Mugger Jokes
38 mugger jokes and hilarious mugger puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about mugger that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
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Funniest Mugger Short Jokes
Short mugger jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The mugger humour may include short mugs jokes also.
- A mugger jumps out in front of a university student... ...and shouts "your money or your life!"
The student keeps walking, and says "Sorry mate, I'm a computer science student. I don't have either". - A mugger holds a man at gunpoint and says, "Give me your wallet or you're science!" The man says, "Don't you mean history?"
The mugger yells, "Don't try to change the subject!" - Mugger: Give me all your stuff or you're science! Me: Don't you mean history?
Mugger: Don't try to change the subject! - *mugger pulls a knife* Mugger: gimme your money
Me: well this night took a SHARP turn
*later*
Doctor: it's a record for amount of stabs - A mugger held me up at knife point, demanding I give all my money... So I drew him a map to my ex-wife's house.
- A mugger stole my mood ring from me, but luckily, I wasn't hurt. I really don't know how to feel about it.
- I got mugged yesterday... The mugger said, Give me your money or you're science.
I said, Don't you mean history?
He said, Don't try and change the subject. - Sloth gets mugged A sloth gets mugged by three turtles. At the police station the cop asks him if he got a good look at the muggers. The sloth replies "I don't know, it all happened so fast".
- A mugger approaches an Irish man He points his gun and says, "Your money or your life!"
The Irishman replies, "Take me life. I'm saving me money for me old age." - A mugger pulls a knife and shouts "Your money or your life!" The victim just shurgs, keeps walking and calls over his shoulder "I'm a postdoc, I don't have either."
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Mugger One Liners
Which mugger one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with mugger? I can suggest the ones about mugged and robber.
- I had to chase a mugger after he stole my wallet He really gave me a run for my money!
- I met a mugger in northern Germany. He said "Hannover your wallet!"
- Why can't muggers catch Catholics during Lent? They fast.
- You've got the perfect weapon against muggers. Your face.
- what do you call a thief who specializes in mugs? a mugger.
- What do you call a japanese non-wizard thief? A mugger
- What do you call a black muggle? A mugger
Gather Around for Fun Mugger Jokes and Laughter with Friends
What funny jokes about mugger you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean armed robber jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make mugger pranks.
A mugger
Late one night, a mugger wearing a ski mask jumped into the path of a well-dressed man and stuck a gun in his ribs.
"Give me your money," he demanded.
Indignant, the affluent man replied, "You can't do this, I'm a United States Congressman!"
"In that case," replied the mugger, "give me MY money."
A politician is walking down the street when he is suddenly attacked.
The assailant says "give me all your money." The politician says "do you know who I am? I'm an important government official." The mugger says, "fine, give me all my money."
Two guys are walking down a dark alley
when a mugger approaches them and demand their money.
They both grudgingly pull our their wallets and begin taking out their cash.
Just then, o**... turns to the other and hands him a bill. "Hey, here's that twenty dollars I owe you."
Late one night a mugger wearing a mask !!!
Late one night a mugger wearing a mask stopped a well-dressed man and stuck a gun in his ribs. "Give me your money," he demanded. Scandalized, the man replied, "You can't do this – I'm a US Congressman!" "Oh! In that case," smiled the robber, "Give me MY money!
Mugged in D.C
A mugger stops a well-dressed man with a gun to his ribs and says "Give me your money"
The man replies back "You can't do this – I'm a US Congressman!"
"Oh! In that case," says the robber, "Give me MY money!"
Late one night a mugger wearing a ski mask jumped into a path of...
Late one night a mugger wearing a ski mask jumped into a path of a well-dressed man and stuck a gun in his ribs
"give me your money," he demanded.
Indignant, the affluent man replied, "you can't do this, I am a United States congressman!"
In that case," replied the mugger,
"give me my money."
A well known politician is walking down when the street when a mugger jumps out and says "give me all of your money."
The politician says, "Do you know who I am? I'm a well known politician."
So the mugger says, "Fine, give me all of my money."
The mugger
One night, a mugger wearing a ski mask jumped into the path of a well-dressed man and stuck a gun in his ribs.
"Give me your money," he demanded.
Indignant, the affluent man replied, "You can't do this- I'm a US Congressman!"
"In that case," replied the robber, "Give me MY money!"
Two friends are walking down an alley when a mugger ask for their money.
The two men sigh and start emptying their pockets. The first friend hands the second man $20 and says "here's that money I owe you."
Two friends Sam and Terry are spending the day together
As they are walking home down an empty street they find themselves at gunpoint with a mugger asking for their wallets.
As they take out their wallets Sam says "One sec" He takes a 20 out of his wallet and gives it to Terry
"Here's the 20 I owe you"
When the person who mugs you only finds a dollar in your pocket
John is on his way home late at night when he's attacked by a mugger. After a great struggle, the mugger overcomes him, searches his pockets, but only finds a single dollar.
"What sort of guy puts up a fight like that for just a dollar?" says the mugger.
"I'm not that s**...," says John, "I thought were were after the $500 I've got hidden in my shoe."
Mugger walks up behind a man in a suit and puts a gun to his back...
The mugger says, "Give me all your money."
The man in the suit says, "You can't do this to me! I'm a United States Congressman!"
The mugger replies, "Then give me all *my* money!"
A man was walking on the road when he was accosted by two muggers who attacked him.
The man fought bravely but the muggers beat him senseless and proceeded to go through his pockets.
"There's only $2.75 in here!" said one of the muggers, looking through the man's wallet.
"You mean to say that you fought us like this for $2.75!?" the other mugger asked the man incredulously.
"Wha... that's what you wanted?" replied the man dazedly, "I thought you were after the $300 in my shoe."
my first day as a mugger [points gun]: gimme all your money!
**victim:** please, I have kids.
**me:** nah— I'd rather have the money.
A gender studies major gets mugged
A gender studies major is walking through Central Park on her way back to campus, when a mugger jumps her. He takes her wallet and purse, but lets her keep her cellphone.
She immediately calls the police. "Was it a man or a woman?" the cop asks once he got there.
"I don't know," she says. "I didn't get to ask."
A mugger was able to lure a woman very easily behind the building where he always sits...
She was right up his alley.
A mugger held a couple.
While pointing a gun and taking their valuables, he asked the them:
Mugger: What's your name?
Woman: My name is Donna.
Mugger: You have a name like my mother. I will not kill you then. And you? (Asking the other)
Man: My name is Dave, but my friends call me Anne.
A blonde was walking down a shady alley, when all of a sudden a mugger jumps out from behind cover and says "I have a knife, give me all your money!"
She screamed and yelled "Don't shoot!"
What's the difference between a mugger and an American doctor?
The mugger will cut you, then take all your money.
The doctor will cut you, then you'll give him all your money.
