Mowing The Lawn Jokes

110 mowing the lawn jokes and hilarious mowing the lawn puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about mowing the lawn that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

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Short Mowing The Lawn Jokes
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Funniest Mowing The Lawn Short Jokes

Short mowing the lawn jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The mowing the lawn humour may include short mowing grass jokes also.

Saw a black guy walking the streets carrying a tv and I thought "is that one mine"?... ... then I remembered it couldn't be mine because mine was mowing the lawn at the moment.
I woke up hung-over to the sound of my neighbour mowing his lawn. He'll have to mow around me. I'm not moving.
I was griling a steak earlier and the smell of the juices made my mouth water.... Got me thinking....Do vegetarians have the same effect when mowing a lawn ?
When I'm grilling a steak, the smell of the juices makes my mouth water. Wonder if that happens when a vegan mows their lawn.
I saw a man crying while mowing his lawn I asked him: "Is everything OK"?
He replied: "I'm just going through a rough patch".
My mouth waters when I smell steak on a grill I wonder if the same happens to vegans taken they mow the lawn
I drool as I watch the gyro meat getting sliced off the stick for my wrap... ... then I wonder - is that how vegans feel when they watch someone mowing the lawn?
I mowed the lawn with my shirt off, and now my back is stiff. My wife told next time to mow with my pants off.
I recently realised I'm gender fluid… When it's time to cook dinner I identify as a man.
And when it's time to mow the lawn I identify as a woman.
I was grilling a steak earlier and the smell of the juices started to make my mouth water... Got me thinking, do vegans get the same reaction when mowing the lawn?

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Mowing The Lawn One Liners

Which mowing the lawn one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with mowing the lawn? I can suggest the ones about mowing and lawn mowing.

How many Mexicans does it take to mow the lawn? Only Juan.
Today I had to fire the guy I hired to mow my lawn He just wasn't cutting it
Chuck Norris doesn't mow his lawn He sits on his porch and dares it to grow.
To save on mowing, get an emo lawn, It cuts itself.
Americans pay for gym memberships and for people to mow their lawns.
Have you found Jesus? Cause I haven't seen him and my lawn really needs a mow.
You need Jesus in your life... that lawn won't mow by itself
How many dads does it take to mow a lawn? 1, he did it before you asked him
What do you call a lawn mower that lets you mow grass at an angle? A protractor.
What happened to the ice cream cone that got ran over by a lawn mower? it was a la mowed
Why don't they mow the lawn at Hot Topic? The grass cuts itself
Why is Jesus's lawn always cut? Because his neighbor mows his.
Your mommas toenails are so long that... when she steps outside she mows the lawn
What do you call a man mowing the lawn with a pig on his head? Mohamhed.
Your toenails are so long.. that when you go outside you mow the lawn

Mowing The Lawn Funny Jokes And Hilarious Puns.

What funny jokes about mowing the lawn you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean cutting grass jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make mowing the lawn pranks.

Chuck Norris doesn't need to mow his lawn, He dares the grass to grow.

Chuck Norris doesn't mow his lawn, he dares his grass to grow.

I asked my wife if she ever fantasizes about me, she said yes - about me taking out the trash, mowing the lawn, and doing the dishes.

Mowing the grass.

One Saturday afternoon, I was sitting on my porch, drinking a beer and watching my wife mow the lawn. The lady from across the street was so outraged that she came over and shouted at me, "You should be hung."
I calmly replied, "I am. That's why she cuts the grass."

I once mowed the lawn at a battered women's shelter

if you know what i mean

A man in his backyard

After a stressful day, one man comes home and sits in his backyard, drinking a beer. As he's getting up to get a snack, he stops and asks, "Jesus, what is the meaning of life?"
To which Jesus replies,"You s**... in the sun to support the ones you love. You make money so you can buy things for your family to keep them happy."
The man asks,"Jesus, why is life so hard?"
To which Jesus replies,"That, no one may ever know. You have to overcome many obstacles to be successful."
The man asks again,"How was the universe created?"
Jesus replies,"I'm sorry, señor, but can you stop asking questions? I'm trying to mow your lawn."

When you marry it is important to patience to see the results....

Three friends married women from different parts of the world.....

The first man married a nice girl from Timbucktu. He told her that she was to do the dishes and house cleaning. It took a couple of days, but on the third day, he came home to see a clean house and dishes washed and put away.

The second man married a Thai. He gave his wife orders that she was to do all the cleaning, dishes and the cooking. The first day he didn't see any results, but the next day he saw it was better. By the third day, he saw his house was clean, the dishes were done, and there was a huge dinner on the table.

The third man married a girl from Ireland . He ordered her to keep the house cleaned, dishes washed, lawn mowed, laundry washed, and hot meals on the table for every meal. He said the first day he didn't see anything, the second day he didn't see anything either but by the third day, some of the swelling had gone down and he could see a little out of his left eye and his arm was healed enough that he could fix himself a sandwich and load the dishwasher. He still has some difficulty when he pees.

Manual labour

My mate pointed out the window and said, "Is that your wife mowing the lawn out there?"
"Yeah, she never stops," I replied
"Call me old fashioned if you want, but I hate to see a woman doing manual labour."
"Me too," I replied, as I closed the curtains

You've Got Blonde

A man was in his front yard mowing grass when his attractive blonde neighbor came out of the house and went straight to the mailbox. She opened it then slammed it shut and stormed back into the house. A little later she came out of her house again, went to the mailbox and again opened it, and slammed it shut again. Angrily, back into the house she went.
As the man was getting ready to edge the lawn, she came out again, marched to the mailbox, opened it and then slammed it closed harder than ever.
Puzzled by her actions the man asked her, "Is something wrong?"
To which she replied, "There certainly is!"
My s**... computer keeps saying, "You've got mail!"

Can someone please explain this joke to me? I really don't get it.

So I was watching this stand-up comic named Anthony Jeselnik and while the rest of his show is hilarious, there was one joke I just don't get at all.
"I once mowed the lawn at a battered woman's shelter... if you know what I mean".
Yea; I'm seriously stumped.

Blonde + Computer = ?

A man was in his front yard mowing grass when his attractive blonde female neighbor came out of the house and went straight to the mailbox.
She opened it then slammed it shut and stormed back in the house.
A little later she came out of her house again went to the mail box and again, opened it, slammed it shut again.. Angrily, back into the house she went.
As the man was getting ready to edge the lawn, here she came out again, marched to the mail box, opened it and then slammed it closed harder than ever.
Puzzled by her actions the man asked her, "Is something wrong?"
To which she replied,"There certainly is!"
"My s**... computer keeps saying, **'YOU'VE GOT MAIL!'**"

What's Jesus's Cell Phone Number?

1-800-MOWS-LAWN

A young lady, pregnant for the first time, visits her doctor for a check-up

After the exam, she says to the doctor, "My husband wants me to ask you..."
The doctor cuts her off and says, "I know, I know - it's normal. You can have s**... until your third trimester."
The lady says, "No, that's not it. He wants to know how much longer can I can keep mowing the lawn."

Wife's Duties

Three men were sitting together bragging about how they had given their new wives duties at home.
The first man had married a woman from Georgia and had told her that she was going to do dishes and house cleaning. It took a couple days, but on the third day, he came home to a clean house and dishes washed and put away.
The second man had married a woman from Arkansas. He had given his wife orders that she was to do all the cleaning, dishes, and the cooking. The first day he didn't see any results, but the next day he saw it was better. By the third day, he saw his house was cleaned and the dishes were done, and food was on the table.
The third man had married a girl from Texas. He told her that her duties were to keep the house cleaned, dishes washed, lawn mowed, laundry washed and hot meals on the table for every meal. He said the first day he didn't see anything, the second day he didn't see anything, but by the third day the swelling had gone down and he could see a little out of his left eye, enough to fix himself a bite to eat and load the dishwasher.

IF YOU MARRY AN IRISH GIRL

The first man married a woman from Italy. He told her that she was to do the dishes and house cleaning. It took a couple of days, but on the third day, he came home to see a clean house and dishes washed and put away.
The second man married a woman from Poland. He gave his wife orders that she was to do all the cleaning, dishes and the cooking. The first day he didn't see any results, but the next day he saw it was better. By the third day, he saw his house was clean, the dishes were done and there was a huge dinner on the table.
The third man married a girl from Ireland. He ordered her to keep the house clean, dishes washed, lawn mowed, laundry washed, and hot meals on the table for every meal. He said the first day he didn't see anything, the second day he didn't see anything but by the third day, some of the swelling had gone down and he could see a little out of his left eye, and his arm was healed enough that he could fix himself a sandwich and load the dishwasher. He still has some difficulty when he pees......;)

Angry Neighbor [90's kids will remember]

A man was in his front yard mowing grass, when his neighbor storms out of the house straight to the mailbox, opens it, slams it shut and storms back in.
A little later the neighbor storms out and does the exact same thing again, before storming back in even more red-faced.
As the man was getting ready to edge the lawn, out the neighbor comes again, marches to the mail box, opens it before slamming it closed harder than ever.
Puzzled by the neighbor's actions the man asked, "Is something wrong?"
"There certainly is!" the neighbor replied. "My s**... computer keeps saying, YOU'VE GOT MAIL."

Married for money...

Jack: It's just too hot to wear clothes today, but what would the neighbors think if I mowed the lawn n**...?
Wife: That I married you for your money!

My dad was mowing the lawn the other day.......

I was watching him, when I noticed that he was crying. I shouted to my mum and asked her why he was crying. She shouted back "He's just going through a rough patch."

Contagious

Had my grandmother mow my lawn, it took that contagious.

A woman is mowing the lawn on a hot summer afternoon...

Her husband sits on the patio, cheerfully drinking a cold beer. Their elderly neighbor looks upon the scene, outraged, and says to the husband "How disgraceful! You ought to be hung!"
"I am," he said, "that's why she's mowing the lawn."

A woman comes home from work...

And as she's pulling into her driveway, she sees that next door, the wife is mowing the lawn while the husband sits on the porch drinking lemonade.
It was an exceptionally hot day, and the woman is so shocked and outraged that she decides that she's going to give the husband a piece of her mind.
She storms over and says, "How dare you just sit there and watch your wife toil and burn in the hot sun all day. You shouldbe hung for this happening."
The husband says, "I am. Why do you think she mows the lawn?"

I saw a black man carrying a TV...

so I was worried that mine had been stolen, but when I got home I found it was still mowing the lawn.

This just popped in my head...

What's a mexican's favorite Disney movie?
Mow lawn.
Sorry.

Two Cajuns were waiting at the bus stop when a truck went past loaded up with rolls of turf.

Boudreaux said, "I'm a'gonna do dat when I win da lottery!"

"What's dat?" asks Thibodeaux.
"Send da lawn off to be mowed."

I agree

I mowed the lawn today, and after doing so I sat down and had a cold soda.
The day was really quite beautiful,
and the drink facilitated some deep thinking on various topics.
Finally I thought about the age old question:
Is giving birth more painful than getting kicked in the nuts?
Women always maintain that giving birth is way more painful
than a guy getting kicked in the nuts.
Well, after another soda, and some heavy deductive thinking,
I have come up with the answer to that question.
Getting kicked in the nuts is more painful than having a baby;
and here is the reason for my conclusion.
A year or so after giving birth, a woman will often say,
"It might be nice to have another child."
On the other hand, you never hear a guy say,
"You know, I think I would like another kick in the nuts."
I rest my case.

A successful businessman is driving home and sees another man on the sidewalk eating grass.

He stops and asks, "Hey! Why are you eating grass?"
The man replies, "I'm out of money, I lost my job and I haven't eaten in three days! Grass is my only option."
The businessman thinks for a few second and says, "You know what, why don't you come with me to my house."
The man, very grateful, replies, "Yes! That would be nice. Thank you so much, sir." He points at the end of the road and says, "There's another family of 5 there. They also haven't eaten in a long time! Would you mind if they come along as well?"
The businessman says, "Sure, as long as they can fit in my car. My house isn't far down this road so it shouldn't be a problem. Besides, I haven't mowed my lawn in months."

What did God say to Jesus?

This lawn ain't gonna mow itself.

The sign said

The sign said, "Call Jesus for help."
The next day I had a Mexican guy mowing my lawn.

How many of my parents does it take to mow the lawn?

None. They pay me to do it.

A man in his backyard....

What did Donald Trump do before criticizing i**...?

He made sure his pools were clean and his lawns were mowed.

I need 6 to 8 vegans...

...to mow my lawn. Plenty of food here, just bring your own drinks please.

How does Chuck Norris mow the lawn?

He doesn't, he stares it down.

What happened to the Spanish girl when she fell on the freshly mowed lawn?

She got a gracias.

A h**... is lying on a hammock in his backyard drinking a beer while his wife mows the lawn.

His neighbour leans over the fence and says, "That's disgusting. You let your wife do all the work while you just lie there and drink beer. You should be d**...-well hung!"
"I am," replies the h**.... "That's why she mows the lawn for me."

Why is the sky blue?

Son: Dad..Why is the sky blue?
Dad: Because if it was green, we wouldn't know where to stop mowing the lawn.

As a paramedic, I've learned that there is something you can never say with a straight face:

I'm having a s**....

A Blonde Checks Her Mail

A man was outside mowing his lawn, when the blonde next door came out and looked in her mailbox. She frowned and went back in.
After a few minutes the blonde came back out and looked in her mailbox again. She had the same reaction and then went in once more. The man was a little confused but he minded his own business.
A few minutes later the blonde returned once more, and now the man was curious. 'What are you doing?' he asked her, 'You've checked your mailbox three times now. Nothings going to change in a few minutes.'
The blonde replies, 'Yes, but my computer keeps saying "You've got mail !" '
I read this on a joke site a couple years ago. Thought it belonged here.

My 2.5 year old's joke

**Grandma to kids:** Are you Jack? Are you Harry?
**Kids**: nooooo (laughter)
**Grandma to 2.5 year old grandson**: Are you Mo?
**Grandson**: I mow the lawn!

So a Man's VERY Liberal Neighbors Adopt a Young Child.

One day, the man goes to their house with a warming gift, and says to the little girl-
"What would you like to do when you grow up?" The child responds that she would like to help the homeless. So the man says-
"Alright, how about this. You mow my lawn a and ill give you $12. You can give that to a homeless man."
The Child thinks for a second, and says to the man-
"Why can't you get the homeless man to mow your lawn?" To which the man smirks, and replies-
"Welcome to the Conservative side."
-Sry i'm new this is my first and favorite joke so ya thx.

What do you call two call two women mowing a lawn?

Garden h**....

I hate it when my neighbor mows the lawn at 7 in the morning

This one Saturday morning I get woken up by my neighbor's mower going at 7 in the morning. I have quite a bad hangover and I just decide screw him he can cut around me. .

What did SpaceX's grass smell like after the drones finished mowing it?

It had an E-Lawn Musk

"It's just too hot to wear clothes today."

"It's just too hot to wear clothes today," the man said, emerging from the shower. "Honey, what do you think the neighbors would say if I mowed the lawn like this?"
"Probably" came the reply from the other room "that I married you for your money."

Jack and his wife lived in Arizona where the summers are very hot.

Jack and his wife lived in Arizona where the summers are very hot.
He woke up one day when they were having a heat wave.
As he stepped out of the shower he complained to his wife saying, it's just too hot to wear any clothes on a day like this. What would the neighbors think if I mowed the lawn with no clothes.
That I married you only for your money.

There were five distinctive wet little thuds against the garden fence....

That told me mowing the lawn in my flip flops may not have been a great idea.

What did Phil Collins say when his gardener asked how he'd like the lawn cut?

"I don't care; any mow."

A blonde got a mail.

A man was in his front yard mowing grass when his attractive
blonde neighbor came out of the house and went straight to the
mailbox. She opened it then slammed it shut and stormed back
into the house. A little later she came out of her house again,
went to the mailbox and again opened it, and slammed it shut
again. Angrily, back into the house she went. As the man was
getting ready to edge the lawn, she came out again, marched
to the mailbox, opened it and then slammed it closed harder
than ever. Puzzled by her actions the man asked her, Is something wrong? To which she replied, There certainly is! My s**... computer keeps saying, You've got mail!

"It's just too hot to wear clothes today," Jack says as he stepped out of the shower. "Honey, what do you think the neighbors would think if I mowed the lawn like this?"

"Probably that I married you for your money," she replied.

How much do you get paid?

The homeowner got into his grubbiest clothes one Saturday morning and set about all the chores he'd been putting off for weeks. He'd cleaned out the garage, pruned the hedges, and was halfway through mowing the lawn when a woman pulls up and yells out her window, Say, what do you get for yard work?
The homeowner thought for a moment, then answered, The lady who lives here lets me sleep with her.

Woke up at 6 o' clock this morning ...

...with a b**... hangover listening to my neighbour mowing his lawn , was going to get up and throttle the sod , but then thought "To Heck with it , he can mow around me."

why even mow the lawn? unless you rip out the roots its just going to grow back..

Your grandpa used to mow the lawn all the time, but now he's...

Son: dad please don't
Dad: lawn gone

I visited a doctor about my low l**..., and he said don't worry I will help you

According to my neighbor, the doctor came to my place and mowed my lawn when I was at work, What a nice guy.

You are what you eat.

Hi son, dad called. He wanted you to mow the lawn.

Mail

A man was in his front yard mowing grass, when his attractive blonde female neighbor, Judy, came out of her house and went straight to the mailbox. She opened it, then slammed it shut and stormed back into the house.
A little later she came out of her house again, went to the mail box, and again opened it and slammed it shut again. Angrily, back into the house she went.
As the man was getting ready to edge the lawn, she came out again, marched to the mail box, opened it and then slammed it closed harder than ever.
Puzzled by her actions the man asked her, "Is something wrong?"
To which she replied, "There certainly is! My s**... computer keeps saying, YOU'VE GOT MAIL."

How does Santa mow his lawn?

With a h**... h**... h**....

You know that mouth-watering sensation you get when you're grilling a steak on the BBQ?

I wonder if vegans get that when they mow the lawn.

Mowing the Lawn

I was planning to mow the lawn the other day but instead decided to but a keg of beer. I poured it on the lawn and after 30 minutes it was half cut!

One Saturday afternoon, I was sitting on my front door step, drinking a beer and watching my girlfriend mow the lawn.

The lady from across the street was so outraged at this that she came over and shouted at me, "You should be hung!" I smiled and calmly replied, "I am. That's why she cuts the grass".

Saturday afternoon

I was sitting in my lawn chair, drinking beer and watching my pregnant wife mow the lawn. The neighbor lady from
across the street was so outraged that she came over and shouted at me:
"You should be hung."
I took a drink from Corona, wiped the cold foam from my lips, lifted my darkened sunglasses and stared directly at this nosey neighbor and then calmly replied:
"I am, that's why she cuts the grass."

A new employee on his first day working at Walmart.

A new employee is being trained on the first day of his job. His supervisor explains to him how to do his job.
The trick is to lead customers to products based on what they want. Let me demonstrate.
A customer approaches and explains that he needs something for his garden, and the trainer recommends him a lawnmower.
See? Just like that. Now you give it a try!
Another customer approached the new employee. The customer explains how his girlfriend is on her period, and the new employee recommends him a lawnmower.
Why would I need a lawnmower? The customer asks.
Well, it's not like you're gonna get laid, so you might as well mow the lawn.