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Movie Theater Jokes

94 movie theater jokes and hilarious movie theater puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about movie theater that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

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Funniest Movie Theater Short Jokes

Short movie theater jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The movie theater humour may include short theater jokes also.

  1. Last night a movie theater was robbed of over $1000 dollars. The thieves took one large bag of popcorn, two large sodas and a pack of Skittles.
  2. In a movie theater crowd watches a movie. During funny moments only one person laughs. Confusingly, he turns around and explains: "Sorry, I haven't seen the trailer."
  3. A movie theater in my town was recently robbed of over $20,000 of merchandise The thieves apparently stole 5 popcorn/soda combos and 10 boxes of Raisinets.
  4. How ungrateful people are My grandfather tried to warn everyone that the Titanic was going to sink. Besides not believing in him, they also expelled him from the movie theater!
  5. Overheard in line for a movie... Theater employee: "That's an R-rated movie. When's your birthday?"
    Teenage boy: "October 12th."
    Employee: "What year?"
    Boy: "Every year."
  6. A movie theater was robbed of $150 worth of candy The thieves took 2 bags of M n' Ms and a small soda
  7. Starting this Thursday, some movie theaters will not allow large bags inside the theater But thank god I have a few twix up my sleeve
  8. I was invited to a theater to watch a pornographic horror movie... But I was too scared to come.
  9. "Lincoln" grossed $275,000,000 in movie theaters Which is ironic since historically Lincoln doesn't do too well in theaters
  10. My local movie theater was robbed of $200 last night. They stole a tub of popcorn, two sodas and a box of Milk Duds.

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Movie Theater One Liners

Which movie theater one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with movie theater? I can suggest the ones about cinema and lincoln theater.

  1. What do 85% of movies that don't hit the theaters all have in common? Nicholas Cage
  2. Why wasn't the Canadian scared at the movie theater? He knew Nunavut was real.
  3. Why was the chicken kicked out of the movie theater? Because he used fowl language.
  4. Why did eighteen blonde women go to the movie theater? It said under 17 not permitted.
  5. Why did the narcissist buy a movie theater? They were good at projecting
  6. What has 4 thumbs and pretends to be an adult at a movie theater? Dis guise!
  7. Why did Sony pull "The Interview" ? They were afraid it would bomb at the movie theaters
  8. My local movie theater has Avengers movie tickets on sale. They're half off.
  9. Movie Theater Logic Tickets: $5
    Slushy: $15
    Popcorn: $20
  10. Yo mama is so fat that when she went to the movie theater she sat next to everybody.
  11. What do you call a movie theater under construction? A box office
  12. What does a Muslim Viking say at the movie theater? Valhalla Snackbar!
  13. What resolution do Mexican movie theaters show movies in? Por que.
  14. Why are movie theaters only hiring Republicans? For projection.
  15. A man came into a movie theater Peewee Herman was later sent to jail

Movie Theater joke, A man came into a movie theater

Experience Good Cheer with Hilarious Movie Theater Jokes and Friends

What funny jokes about movie theater you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean movie jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make movie theater pranks.

Yo momma is so hairy, when she went to the movie theater to see Star Wars, everybody screamed and said, "IT'S CHEWBACCA!"

Yo mamma is so fat when she went to the movie theater people said "

Look at king Kong in 3D."

A horse walks into a movie theater...

... he goes to the Box office and asks the clerk for a ticket.
the clerk looks at the horse and gasps, terrified. "you talk!!!!"
the Horse says "Don't worry, I will not talk once the movie starts"

An old couple was found dead in a drive in theater

… they came to see the movie "Closed for Winter".

The village idiot died of hypothermia at the movie drive-in theater.

He had gone to see the film "CLOSED FOR WINTER"

Movie theater madness

A young lad did some work for a farmer and when he was done was given a goose as barter payment. He tucked the goose under his arm and began walking home. As he was passing through town he noticed that a movie that he wanted to see was playing at the theater. Since they didn't allow animals he stuffed the goose down his pants, paid for his ticket and found a seat in the packed theater next to two old ladies as the lights dimmed.
The goose began to struggle and not wanting to be discovered, the young man inconspicuously unzipped his fly so that the goose could breathe. Shortly thereafter, one of the old ladies nudged the other, "Edna, the boy sitting next to me has his fly unzipped and something is sticking out!"
"Martha", her companion replied,"When you've seen one you've seen 'em all."
"Well you've never seen one like this before. It's eating my popcorn!"

"The Interview" Joke

Kim Jong Un walks past a movie theater and sees a movie poster for "The Interview."
He says "I wouldn't be caught dead in that."

Guy goes to a movie theater to see "The Hobbit." A walrus sits down next to him.

"Excuse me, but are you... a walrus?" asks the man.
"Yes."
"What are you doing at the movies?"
Walrus: "Well, I liked the book."

So JLO has a new movie in theaters?

Hasn't she had 'Enough'?

Fifty Shades of Grey.

I hear that when you go see Fifty Shades of Grey, some theaters, to go along with the theme of the film, will tie moviegoers to their chairs. It has been determined that the real reason for this is that it is the only way to get people to sit through the entire movie.

Did you hear about Peewee Herman's new movie?

It's going straight to Netflix because he already released in theaters

There's a new biographic movie about Tolstoi

TolStory coming soon to theaters near you

A group of people were yelling at me in the movie theater.

It got so loud I had to take my phone call outside.

A priest walks into a movie theater

...and finds that most of the seats are taken. He looks around for a while, and finally sees an empty seat. The priest asks the man sitting next to the open seat, "Excuse me, is this seat saved?"
The man looks the priest up and down and replies to him, "No, but it's willing to listen."

Going to watch a movie in theater

Me: This movie is pirated
Friend: How?
Me: This movie has got 3.14 rating

My friend who works at the movie theater died yesterday...

f**... services are being held today at 4:25, 5:40, 7:10 and 9:45

I was waiting outside the movie theater to buy some tickets, when a pregnant woman walked over and hit me in the face.

"Ow!" I yelled. "Why did you do that?!"
"Oh, so sorry." She replied. "I thought this was the punchline."
"Was that supposed to be a joke?!" I asked.
"Yep, guess I need to work on the delivery." And then she went into labor.

Why is Bear Grylls a good friend to take to the movie theater?

He sneaks his own drinks in.

Did you hear about the blondes who were found frozen to death in their car at a drive-in movie theater?

They were waiting for "Closed For The Winter" to start.

Man sees a kangaroo sitting in a movie theater

"Are you a kangaroo?" asked the man, surprised. "Yes." "What are you doing at the movies?" The kangaroo replied, "Well, I liked the book." 

A man went to the movie..

A man went to the movie theater's ticket window a second time and said, "One more."
"For The Hobbit?" the ticket vendor asked.
"No," the man replied, "That's my girlfriend."

I almost got caught m**... in the movie theater

I guess you could say I had a close encounter of the third kind

How unselfaware does someone have to be to not realize how loud their baby is in a movie theater?

I can barely hear the person on the other end of the line!

Why did a pair of blondes freeze to death outside the movie theater?

Because they wanted to watch "Closed for Winter".

Why did the 007 movie about the Federal Reserve being robbed flop in theaters?

Because there's just not much interest left in the Bond.

In 1991,

Pee Wee Herman was arrested for m**... in a movie theater. What a lot of people do not realize is that he represented himself in court, believing he could get himself off.

A man in a movie theater

Notices a skunk sitting next to him.
"Oh my god, are you a skunk?" Asked the shocked man.
"Yes."
"What are you doing in this theater?"
"Well, I liked the book," the skunk replied.

My grandfather knew the Titanic would sink. So he warned everyone who would listen until the manager decided to kick him out of the movie theater.

Did you hear Louis c**...'s new movie is cancelled?

You still might find him coming soon in a theater near you.

Another s**... assault allegation against

Pee-wee Herman, he apparently s**... assaulted Anthony w**... in a movie theater.

A man goes to the movie theater

He sees a childhood friend of his embracing a woman in the back rows. He goes up to them and asks, "Who's this?"
His friend proudly replies, "It's my lover!"
The man then said, "Not you, I'm asking my wife."

My great-grandfather knew that Titanic would sink and tried to alert people 3 times

The third time, he was expelled from the movie theater.

A woman was arrested for bringing her own popcorn, candy, and soda to the movie theater.

She was fined and had to pay court fees, but the good news is she still came out a few bucks ahead from if she would have bought the popcorn at the theater.

My grandfather was an old nautical engineer who tried to warn everyone on the Titanic that they were doomed

First he yelled at the passengers while they boarded...he was ignored
Then he yelled at the Captain and the First Mate...he was ignored
Then as he continued to yell his warnings; people began to tell him to be quiet and that he was crazy
Eventually, after all his yelling; Security came and escorted him out of the movie theater

Called up the movie theater to find out what the order was for the double feature horror films.

It follows It Follows.

if you ever plan on murdering someone, do it in an adult movie theater.

There will be other peoples DNA all over the crime scene, plus no witnesses will come forward to admit they saw you there...

What did Usher say when he started working at the movie theater?

These are my concessions.

It turns out Fire! isn't the worst thing you can yell out in a crowded movie theater.

It's Bruce Willis is dead!

Do you want to watch the movie "Venom", about Spider-Man's archenemy, before it hits theaters? Easy!

You just have to navigate the dark web...

A woman lost a court case...

and was fined for bringing her own popcorn, coke and candy to a movie theater. Overall, she still saved a considerable amount of money.

Did you hear about the movie theater that lost thousands of dollars?

The thief made off with a large popcorn and some candy.

A man walks up to the ticket counter at a movie theater with his family movie...

Four tickets for that Star Wars movie.
Solo?
No, I said *four* tickets.

Alex Ovechkin invites Sidney Crosby over to watch a movie

Crosby sits down in the theater room, and waits for Ovechkin. Ovechkin finally walks in, and is drinking a cup a water. Crosby says "Hey can i get something to drink?". Ovechkin responds sorry I only have one cup.

A woman yelled at me to stop shouting spoilers in the movie theater...

She apologized and bought me a popcorn when I told her I had tourrettes that made me shout the word "spoliers"

A man walks into a Movie Theater with a bag

-"What's that in the bag"
--"An AK-47"
-"No, the thing next to it"
--"A bag of Cheetos"
-"Sorry, you can't take that to the Theatre"

I went to the movie theater, and they said it was $6 for adults and $4 for children

So I said: "Alright, then give me two boys and a girl."

Ukrainian mother persuades her son to marry

M: Look at Marina. She is beautiful, intelligent, loves movies and theater.
S: I do not want her.
M: Look at Olena. She cooks well, her house is always orderly.
S: I do not want her.
M: So who do you want?
S: Mom, I love my neighbor Sergei.
(pause)
M: But he's Russian, after all.

If you're a movie ticket usher and .......

.... and amputee leaves the theater, but comes back and shows you his ticket, is it wrong to say to him "I'm glad you saved your stub" ?

2 Redditors went to a movie theater where they don't allow anyone to leave until the first half of the movie is over.

The movie was very boring. So during the interval, they got out flustered.
But eventually thinking about the theater, one of the Redditors said to the other,
" I am not gonna lie, they had us in the first half."

Back when going to the cinema was still a thing, I saw a magician in my theater

I was watching a movie at the cinema and there was a magician further down my theater. A s**... scene came on and he started clapping without using his hands, it was amazing!

A man sitting in a movie theater notices that there is a bear sitting next to him.

Finally he turns to the bear and says, Aren't you a bear? The bear nods, so the man says, So what are you doing at the movies? The bear says, Well, I liked the book.

My grandfather looked at the Titanic and knew that it would sink.

He kept on saying it but no one listened to him. He kept on repeating it till he got kicked out of the movie theater.

Mr. Johnson walked into a movie theater and sat down next to a dog who was at the theater with his owner.

Much to Mr. Johnson's astonishment, the dog laughed at the funny parts, cried at the sad parts, booed at the villain's wicked deeds, and cheered at the hero's heroics.
When they left the theater, Mr. Johnson told the dog owner, "Your dog's reactions to that movie were amazing!"
"I thought so too!" replied the dog owner. "He hated the book."

A wise man once said Life becomes much more peaceful when you realize you are not responsible for the projections of others.

…the movie theater manager then proceeded to reconsider his career.

A crime at the movie theater

A police detective walks into a bar and orders a beer. "Just got done investigating a burglary at the local movie theater," the detective tells the bartender. "They lost almost $10,000." "That's horrible," the bartender says. "Did they get the cash register?" "No," the detective replies. "Just three jumbo tubs of popcorn, two large sodas, three boxes of candy and a hot dog."

I was walking past a movie theater showing "The Black Phone" and some guy standing out front was saying, "Stephen King is my dad and he stole the ideas for all his novels from me!" I said to him...

"Surely you must be Joe."

I went to the movies and there was a man who brought his dog into the theater with him.

After the movie, I went up to the man and I said "Hey this might sound weird, but it seemed like your dog was really enjoying the movie." The man said "Yeah, I'm suprised too, because he *hated* the book!"

A man is returning to his seat in the movie theater after visiting the toilets.

"Excuse me," he says to the lady sitting beside the aisle, "Did I step on your foot when I went out?"
"Yes you did," says the lady angrily.
"Oh good," says the man, "that means I'm in the right row."

Have you seen "Schrodinger's Cat the Movie"?

It doesn't have any showing times. You buy a ticket but won't know if it is playing or not until you walk into the theater.

Movie Theater joke, Why did the narcissist buy a movie theater?

jokes about movie theater