Mrs Jokes

144 mrs jokes and hilarious mrs puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about mrs that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

This article contains a collection of Mrs jokes that will have you in stitches! From Jennifer to Frau, these jokes will have you in doubt whether to laugh or to cry. Discover your Mrs and laugh away!

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Short Mrs Jokes
Mrs One Liners
Your Mrs Jokes
Mr And Mrs Jokes
Mr Mrs Jokes
Mrs Claus Jokes
More Mrs Jokes

Funniest Mrs Short Jokes

Short mrs jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The mrs humour may include short doubt jokes also.

Mr. Bigger and Mrs. Bigger have a baby. Who's the biggest in the family? The baby of course - because he's a little Bigger.
How did the Polygamist Hippie count his wives? 1 Mrs. hippie, 2 Mrs. Hippie, 3 Mrs. Hippie......
How does a polygamist hippie count his wives? One Mrs. Hippie, two Mrs. Hippie, three Mrs. Hippie......
What's the first thing Mrs Clause did when Santa got home on Christmas morning ? Emptied his sack.
A Saudi woman in a doctor's clinic. Doctor: Mrs Saud there's a good news for you.
Woman: Excuse me, it's Miss Saud not Mrs Saud.
Doctor: Miss Saud there's a bad news for you.
The Mrs. says I'm spending too much time browsing Reddit and not enough with her. Guess I gotta work on my lurk-wife balance.
Why did Mr. Ohm marry Mrs. Ohm? Because he couldn't resistor...

Happy Dad's Day!
i just crashed my car in a lane between two houses, owned by mr and mrs ball, and one owned by mr and mrs smith thank god i was dragged out by the smiths
Why did Mrs. Claus finally leave Santa after all these years? She found out about his other two hos.
Einstein: I finally finished my theory about space. Mrs. Einstein: It's about time.
Einstein: Wow! How did you know that?

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Mrs One Liners

Which mrs one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with mrs? I can suggest the ones about mr and mrs and your mrs.

What do you call a woman who pleasures herself with a vegetable? Mrs Hawking.
What do you call an anti-vax babysitter? Mrs. Doubt Pfizer
Mr and Mrs Lee unexpectedly had their baby early So they named him SUDDEN LEE
I've never been married. But I've had a few near Mrs.
What idiot coined the term ex-fiancé Instead of near-Mrs
Why did Mr Ohm marry Mrs Ohm? Because he couldn't resistor.
Why do Santa and Mrs. Claus not have any children? ...because Santa comes but once a year
What does Mrs Claus get when she wears tight pants? A mistletoe.
Why doesn't Mrs. Clean get pregnant? Because Mr. Clean comes in a bottle.
Without a doubt, my favourite Robin Williams movie is... ...Mrs Fire.
Why did Mr. Grape leave Mrs. Grape? He was tired of raisin kids.
What do you call a cleaning lady who is anti-vax? Mrs. DoubtPfizer
An oldie for my first cakeday. Aside from that Mrs. Lincoln, how was the play?
How do you treat Mrs. Potato Head when she has cancer? Ampu-tater
Did you hear that Mrs. Potato Head was mad at her husband? She caught him looking at corn

Your Mrs Jokes

Here is a list of funny your mrs jokes and even better your mrs puns that will make you laugh with friends.

Why does Santa come down the chimney? Mrs. clause told him he'd never be allowed to come in the back Door.
The Doctor says: "Mrs Jones, I think your 7 year old is watching way too much TV" "How can you tell?" asked Mrs Jones
"He just asked me if Cialis is right for him"
Told by a 5 year old boy live on local radio: Why did Mr humpty dumpy push Mrs humpty dumpy off the wall? .....So he could see her crack....
What did Mrs. Claus said when Santa Claus asked how is the weather? "It looks like rain dear!"
Mr and Mrs Wong have a baby When the baby is born, Mr Wong immediately knows that Mrs Wong has cheated on him...
Because two Wongs don't make a white.
why couldn't mrs. claus get pregnant? santa only comes once a year and when he does it's down a chimney...
The Mrs just said Gavin from Autoglass came round & injected special resin into her crack. I'm not normally suspicious but she hasn't got a car
What is an Anti-Vaxxer's favourite movie? Mrs. Doubt-Pfizer
Why does Santa come down the chimney? Because Mrs. Claus won't let him in the back door.
Why does Mr. Pibb come in bottles? Cause Mrs. Pibb left him.

Mr And Mrs Jokes

Here is a list of funny mr and mrs jokes and even better mr and mrs puns that will make you laugh with friends.

Why did Mrs. Quartz divorce Mr. Quartz? He took her for granite.
What did mr and mrs Cow name their calf who they sent away to be slaughtered? Little miss Steak.
What did Mr. Peanut say to Mrs. Peanut as he left the house? Back in a Jif!
Why did Mrs. Banana marry Mr. Banana? She found him appealing.
Mr and Mrs.. Mr and Mrs Sterile have no children.
Why did Mr Dumpty push Mrs Dumpty off the wall? So he can see her crack.
What kind of chips do Mrs. and Mr. Clause eat? Kringle cut!
Why did Mr Sultana leave Mrs Sultana Because he was sick of raisin' kids
Mr. and Mrs. Einstein had two kids. Albert: Genius.
Frank: Monster creator.
Why did Mrs Dough divorce Mr Dough? He was too kneady

Mr Mrs Jokes

Here is a list of funny mr mrs jokes and even better mr mrs puns that will make you laugh with friends.

What's Mr. Kangaroo's favourite part of cooking dinner? When Mrs. Kangaroo asks him to help make a roux!
Someone asked me to Deck the Halls, so I did. Mr and Mrs Hall were a bit miffed...
How did Mr. Housefly know Mrs. Housefly was cheating with Mr. Horsefly? He caught them on tape!
Why did Mr. and Mrs. Iguana get a divorce? Because Mr. Iguana had a reptile dysfunction.
What did Mr. Potato Head give Mrs. Potato Head on their romantic night out? A good fingerling.
Did you hear about Mr and Mrs Ballbearing? Yeah, they just had a BB.
Mr. and Mrs. Leven just got a baby And they decide to name the girl Nina. Turns out, Nina Leven is offensive to some people.
Mr Green lives in The Green House. Mr Blue lives in The Blue House. Mrs Pink lives in The Pink House. Who lives in The White House? Mr Orange.
After years of trying a Chinese couple, the Wong's, finally get pregnant. With much anticipation Mrs. Wong delivers a beautiful Hispanic baby boy.. Mr. Wong names him Sum Ting.
It's going to be awkward if Mr. and Mrs. Burr... ...ever lose their son Tim in a forest.

Mrs Claus Jokes

Here is a list of funny mrs claus jokes and even better mrs claus puns that will make you laugh with friends.

Why is Mrs. Claus disappointed? because Santa came early!
I'll let myself out.
Santa Claus came early! Mrs. Claus wasn't too happy.
How does Mrs. Claus describe her husband's annoying laugh? Ha ha ha
Why did Santa divorce Mrs Clause? because he only came once a year
What did Santa Claus say when Mrs. Claus asked him for the weather? It's rain, dear!
Why is Mrs. Claus so cranky? Santa only comes once a year and it's down a chimney.
What is Santa saying to Mrs. Claus right now? I told you it would rain, dear.
What's Mrs. Clause's favorite romance novel? 50 shades of sleigh.
What does Santa call it when Mrs. Claus gives him road head? Getting sleighed.
What's it called when Mrs Claus's trousers are too tight? Mistletoe

Rib-Tickling Mrs Jokes that Bring Friends Together

What funny jokes about mrs you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean missus jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make mrs pranks.

A maid decided it was time to demand a raise, so she went directly to the Lady of the house's private study

Maid: "I'd like a raise."
Mrs. Smith:"Why do you think you deserve a raise?
Maid:"Three reasons. First, I can cook better than you."
Mrs. Smith:"Who told you that?"
Maid:"Your husband. Second, I clean better than you."
Mrs. Smith:"Who told you that?"
Maid:"Your husband.Third, I'm better in bed than you are."
Mrs. Smith:"I suppose my husband said that too?"
Maid:"No, the gardener."
Mrs. Smith:"How much do you want?"

A man was sued by a woman for defamation of character. She charged that he had called her a pig. The man was found guilty and fined.

After the trial he asked the judge "This means that I cannot call Mrs. Johnson a pig?" The judge said that was true.
Does this also mean I cannot call a pig Mrs. Johnson?" the man asked. The judge replied that he could indeed call a pig Mrs. Johnson with no fear of legal action.
With that the man turned to his accuser and said "Good afternoon, Mrs. Johnson".

Santa and Mrs. Claus have decided to break up

However, finding a divorce lawyer at the North Pole is next to impossible, so instead they got a semicolon.
They're great at separating independent Clauses.

Mr. and Mrs. Keaton notice the young man staying next door always kisses his girlfriend every morning before heading to work.

"Why don't you do that?" Mrs.Keaton asks her husband.
"Darling, I don't even know the woman."

Two Irish men came down to give Mrs. O'Mally some bad news.

"We have some terrible news about your beloved husband, he fell into a vat of beer and drowned."
"Oh my poor Patrick" she moaned "At least he died a sudden death and didn't suffer."
"Well I don't know about that Mrs. O'Mally, he got out three times to go pee."

In an elementary school English class, kids are learning the word contagious . Teacher calls on students, asking them to use it in a sentence.

- Susan?
- I had a flu and mommy made me stay home for 3 days because I was contagious!
- Very good. What about you, Johnny?
- Our neighbor Mrs. Henderson has started painting her fence last night, daddy says it's gonna take the contagious!

Hillary Clinton has a seizure during the debate...

"Mrs. Clinton," the Moderator asks, "What is your plan to lower the national debt?"
Suddenly, Hillary flails her arms around, rolls her eyes wildly, foams at the mouth, and gibbers incoherently for several awkward minutes. Finally, she collapses in a heap and soils herself.
"Hey!" Trump interrupts, "Is she allowed to just steal my answer like that??"

Well - Mrs. Smith, it would seem that you're pregnant.

Sweet Jesus, that's wonderful, I'm pregnant, Doctor?!
Oh not at all, but at first glance, it would certainly seem so. Here's our weight loss brochure.

Don't b**... Your Mother

Mrs. Rabin comes to visit her son Bernie for dinner.
He lives with a female roommate, Elaine. During the course of the meal, his mother couldn't help but notice how pretty Bernie's roommate is. Over the course of the evening, while watching the two interact, she started to wonder if there was more between Bernie and his roommate than met the eye. Reading his mom's thoughts, Bernie volunteered, "I know what you must be thinking, but I assure you, Elaine and I are just roommates.''
About a week later, Elaine came to Bernie saying, "Ever since your mother came to dinner, I've been unable to find the silver sugar bowl. You don't suppose she took it, do you?" "Well, I doubt it, but I'll email her, just to be sure."

So he sat down and wrote an email:
*Dear Mom
I'm not saying that you "did" take the sugar bowl from my house ; I'm not saying that you "did not" take it. But the fact remains that it has been missing ever since you were here for dinner. Your Loving Son
Bernie*
Several days later, Bernie received a response email from his Mom which read:
*Dear son,
I'm not saying that you "do" sleep with Elaine, and I'm not saying that you "do not" sleep with her. But the fact remains that if she was sleeping in her OWN bed, she would have found the sugar bowl by now.
Your Loving Mother*

Imagine my delight yesterday when my 6yr old told me her new teacher's name is Mrs Watt.

Cue about 10mins of me asking "What's her name?"
And her saying "Mrs Watt"
"I don't know, you tell me, what's her name?"
"Mrs Watt"
"What?"
"Yes"
"What's her name?"
"Mrs Watt"
...
...
...

How do Mr. and Mrs. Weasley have s**...?

gingerly.

A jewel

Mrs. Whembleton decided to have her portrait painted.
She told the artist, Paint me with diamond earrings, a diamond necklace, emerald bracelets and a ruby pendant.
But, Madam, you are not wearing any of those things.
True enough, said Mrs. Whembleton. If I should predecease my dear husband I know he will remarry right away, and I want his new wife to go stark raving mad looking for the jewelry!

Dough Boy

Veteran Pillsbury spokesman Pop N. Fresh died Wednesday of a severe yeast infection. He was 71.
He was buried Friday in one of the biggest funerals in years. Dozens of celebrities turned out including Mrs. Butterworth, the California Raisins, Hungry Jack, Betty Crocker, and the Hostess Twinkies.
The graveside was piled high with flours, as longtime friend Aunt Jemima delivered the eulogy, describing Fresh as a man who "never knew he was kneaded".
Fresh rose quickly in show business, but his later life was filled with turnovers. He was not considered a smart cookie, and wasted much of his dough on half-baked schemes.
Still, even as a crusty old man, he was a roll model to millions. Fresh is survived by his second wife. They had two children, and one in the oven.
The f**... was at 3:50 for 20 minutes.

Sesame Street never allowed Mrs. Piggy to count to 100.

Everytime she made it to 69, she got a frog in her t**....

A middle-aged teacher named Mrs. Jackson saw one of her first grade boys making rude faces at the preschoolers on the playground

She said "You know, Liam, when I was a little girl I was told that if I made ugly faces it might freeze and stay like that."
Liam replied "Well sorry Mrs. Jackson, but you can't say you weren't warned.

Right and Wrong

Mrs Cameron, a primary teacher, was teaching her class about the difference between right and wrong.
"All right children, let's take an example," Mrs Cameron said. "If I were to get into a man's pocket and take his wallet with all his money, what would I be?"
Little Tony raises his hand, and with a confident smile says, "You'd be his wife."

Either way, the results are not good

The phone rings and the lady of the house answers, 'Hello.'

'Mrs. Sanders, please.'

'Speaking.'

'Mrs. Sanders, this is Doctor Jones at Saint Agnes Laboratory. When your husband's doctor sent his biopsy to the lab last week, a biopsy from another Mr. Sanders arrived as well. We are now uncertain which one belongs to your husband. Frankly, either way the results are not too good.'

'What do you mean?' Mrs. Sanders asks nervously.

'Well, one of the specimens tested positive for Alzheimer's and the other one tested positive for h**.... We can't tell which is which.'

'That's dreadful! Can you do the test again?' questioned Mrs. Sanders.

'Normally we can, but Medicare will only pay for these expensive tests one time.'

'Well, what am I supposed to do now?'

'The folks at Medicare recommend that you drop your husband off somewhere in the middle of town. If he finds his way home, don't sleep with him.'

s**... Education

Two boys get their report cards and notice that they both got Fs from their s**... education teacher.
"I can't believe we failed s**... ed," says the first boy. "My dad's gonna kill me."
"I know," says the other. "I'm so mad I could kick Mrs. Wilson in the nuts!"

A Chinese couple named Mr. and Mrs. Wong went to the hospital to have a baby...

Mrs. Wong had the baby soon after they arrived, and after they got to see their child, a nurse took it away for medical examinations. When she returned, she was carrying a white baby, not an Asian one. Mr. Wong was surprised and a little annoyed at the mistake and curtly told the nurse to go back and get their actual baby. The nurse insisted that it was the correct child, but Mr. Wong was positive that a mistake had been made, because, as he put it, "Two Wongs don't make a white."

"Doctor," the embarrassed man said

"I have a s**... problem. I can't get it up for my wife anymore."Mr. Thomas, bring her back with you tomorrow and let me see what I can do."The next day, the worried fellow returned with his wife. "t**... clothes, Mrs. Thomas," the medic said. "Now turn all the way around. Lie down please. Uh-huh, I see. Okay, you may put your clothes back on."The doctor took the husband aside. "You're in perfect health," he said. "Your wife didn't give me an e**... either."

A woman bursts out of the examining room, screaming after her doctor tells her she is pregnant

The director of the clinic stops her and asks what the problem is. She tells him what happened and another doctor has her sit down and relax in another room while he marches down the hallway to where the woman's doctor had informed her of the pregnancy.
What is wrong with you? Mrs. Miller is 60 years old, has six grown children and nine grandchildren - and you tell her she's pregnant?
The doctor continues to write his notes and without looking up at his colleague says, tell me, does she still have the hiccups?

A man knocked on Mrs Smith's door.

"I'm afraid there's been a terrible accident at the brewery," he said.
"Your husband fell into a giant vat of beer and drowned."
Mrs Smith started crying. "Oh poor thing, he had no chance!"
"I don't know about that," the man replied. "He got out three times to use the toilet."

Here's a joke from the 80s

Ronald Reagan and Nancy Reagan are out to dinner. The waiter asks what the First Lady will have. She says, "I'd like the filet mignon, and a baked potato."
The waiter asks, "and the vegetable?"
Mrs. Reagan answers, "Oh, he'll have the same."

A burglar

Some young man is trying to get into my room through the window, screamed old Mrs. Kleinman into the telephone.
Sorry, lady, came back the answer, you've got the fire department. What you want is the police department.
No, no, she pleaded, I want the fire department. What he needs is a longer ladder!

Mr. Steve Johnson, a businessman from Wisconsin, went on a business trip to Louisiana.

He immediately sent an e-mail back home to his wife, Jennifer. Unfortunately, he mistyped a letter, and the e-mail ended up going to a Mrs. Joan Johnson, the wife of a preacher who had just passed away. The preacher's wife took one look at the e-mail and promptly fainted.When she was finally revived, she nervously pointed to the message, which read: "Arrived safely, but it sure is hot down here."

Why Santa got involved with Christmas

Mrs. Clause overheard Santa on the phone:
Santa: Have you been naughty? ….That actually sounds nice. You can sit on my lap and tell me what you want while those wet stockings dry ….. I want to (come) down your chimney and eat your (cookie). What kind of (toys) should I bring?…. Yes, I'd love to see how you trimmed your (fir) … I just want to unload my (sack) when I see an angel on top.
Now, every year he has to keep doing the b**... lie he told.

An elderly woman went into the doctor's office.

When the doctor asked why she was there, she replied, "I'd like to have some birth-control pills."
Taken aback, the doctor thought for a minute and then said, "Excuse me, Mrs. Smith, but you're 72 years old. What possible use could you have for birth control pills?"
The woman responded, "They help me sleep better."
The doctor thought some more and continued, "How in the world do birth control pills help you to sleep?"
The woman said, "Simple. I put them in my granddaughter's orange juice every morning and I sleep better at night."

One evening a husband comes home to his apartment...

...and he's very roughed up. When his wife sees him she asks, "What happened to you?"
"I got into a fight with the apartment complex manager."
"Whatever for?"
"He said he had slept with every woman in the complex except one!"
The woman replied, "I bet it's that snooty Mrs. Gellar on the third floor."

A liar, a m**..., and a thief walk into a bar.

The bartender asks, "what will it be, Mrs. Clinton?"

Mrs. Applebee, the 6th grade teacher, posed the following problem to one of her classes:

"A wealthy man dies and leaves ten million dollars. One-fifth is to go to his wife, one-fifth is to go to his son, one-sixth to his butler, and the rest to charity. Now, what does each get?"
After a very long silence in the classroom, Little Johnny raised his hand.
The teacher called on Little Johnny for his answer.
With complete sincerity in his voice, Little Johnny answered, "A lawyer!"

Car c**...

I crashed my car between two houses today. Mr and Mrs Ball live in the left house and Mr and Mrs Smith live in the right house....
Thank God I was dragged out by the Smiths!!

Mr. and Mrs. Blip-Blop

Mr. and Mrs. Blip-Blop were lying in bed one night. Mrs. Blip-Blop turns to Mr. Blip-Blop and says,
"Blip-Blop, blippity bloppity blop. Blip blippity blop bloppy blop." Mr. Blip-Blop replies,
"Geez, hon; just s**... it."

One night, Mrs. McMillen answered the door to see her husbands bestfriend p**... standing on the doorstep.....

"Hello p**..., where is my husband? He went with you to the Guinness factory."
p**... shook his head and said "Ah Mrs. McMillen, there was a terrible accident at the factory, your husband fell into a vat of Guinness and drown."
Mrs.McMillen starts crying. "Oh don't tell me that, did he at least go quickly?"
p**... shakes his head no, then says "Not really, he got out 3 times to pee."

Funny Johnny and his father

Johnny, if you had $5 and you asked your father for $3 more, how many dollars would you have?
– I would have five dollars…
– You don't know your arithmetic, Johnny…
– You don't know my father, Mrs. Mutch…

A woman and a man are in court...

A woman, named Mrs. Andrews, and a man, named Mr. Roberts, are in court.
Judge: Mr. Roberts, you are guilty of the defamation of Mrs. Andrews, for calling her a pig. From now on, you are not allowed to call Mrs. Andrews a pig.
Mr Roberts: But can I call a pig Mrs. Andrews?
Judge: I see no harm in that, so yes.
Mr. Roberts looks Mrs. Andrews in the eye and says, Hello, Mrs. Andrews.

A kid asks the Sunday school teacher which part of the body goes to Heaven first. The teacher decides to make it a lesson and asks the kids what they think.

Sarah says 'it's your brain, because that's what controls everything'
Tina says 'it's your heart, because that's where Jesus lives'
Johnny yells out 'your feet!'
The teacher asks why the feet.
Johnny replies 'because I looked in Mrs Brown's bedroom window this morning and she had her feet in the air screaming 'Jesus! I'm coming!'

My grandmother went to a gynecologist to check on hey cervical cancer.

The doctor says to my grandmother: "Now, Mrs. Smith, I'm going to insert my finger..."
My grandmother replies: "Can you put in two? I want a second opinion."

Mrs. Patel was reading little Rajinder a bedtime story. He asked, "what will I be when I grow up?" She replied, "you can be anything you want to be."

"Anything?" he asked.
"Yes, you can be anything you want to be. You can be a cardiologist, radiologist, anesthesiologist, neurologist...."

The Teacher says to the class: Who ever stands up is s**...

The Teacher says to the class: Who ever stands up is s**...

*Nobody stands up*

Teacher: I said who ever stands up is s**...!

*Little Johnny stands up*

Teacher: Johnny, do you really think that you are s**...?

Little Johnny: No Mrs, I just thought that maybe you are lonely being the only one standing.

Why did Mrs. Clause cheat on Santa?

You'd think it's because she's a h**... h**... h**..., but really he just wasn't present enough.

What do you call an Anti-Vaxx Nanny?

Mrs. Doubt Pfizer

Without a doubt, Robin Williams is great.

Without a doubt, my favourite Robin Williams movie is Mrs. Fire.

My favorite movie is without a doubt

Mrs. Fire

Good news!

Doctor: I have a really good news for you Mrs Johnson
Woman: Well, my name is Ms Johnson
Doctor: In that case, I have a really bad news for you Ms Johnson!

Mrs Donnelly: m**...? You took me husband Donnie on da trip to Guinness brewery, and heres you are alone. Where's me Donnie?

m**...: Its terrible news, miss. Donnie were leanin over one of those great big vats of stout, fell in and drowned.
Mrs Donnelly (starting to tear up): Oh lord in heaven... m**...! At least tell me he died quick.
m**...: I can't miss. He got out to pee three times.
Happy Saint Paddies ta ya all!

Robin Williams

Without a doubt, my favorite Robin Williams movie is Mrs. Fire.

The best first: Doctor to Mrs. Spew: Is your daughter always stuttering like that?

Mrs. Spew shakes her head: No, only when she wants to say something.