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Movie Jokes

147 movie jokes and hilarious movie puns to laugh out loud. Read celebrity jokes about movie that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

Funniest Movie Short Jokes

Short movie jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The movie humour may include short film jokes also.

  1. My grandfather warned people that the titanic would sink No one listened, but he kept on warning them nonetheless until they got sick of him and kicked him out the movie theatre
  2. Thanos' finger snap would have a greater impact if they found a way to make it seem like half the audience disappeared. Apparently only DC movies can do that.
  3. The movie Speed didn't have a director... Because if Speed had direction, it would have been called Velocity.
  4. Have you seen the new Exorcist movie? This time it's the devil trying to get the priest out of the child.
  5. Last night a movie theater was robbed of over $1000 dollars. The thieves took one large bag of popcorn, two large sodas and a pack of Skittles.
  6. My son asked me, Dad, can we watch spider Man—Far from Home tonight? I said, Why? It is the same movie if you watch it nearby.
  7. A guy was screaming at the TV Run idiot, run! His wife walked in and asked Are you watching a horror movie? . He said No. It's our wedding tape
  8. My wife asked me, Why don't you treat me like you did when we were first dating? So I took her to dinner and a movie then dropped her off at her parents' house.
  9. Stallone: I'm making a movie about composers. I'm playing Vivaldi. VanDamme: I'll be Mozart.
    Schwarzenegger: Stop it guys I'm not saying it.
  10. If you ever feel lonely... just dim down the lights and put on a couple horror movies. After a while, you won't feel like you are alone anymore.

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Movie One Liners

Which movie one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with movie? I can suggest the ones about video and scene.

  1. What has 27 actors, three settings, two writers, and one plot? 671 Hallmark movies.
  2. What's Mitch McConnell's favorite movie? Kill bill.
  3. Russia started a new website that tracks down and deletes pirated movies. Nyetflix.
  4. Why were the star wars movies released 4,5,6,1,2,3,7,8 In charge of planning Yoda was
  5. "Dead or alive, you're coming with me." Great movie quote, terrible pickup line…
  6. What is Samsung ceo's favorite movie Total recall
  7. Who isn't allowed to watch PG movies? Orphans.
  8. What is Leonardo decaprio's favorite movie? constanTEEN
  9. Why is Empire Strikes Back the best Star Wars movie? It's a perfect 5/7.
  10. I've calculated the name for the next Fast & Furious movie... Fast 10: Your Seatbelts
  11. What do men and women have in common? Both need some tissues after watching a good movie.
  12. Why was the Jazz movie rated R Too much sax and violins
  13. I just finished a documentary on beavers Best dam movie I've ever seen.
  14. I downloaded all the music to the movie Titanic. It's syncing now.
  15. In the movie 'The Hunt for Red October' ... the entire story is the sub-plot.

Watching Movie Jokes

Here is a list of funny watching movie jokes and even better watching movie puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • Shame about the Tesla driver that crashed while watching a movie. He should've watched the trailer.
  • I just watched a movie about a y=x graph The plot was a bit predictable
    And a little flat
    Good special f(x) though
  • I taught my kids about democracy tonight by having them vote on which movie to watch and pizza to order. I then picked the movie and pizza because I'm the one with the money.
  • Why is everyone obsessed with that new horror movie? Like, i was driving today and this is the third time someone has rolled down their window and yelled to me: Hey! Watch It!
  • My wife asked me if I wanted to watch Dr. Strange for movie night, but I said no. I had Stranger Things to watch.
  • In a movie theater crowd watches a movie. During funny moments only one person laughs. Confusingly, he turns around and explains: "Sorry, I haven't seen the trailer."
  • I just watched Wonder Woman 1984 and I had zero idea what was going on. Guess I shouldn't have skipped the other 1,983 movies.
  • Just watched a pirated movie On a scale of 1-10, I'd give it a 3.14
  • What's the biggest difference between men and women? What they mean when they say I went through a whole box of tissues watching that movie .
  • My girlfriend got really upset when we watched the Harry Potter movies back to back It isn't my fault I was the one facing the tv

Movie Star Jokes

Here is a list of funny movie star jokes and even better movie star puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • Peter Mayhew will be reprising his role as Chewbacca in the next Star Wars movie! They said they wanted to cast the role to a veteran rather than a wookiee.
  • Why did the Star Wars movies come out in the order 4 5 6 1 2 3 In charge of the sequence, Yoda was.
  • What do you call it when there's a movie about the Guardians of the Galaxy before they met Star-Lord? A pre-Quill.
  • My friend asked me if the next Star Wars movies were going to be in 3D "Yes" I replied "...but they R2D2."
  • I just bought a movie with 3.142 stars out of 5 It was a pi rated DVD
  • I once was asked to star in a movie for a million dollars but I declined. I don't have that much money.
  • Star wars dad joke heard tonight Dad "Chewbacca seems kinda big for an ewok..."
    Me "he's a wookie. "
    Dad "he can't be, he's been in lots of movies now."
  • In honor of Father's day, a dad joke There is a rumor that a movie about a 17th century classical composers will be made. It will even star Arnold Schwarzenegger among others.
    He'll be Bach
  • I gave that movie 3.14 stars! Cause I pi-rated it.
  • What do you call a movie with 3.14 stars? Pirated
Movie joke, What do you call a movie with 3.14 stars?

Saw Movie Jokes

Here is a list of funny saw movie jokes and even better saw movie puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • I saw Black Panther 2 without knowing anything about it. I had no idea Wakanda movie it was.
  • My friend asked me what the biggest fish I ever caught was. "Have you ever saw the movie jaws? I asked. "Well it was about the same size as the box the dvd came in."
  • Just saw the Black Panther movie 3/5 would recommend.
  • I recently saw a movie about nuts and bolts..... The plot was riveting!
  • I saw the saddest movie ever. A man ended up jacking off to his dead wife's photo and crying. It was absolutely tear jerking.
  • Movies are always more fun if you dress up like the characters. Like the time I didn't eat for 3 weeks and then saw Schindler's List.
  • I saw a movie trailer about 30 trapped chillean miners... Apparently Jared from subway had a stash...
    (I'm so sorry about this, I just thought of it and needed to get it out)
  • I ask my brother if he wanted to watch any war movies. He said he was tired of watching people getting shot. I said "you never saw anyone get shot, you graduated HS 12 years ago."
  • I saw a movie about a farmer who went out of business The plot wasn't very good
  • Just saw Pixar's latest movie. Not only was it great... ... it was incredible, too.

Movie Theater Jokes

Here is a list of funny movie theater jokes and even better movie theater puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • A movie theater in my town was recently robbed of over $20,000 of merchandise The thieves apparently stole 5 popcorn/soda combos and 10 boxes of Raisinets.
  • How ungrateful people are My grandfather tried to warn everyone that the Titanic was going to sink. Besides not believing in him, they also expelled him from the movie theater!
  • Overheard in line for a movie... Theater employee: "That's an R-rated movie. When's your birthday?"
    Teenage boy: "October 12th."
    Employee: "What year?"
    Boy: "Every year."
  • A movie theater was robbed of $150 worth of candy The thieves took 2 bags of M n' Ms and a small soda
  • Starting this Thursday, some movie theaters will not allow large bags inside the theater But thank God I have a few twix up my sleeve
  • I was invited to a theater to watch a pornographic horror movie... But I was too scared to come.
  • "Lincoln" grossed $275,000,000 in movie theaters Which is ironic since historically Lincoln doesn't do too well in theaters
  • My local movie theater was robbed of $200 last night. They stole a tub of popcorn, two sodas and a box of Milk Duds.
  • What do 85% of movies that don't hit the theaters all have in common? Nicholas Cage
  • My great-grandfather knew that Titanic would sink and tried to alert people 3 times The third time, he was expelled from the movie theater.
Movie joke, My great-grandfather knew that Titanic would sink and tried to alert people 3 times

Comical & Quirky Movie Jokes for a Roaring Good Time

What funny jokes about movie you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean actor jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make movie pranks.

Husband doing crossword with his wife

Husband: Emphatic no, five letters.
Wife: Never
H: p**..., 3 letters.
W: Gun
H: Disgust, 3 letters.
W: Ugh
H: Charity, 4 letters.
W: Give
H: Female sheep, 3 letters
W: Ewe
H: Pixar movie, 2 letters
W: Up

Given that a radiator is essentially a vital o**... to a car, it's strange that the town in the movie Cars is called "Radiator Springs."

It would be like if we called a city "Liver Pool."

George Clooney, Leonardo Dicaprio and Matthew Mcconaughey got together to make a movie...

George Clooney said, "I'll direct."
Dicaprio said, "I'll produce."
And Matthew McConaughey said, "I'll write, I'll write, I'll write."

If your mother-in-law and a lawyer were drowning and you had to choose...

would you go to lunch or a movie?

Movie Ratings Explained

G: Nobody gets the girl.
PG: The good guy gets the girl.
R: The bad guy gets the girl.
X: Everybody gets the girl!

Stewardess

Yes, Sir?
I want to complain about this airline. Every time I fly, I get the same seat, I can't see the in-flight movie and there are no windows blinds so I can't sleep.
Captain, shut up and land the plane.

Why do hipsters love Raiders of the Lost Ark?

Because it's the first Indy movie.

TIL that Rick Astley will let you borrow any movie from his Pixar collection, except one.

He's never gonna give you Up

A local movie theatre was robbed of $600 worth of merchandise

The suspects stole 3 medium popcorns, 1 bag of skittles and 4 small diet cokes.

I actually heard a joke the other day about an alternate ending to the movie Hook

where Captain Hook wins the duel and sends Peter back to London in a body bag. It's a good joke, if a little dark, but it does require a dead Pan delivery.

Sometimes it is very important if a sentence was said by a man or a woman...

Sometimes it is very important if a sentence was said by a man or a woman.
A good example: I used a whole pack of tissues during that awesome movie yesterday!

I had an idea for a movie plot where a retired CIA agent searches for his kidnapped daughter in Paris, but it turns out that idea was taken. I had another idea for one where the same agent is kidnapped with his wife in Istanbul, but it turns out that one was taken too.

I'll leave now.

I went to a party last night...

..and everyone was watching a movie on the TV. I being introverted, hadn't talked with anyone and was watching movie by myself. When the movie ended, everyone was debating on what to watch next.
I decided to put on the movie I had brought from home. It was pretty funny and had Jim Carrey in it.
Everyone really like it. People started talking to me and thanking me for the movie. No one cared who I was until I put on The Mask.

So, I just tried a new drinking game.

I put in the Bee Movie, and every time they make a bee pun, I take a shot.
Unfortunately, I could only get buzzed.

Breaking News: A movie theatre has just been robbed of over two thousand dollars

The theives took a large soda and two bags of popcorn

They're finally making a movie about clocks.

It's about time

An attractive woman asked me if I wanted to see a movie yesterday.

She said what would you like to see.
I said you pick.
She said you pick.
I said I don't care you pick.
She said, Sir there are other people waiting in line to buy tickets.

I have a Spotify playlist that has songs from The Peanuts Movie, Eminem, and The Cranberries

I call it my trail mix.

A hot girl asked me if i wanted to watch a movie

Yesterday, a hot girl asked me if I wanted to see a movie
She asked, "What would you like to see?"
I said, "You pick".
She said, "You pick".
I said, "I don't care, you pick".
She said, "Sir, there are other people waiting in line to buy tickets."

TIL the movie Starship Troopers was never adapted into a successful video game because...

...bugs.

So they just announced the title to the tenth fast and furious movie..

Fast10: Your Seatbelts.

In the original 'Good Will Hunting' script, there is a surprise gay s**... scene between the two straight leads. It was purposely put there as a test to see if studios actually read the script. Harvey Weinstein was the only producer who mentioned the scene

Weinstein said that the s**... scene usually takes place before he approves a movie

A hot girl asked me whether I wanted to see a movie.

She said, "Which movie would you like to see?".
I said, "You pick".
She said, "No you pick".
I said, "I don't care, you pick".
She said, "Please decide fast sir, there are other people waiting to buy tickets".
[A forward that I received from my SO today]

I hate it when people talk and eat loud in the cinema.

Like shutup, I'm trying to film a movie here!

My grandfather predicted that the Titanic would sink.

He tried to warn everyone that it was going to sink, but the fools wouldn't listen. Being the good man that he was, he kept on urging people to heed his warning, right up until he was escorted out of the movie theatre by security.

A woman was arrested for bringing her own popcorn, candy, and soda to the movie theater.

She was fined and had to pay court fees, but the good news is she still came out a few bucks ahead from if she would have bought the popcorn at the theater.

Tom Hanks, Leonardo DiCaprio and Matthew McConaughey all decide to make a movie

Tom hanks says "I'll produce it"
Leonardo DiCaprio says "I'll direct it"
Matthew McConaughey says "I'll write I'll write I'll write"

What is Bill Cosby's favorite movie?

Sleeping Beauty.

Husband doing crossword with wife..

Husband : emphatic no, five letters
 
Wife : never
H : p**..., three letters
 
W : gun
H : disgust, three letters
 
W : ugh
H : charity, four letters
 
W : give
H : female sheep, three letters
 
W : ewe
H : Pixar movie, two letters
 
W : Up

If Shrek had been an average movie, it would've been

Mediogre

Yesterday, a beautiful girl asked me whether I wanted to watch a movie. She said, What do you want to see?

Me: You pick.
Her: You pick.
Me: I don't care which movie. You pick.
Her: Sir, there are people behind you in line waiting to buy tickets.

Boy: Hey wanna see a movie with me tonight?

Girl: I have a boyfriend.
Boy: and i have a math test tomorrow.
Girl: What does that have to do with anything?
Boy: I thought we were listing things we were going to cheat on.

I was with a deaf girl who knew sign language, we were watching that movie where Johnny Depp has blades for fingers. I couldn't remember what that character was called so I sign to her, What's that character's name?

Edward, says her hands.

Today I learned about the Astley paradox!

If you ask Rick Astley for his copy of the movie UP, he cannot give it to you as he will never give you up.
However, in doing so, he lets you down.
Thus creating the Astley Paradox.

Yesterday, I approached a gorgeous girl, and she was pleased, which wasn't something I expected

I asked the girl for a movie.
She : "Which movie"? with a sweet smile.
Me : "You decide".
She : "No, you should decide"
Me : "No, you decide"
She : "Sir, please select which movie ticket you want. There are others behind you in the line as well"

I don't know why so many people thought Cats was a bad movie.

They played it on my flight home and there were only two walkouts.

A husband is doing crosswords with his wife.

**Husband:** Emphatic no; five letters.
**Wife:** Never.
**H:** p**...; three letters.
**W:** Gun.
**H:** Disgust; three letters.
**W:** Ugh.
**H:** Charity; four letters.
**W:** Give.
**H:** Female sheep; three letters.
**W:** Ewe.
**H:** Pixar movie; two letters.
**W:** Up.

A blonde and her boyfriend went to the movies

In the film, the main character is running through the storm so she says, "I bet you £20, that they don't get struck by lightning."
And her boyfriend agrees.

20 seconds later the main character is stuck by lightning and the blonde looks confused and gets £20 to give.


Her boyfriend said "I can't take this, I have seen the movie before."
She replies, "So have I but I didn't think lightning would strike twice in the same place!"

Sylvester Stallone, Chuck Norris and Arnold Schwarzenegger are sitting in a restaurant, and Sylvester Stallone is like: "Guys, we should make a movie with the three of us, but I'm all out of ideas at the moment, I'm kind of bored with the standard action flicks."

Chuck says: "Don't you have any ideas?"
"Yeah, this may sound silly, but I was actually thinking about doing a movie on great classical composers"
That's when Arnold trows himself in the conversation and says: "That sounds like a great idea! Sylvester, you can be Mozart, and Chuck can be Beethoven!"
"And who will you be, Arnold?"
"I'll be Bach."

So I was doing crossword with my girlfriend,

Me: Emphatic no, five letters.
She: **Never**
Me: p**..., 3 letters.
She: **Gun**
Me: Disgust, 3 letters.
She: **Ugh**
Me: Charity, 4 letters.
She: **Give**
Me: Female sheep, 3 letters
She: **Ewe**
Me: Pixar movie, 2 letters
She: **Up**

Does anyone know what the movies Titanic and The Sixth Sense have in common?

Icy dead people

I just realized Titanic and the Sixth Sense are basically the same movie.

Icy dead People!

I saw an R-rated movie with no blood, no n**... and no profanity

It was a little overrated

Netflix is releasing a movie about the inventor of the t**...

It's a period piece

Clooney, Dicaprio, and McConaughey all want to put a movie together

Clooney says "I'll direct."
Dicaprio says "I'll act."
McConaughey says "I'll write I'll write I'll write."

There's a movie coming out soon about h**......

I can't wait to see the trailer.

Movie ratings are an indication of who gets the girl

* Rated G - the prince gets the girl.
* Rated PG - the hero gets the girl.
* Rated R - the villain gets the girl.
* Rated X - everyone gets the girl!

I had an idea for a movie plot where a retired CIA agent searches for his kidnapped daughter in Paris.

Turns out that idea was taken. I then had another idea for a movie where the same agent is kidnapped with his ex-wife in Istanbul, but it turns out that one was taken too.

Fun movie fact: Did you know that the movie "Speed" featuring Keanu had no director?

Because if it had direction, then the movie would be called "Velocity"

The movie Titanic turns 25 later this year.

In related news, Leonardo DiCaprio said he is no longer interested in seeing it.

One day, Leonardo DiCaprio, Steven Spielberg and Matthew McConaughey get together and decide to make a movie.

DiCaprio says "I'll act."
Spielberg says "I'll direct."
McConaughey says "I'll write, I'll write, I'll write."

Imagine the uproar if Blazing Saddles was made today.

People would say "this is plagiarism, make your own movie".

I wanted to see that new movie titled "Constipated"

It hasn't come out yet.

Movie joke, I wanted to see that new movie titled "Constipated"

jokes about movie