Mug Jokes
97 mug jokes and hilarious mug puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about mug that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Unleash your inner joker and make everyone laugh with these amusing mug jokes! Learn of the many quirky mug designs, such as the coffee mug, sports direct mug, mean mug, math mug, beaker, and chugs. Get ready to laugh while reading these hilarious mugshot jokes that will leave you in stitches!
Quick Jump To
- Short Mug Jokes
- Mug One Liners
- Coffee Mug Jokes
- Mean Mug Jokes
- Sports Direct Mug Jokes
- More Mug Jokes
Funniest Mug Short Jokes
Short mug jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The mug humour may include short beaker jokes also.
- Patient says, "Doctor I have pain in my eye whenever I drink tea" Doctor says, "Take the spoon out of your mug"
- I started carrying a knife after an attempted mugging a few years ago. Since then, my mugging attempts have been a lot more successful.
- i started carrying a knife after a mugging attempt years ago Since then my mugging attempts have been a lot more successful.
- I've decided to start carrying a knife. After an attempted mugging last week I've decided to start carrying a knife. Since then, my mugging attempts have been much more successful.
- My wife walks into the kitchen Me: it sure is muggy outside
Wife: if you put all the mugs on the porch I'm leaving you
*Sips coffee out of bowl* - I started carrying a knife after a failed mugging attempt last year... All my attempts have been pretty successful this year.
- Me: "Gee honey, it sure is muggy out today!" Her: "If I walk outside and all of our mugs are on the front porch, I'm leaving you."
Me: *sips coffee from a bowl* - I started carrying a knife after a mugging attempt a few months ago. After that my mugging attempts have been very successful
- After an attempted mugging, I started to carry a gun around with me Now my muggings are more successful.
- A turtle is crossing the road when he's mugged by two snails. When the police show up, they ask him what happened. The shaken turtle replies, I don't know. It all happened so fast.
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Mug One Liners
Which mug one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with mug? I can suggest the ones about flask and teacup.
- I got mugged by 6 dwarves... .... not Happy.
- Coffee is the silent victim in our house... It gets mugged every day.
- What did the German physicist call his beer mug? Ein stein.
- Why did the coffee file a police report? It got mugged.
- Someone stole my coffee. He was charged with mugging.
- What do you call a sick cup of coffe? A coughy mug
- I lost 70 pounds last month I got mugged in London
- I put root beer in a square mug. Now I have beer.
- I go mugged by six dwarves last night. Not happy.
- Why did the coffee file a police report? Because it got mugged!
- why don't mathematicians get mugged? Because there's safety in numbers.
- Courtesy of my 6-year-old: How does a coffee mug fight off dementors? Espresso patronum
- Two coffees were walking down the street... One of them was mugged!
- What did the coffee do after it got mugged? It got drunk.
- Why did the barbarian mug the bard? So he could take the lute!
Coffee Mug Jokes
Here is a list of funny coffee mug jokes and even better coffee mug puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Someone stole my coffee cup from work today. Just off down the police station now to look at a few mug shots.
- Someone stole my favorite coffee cup right off my desk at work. Now I have to go down to the police station and look at some mug shots.
- After I drink coffee I show my empty mug to the IT guy and tell him I've successfully installed java.
He hates me. - I used to get sharp pains in my eye when I drank coffee... My doctor said, take the spoon out of the mug
- Me to Wife: "Boy, it sure is muggy outside." Wife: "If I go outside and all of our mugs are sitting on the front porch, we're getting a divorce."
Me: *quietly sips coffee from a bowl.* - John robbed some coffee from starbucks the other day. The police are charging him for mugging.
- Coffee I was sitting drinking coffee in my slippers this morning, when I thought to myself...
I really need to wash some mugs - Why is it smart to ask your coffee mug for advice? Because it always has a handle on every thing.
- What Do You Call it When Someone Steals Someone Else's Coffee? A Mugging.
- Someone in the office has stolen my coffee cup It's safe to say I've been mug'ed
Mean Mug Jokes
Here is a list of funny mean mug jokes and even better mean mug puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- I was being mugged the other day... The guy said, "Give me all your money or else you're biology!"
I said, "Don't you mean history?"
He told me "Don't change the subject!" - I got mugged yesterday... The mugger said, Give me your money or you're science.
I said, Don't you mean history?
He said, Don't try and change the subject. - I got mugged by a homeless man in NY City... ...which really shocked me. I mean, at least in California they have the decency to *ask* you for money.
Sports Direct Mug Jokes
Here is a list of funny sports direct mug jokes and even better sports direct mug puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Mike Ashley really likes the Sport Direct mugs Or 'customers' as he has been advised to call them.
Delightful Fun Mug Jokes for a Roaring Good Time
What funny jokes about mug you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean pint jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make mug pranks.
How to help your local politician qualify for a mental asylum
A politician is visiting the local mental asylum, and asks "How do you decide whether someone should be admitted here?"
"Well," says the director, "We fill up a bath with water, then give the patient a teaspoon, a mug, and a bucket, and ask them to empty the bath as quickly as possible."
"I see," says the politician, "and if he's got any sense he'll choose the bucket."
"No," says the director, "If he's got any sense he'll pull the plug out. Would you like a room with a view?"
Bigger in Texas
A blind man visits Texas. When he gets to his hotel room, he feels the bed. Wow, this bed is big!
Everything is big in Texas, says the bellhop.
The man heads downstairs to the bar, settles into a huge barstool and orders a beer. A mug is placed between his hands. Wow these drinks are big!
The bartender replies, Everything is big in Texas.
After downing a few, the blind man asks where the bathroom is. Second door to the right, says the bartender.
The blind man heads for the bathroom but accidentally enters the third door, which leads to the swimming pool, and he falls in. Popping his head up from under the water and flailing his arms, he shouts, Don't flush, don't flush!
An infinite number of mathematicians walk into a bar
The first orders a mug, the second a half, the third a quarter, and so on. The bartender pours them 2 whole mugs and says, "sort it out yourselves."
An Irishman is walking along and trips over a genie's lamp
An Irishman is walking along and trips over a genie's lamp. The genie pops out and says "I will give you three wishes"
Irishman says "I want to live forever"
Genies nods and says "It is done. You will live forever"
Irishman says "I want a mug of beer that never runs out"
Genie nods and a bottomless beer mug appears in the guy's hand. Genie says "You have one more wish to use"
Irishman says "This is great! Gimme another one of these mugs"
A vampire walks into a bar..
He approaches the barman. The barman asks, "what will it be?" The vampire asks for a mug of hot water. The barman confused asks "don't you folk drink blood?" The vampire pulls out a used t**... and says "I'm making tea"
A student visits his teacher man early in the morning
And sits on in a chair. The teacher man looks up and offers the pupil a cup of coffee.
"Sure, I'll take a mug of joe," says the student.
The teacher pours a cup, and gives it to the kid. The student takes a sip, and nearly gags.
"The is terrible! Seriously! What is this, mud??"
"Well," the professor replies, "it was ground just this morning."
A wife goes to consult a psychiatrist about her husband...
Wife: My husband is acting so weird. He drinks his morning coffee and then he goes and eats the mug! He only leaves the handle!
Psychiatrist: Yes, that is weird. The handle is the best part.
What do I get when I pour my Root Beer into a square mug?
Just Beer.
If you don't get it, think mathematically.
What's the difference between a cup and a mug?
being cupped is far more pleasurable than being mugged
I went to a mug making workshop today, but it was pretty tough and ended up with a bowl..
I just couldn't handle it.
Joke my ADHD brain thought of out of nowhere
So the Hogwarts police confiscated a coffee cup suspecting it of dangerous enchantments. Turns out the police that grabbed it drank a bit too much butterbeer. It was just a normal coffee cup that belonged to some arrogant human thief.
It was a smug muggle mugger's mug.
A vampire walks into a bar and asks the bartender for a mug of hot water.
The bartender looks confused and asks 'Don't you drink blood?'
The vampire holds up a used t**... and says. 'I'm making tea.'
A millionaire,a hard hat, and a cheapskate are at a bar.
When they get their beers, they notice a fly in each mug.
The millionaire politely asks the bartender for another beer, then sips the new one.
The hard hat spills out just enough to get rid of the fly then quaffs the rest.
It's now the cheapskate's turn: He sticks his hand in the beer, grabs the fly, and shouts, "SPIT IT OUT! SPIT IT OUT!"
What did one mug say to another mug after they got mugged?
call the cups!
So a prisoner took his own mug shot...
He called it his "cellfie".
I tried that game Cuphead but i stopped
i just couldnt stand lookin at that ugly mug
What do you call a picture where the prisoners take their own mug shots?
Cellfies
A Vampire walks into a bar…
He walks up to the bar and asks for a shot of blood. He drink it, pays for it and leaves. A second vampire walks in, orders a shot of blood, drinks it, pays for it and leaves.
Third vampire walks in and asks for a mug of hot water. The bartender, perplexed, asks, "why didn't you order a shot of blood like the other vampires?" The vampire pulls out a used t**... and replies, "tea-time!"
Drinking coffee used to make my eyes hurt a little.
Then I learned you're supposed to remove the spoon from the mug first.
A teenager buys his mom some coffee mugs for Christmas...
The mom says, "not this again, you already gave me an ugly mug 16 years ago."
What did the plate say to the mug?
Food's on me tonight.
On which side a mug has its handle?
Outside.
When does a cup stop being a cup and start being a mug?
When it gets a handle on life.
Someone threw a mug at me and I reported it to the police….
I got mugged.
An infinite number of mathematicians......
walk into a bar. And the first one says to the bartender, "I'll have a mug of beer". Then the second one says, "I'll have half a mug of beer". And the third then says, " I'll have a quarter of a mug of beer". And so on, until the bartender's heard enough and says, "OK! But you guys had better know your limits!!"
My mate just asked me if he could put a teabag in my mouth and fill me with boiling water.
He must think I'm some kind of mug.
Family brain storming of dad jokes, feedback wanted.... why didn't the fly like the police?
Because of the SWAT.
#2 What did the therapist mug say to the cup?
You need to get a handle on that.
You drink too much coffee? I reduced my coffee consumption from 4 cups a day to 3 cups
Simply by getting a bigger mug.
What did the annoyed coffee say when it saw an old acquaintance...
Oh jeez, not this mug again
How do you steal water from the sink?
You mug it...
Someone was taken down to the police station after they were caught drinking v**... from a coffee cup while driving.
They took a mug shot.
What do you call a good-looking mug?
Mugnificent.
Three Knights Walk Into A Bar
Three knights walk into a bar.
the first knight asks the bartender for a cup of ale.
the second knight asks the bartender for a mug of ale.
the bartender turns to the third knight and says, "don't tell me, you want a jug of ale?"
The third knight says, "None for me, I'm two knight's designated driver.
After I drink coffee I like to show the empty mug to my friends...
We work in IT and I tell them that I have successfully installed JAVA. They kind-of hate me.
I told my mom there was a crack in her mug...
She said, No, only tea.
It's important to break stereotypes. If you're walking in the street and you start getting an uncomfortable feeling from someone behind you...
Mug them.
A black man walks into a bar and takes a seat
He also takes a pen, a mug and $200 in cash.
Thai-English bilingual Nintendo joke
What does a Thai man say when he can't find the coffee mug from which he always drinks while customizing his avatar on his Nintendo Wii?
*Mai mii khap!*
I finished my coffee and noticed 6 letters written on the bottom of the mug.
I C U R M T
I like my women the way I like my coffee
Dissolved in a large mug of boiling water :)
I called the cops because someone keeps stealing my coffee cups at work.
Now I have to go look at mug shots.
What did the mug say to the other mug?
I want a tea-vorce.
After the Super Bowl, Tom Brady tried to mug me.
He grabbed me and lifted me off the ground.
Luckily, he fumbled me and I got away.
You put 2 fingers in... Maybe 3 if it's big enough... Oh yeah....
Now that's how you wash a mug.
I overcooked some pasta earlier - it got all soggy and mushy. Making the best of a bad situation, I put it in a mug and tried to down it.
I soon gave up though - it was an act of *Fusilli Tea*.
How can you tell if someone is a topologist?
He can't tell the difference between a donut and a coffee mug
My teachers always told me I couldn't do poetry because of my dyslexia, but I really showed them...
I made a mug, and a vase, and a p**... just today!
What did the wine glass say to the beer mug turning 1 years old?
Have a hoppy birthday!
What do you say when you're finished your tea?
Ah my mug is empTEA!
Just invented mug repellant
It's called f**...
My uncle Frank always wanted his ashes stored in have favorite beer mug from Germany.
God rest his soul.
Frank-in-Stein.
When somebody tried to mug me, I raised my magnum...
But then I realized I was bringing an ice-cream to a gunfight.
Participation ribbons aren't useless
The one in my cup holder keeps my coffee mug from rattling
What do skeletons use to mug people?
A shoulder blade
Fell asleep last night and someone put a teabag in my mouth
I was furious
Nobody treats me like a mug!
How do you scare a black thief away when he tries to mug you
Always carry 3k in your wallet
How do you rob a faucet?
You mug it.
