Mud Jokes
93 mud jokes and hilarious mud puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about mud that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Crack up with these hilarious mud jokes; from mud-crab puns to mud-bath riddles, you'll find plenty of humour related to mud and dirt. Read on and laugh out loud to the jokes about mud puddles, mud wrestling, and mud on the farm up the hill!
Quick Jump To
Funniest Mud Short Jokes
Short mud jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The mud humour may include short farm jokes also.
- My kid came home and asked if I wanted to hear a dirty joke… He said: 2 pigs fell in the mud and three came out
- A man spits out his coffee "This tastes like mud!" he said.
"Well of course. It was just ground this morning" replied the waiter. - A man and his wife drove past the beautiful countryside... They saw a pig, rolling in the mud, so wife said: "Your relative?"
Man replied: "Yes, mother-in-law." - Told the waitress my coffee tasted like mud. "It should, it was fresh ground this morning. "
- When I was a child I had a condition where I had to eat mud three times a day in order to survive... It's lucky my older brother told me about it, really.
- My favourite childhood memory is making mud pies with my grandad. Until mom found out and hid the urn.
- What do you call a chicken who crosses the road, rolls in the mud, and then crosses back again? A dirty double-crosser.
- A man was driving his pregnant wife to the hospital to deliver their baby. The car got stuck in the mud. He said, I guess one of us is gonna need to push
- Dirty joke, clean joke, adult joke Timmy played in the mud. That's the dirty part.
So Timmy took a bath with bubbles. That's the clean part.
Bubbles is the girl next door. - My wife tried one of those expensive beauty mud packs on her face and it worked! Till she took it off.
Share These Mud Jokes With Friends
Mud One Liners
Which mud one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with mud? I can suggest the ones about hill and dirt.
- My son played soccer in the mud all day. He was a little Messi.
- My friend used to be addicted to mud wrestling... He's 6 months clean now.
- Why do we give mud baths to old people? To get them used to dirt.
- What do you call a pig who tells jokes? A shtick in the mud!
- Why do gay men use ribbed condoms? Traction in the mud.
- Want to hear the dirtiest joke in the world? Two pigs fell in the mud, three came out.
- A "Dirty Joke" A boy fell in the mud.
- How do you get all those Russian tanks out from the mud? Ukraine them out.
- My pet pig loves soccer. Usually he plays clean but as soon as he's in mud he's messi.
- A man and a pile of mud begin to race... The mud won by a landslide.
- Why do gay guys use ribbed condoms? Better traction in the mud.
- I'm not saying that I am unfit... But I just tried mud wrestling and the mud won.
- Why does my son Richard like playing in the mud? Because he then becomes filthy Rich.
- The dirtiest joke in the world A white horse fell in the mud
- What do you get when you graph mud versus traction? a slippery slope
Mud Bath Jokes
Here is a list of funny mud bath jokes and even better mud bath puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Ill A very ill man goes to his doctor, he asks the doctor what to do. 'Take a lot of mud baths' the doctor says. 'Why?' the man asks.
'So you can get used to the ground of course!' - Dirtiest joke A white horse rolled in mud.
Cleaner version- I gave it a bath. - Wanna hear a dirty joke? A white horse fell in the mud.
Wanna hear a dirtier joke?
2 more white horses fell in the mud.
Wanna hear a clean joke?
All three took baths.
Mud Puddle Jokes
Here is a list of funny mud puddle jokes and even better mud puddle puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Why did the chicken cross the road... to get to the other side. Why did the chicken cross the road again and step in a puddle of mud.... Because he is a dirty double crosser.
- Do you want to hear a dirty joke? One day, two white horses were going around the plains, then they fell into a mud puddle.
- This one is about a horse a horse steps in a puddle of mud
- What do you call Raggedy Ann, in a puddle of mud, with a stone in her mouth? A dirty cotton rock s**....
Mud Wrestling Jokes
Here is a list of funny mud wrestling jokes and even better mud wrestling puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Arguing with an engineer is like mud wrestling a pig... You'll never win and eventually you'll figure out that the pig likes it.
- I hope you like mud wrestling... Because it looks like this election is going to be between a woman and a pig.
Cheerful Fun Mud Jokes for Lovely Laughter
What funny jokes about mud you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean grease jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make mud pranks.
For cake day, I wanted to share my grandpa's favorite joke when I was growing up: Wanna hear a dirty joke?
-A man fell in a mud puddle.
Wanna hear a clean joke?
-The man took a bath with bubbles.
Wanna hear a dirtier joke?
-Bubbles was the woman next door.
So Fred has accidentally cut off John's ear with his s**....
John and Fred were digging a ditch when Fred made a careless swipe with his s**... and cut off John's ear.
"Help me find it in all this mud," said John. "If we find it they can sew it back on."
After a couple of minutes, Fred triumphantly shouted, "Here it is", handing the ear to John.
"That's not it," said John, throwing the ear back in the muddy ditch. "Mine had a pencil behind it."
A couple got into an argument...
A couple got into an argument while on a drive through the countryside. It got quite heated and neither of the two wanted to concede, so they sat in silence for several kilometers.
As they passed a farm full of pigs bathing in mud, the wife spoke up and said:
"Relatives of yours?"
The man replied:
"In-laws."
Army Wargames
During an Army war game, a commanding officer's jeep got stuck in the mud. The C.O. saw some men lounging around nearby and asked them to help him get unstuck.
"Sorry sir, "said one of the loafers, "but we've been classified dead and the umpire said we couldn't contribute in any way."
The officer turned to his driver and said, "Go drag a couple of those dead bodies over here and throw them under the wheels to give us some traction."
They helped.
Farmer tries to breed pigs
A farmer bought some breeding pigs, but after several weeks, not one was pregnant. He called the vet for help. "Why don't you try artificial insemination" said the vet.
The farmer didn't have an inkling of what artificial insemination was, but, not wanting to appear ignorant, he said, "Okay, Doc, but how will I know when the pigs are pregnant?"
"Easy. When they lie down and wallow in the mud." The farmer hung up and came to the conclusion that artificial insemination must mean that he has to impregnate those pigs himself.
So he loaded them onto his truck, drove them out into the woods, had s**... with each of them, brought them back to the farm, and then went to bed. The next morning he woke up and checked the pigs.
Since they were all still standing around, he concluded that his first attempt didn't take, so he loaded them into the truck again, drove them into the woods, had s**... with each of them, brought them back to the farm, and went to bed. The next morning he woke up and checked the pigs. They are still just standing around.
"Once more," he told himself, and loaded them onto the truck, drove them into the woods, had s**... with each of them, brought them back to the farm, and went to bed.
The next morning, he can't even lift himself off the bed. He asked his wife to see if the pigs are wallowing in the mud yet.
"Nope," she said. "They're all in the back of the truck and one of them is honking the horn!"
A guy goes to the the doctor. He finds out he has cancer and three months to live. He asks the doctor is there anything we can do?
The doctor says: "Well you could take mud baths.
The guy says: "Oh great will that help me live longer?"
The Doctor says: "No, it but it will get you used to being in the dirt"
A student visits his teacher man early in the morning
And sits on in a chair. The teacher man looks up and offers the pupil a cup of coffee.
"Sure, I'll take a mug of joe," says the student.
The teacher pours a cup, and gives it to the kid. The student takes a sip, and nearly gags.
"The is terrible! Seriously! What is this, mud??"
"Well," the professor replies, "it was ground just this morning."
I had a mudpack f**... done and for three days my face looked much better...
then the mud fell off.
Pregnant Wife
My wife has been so moody since she became pregnant. I asked her to push harder and she began yelling and calling me names.
I said, "Let me know if you have a better way to get the car out of the mud."
Smart Potion
A kid is on his lawn, playing with mud. A man walks up to him and asks, What are you doing? The kid says, Making a smart potion. Would you like some? So the man says, Sure. I'll try some. So the kid gives the man a bit of the mud in a cup to drink. When the man drank it, he yelled, Blech! This is mud! So the kid says, See, getting smarter already.
A man walks into a cafe and orders a coffee
The waiter gives a gentleman a cup of coffee. The gentleman takes a sip and spits it out.
He turns to the waiter and says, Waiter! This coffee tastes like mud!
The waiter, looking surprised, turns to the gentleman and says, But, sir, it's fresh ground!
Ground coffee
A waiter gives a gentleman a cup of coffee. The gentleman takes a sip and spits it out.
He turns to the waiter and says, Waiter! This coffee tastes like mud!
The waiter, looking surprised, turns to the gentleman and says, But, sir, it's fresh ground!
A thief steals trigonometric functions sin and cos.
A thief steals trigonometric functions sin and cos, the police are now after him, he goes to a beach and digs up some mud, he first puts sin over cos but he doesn't want tan so he puts cos over sin and gets cot by police.
A waiter gives a gentleman a cup of coffee.
The gentleman takes a sip and spits it out.
He turns to the waiter and says, Waiter! This coffee tastes like mud!
The waiter, looking surprised, turns to the gentleman and says, But, sir, it's fresh ground!
Dan went to his physician for his annual check-up.
However, he was shocked when his doctor said to him, I'm afraid you've only got three weeks to live.
Are you sure? said Dan, I feel fine. Isn't there anything that can be done?
Well, said his doctor, you could try taking a mud bath each day.
Will that cure me? asked Dan.
No, but it'll get you used to the dirt , responded the physician.
An 8 year old Jesus of Nazareth walks into his house...
Leaving the door open, tracking mud across the floor Mary just cleaned, throwing his clothes on the floor instead of in the basket... And Mary yells "Jesus!!! What do you think your doing?? You act like you were born in a....oh yeah, never mind"
A man walks into a bar...
A man walks into a bar with mud and dirt on his clothes.
Barmen ask to him "what happened?"
The man answers "nothing, i just buried my mom"
The Barmen is confused, asks again
"That doesn't answer, you have dirt on your everywhere!"
The man answers again
"Yeah you're right, it's because she resisted"
2 drunk guys are walking home
Two drunk guys, John and Adam were walking hime from a long day at the pub. The two spot a pile of cow s**... in front of them.
John says, "Is that a pile of cow s**...?"
Adam says, "That's just a pile of mud, idiot. Want me to prove it to you?"
John agrees, and Adam goes over to the pile of s**... and tastes it, the m**....
Adam exclaims, "Holy s**...! It IS cow s**...!"
John, with his high intelligence, goes over too and also has a taste.
"I told you it was cow s**..., good thing we didn't step on it."
Dirty things
Bryan and his grandmother were walking in the rain when suddenly Bryan finds his favorite candy on the ground. He asks his grandmother if he can eat it and she says "don't pick up dirty things you find on the ground".
They continue walking and the grandmother slips and falls in a pool of mud.
The grandmother asks Bryan if she will help her get up and Bryan says "Sorrt grandma you told me to never pick up dirty things I find"
Want to hear a dirty joke?
Sam played in the mud.
Want to hear a clean joke?
Sam took a bath with Bubbles.
Want to hear another dirty joke?
Bubbles is the girl next door.
Enjoy this middle school level joke I suddenly remembered for some reason.
A waiter gives a gentleman a cup of coffee...
The gentleman takes a sip and spits it out.
He turns to the waiter and says, Waiter! This coffee tastes like mud!
The waiter, looking surprised, turns to the gentleman and says, But, sir, it's fresh ground!
I met a nun recently, she told me she always starts her day by rolling around in mud
I told her that's a dirty habit
Did you hear about the new Italian tires?
d**... through snow, d**... through mud, d**... through water but when d**... flat d**... w**..., w**..., w**...!
I decided to go to a coffee shop today
The barista behind the counter said that I should try a new but expensive brew of coffee. It was $9 but I decided to try it. I took a sip of the beverage, and almost instantly spat it out.
"Wha... This tastes like mud!" I shouted at the barista.
He turned and smiled. "It should. It was fresh ground this morning!"
A man rolls up in the workshop with his car
The mechanic asks:
"Woa there, what did you do with that? The Bumper is ruined!"
The man replies:
"Yeah, I kinda ran over a frenchman"
The mechanic replies:
"What? I mean all the mud there, I don't see any blood"
The man replies:
"Not my fault he ran into the field to escape!"
I stopped off to get some coffee on the way in to work today
I took a sip after paying and walking away from the counter, it tasted terrible.
I turned around and told the barista "hey, this coffee tastes like mud".
She replied "well it should, it was just ground this morning".
The sea complained to the river that the recent increase in erosion was causing more silt and mud and sand to settle on the seabed.
The river replied: "My sediments exactly."
Alexa, tell me a dirty joke
The patron tells the waiter "this coffee tastes like mud". The waiter replies "yes sir, it is fresh ground".
What do you get when you cross a fishing rod with mud?
a dirty h**...
Old school chicken joke
Why did the chicken cross the road, roll in the mud, and crossed the road again? Because he was a dirty double-crosser!
Why did cavemen drag women by their hair?
Because if they dragged them by their feet, they'd fill up with mud!
I love this old joke!
The Great White Whale just unveiled a sculpture of the Rolling Stones frontman made of mud brick...
Moby d**...'s Adobe m**....
Why did the chicken cross the road, roll around in mud, and cross again after being caught by the mafia?
Because he was a dirty double crosser.
Want to hear a dirty joke?
A pig jumps in the mud
Wanna hear a dirtier joke?
Two pigs jump in the mud
Wanna hear a DIRTIER joke?
Two pigs jump in the mud, three jump out.
Why didn't the tree stump go to parties?
Because he was a big stick in the mud.
What do you call a Sasquatch in mud?
Dirty Hairy
Vermont's 4 seasons
Vermont has 5 seasons:
Almost winter
Winter
Still winter
Mud season
Road construction
I work as a real estate agent, so Im often in charge of lots of different locations for resale. Unfortunately, in recent weeks somebody has been dumping wet mud and dirt onto one of my empty properties that is waiting to be built upon...
***the plot thickens***
Did you hear about the new Italian tires?
d**... through mud, d**... through snow, and when d**... flat d**... w**..., w**..., w**....
originally told to me by an italian american roomate, cheers to d**... Red from Chicago
Why did the nun stop playing in the mud?
She was ashamed of her dirty habit.
My friend said I'm a stick in the mud..
And I said dude the mushrooms kicked in, maintain!
