Move Jokes

What are some Move jokes?

A chess joke: What's the difference between a rook and a bishop?

Rooks can only move in straight lines, whereas bishops have sex with kids.

I've been dating this homeless chick for a while now and it's starting to get serious.

She asked me to move out with her.

Humans are being tested against the new AI program

The robot beats the human in every category. It comes to one of the last ones: hunting. The robot again beats the human. However, someone working there sets the animals free again and tells them to try get them again. The robot doesn't move whilst the human wins because




ROBOTS CANT RECAPTCHA

I get that the #me too movement is supposed to be empowering...

But they could've picked a better slogan than PoundMeToo

Why does Donald Trump secretly want to lose the election?

Because if he wins, he'll have to move into a smaller house in a black neighborhood.

I'm not sure faith can move mountains...

But we all know what it can do to skyscrapers.

If I could rearrange the alphabet I'd move U

Cause you're blocking the TV

I recently discovered I can move my sister's daughters through the air with my brain but not her sons.

I think I have telekinieces.

Americans always have something to complain about, then suddenly they'll move on. Remember when people were up in arms about cupcakes, bathrooms, statues, police, riots, clean water? So when you think this "Wall" thing will last forever, just remember...

People will eventually get over it.

Today in church they asked what a Bishop does

Apparently move diagonally wasn't the answer they were looking for.

A bishop walks straight up to the bar and the barman says

You can't do that. Bishops can only move diagonally.

I was recently asked if I believed faith could move mountains.

Apparently "No, but I've seen what it can do to buildings," is the wrong answer.

I saw a cop pull over a U Haul today...

Looks like he was trying to bust a move.

Why doesn't Melania Trump want her husband to become President?

She doesn't want to move into a smaller house in a black neighborhood.

I never believed that faith could move mountains

But I've seen what it can do to skyscrapers

If I ever move to Prague, I'll open a burrito shop.

And call it Bohemian Wrap City.

I told my wife we had a pest problem.

But, apparently we have to wait until it's 18 years old to move out.

My friend is visiting Germany this week. I suggested he might want to make it a permanent move.

There's fewer Nazis over there.

If Trump is elected president...

He will be the first billionaire to move into government housing after a black man.

Co-worker asked me, "If Batman, who is a regular human but with gadgets, teamed up with Superman, who has supernatural powers, and they fought against Iron Man, another regular human with gadgets, who teamed up with Thor, who has super powers, who would be the winners?"

"Your parents when you move out."

A Store Manager asked me to move a Kia that was blocking an exit...

I told him, "I would, but that's not my Forte."

Boy: Grandpa! Grandpa! Make a noise like a frog!

Grandpa: Why would I do that?
Boy: I heard mum telling dad, "We'll move to a bigger house once your father croaks."

Around 80% of all Asians that move to America get cataracts.

The remaining 20% usually buy chevrorets, rexus, or rincoln. Some even get rand lover.

My ex-girlfriend's father, a 6'4" retired marine, angrily banged on my door last week.

I opened it and he said, "My daughter came back home crying and penniless because of you!"

"Sir?" I asked.

"When you told me she was old enough to move out of our house, I was skeptical..."

"Yes, sir"

"But you talked to me man to man, looked me in the eye and told me you would take care of her!"

"Yes, sir"

"And you promised me that if she moved in with you and took care of the house she could quit her job and you would cover her weekly income!"

"Yes sir, but I believe this is simple misunderstanding. When I said that, it was two words, not one."

Faith vs Science

I'm not convinced that faith can move mountains, but I've seen what it can do to skyscrapers.

Two families make a bet on who can be more american

Two families move from Pakistan to America. When they arrive the two fathers make a bet to see, in a years time, which family has become more Americanized.

A Year later they meet again. The first man says,"My son is playing baseball. I had breakfast at McDonalds and im on my way to pick up a case of Bud Light.

How about you?"

The second man replies, "Go back to your sand country, towel head"

'I just feel like being black is a huge disadvantage no matter how much skill you have ' said my friend

'oh come on, it's just one move at the start of the game' I responded as I took his Knight.

My pet snake just lays around and won't move

I think he's suffering from a reptile dysfunction

I've been dating a homeless woman recently and I think it's getting serious...

She's asked me to move out with her...

Elon Musk: Did you move my car?

Team: Yeah.

Elon: Into the parking space, like I asked?

Team: Parking!?

I took the shell off of my pet snail because I thought it would make him move faster

...if anything, it made him more sluggish

On a first date:

Her - So what do you do?

Me - I am currently working on eliminating all cancers.

Her - Wow, that's impressive!

Me - Then I'll move onto Capricons.

Chuck Norris has a grizzly bear carpet in his room

The bear isn't dead it is just afraid to move.

How did Isis move from 5th wanted terrorist group to the most wanted terrorist group?

They cut a head

So Donald Trump wants to be president and move into the white house. Why not?

It wouldn't be the first time he pushed a black family out of their home.

 

 

*credits to Snoop Dogg @ Donald Trump roast*

A man walks up to a woman in a bar.

He puts a lime next to her. The woman asks "what this"? The man says "its a lime". The woman says "can you move that lime somewhere else"? The man says "sure".The man tries to move the lime several times but cant seem to lift it. The woman says "is something wrong"? The man says "Sorry, I am bad at pick up limes".

If a man and a woman get married in Tennessee then move to Texas and get divorced…

Are they still brother and sister?

My girlfriend told me to move out as i am no help around the house.

So as i walked out i tightened the lids on all the jars in the kitchen.

Fu, Bu and Chu are three Chinese men.

One day, they decided to move to the USA.
They also decided to change their names, as to not be discriminated against.
Chu changed his name to Chuck.
Bu changed his name to Buck.
And Fu decided to go back to China.

I saw this really fit girl in the nightclub last night and she was wearing a chessboard patterned shirt...

So, I made a move on her.

Today I decided to take the shell off my racing snail, thinking it would make him move faster...

If anything he seems more sluggish!

I'm not convinced faith can move mountains, but I know what it can do to skyscrapers.

(Come on, it's been 15 years.)

Why did the Siamese twins move to England?

So the other one could drive!

When life starts

A Priest, a Muslim and a Rabbi are having a discussion. They are trying to determine the exact point when life starts. The Muslim argues that life starts at conception. The Priest disagrees and says that life starts at birth. The Rabbi turns to the two men and says, you are both wrong. When the dog dies and the kids move out, that is when life begins.

A guy takes his wife out for the night and they end up at a disco where there's a guy on the dance floor giving it large – break dancing, moonwalking, back flips, every dance move going...

The wife turns to her husband and says, See that guy on the dance floor? 25 years ago he proposed to me and I turned him down.


The husband replies, It looks like he's still celebrating.

After being made bishop, a man is asked what his next move will be.

Diagonal.

People should not move to Canada because of Trump

They should go to Mexico, then at least there will be a wall between them and Trump.

A man goes into a bank...

...and proceeds to walk up to the nearest bank teller and pulls out a gun:

"Make one wrong move and you're geography!"

"Don't you mean history?" asks the teller

"Don't change the subject!"

How did the Terminator convince his girlfriend to move in with him?

He said, "Live with me if you want to come."

How are blind kids punished by their parents?

The parents move the furniture.

On Sunday November 6th, USA will move an hour back ...

... and on Tuesday November 8th, we move back half a century.

When a musician's fingers move really fast across a piano, they're considered a prodigy and a genius.

But when i go even faster on full-screen rhythm games on my iPad, I'm "lazy", "going to get carpal tunnel syndrome", "unproductive", and "ruining the funeral, Emily".ο»Ώ

Dave's wife tied him to the bed posts last night.

Dave's wife tied him to the bed posts last night. Unable to move, he could do nothing to stop her slowly stripping down to her bra and pants in front of him.

She knelt on the bed, between his thighs and said

"Ok big boy, what would you like me to take off next?"

Dave gulped: "My glasses, please."

How to lose weight

- Doctor, I'm fat, how do I lose weight?
- Just move your head from left to right and from right to left.
- How many times , doctor ?
- Every time someone offers you food.

I've been dating a homeless girl

So I've been dating this homeless girl.

Things are getting pretty serious.

She asked me to move out with her.

Two Electricians Are Working On A Telephone Pole

As they're working, an old woman walks by them. The first electrician calls out "Ma'am! Can you move that wire aside for us?"

She replies "Oh yes, deary", as she picks up the wire and moves it out of the sidewalk and strolls off.

The second electrician says to the first "I told you it wasn't live, moron."

How to make Move jokes?

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