movies Jokes

funny jokes and hilarious movies stories

What are the best Movies puns and pranks?

Did you ever wanted to prank someone about Movies? Well here is a complete list of Movies to have fun with:

Thanos' finger snap would have a greater impact if they found a way to make it seem like half the audience disappeared.

Apparently only DC movies can do that.

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My girlfriend always takes long showers after watching movies starring Chris Pratt

I don't know what she's doing in there, but it gives me lots of time to jerk off to Chris Pratt.

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Why did the Star Wars movies come out in the order 4 5 6 1 2 3?

In charge of the sequence, Yoda was.

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What is a pirate's LEAST favorite letter?

Dear Sir or Madam,

Your IP address has been flagged for illegally downloading movies. We will have to suspend your account, pending further investigation.

​

Sincerely,

​

The Internet Provider

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Russia started a new website that tracks down and deletes pirated movies.

Nyetflix.

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Hunger Games : Mockingjay

For the last installments of the Hunger Games series, the director has decided to make a change. In the new movies, Philip Seymour Hoffman will unexpectedly be killed by the heroine.

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A man finds a penguin on the road...

A man finds a penguin on the road side. Thinking the penguin is lost the man takes it, drives until finding a police officer and asks what to do.
- Take it to the zoo replies the officer.

One week latter the policer officer sees the man driving with the penguin by his side.

What are you doing with that penguin ? I told you to bring him to the zoo.

I did exactly that. He loved it and now we are going to the movies .

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My wife said she wanted to have sex like in the movies..

..so I fucked her in the arse and came on her face and in her hair.

I guess we don't watch the same movies.

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When I was teenage boy

At first I wanted to be a gardener.
Then I wanted to be a pool cleaner, afterwards a plumber.

Then I stopped watching porn movies and went to college.

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Rick Astley will let you borrow all the movies in his Pixar collection except one,

He is never gonna give you Up.

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A father buys a lie detector...

A father buys a lie detector robot that slaps people when they lie.
He decides to test it out at dinner one night.
The father asks his son what he did that afternoon.
The son says, "I did some homework."
The robot slaps the son.
The son says, "Ok, Ok, I was at a friend's house watching movies."
Dad asks, "What movie did you watch?"
Son says, "Toy Story."
The robot slaps the son.
Son says, "Ok, Ok, we were watching porn."
Dad says, "What? At your age I didn't even know what porn was."
The robot slaps the father.
Mom laughs and says, "Well, he certainly is your son."
The robot slaps the mother.

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Robot for sale!

A father buys a lie detector robot that slaps people when they lie.

He decides to test it out at dinner one night. The father asks his son what he did that afternoon.

The son says, "I did some schoolwork." The robot slaps the son.

The son says, "Ok, Ok. I was at a friend's house watching movies."

Dad asks, "What movie did you watch?"

Son says, "Toy Story." The robot slaps the son.

Son says, "Ok, Ok, we were watching porn."

Dad says, "What? At your age I didn't even know what porn was." The robot slaps the father.

Mom laughs and says, "Well, he certainly is your son." The robot slaps the mother.

Robot for sale...!

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Robot Slapper

A man buys a lie detector robot that slaps people who lie. He decides to test it at dinner.



**DAD:** Son, where were you today during school hours?

**SON:** At school **Robot slaps son*

**SON:** OK, I went to the movies.

**DAD:** Which one?

**SON:** Toy Story **Robot slaps son again*

**SON:** OK, it was Day with a Porn Star

**DAD:** WHAT? When I was your age I didn't even know what porn was! **Robot slaps dad*

**MOM:** HAHA! After all he's your son. **Robot slaps mom*

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Lie detector robot

A father buys a lie detector robot that slaps people when they lie. He decides to test it out one night at dinner. The father asks the son what he did that afternoon. The son said, "I did some homework." The robot slaps the son. "Ok, ok, I went to a friend's house and watched movies." What movies did you watch, asks the father. "Toy story" replies the son. The robot slaps the son. "Ok we watched porn." What? Says the father, I didn't even know what porn was at your age. The robot slaps the father. The mother laughs and said, "well he certainly is your son." The robot slaps the mother.

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Movies are too violent

A lot of Critics have been saying that movies now days are way too violent.
To test this theory I took a nine year old boy to go see Gladiator, and he cried the whole movie.

Now it may be because he didn't know who I was.

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Why do Jews watch porno movies in reverse?

Because they like the part where the hooker gives the money back to the guy.

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Lie detector robot

So a Dad builds a lie detecting robot that slaps anyone when they lie. He's been suspicious of what his son has been up to lately.

So they are sitting at the dinner table, the mum, the dad, the son, and the robot.
The dad asks his son "So where were you last night?"
The son replies "I was at the library"
*the robot slaps the son*
Son: "Fine, I was at Geoff's house"
Dad: "And what were you two doing?"
Son: "studying of course"
*robot slaps the son*
Son: "ok we were watching movies"
*robot slaps the son again*
Son: "Fine! we were watching porn ok?"
Dad: "I'm disappointed in you, when I was your age we didn't even know what porn was."
*the robot slaps the dad*
Embarrassed the Dad says "Well I certainly wasn't watching it!"
*the robot slaps the dad again*
The Mum starts chuckling at the end of the table and says "He's definitely your son"
*And the robot slaps the Mum"

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A man comes home from the bar...

and sees his wife watching Gordon Ramsay's cooking show on the tv.
He says to his wife, "What are you watching that shit for? You can't cook to save your life!"
To which she replies, "So what? You watch porn movies, don't you?"

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Tom and Larry go to the movies

Tom and Larry go see a movie that features a horse race. Tom turns to Larry and says, "I'll bet you $20 that the white horse wins." Larry responds, "No way. I'll take that bet any day." Unfortunately for Larry, the white horse won. After the movie, Tom says, "you don't have to pay me. I'd already seen this movie, and now I feel bad about making the bet." Larry, looking very confused, replies, "well, so had I, but I didn't think he could do it again."

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Prison joke (NSFW)

First day in prison, a new young prisoner looks scared. Old guy looks at him and says "Are you scared? New guys meekly says "yes". Old guy says "it isn't bad. Do you like baseball?" New guy says "Yes". Old guy say "Every Monday, we have a softball game." Old guy asks "You like movies?". New guy says "Yes". Old guy says "Well every Tuesday, is movie night and they play first run movies." Old guy asks, "Do you like singing?". New guy says "yes". Old guy says, "every Wednesday, we have karaoke." Old guy asks, "Are you a homosexual?" New guy says "Nope." Old guy says, "you not going to like Thursdays."

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So my friend, Rick Astley, asked me for some Pixar movies to watch...

I told him, "You can borrow Toy Story 1, 2, and 3, A Bugs Life, Monsters Inc., Finding Nemo, The Incredibles, Cars 1 and 2, Ratatouille, and Wall*E, but I'm never gonna give you UP!"

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I asked Rick Astley to lend me some Pixar movies......

He said you can take Cars, you can take Toy Story but I'm never gonna give you Up.

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The intelligent dog

Roxy, a large black Labrador, was sitting up in his seat at the movies, wagging his tail, growling at the villain and barking excitedly at the hero's escapades. The woman in the seat behind him was intrigued.
Excuse me, she said, tapping Roxy's owner on the shoulder, that dog is extraordinary. I've never seen anything like it!
Yes, he's surprised me, too, said the owner. He hated the book.

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A Lie Detector Robot

A father buys a lie detector robot that slaps people when they lie. He decides to test it out at dinner one night.
The father asks his son what he did that afternoon.

The son says, "I did some schoolwork."
The robot slaps the son.
The son says , "Ok, Ok. I was at a friend's house watching movies."

Dad asks, "What movie did you watch?"

Son says, "Toy Story."
The robot slaps the son.
Son says, "Ok, Ok, we were watching porn."

Dad says, "What? At your age I didn't even know what porn was."
The robot slaps the father.
Mom laughs and says, "Well, he certainly is your son."

The robot slaps the mother.

Robot for sale.

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My friend has gotten twelve auditions for movies in the last week alone.

I asked him how and all he could say was "It's this new medication". He never told me what it was, but I could safely assume that it was a fast acting drug.

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Why do cows never walk out of horror movies?

They're able to stomach a lot.

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Bad pun alert.

I've been watching behind the scenes reels of movies for quite a few years so the magic of movies is somewhat lost on me. I'll know how that car flip was achieved, how they choreographed fight scenes etc.

Still, watching Gravity this weekend I couldn't help but think, "how on Earth did they do that?"

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Where did the Japanese watch their movies in WWII

The Pacific Theatre

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A truck driver stops at a gas station with a penguin in the passenger seat.

The owner from the gas station asks where the penguin comes from.

"I found him on the highway, what should I do?", the driver replies.
- "You have to take him to the zoo!"
The truck driver nods and drives away.

3 days later the truck driver came to the gas station again. Surprised, the owner asks him:
"I thought you were going to take him to the zoo?"
- "I did, and tonight we're going to the movies!"

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How does Jaden Smith keep getting roles in big movies?

Where there's a Will, there's a way.

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How do Russians watch online movies?

Nyetflix!

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I love indie movies

Me too, the best one is the first one with the snakes

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I think three movies is a bit much for the hobbit.

Seems like they're really dragon it out.

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The robot.

A father buys a lie detector robot that slaps people when they lie.he decides to try it a dinner one night.the father asks his son what he did that afternoon.the son says " doing my homework" the robot slaps the son." Ok ok I was watching movies" the father asks "what movie did you watch" son says " toy story" the robot slaps him again. "Ok,ok I was watching porn!" Father says " what!? At your age I didn't know what porn was! " robot slaps the father.mother anything says " honey he's your son!" Robot slaps the mother.

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The sun is in so many movies..

It's like one giant star!

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A cop pulls a guy over for having a bear in his passenger seat.

The cop says to the man, sir, I need you to take that bear to the zoo!
The man obliged and the officer sent him on his way.
A few hours later the cop sees the same man with the same bear except this time he is wearing a zoo tee-shirt.
The cop pulls him over and says
"Sir I thought I told you to take that bear to the zoo"
He replies
"I did officer, and he had so much fun I bought him this tee-shirt and we're on our way to the movies!"

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Your Lawyer and your Wife are drowning! Quick! You must make a decision!!

Should you go to the movies, or order pizza?

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Summary of all famous dancing movies.

You better step up and save the last dance before you get served stomping the yard, honey.

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My wife and I watched three movies back to back last night.

I'm glad I was the one facing the TV.

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Need the joke to the punchline.

So I've heard the punchline to this joke on tv and in movies just as the scene comes in mid joke. All you hear is "Rectum? Damn near killed em!!" And everyone laughs.

it's been bothering me for a long time but I never thought to ask someone lol. Anyone know the rest?

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Where do angles go for fun on the weekends?

To watch movies in the THETA

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Does anybody have a joke where the punchline would make no sense if heard alone? I'm thinking like in movies and shows where you come in on a character telling the punchline and everybody laughs hysterically.

I've always wanted to hear the setup to one of those type of jokes.

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My parents always walk in at the worst times during movies

Just yesterday I was watching "Backdoor Whore 4", and of course they walk in during the sex scene

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Why did the skeleton go to the movies alone?

He didn't have any body to go with him.

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I was with some friends and we started talking about movies.

One of my friends mentioned that the sets in old Westerns were often built slightly smaller than normal to make the leading man appear larger. I said that that would make sense because I heard that John Wayne, while filming a scene with his co-star, complained that the town wasn't big enough for the two of them.

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My girlfriend doesn't believe in sex before marriage. So I showed ....

My girlfriend doesn't believe in sex before marriage.

So I showed her some of my old home movies to prove it was real.

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so i started dating a girl and we wanted to have a "movie-off"...

we started with the saddest movies we could think of. i won with the intro to a certain little Pixar film. I really showed her up that night.

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Angry Dad

A father buys a lie detector robot that slaps people when they lie.

He decides to test it out at dinner one night. The father asks his son what he did that afternoon.

The son says, "I did some schoolwork."

The robot slaps the son.

The son says, "Ok, Ok. I was at a friend's house watching movies."

Dad asks, "What movie did you watch?"

Son says, "Toy Story."

The robot slaps the son.

Son says, "Ok, Ok, we were watching porn."

Dad says, "What? At your age I didn't even know what porn was."

The robot slaps the father.

Mom laughs and says, "Well, he certainly is your son."

The robot slaps the mother.




Robot for sale.

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How many times can you watch the Godfather movies before you're bored?

More than a Coppola times....Solozzo times I guess..don't be a Fredo gettin' addicted to it.... It's Kay :)

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A man bought a lie detector robot that slaps people who lie

He decided to test it after dinner

**Dad**: "Son, where were you today?"

**Son**: "At school, duh." *the robot slaps the son* and he immediately changes his mind and says, "Okay, okay! I skipped school to stay home and watch some movies!"

**Dad**: "Which ones?"

**Son**: "Harry Potter" *robot slaps son again* "Alright! I was watching pornos"

**Dad**: "What?! When I was your age I didn't even know what porno was!" *robot slaps dad*

**Mom**: "Hahahaha! After all, he *is* your son!" *robot slaps mom*

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CONCLUSION

You've read some of the best movies jokes of all time. Most of the stories are suitable for kids with good sense of humor, children or teens boys and girls, of course dads. You must supervise kids not to read pranks for adults. Note that some jokes are disgusting, filled with black humor so don't tell dirty movies gags to your kids. These jokes are updated with new ones in December 2019.

How do I make my girlfriend or boyfriend laughs? Well, this list of funny stories will make you cry in laughter. Some of these movies jokes are funny and some are hilarious.

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