Movie Jokes

What are some Movie jokes?

My grandfather warned people that the Titanic would sink

No one listened, but he kept on warning them nonetheless until they got sick of him and kicked him out the movie theatre

Husband doing crossword with his wife

Husband: Emphatic no, five letters.

Wife: Never

H: Pistol, 3 letters.

W: Gun

H: Disgust, 3 letters.

W: Ugh

H: Charity, 4 letters.

W: Give

H: Female sheep, 3 letters

W: Ewe

H: Pixar movie, 2 letters

W: Up

Given that a radiator is essentially a vital organ to a car, it's strange that the town in the movie Cars is called "Radiator Springs."

It would be like if we called a city "Liver Pool."

George Clooney, Leonardo Dicaprio and Matthew Mcconaughey got together to make a movie...

George Clooney said, "I'll direct."

Dicaprio said, "I'll produce."

And Matthew McConaughey said, "I'll write, I'll write, I'll write."ο»Ώ

Husband doing crossword with wife..

Husband : emphatic no, five letters
 

Wife : never

H : pistol, three letters
 

W : gun

H : disgust, three letters
 

W : ugh

H : charity, four letters
 

W : give

H : female sheep, three letters
 

W : ewe

H : Pixar movie, two letters
 

W : Up

Have you seen the new Exorcist movie?

This time it's the devil trying to get the priest out of the child.

Last night a movie theater was robbed of over $1000 dollars.

The thieves took one large bag of popcorn, two large sodas and a pack of Skittles.

"Dead or alive, you're coming with me."

Great movie quote, terrible pickup line…

A guy was screaming at the TV Run idiot, run!

His wife walked in and asked Are you watching a horror movie? . He said No. It's our wedding tape

Yesterday, a beautiful girl asked me whether I wanted to watch a movie. She said, What do you want to see?

Me: You pick.

Her: You pick.

Me: I don't care which movie. You pick.

Her: Sir, there are people behind you in line waiting to buy tickets.

In the original 'Good Will Hunting' script, there is a surprise gay sex scene between the two straight leads. It was purposely put there as a test to see if studios actually read the script. Harvey Weinstein was the only producer who mentioned the scene

Weinstein said that the sex scene usually takes place before he approves a movie

I had an idea for a movie plot where a retired CIA agent searches for his kidnapped daughter in Paris, but it turns out that idea was taken. I had another idea for one where the same agent is kidnapped with his wife in Istanbul, but it turns out that one was taken too.

I'll leave now.

A woman was arrested for bringing her own popcorn, candy, and soda to the movie theater.

She was fined and had to pay court fees, but the good news is she still came out a few bucks ahead from if she would have bought the popcorn at the theater.

What is Samsung CEO's favorite movie

Total recall

An attractive woman asked me if I wanted to see a movie yesterday.

She said what would you like to see.
I said you pick.
She said you pick.
I said I don't care you pick.
She said, Sir there are other people waiting in line to buy tickets.

Shame about the Tesla driver that crashed while watching a movie.

He should've watched the trailer.

I just watched a movie about a y=x graph

The plot was a bit predictable


And a little flat


Good special f(x) though

Why is Empire Strikes Back the best Star Wars movie?

It's a perfect 5/7.

Peter Mayhew will be reprising his role as Chewbacca in the next Star Wars movie!

They said they wanted to cast the role to a veteran rather than a wookiee.

I've calculated the name for the next Fast & Furious movie...

Fast 10: Your Seatbelts

What do men and women have in common?

Both need some tissues after watching a good movie.

Why is everyone obsessed with that new horror movie?

Like, i was driving today and this is the third time someone has rolled down their window and yelled to me: Hey! Watch It!

Why was the Jazz movie rated R

Too much sax and violins

I just finished a documentary on beavers

Best dam movie I've ever seen.

TIL that Rick Astley will let you borrow any movie from his Pixar collection, except one.

He's never gonna give you Up

Boy: Hey wanna see a movie with me tonight?

Girl: I have a boyfriend.

Boy: and i have a math test tomorrow.

Girl: What does that have to do with anything?

Boy: I thought we were listing things we were going to cheat on.

Breaking News: A movie theatre has just been robbed of over two thousand dollars

The theives took a large soda and two bags of popcorn

I downloaded all the music to the movie Titanic.

It's syncing now.

In the movie 'The Hunt for Red October' ...

the entire story is the sub-plot.

A local movie theatre was robbed of $600 worth of merchandise

The suspects stole 3 medium popcorns, 1 bag of skittles and 4 small diet cokes.

I went to a party last night...

..and everyone was watching a movie on the TV. I being introverted, hadn't talked with anyone and was watching movie by myself. When the movie ended, everyone was debating on what to watch next.


I decided to put on the movie I had brought from home. It was pretty funny and had Jim Carrey in it.


Everyone really like it. People started talking to me and thanking me for the movie. No one cared who I was until I put on The Mask.

I was with a deaf girl who knew sign language, we were watching that movie where Johnny Depp has blades for fingers. I couldn't remember what that character was called so I sign to her, What's that character's name?

Edward, says her hands.

In a movie theater crowd watches a movie. During funny moments only one person laughs. Confusingly, he turns around and explains:

"Sorry, I haven't seen the trailer."

I have a Spotify playlist that has songs from The Peanuts Movie, Eminem, and The Cranberries

I call it my trail mix.

Just watched a pirated movie

On a scale of 1-10, I'd give it a 3.14

So they just announced the title to the tenth fast and furious movie..

Fast10: Your Seatbelts.

My grandfather predicted that the Titanic would sink.

He tried to warn everyone that it was going to sink, but the fools wouldn't listen. Being the good man that he was, he kept on urging people to heed his warning, right up until he was escorted out of the movie theatre by security.

If Shrek had been an average movie, it would've been

Mediogre

Stewardess

Yes, Sir?

I want to complain about this airline. Every time I fly, I get the same seat, I can't see the in-flight movie and there are no windows blinds so I can't sleep.

Captain, shut up and land the plane.

Why do hipsters love Raiders of the Lost Ark?

Because it's the first Indy movie.

So, I just tried a new drinking game.

I put in the Bee Movie, and every time they make a bee pun, I take a shot.


Unfortunately, I could only get buzzed.

I actually heard a joke the other day about an alternate ending to the movie Hook

where Captain Hook wins the duel and sends Peter back to London in a body bag. It's a good joke, if a little dark, but it does require a dead Pan delivery.

Movie Ratings Explained

G: Nobody gets the girl.

PG: The good guy gets the girl.

R: The bad guy gets the girl.

X: Everybody gets the girl!

A hot girl asked me if i wanted to watch a movie

Yesterday, a hot girl asked me if I wanted to see a movie

She asked, "What would you like to see?"

I said, "You pick".

She said, "You pick".

I said, "I don't care, you pick".

She said, "Sir, there are other people waiting in line to buy tickets."

If your mother-in-law and a lawyer were drowning and you had to choose...

would you go to lunch or a movie?

I hate it when people talk and eat loud in the cinema.

Like shutup, I'm trying to film a movie here!

Sometimes it is very important if a sentence was said by a man or a woman...

Sometimes it is very important if a sentence was said by a man or a woman.

A good example: I used a whole pack of tissues during that awesome movie yesterday!

A hot girl asked me whether I wanted to see a movie.

She said, "Which movie would you like to see?".

I said, "You pick".

She said, "No you pick".

I said, "I don't care, you pick".

She said, "Please decide fast sir, there are other people waiting to buy tickets".

[A forward that I received from my SO today]

TIL the movie Starship Troopers was never adapted into a successful video game because...

...bugs.

They're finally making a movie about clocks.

It's about time

What is Bill Cosby's favorite movie?

Sleeping Beauty.

Tom Hanks, Leonardo DiCaprio and Matthew McConaughey all decide to make a movie

Tom hanks says "I'll produce it"

Leonardo DiCaprio says "I'll direct it"

Matthew McConaughey says "I'll write I'll write I'll write"

A good way to get to know your date

is to ask about their first pet, favorite movie, and mom's maiden name.

Then login and read all their emails.

I wanted to write a movie script about a retired CIA agent who has to rely on his old skills to save his kidnapped daughter, but that idea was taken.

So I thought instead I'd write a script about a retired CIA operative who is taken hostage along with his wife in Instanbul, but that idea was taken, too.

My friend who works at the movie theater died yesterday...

Funeral services are being held today at 4:25, 5:40, 7:10 and 9:45

I went to my girlfriend's house last night for a romantic night in...

It was amazing, we had a three course meal with champagne over candle light, we then snuggled up on the sofa, to watch a movie, then, when we went up stairs, I let her get changed, while I spread rose petals over the bed, then, we had the most amazing, mind blowing sex that I've ever had, but just as I was about to finish, her parents walked in...

I am now banned from babysitting.

New fast and the Furious movie should be called... 'Fast 10: Your Seat belts'

Source: Wife's Facebook... made me chuckle.

Two goats were behind a Hollywood movie studio eating an old movie film.

One goat said to the other, "Pretty good, huh?"
The second goat said, "Yeah, but not as good as the book".

I asked out a Russian girl.....

I asked out a Russian girl, not with anything very serious in mind. She said yes.

However, on our first date, she insisted that we went to see a Russian movie, and then eat at a Russian restaurant. She then took me to see her Russian family, and told me about how she was going to take me to see the rest of her family in Russia.

At this point, I had to stop her. "Please", I said, "just stop Russian things!"

(ROGUE ONE SPOILER) So the nickname...

Throughout the movie, you see Galen calls Jyn his stardust, I thought it was pretty cute.

I just didn't expect it to be so literal though.

How to make Movie jokes?

We have collected gags and puns about Movie to have fun with. Do you want to stand out in a crowd with a good sense of humour joking about Movie? If Yes here are a lot more hilarious lines and funny Movie pick up lines to share with friends.

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