Movies Jokes

What are some Movies jokes?

Thanos' finger snap would have a greater impact if they found a way to make it seem like half the audience disappeared.

Apparently only DC movies can do that.

Why did the Star Wars movies come out in the order 4 5 6 1 2 3?

In charge of the sequence, Yoda was.

What is a pirate's LEAST favorite letter?

Dear Sir or Madam,

Your IP address has been flagged for illegally downloading movies. We will have to suspend your account, pending further investigation.

​

Sincerely,

​

The Internet Provider

Russia started a new website that tracks down and deletes pirated movies.

Nyetflix.

Why were the star wars movies released 4,5,6,1,2,3,7,8

In charge of planning Yoda was

Who isn't allowed to watch PG movies?

Orphans.

If you ever feel lonely...

just dim down the lights and put on a couple horror movies. After a while, you won't feel like you are alone anymore.

Girl asked me to netflix and chill, but I download all my movies illegally....

So I was like na, more like pirate and booty.

Hunger Games : Mockingjay

For the last installments of the Hunger Games series, the director has decided to make a change. In the new movies, Philip Seymour Hoffman will unexpectedly be killed by the heroine.

What did Woody say to Buzz?

A lot. There were 3 movies.

Why were the Star Wars movies made in the order 4,5,6,1,2,3?

In charge of production, Yoda was.

I liked the Harry Potter books and movies but...

I just feel like the character Nearly Headless Nick was a bit poorly executed.

Hollywood is remaking Brokeback Mountain with Margot Robbie and Emma Watson

On the one hand, I hate that they have to remake all the classic movies with female leads as if that somehow makes them better. On the other hand, lotion.

A man finds a penguin on the road...

A man finds a penguin on the road side. Thinking the penguin is lost the man takes it, drives until finding a police officer and asks what to do.
- Take it to the zoo replies the officer.

One week latter the policer officer sees the man driving with the penguin by his side.

What are you doing with that penguin ? I told you to bring him to the zoo.

I did exactly that. He loved it and now we are going to the movies .

A dad buys a lie detector robot that slaps you if you lie.

Dad: Son, where were you at school hours?

Son: At school.

The robot slaps the son

Son: Okay I was watching KungFu Panda!

The robot slaps his son again.

Son: Okay I was watching violent movies!

Dad: What?! When I was your age I never watched those kinds of movies!

The robot slaps the dad.

Mom: Haha, after all, he is your son.

The robot slaps the mom...

Why did 18 blondes goto the movies.

Because it said under 17 not admitted

Curiosity killed the...

...white people in horror movies.

My girlfriend got really upset when we watched the Harry Potter movies back to back

It isn't my fault I was the one facing the tv

When people go underwater in movies, I like to hold my breath to see if I would have survived the same situation...

Almost died in Finding Nemo

Harry Potter movies should be rated R for the huge amount of cursing.

... i can find the door out.

My girlfriend and I watched 3 movies back to back on Netflix

Good thing I was facing the TV.

A man goes to the movies and sees a large dog sitting next to a woman watching the film

He says to her "I am surprised your dog is enjoying this movie"

The woman replies "Me too, he hated the book"

I thought my roommate was joking when he said Gary Oldman was in the Harry Potter movies.

He was dead Sirius.

I don't like watching sad movies.

If i wanted to cry I'd open my wallet instead.

What's the difference between Michael Jackson and Disney Movies ?

Disney Movies still touch kids

A blonde and a brunette

decide to go to the movies together. The picture had a scene with a horse race in it. Before the race starts, he brunette turns to the blonde and says "I'll bet you fifty dollars the black horse wins." The blonde says "OK, you're on!" The scene ends with the black horse barely winning, so the blonde pays up. The brunette decides to confess; "I have to admit that I saw this movie last week." The blonde replies, "So did I, but I didn't think that black horse could possibly win a second time!"

Last night me and my wife watched 3 movies back to back.

Fortunately, I was the one facing the TV.

Rick Astley will let you borrow most of his Pixar movies,

but he's never gonna give you Up

Pixar movies over the years

What if toys had feelings?

What if bugs had feelings?

What if monsters had feelings?

What if fish had feelings?

What if superheroes had feelings?

What if cars had feelings?

What if rats had feelings?

What if robots hadd feelings?

What if boy scouts had feelings?

What if gingers had feelings?

What if feelings had feelings?

What if dinosaurs had feelings?

What if Mexicans had feelings?

I watched 3 movies back to back with my wife last night.

Luckily, I was the one facing the screen.

I'm gonna dress up as Forest Gump tonight and go to the movies and make a a scene.

Then I will have to apologize for ruining their Black Panther party

What do horror movies and printer ink have in common?

The black one always dies first.

After sexy time, the man receives a text message. The woman asks "Who's texting?"

He replies "My wife. She says she's at the movies with you."

What letter do pirate's hate the most?

Dear Charter Internet Customer:

Charter Communications ("Charter") has been notified by a copyright owner, or its authorized agent, that your Internet account may have been involved in the exchange of unauthorized copies of copyrighted material (e.g., music, movies, or software). We are attaching a copy of the Digital Millennium Copyright Act (DMCA) notice that Charter received from the copyright holder which includes the specific allegation.

Made love to my wife last night, just like they do in the movies

I was fast, she was furious

Why are artificial intelligences in movies always female?

Because they're never wrong

Zoo

Two policeman on patrol see a man walking with a Gorilla. Of course, they stop to inquire. They ask, "So Buddy, what's up with the Gorilla?" The man replies, "I'm taking to the Zoo." Cops say "OK" be on your way. A day later the cops see the same man and gorilla....They stop. "Sir" the officer directs. "We saw you yesterday and thought you were taking him to the Zoo?" "I did", the man replies, "But today, I'm taking him to the movies."

A police officer was directing traffic.

A police officer was directing traffic. He saw a man walking along the sidewalk with a penguin following him. He says, "Sir, you have a penguin following you."
"I know, he won't quit following me." replies the man.
"You should take him to the zoo." The man nods and walks towards the zoo. A bit later the police officer sees the man with the penguin still behind him. "Excuse me sir, I thought you were taking the penguin to the zoo."
"I did" said the man, "Now we are going to the movies."

Movies are too violent

A lot of Critics have been saying that movies now days are way too violent.
To test this theory I took a nine year old boy to go see Gladiator, and he cried the whole movie.

Now it may be because he didn't know who I was.

One time I took a blonde girl to the movies...

We bought our tickets and waited in line for snacks. I got popcorn; she got M&M's. We got a drink to split.

We sat down during the previews. I started eating my popcorn and she opened her M&M's and dumped them all out in her lap. She carefully separated them all by color, took all the brown ones, and threw them in the trash.

"What was that about?" I asked as she returned to her seat.

She smiled and replied "Oh, I'm allergic to chocolate so I always throw the chocolate flavored ones away."

I was talking to my friend over the weekend, when he brought up the subject of hobbies....

He asked, "What do you do in your free time".

To which I responded, "I stalk people".

"Oh", he exclaimed, "Really? I enjoy walks in the park or going to movies with friends".


"I know"

How did the interrogators get the black man to talk?

They took him to the movies.

Star wars dad joke heard tonight

Dad "Chewbacca seems kinda big for an ewok..."

Me "he's a wookie. "

Dad "he can't be, he's been in lots of movies now."

Girl: What do you like to do in your free time?

Guy: I spy on people.

Girl: Really? I like to take long walks in the park and go to the movies with my friends.

Guy: I know.

What do you call a guy who gets turned on by sad movies?

A tear-jerker




^Credit ^to ^my ^brother ^for ^telling ^me ^this ^one

Why were the Star Wars movies released as 4, 5, 6, followed by 1, 2, 3 and then 7 and most recently Rogue One at 4.5?

In charge of release schedule, Yoda was.

I had to stop watching An Inconvenient Truth after 20 minutes.

Can't stand movies with that much gore.

What do Disney movies and coathangers have in common?

They can both bring out the child from within.

Your wife and your lawyer are drowning. You have a choice to make:

Lunch or the movies?

Not Going to Like Thursday

It's a convicts first day in prison. He's a young convict and he's crying. An older convict comes over and sits down. He says look it's not so bad here. For instance, do you like movies? The new guy says, "Yeah I love movies." Every Monday we have movie night, first run movie. Do you like Italian food? The new guy says, "Yeah I like Italian food." On Tuesday in the cafeteria, it is all Italian food. Do you like baseball? The new guy says, "I love baseball." Every Wednesday we have a pick up game and everyone plays even the guards, it is really fun. The old guy says, "One more question, are you by any chance a homosexual?" The new guy says, "no I'm not." Ah, you're not going to like Thursday.

Me trying to impress a girl

Girl: I'm Into horror movies

Me: My dad's a serial killer

A man goes to the movies

He looks over and he sees a man and his dog. As he is watching the movie he looks over and notices when the movie is funny it looks like the dog is laughing. When the movie is sad it seems like the dog is crying. When the movies is over he says to the man.

"Wow it's weird but it really seemed like your dog was into the movie."

"Yeah, it is weird. He really hated the book."

Tom and Larry go to the movies

Tom and Larry go see a movie that features a horse race. Tom turns to Larry and says, "I'll bet you $20 that the white horse wins." Larry responds, "No way. I'll take that bet any day." Unfortunately for Larry, the white horse won. After the movie, Tom says, "you don't have to pay me. I'd already seen this movie, and now I feel bad about making the bet." Larry, looking very confused, replies, "well, so had I, but I didn't think he could do it again."

Prison joke (NSFW)

First day in prison, a new young prisoner looks scared. Old guy looks at him and says "Are you scared? New guys meekly says "yes". Old guy says "it isn't bad. Do you like baseball?" New guy says "Yes". Old guy say "Every Monday, we have a softball game." Old guy asks "You like movies?". New guy says "Yes". Old guy says "Well every Tuesday, is movie night and they play first run movies." Old guy asks, "Do you like singing?". New guy says "yes". Old guy says, "every Wednesday, we have karaoke." Old guy asks, "Are you a homosexual?" New guy says "Nope." Old guy says, "you not going to like Thursdays."

Gf tells me "to make love like to me like they do in the movies"..

Long story short..Im due in court soon. Guess we don't watch the same kind of movies.

New inmate at prison.

A new inmate arrives at prison and he is visibly scared and nervous when he is approached by a veteran inmate.

"Hey man, it's not so bad here. Let me ask you something, do you like movies?"

"Yeah, I like movies."

"Great! Every Monday we have a movie night. Let me ask you something else. Do you like baseball?"

"Yes, I like baseball."

"Great! Every Tuesday we go outside and play baseball in the yard. Let me ask you, do you like Italian food?"

"Yes, I do."

"That's fantastic! Every Wednesday we have a pasta night. Now let me ask you one more thing. You aren't by any chance a homosexual, are you?"

"No. No, I am not."

"Ohhh...well you're not going to like Thursdays."

After much consideration, I do not believe Wolverine in the X-Men movies is real.

It's obviously just a huge act, man.

These manager's joke

A man was driving down the road with twenty penguins in the back seat. The police stop him and say that he can't drive around with the penguins in the car and should take them to the zoo. The man agrees and drives off.

The next day the same man is driving down the road with twenty penguins in the back and again. He is stopped by the same police officer who says, "Hey! I though I told you to take those to the zoo."

The man replies "I did. Today I'm taking them to the movies."

So my girlfriend asked me to make love to her like in the movies....

So I pulled out and busted all over her face....apparantly we don't watch the same movies

The Last Jedi was really good

Definitely in my top 10 Star Wars movies

So my friend, Rick Astley, asked me for some Pixar movies to watch...

I told him, "You can borrow Toy Story 1, 2, and 3, A Bugs Life, Monsters Inc., Finding Nemo, The Incredibles, Cars 1 and 2, Ratatouille, and Wall*E, but I'm never gonna give you UP!"

What do 85% of movies that don't hit the theaters all have in common?

Nicholas Cage

I asked Rick Astley to lend me some Pixar movies......

He said you can take Cars, you can take Toy Story but I'm never gonna give you Up.

People love animals. There's movies where people get blown up and shot. But you kill one puppy...

They ask you to leave the theatre!

Lie Detecting Robot

A father buys a lie detector robot that slaps people when they lie.

He decides to test it out at dinner one night. The father asks his son what he did that afternoon.

The son says, "I did some schoolwork."

The robot slaps the son.

The son says, "Ok, Ok. I was at a friend's house watching movies."

Dad asks, "What movie did you watch?"

Son says, "Toy Story."

The robot slaps the son again.

Son says, "Ok, Ok, we were watching Stormy Daniels movies."

Dad says," What? At your age I didn't even know what dirty movies were."

The robot slaps the father!

Mom laughs and says, "Well, he certainly is your son."

The robot slaps the mother.

Robot for sale.

The intelligent dog

Roxy, a large black Labrador, was sitting up in his seat at the movies, wagging his tail, growling at the villain and barking excitedly at the hero's escapades. The woman in the seat behind him was intrigued.
Excuse me, she said, tapping Roxy's owner on the shoulder, that dog is extraordinary. I've never seen anything like it!
Yes, he's surprised me, too, said the owner. He hated the book.

Movies

Friend 1: I just watched a film in which a man's wife is brutally murdered by a serial killer and his son is left physically disabled. In a twisted turn of events his son is kidnapped and has to chase thr kidnapper thousands of miles with the help of a mentally disabled woman.

Friend 2 : Uhhh....what was it called?

Friend 1: Finding Nemo

How to make Movies jokes?

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Joko Jokes