Humorous Movies Jokes to Bring Fun and Laughter to Your Life
Thanos' finger snap would have a greater impact if they found a way to make it seem like half the audience disappeared.
Apparently only DC movies can do that.
What is a pirate's LEAST favorite letter?
Dear Sir or Madam,
Your IP address has been flagged for illegally downloading movies. We will have to suspend your account, pending further investigation.
​
Sincerely,
​
The Internet Provider
Russia started a new website that tracks down and deletes pirated movies.
Nyetflix.
Tom and Larry go to the movies
Tom and Larry go see a movie that features a horse race. Tom turns to Larry and says, "I'll bet you $20 that the white horse wins." Larry responds, "No way. I'll take that bet any day." Unfortunately for Larry, the white horse won. After the movie, Tom says, "you don't have to pay me. I'd already seen this movie, and now I feel bad about making the bet." Larry, looking very confused, replies, "well, so had I, but I didn't think he could do it again."
A police officer was directing traffic.
A police officer was directing traffic. He saw a man walking along the sidewalk with a penguin following him. He says, "Sir, you have a penguin following you."
"I know, he won't quit following me." replies the man.
"You should take him to the zoo." The man nods and walks towards the zoo. A bit later the police officer sees the man with the penguin still behind him. "Excuse me sir, I thought you were taking the penguin to the zoo."
"I did" said the man, "Now we are going to the movies."
Hunger Games : Mockingjay
For the last installments of the Hunger Games series, the director has decided to make a change. In the new movies, Philip Seymour Hoffman will unexpectedly be killed by the heroine.
A man finds a penguin on the road...
A man finds a penguin on the road side. Thinking the penguin is lost the man takes it, drives until finding a police officer and asks what to do.
- Take it to the zoo replies the officer.
One week latter the policer officer sees the man driving with the penguin by his side.
What are you doing with that penguin ? I told you to bring him to the zoo.
I did exactly that. He loved it and now we are going to the movies .
Movies are too violent
A lot of Critics have been saying that movies now days are way too violent.
To test this theory I took a nine year old boy to go see Gladiator, and he cried the whole movie.
Now it may be because he didn't know who I was.
One time I took a blonde girl to the movies...
We bought our tickets and waited in line for snacks. I got popcorn; she got M&M's. We got a drink to split.
We sat down during the previews. I started eating my popcorn and she opened her M&M's and dumped them all out in her lap. She carefully separated them all by color, took all the brown ones, and threw them in the trash.
"What was that about?" I asked as she returned to her seat.
She smiled and replied "Oh, I'm allergic to chocolate so I always throw the chocolate flavored ones away."
Your wife and your lawyer are drowning. You have a choice to make:
Lunch or the movies?
What do Disney movies and coathangers have in common?
They can both bring out the child from within.
You can explore movies cinema reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean movies lego movie dad jokes. There are also movies puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.
Zoo
Two policeman on patrol see a man walking with a Gorilla. Of course, they stop to inquire. They ask, "So Buddy, what's up with the Gorilla?" The man replies, "I'm taking to the Zoo." Cops say "OK" be on your way. A day later the cops see the same man and gorilla....They stop. "Sir" the officer directs. "We saw you yesterday and thought you were taking him to the Zoo?" "I did", the man replies, "But today, I'm taking him to the movies."
Girl asked me to netflix and chill, but I download all my movies illegally....
So I was like na, more like pirate and b**....
Why are artificial intelligences in movies always female?
Because they're never wrong
What's the difference between Michael Jackson and Disney Movies ?
Disney Movies still touch kids
I thought my roommate was joking when he said Gary Oldman was in the Harry Potter movies.
He was dead Sirius.
Star wars dad joke heard tonight
Dad "Chewbacca seems kinda big for an ewok..."
Me "he's a wookie. "
Dad "he can't be, he's been in lots of movies now."
Gf tells me "to make love like to me like they do in the movies"..
Long story short..Im due in court soon. Guess we don't watch the same kind of movies.
A dad buys a lie detector robot that slaps you if you lie.
Dad: Son, where were you at school hours?
Son: At school.
The robot slaps the son
Son: Okay I was watching KungFu Panda!
The robot slaps his son again.
Son: Okay I was watching violent movies!
Dad: What?! When I was your age I never watched those kinds of movies!
The robot slaps the dad.
Mom: Haha, after all, he is your son.
The robot slaps the mom...
Harry Potter movies should be rated R for the huge amount of cursing.
... i can find the door out.
I had to stop watching An Inconvenient Truth after 20 minutes.
Can't stand movies with that much gore.
If you ever feel lonely...
just dim down the lights and put on a couple horror movies. After a while, you won't feel like you are alone anymore.
Girl: What do you like to do in your free time?
Guy: I spy on people.
Girl: Really? I like to take long walks in the park and go to the movies with my friends.
Guy: I know.
Who isn't allowed to watch PG movies?
Orphans.
Me trying to impress a girl
Girl: I'm Into horror movies
Me: My dad's a serial killer
What did w**... say to Buzz?
A lot. There were 3 movies.
What letter do pirate's hate the most?
Dear Charter Internet Customer:
Charter Communications ("Charter") has been notified by a copyright owner, or its authorized agent, that your Internet account may have been involved in the exchange of unauthorized copies of copyrighted material (e.g., music, movies, or software). We are attaching a copy of the Digital Millennium Copyright Act (DMCA) notice that Charter received from the copyright holder which includes the specific allegation.
I was talking to my friend over the weekend, when he brought up the subject of hobbies....
He asked, "What do you do in your free time".
To which I responded, "I stalk people".
"Oh", he exclaimed, "Really? I enjoy walks in the park or going to movies with friends".
"I know"
What do horror movies and printer ink have in common?
The black one always dies first.
Why were the star wars movies released 4,5,6,1,2,3,7,8
In charge of planning Yoda was
I don't like watching sad movies.
If i wanted to cry I'd open my wallet instead.
Made love to my wife last night, just like they do in the movies
I was fast, she was furious
After s**... time, the man receives a text message. The woman asks "Who's texting?"
He replies "My wife. She says she's at the movies with you."
How did the interrogators get the black man to talk?
They took him to the movies.
Curiosity killed the...
...white people in horror movies.
When people go underwater in movies, I like to hold my breath to see if I would have survived the same situation...
Almost died in Finding Nemo
My girlfriend and I watched 3 movies back to back on Netflix
Good thing I was facing the TV.
Hollywood is remaking Brokeback Mountain with Margot Robbie and Emma Watson
On the one hand, I hate that they have to remake all the classic movies with female leads as if that somehow makes them better. On the other hand, lotion.
What do you call a guy who gets turned on by sad movies?
A tear-jerker
^Credit ^to ^my ^brother ^for ^telling ^me ^this ^one
A man goes to the movies
He looks over and he sees a man and his dog. As he is watching the movie he looks over and notices when the movie is funny it looks like the dog is laughing. When the movie is sad it seems like the dog is crying. When the movies is over he says to the man.
"Wow it's weird but it really seemed like your dog was into the movie."
"Yeah, it is weird. He really hated the book."
I'm gonna dress up as Forest Gump tonight and go to the movies and make a a scene.
Then I will have to apologize for ruining their Black Panther party
I liked the Harry Potter books and movies but...
I just feel like the character Nearly Headless Nick was a bit poorly executed.
Rick Astley will let you borrow most of his Pixar movies,
but he's never gonna give you Up
I watched 3 movies back to back with my wife last night.
Luckily, I was the one facing the screen.
Pixar movies over the years
What if toys had feelings?
What if bugs had feelings?
What if monsters had feelings?
What if fish had feelings?
What if superheroes had feelings?
What if cars had feelings?
What if rats had feelings?
What if robots hadd feelings?
What if boy scouts had feelings?
What if gingers had feelings?
What if feelings had feelings?
What if dinosaurs had feelings?
What if Mexicans had feelings?
Last night me and my wife watched 3 movies back to back.
Fortunately, I was the one facing the TV.
My girlfriend got really upset when we watched the Harry Potter movies back to back
It isn't my fault I was the one facing the tv
Why did 18 blondes goto the movies.
Because it said under 17 not admitted
A man goes to the movies and sees a large dog sitting next to a woman watching the film
He says to her "I am surprised your dog is enjoying this movie"
The woman replies "Me too, he hated the book"
A blonde and a brunette
decide to go to the movies together. The picture had a scene with a horse race in it. Before the race starts, he brunette turns to the blonde and says "I'll bet you fifty dollars the black horse wins." The blonde says "OK, you're on!" The scene ends with the black horse barely winning, so the blonde pays up. The brunette decides to confess; "I have to admit that I saw this movie last week." The blonde replies, "So did I, but I didn't think that black horse could possibly win a second time!"
What do the movies The Sixth Sense and Titanic have in common?
Icy dead people
What has 27 actors, three settings, two writers, and one plot?
671 Hallmark movies.
A blonde and her boyfriend went to the movies
In the film, the main character is running through the storm so she says, "I bet you £20, that they don't get struck by lightning."
And her boyfriend agrees.
20 seconds later the main character is stuck by lightning and the blonde looks confused and gets £20 to give.
Her boyfriend said "I can't take this, I have seen the movie before."
She replies, "So have I but I didn't think lightning would strike twice in the same place!"
I just watched Wonder Woman 1984 and I had zero idea what was going on.
Guess I shouldn't have skipped the other 1,983 movies.
My friend asked me if the next Star Wars movies were going to be in 3D
"Yes" I replied "...but they R2D2."
My wife hates it when I quote old movies incorrectly
But frankly, my dear, I don't give a s**...!
While discussing horror movies, my friend asked me who my favorite monster from film is.
Me: "Hmmm that's a tough one. I think I'd have to go with the vampire from Sesame Street."
Friend: "What!? He doesn't count."
Me: "Oh I assure you, he does."
Does anyone know what the movies Titanic and The Sixth Sense have in common?
Icy dead people
What's a pirate's least favorite letter?
Dear Sir or Madam,
Your IP address has been flagged for illegally downloading movies. We will have to suspend your account, pending further investigation.
Sincerely,
Your Internet Provider
My wife said she would leave me if I don't stop comparing everything to Bruce Willis movies, but you know what they say about old habits...
They Pulp Fiction.
Did you know that Vin Diesel only eats two meals a day to keep in shape for making movies?
Breakfast and breakfurious
Did you know that in the James Bond movies, all the action/risky scenes were performed by agent 0014?
of course, he was, after all, his double. I'll see myself out.
I saw a man with a penguin on a leash
I saw a man walking with a penguin on a leash
I said to him "That penguin is a wild animal. You need to take it to the zoo."
The man thought for a moment and said "You are absolutely right. I'll take him now."
The next day I saw the man again. He was still walking the penguin on a lead.
I said "I thought you were taking that penguin to the zoo?"
He replied "I did, he loved it. Now we're going to the movies."
My son asked why sStar Wars movies came out 4, 5, 6, 1, 2, 3…
I answered in my best yoda impersonation: 'in charge of scheduling, I was'
My son loved it, I heard a sigh from my SO, and when I looked at her, she just shook her head.
Why did the Star Wars movies come out in the order 4 5 6 1 2 3
In charge of the sequence, Yoda was.
I can't believe DCU fans wanted to ban Amber Heard
From their movies there seems to be no better place to s**... the bed.
This is an old joke that my teacher told me when I was little and most people probably already know it but I remember loving it.
A police officer pulls over a man who has penguins in the backseat of the car.
"Sir you can't have penguins in your car. Bring them to the zoo or something," the police officer tells the man.
The next day, the police officer sees the man again. Again, the penguins are in the backseat of the car.
"Sir, I told you to take the penguins to the zoo!"
"I did, Officer! Today I'm taking them to the movies."
If you take the first two letters of the title of all the Harry Potter movies, it spells out a secret message
# HA-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA
I went to the movies and there was a man who brought his dog into the theater with him.
After the movie, I went up to the man and I said "Hey this might sound weird, but it seemed like your dog was really enjoying the movie." The man said "Yeah, I'm suprised too, because he *hated* the book!"
A man was driving down the road with twenty penguins in the back seat.
A police officer stops him and says that he can't just drive around with the penguins in the car and that he should take them to the zoo. The man agrees and drives off.
The next day the same man is driving down the road with twenty penguins in the back again. He is stopped by the same police officer who says,
"Hey! I told you to take those to the zoo."
The man replies, "I did. Today I'm taking them to the movies."
I bought my 2 year old son some toys from the movie Toy Story.
It seemed like a good idea at the time because he loved those movies. Turns out, he didn't like the toys. Wailing, he threw a figurine at the wall, shattering it.
It was a total buzzkill.
I was totally shocked that my Border Collie loved the Harry Potter movies
I mean, he completely hated the books
Pancakes asks Sausage to go to the movies
Sausage asks: Hey, should we invite Bacon?
Pancakes says: Of course! I love Bacon.
Sausage asks: What about Eggs?
Pancakes shakes his head and says: Nah man, Eggs Benedict lately.
The one thing I hate about superhero movies is how unrealistic they are,
Like what are the chances that a billionaire would do anything to help ordinary people?
