take out their wallets Sam says "One sec" He takes a 20 out of his wallet and gives it to Terry
"Here's the 20 I owe you"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A mugger approaches an Irish man
He points his gun and says, "Your money or your life!"
The Irishman replies, "Take me life. I'm saving me money for me old age."
Mugger walks up behind a man in a suit and puts a gun to his back...
The mugger says, "Give me all your money."
The man in the suit says, "You can't do this to me! I'm a United States Congressman!"
The mugger replies, "Then give me all *my* money!"
A man was walking on the road when he was accosted by two muggers who attacked him.
The man fought bravely but the muggers beat him senseless and proceeded to go through his pockets.
"There's only $2.75 in here!" said one of the muggers, looking through the man's wallet.
"You mean to say that you fought us like this for $2.75!?" the other mugger asked the man incredulously.
"Wha... that's what you wanted?" replied the man dazedly, "I thought you were after the $300 in my shoe."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
my first day as a mugger [points gun]: gimme all your money!
**victim:** please, I have kids.
**me:** nah— I'd rather have the money.
A gender studies major gets mugged
A gender studies major is walking through Central Park on her way back to campus, when a mugger jumps her. He takes her wallet and purse, but lets her keep her cellphone.
She immediately calls the police. "Was it a man or a woman?" the cop asks once he got there.
"I don't know," she says. "I didn't get to ask."
A mugger held a couple.
While pointing a gun and taking their valuables, he asked the them:
Mugger: What's your name?
Woman: My name is Donna.
Mugger: You have a name like my mother. I will not kill you then. And you? (Asking the other)
Man: My name is Dave, but my friends call me Anne.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A man is walking down an alley way and gets mugged.
"$100 or I'll kill you!" says the mugger.
"Here's 50," the man says. "I'm already half dead from the scare."
A man and his daughter are traveling through the countryside.
The man and his daughter are riding on a horse powered wagon with $10,000 on board. Suddenly a mugger runs up to them and says ,"Give me everything!". As the man and daughter watches the mugger ride off with their belongings, the man says, "Dang, there goes my $10,000" when his daughter taps him on the shoulder and says "Look pa, I managed to hide your money in my mouth! It's right here!". "Goly!" says the man. "If only your ma was here, we could have saved the House and wagon too!"
Two Muggers and a Pedestrian
A man was walking home from work at midnight through a dark alley. Two Muggers attack him and demand that he gives up every valuable he got. The guy wouldnt so they start fighting. So after fighting for about 10 minutes, everyone was exhausted, the Pedestrian gives up.
The Mugshots search his pockets and find only about $5.
They ask him "Why would you resist that hard for that long to defend only five bucks?
The Pedestrian answers: I was defending the Two Grand that I hid in my Boots you idiots.
A woman pregnant with triplets is shot three times...
by a mugger in the stomach while she's walking home one night. The doctors save her and the babies but tell her that eventually the kids will have to have the bullets removed.
Well, they're born healthy, three strapping sons, and they grow normally and she forgets all about the bullets until one day one comes down, crying his eyes out. She asks him what's wrong and he says, "I was peeing and I peed out a bullet." She tells him the story and, satisfied, he goes on his way. Then another son comes down crying his eyes out. She asks him what's wrong and he also says, "I was peeing and I peed out a bullet." She tells him the story too and, satisfied, he goes on his way.
Then the third son comes down, crying his eyes out, and she says, "Let me guess, you were peeing and you peed out a bullet?" He shakes his head and replies, "No, I was jacking off and I shot the dog."
