Mowing Grass Jokes
41 mowing grass jokes and hilarious mowing grass puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about mowing grass that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Funniest Mowing Grass Short Jokes
Short mowing grass jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The mowing grass humour may include short mowing the lawn jokes also.
- There's that moment when you put your steak on the grill and your mouth waters all over from that amazing smell... Do you vegans feel the same when you mow the grass?
- What did SpaceX's grass smell like after the drones finished mowing it? It had an E-Lawn Musk
- If a normal person's mouth waters at a steak? Does a vegan's mouth water when someone is mowing the grass?
- I'm having some Italian grass put in my yard. Then I can mow Milan. Hopefully I can cut a pisa grass while I Rome around.
- My neighbor and I take turns mowing a small area of grass between our houses. I always say hi, but he never does, which is a shame... We have a lot in common.
- My wife wants pay equality.... I told her I would do 1 better and gave her $1 to mow the grass.
- The grass may actually be greener on the other side of the fence, but it still has to be mowed
- You know that mouth-watering sensation you get when you smell a steak cooking on the grill? Is that what happens to vegans when they mow the grass?
- Did you hear about the anemic guy that cut all the grass on earth in a square pattern? He mow globe in cells
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Mowing Grass One Liners
Which mowing grass one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with mowing grass? I can suggest the ones about mowing and cutting grass.
- At my new job I have 500 people under me. I mow grass at a cemetery.
- Did you hear what happened to the really offensive joke about tall grass? [re mowed]
- When will the procrastinator cut the grass? In a mow
- Why did the muslim man eat grass clippings? It was grass Allah mowed
- What do you call a lawn mower that lets you mow grass at an angle? A protractor.
- Why don't they mow the lawn at Hot Topic? The grass cuts itself
- The grass may be greener on the other side but at least you don't have to mow it.
- Chuck Norris doesn't mow his lawn, he dares his grass to grow.
- Chuck Norris doesn't need to mow his lawn, He dares the grass to grow.
- The guy who mows our grass has the BEST prices He will mow a lot for $30.
Mowing Grass Funny Jokes And Hilarious Puns.
What funny jokes about mowing grass you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean lawn mowing jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make mowing grass pranks.
Mowing the grass.
One Saturday afternoon, I was sitting on my porch, drinking a beer and watching my wife mow the lawn. The lady from across the street was so outraged that she came over and shouted at me, "You should be hung."
I calmly replied, "I am. That's why she cuts the grass."
One Saturday afternoon, I was sitting on my front door step, drinking a beer and watching my girlfriend mow the lawn.
The lady from across the street was so outraged at this that she came over and shouted at me, "You should be hung!" I smiled and calmly replied, "I am. That's why she cuts the grass".
Two Irishmen sitting by the road...
Two Irishmen are sitting by the road when a truck loaded with rolls of turf (sod) drives past.
"Aye, p**.... That's what I'm going to do when I'm rich."
"What's that then Declan?"
"I'm going to send my grass away to be mowed."
Saturday afternoon
I was sitting in my lawn chair, drinking beer and watching my pregnant wife mow the lawn. The neighbor lady from
across the street was so outraged that she came over and shouted at me:
"You should be hung."
I took a drink from Corona, wiped the cold foam from my lips, lifted my darkened sunglasses and stared directly at this nosey neighbor and then calmly replied:
"I am, that's why she cuts the grass."
A man was in his front yard mowing grass, when his attractive blonde female neighbor, Judy, came out of her house and went straight to the mailbox. She opened it, then slammed it shut and stormed back into the house.
A little later she came out of her house again, went to the mail box, and again opened it and slammed it shut again. Angrily, back into the house she went.
As the man was getting ready to edge the lawn, she came out again, marched to the mail box, opened it and then slammed it closed harder than ever.
Puzzled by her actions the man asked her, "Is something wrong?"
To which she replied, "There certainly is! My s**... computer keeps saying, YOU'VE GOT MAIL."
A shepherd has 20 white sheep and 3 black ones.
A guy nearby comes to talk to him.
"What do your sheep do all day?"
"Well, usually the white ones search for good grass to eat."
"And the black ones?"
"They usually also spend time searching for good grass."
"How many times a year do you mow them?"
"I usually mow the white ones 3 to 4 times a year"
"What about the black ones?"
"About 3 or 4 times every year."
The guy frowns. "Why do you distinguish between the two kinds if the answer is the same?"
"Well, the white ones are mine."
"And the others?"
"Also mine!"
A blonde got a mail.
A man was in his front yard mowing grass when his attractive
blonde neighbor came out of the house and went straight to the
mailbox. She opened it then slammed it shut and stormed back
into the house. A little later she came out of her house again,
went to the mailbox and again opened it, and slammed it shut
again. Angrily, back into the house she went. As the man was
getting ready to edge the lawn, she came out again, marched
to the mailbox, opened it and then slammed it closed harder
than ever. Puzzled by her actions the man asked her, Is something wrong? To which she replied, There certainly is! My s**... computer keeps saying, You've got mail!
A successful businessman is driving home and sees another man on the sidewalk eating grass.
He stops and asks, "Hey! Why are you eating grass?"
The man replies, "I'm out of money, I lost my job and I haven't eaten in three days! Grass is my only option."
The businessman thinks for a few second and says, "You know what, why don't you come with me to my house."
The man, very grateful, replies, "Yes! That would be nice. Thank you so much, sir." He points at the end of the road and says, "There's another family of 5 there. They also haven't eaten in a long time! Would you mind if they come along as well?"
The businessman says, "Sure, as long as they can fit in my car. My house isn't far down this road so it shouldn't be a problem. Besides, I haven't mowed my lawn in months."
A pregnant woman goes to the doctor
... and she is worried about all the tasks she won't be able to do. She asks the doctor if she is still able to wash dishes. He tells her yes. She asks if she can still walk the dog. The doctor again tells her yes. Then she pauses for a moment. The doctor thinks he knows what she is about to ask. The woman starts to speak and says, "Doctor, my husband was wondering---" the doctor interrupted her and told her that yes, s**... was still permissible and would not harm the baby. The woman looks at him and says, "No doc, my husband was wondering if I could still mow the grass."
Angry Neighbor [90's kids will remember]
A man was in his front yard mowing grass, when his neighbor storms out of the house straight to the mailbox, opens it, slams it shut and storms back in.
A little later the neighbor storms out and does the exact same thing again, before storming back in even more red-faced.
As the man was getting ready to edge the lawn, out the neighbor comes again, marches to the mail box, opens it before slamming it closed harder than ever.
Puzzled by the neighbor's actions the man asked, "Is something wrong?"
"There certainly is!" the neighbor replied. "My s**... computer keeps saying, YOU'VE GOT MAIL."
Blonde + Computer = ?
A man was in his front yard mowing grass when his attractive blonde female neighbor came out of the house and went straight to the mailbox.
She opened it then slammed it shut and stormed back in the house.
A little later she came out of her house again went to the mail box and again, opened it, slammed it shut again.. Angrily, back into the house she went.
As the man was getting ready to edge the lawn, here she came out again, marched to the mail box, opened it and then slammed it closed harder than ever.
Puzzled by her actions the man asked her, "Is something wrong?"
To which she replied,"There certainly is!"
"My s**... computer keeps saying, **'YOU'VE GOT MAIL!'**"
You've Got Blonde
A man was in his front yard mowing grass when his attractive blonde neighbor came out of the house and went straight to the mailbox. She opened it then slammed it shut and stormed back into the house. A little later she came out of her house again, went to the mailbox and again opened it, and slammed it shut again. Angrily, back into the house she went.
As the man was getting ready to edge the lawn, she came out again, marched to the mailbox, opened it and then slammed it closed harder than ever.
Puzzled by her actions the man asked her, "Is something wrong?"
To which she replied, "There certainly is!"
My s**... computer keeps saying, "You've got mail!"