Mouth Watering Jokes
38 mouth watering jokes and hilarious mouth watering puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about mouth watering that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Funniest Mouth Watering Short Jokes
Short mouth watering jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The mouth watering humour may include short eyes watering jokes also.
- There's that moment when you put your steak on the grill and your mouth waters all over from that amazing smell... Do you vegans feel the same when you mow the grass?
- I was griling a steak earlier and the smell of the juices made my mouth water.... Got me thinking....Do vegetarians have the same effect when mowing a lawn ?
- You know that mouth-watering sensation you get when you're grilling a steak on the BBQ? I wonder if vegans get that when they mow the lawn.
- My mate just asked me if he could put a teabag in my mouth and fill me with boiling water. He must think I'm some kind of mug.
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Mouth Watering One Liners
Which mouth watering one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with mouth watering? I can suggest the ones about dry mouth and watering plants.
- A good time to keep your mouth shut is when you're in deep water.
- Ever wake up and want to spread holiday joy around through tasty mouth watering treats?
- Asian's pets Asian's eyes don't water when their pets die, their mouths do.
Mouth Watering Funny Jokes And Hilarious Puns.
What funny jokes about mouth watering you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean drinking water jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make mouth watering pranks.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A monkey is sitting in a tree, smoking a joint, when
a lizard walks past. The lizard looks up and says to the monkey Hey! what are you doing? The monkey says Smoking a joint, come up and join me, my cold-blooded friend.
So the lizard climbs up and sits next to the monkey and they have another joint. After a while the lizard says his mouth is 'dry', and that he's going to get a drink from the river.
At the riverbank, the lizard is so s**... that he leans too far over and falls in. A Crocodile sees this and swims over to the s**... lizard, helping him to the side.
He then asks the lizard, What's the matter with you?! The lizard explains to the crocodile that he was sitting in the tree, smoking a joint with his new monkey friend. He then explained how his mouth got dry, and that he was so wasted that, when he went to get a drink from the river, he fell in!
The inquisitive crocodile says he has to check this out. He walks into the jungle and finds the tree where the monkey is sitting, finishing a joint. He looks up and says Hey, MONKEY! The Monkey looks down and says FUUUUUCK, DUDE……. how much water did you drink?
A guy goes fishing one morning but after a short time runs out of worms.
Just then he sees a cotton-mouth snake in the water with a frog in his mouth. Frogs are good bass bait. Knowing the snake couldn't bite with the frog in his mouth, the guy grabs him right behind the head, takes the frog, and puts the snake in his bait bucket.
Now the dilemma was how to release the snake without getting bit. So, the guy snatches his bottle of Jack Daniels and pours a little whiskey in the snake's mouth. His eyes roll back and he goes limp. The guy releases him into the lake without incident and carries on fishing using the frog.
A little later, he feels nudge on his foot. It was that snake, with two more frogs.
Cynical Meanings
Cigarette: A pinch of tobacco rolled in paper with fire at one end and a fool on the other.
Divorce: Future tense of marriage.
Lecture: An art of transferring information from the notes of the Lecturer to the notes of the students without passing through "the minds of either."
Conference: The confusion of one man multiplied by the number present.
Compromise: The art of dividing a cake in such a way that everybody believes he got the biggest piece.
Tears: The hydraulic force by which masculine will-power is defeated by feminine water power...
Dictionary: A place where success comes before work.
Conference Room: A place where everybody talks, nobody listens and everybody disagrees later on.
Classic: A book which people praise, but do not read.
Smile: A curve that can set a lot of things straight.
Office: A place where you can relax after your strenuous home life.
Yawn: The only time some married men ever get to open their mouth.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A koala bear is smoking a joint...
A koala was sitting in a gum tree smoking a joint, When a little lizard walked past, looked up and said, 'Hey Koala! What are you doing?' The koala said, 'Smoking a joint, come up and have some.' So the little lizard climbed up and sat next to the koala where they enjoyed a few joints. After a while the little lizard said that his mouth was 'dry' and that he was going to get a drink from the river. The little lizard was so s**... that he leaned over too far and fell into the river. A crocodile saw this and swam over to the little lizard and helped him to the side. Then he asked the little lizard, 'What's the matter with you?' The little lizard explained to the crocodile that he had been sitting with the koala in the tree, smoking a joint, but got too s**... and fell into the river while taking a drink... The crocodile said that he had to check this out and walked into the rain forest, found the tree where the koala was sitting finishing a joint. The crocodile looked up and said, 'Hey you!' So the koala looked down at him and said, 'Shiiiiiiiiiiit dude... How much water did you drink!?'
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A koala was sitting in a tree smoking a joint...
when a lizard walks up and says "Hey koala what are you doing?"
The koala answers "Smoking a joint, come up and have some."
The lizard climbs up and the two share the joint. After a while the lizard says his mouth is dry and excuses himself to a nearby river to have a drink.
The lizard, so s**..., leans over too far and falls in. A crocodile swims out to rescue him. When they get onto dry land, the croc asks, "What's wrong with you, lizard?"
The lizard tells him that he was smoking a joint with a koala, and he got too s**... and fell in while taking a drink.
The croc has to see this for himself, so he asks the lizard to take him to the koala. When they get back to the tree, the croc looks up at the koala and says "Hey, you."
The koala looks down and says "Shiiiit dude, how much water did you drink?"
2 Mexicans were walking through the desert...
It'd been more than a week since either of them had eaten anything, and their last bottle of water had just gone dry. They'd been walking for hours on end.
Suddenly on the horizon, one of the Mexican's spotted something. 'Look over there my friend, you see the green thing?'
His friend replies 'The thing with pink stuff on it'
Through the air a delicious salty, meaty aroma hit both their noses. They could see a large green, leafy shape in the distance, with pink slivers of what looked like greasy meat hanging from it.
'Yeah man, and you can smell it too!, amigo eetz a bacon tree!'
'AMIGO EETZ A BACON TREE! WE'RE SAVED!'
The Mexican who had first spotted the bacon tree on the horizon suddenly ran, as fast as his legs could carry him towards the plant in in the distance. When all of a sudden...
BANG! BANG! BANG! - Gunshots fired out, as if from nowhere
The other Mexican, who had not had the energy to run looked on to his friend, who lay bleeding and dying from his wounds
Barely able to mouth the words through lack of water the Mexican cried out to his dying friend. 'Amigo, what happened?'
With his last breath the dying Mexican warned his partner...
'Amigo, eetz no bacon tree, eetz a Ham Bush!'
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A monkey is sitting in a tree, smoking a joint...
A monkey is sitting in a tree, smoking a joint, when a lizard walks past. The lizard looks up and says to the monkey Hey! what are you doing? The monkey says Smoking a joint, come up and join me, my cold-blooded friend.
So the lizard climbs up and sits next to the monkey and they have another joint. After a while the lizard says his mouth is 'dry', and that he's going to get a drink from the river.
At the riverbank, the lizard is so s**... that he leans too far over and falls in. A Crocodile sees this and swims over to the s**... lizard, helping him to the side.
He then asks the lizard, What's the matter with you?! The lizard explains to the crocodile that he was sitting in the tree, smoking a joint with his new monkey friend. He then explained how his mouth got dry, and that he was so wasted that, when he went to get a drink from the river, he fell in!
The inquisitive crocodile says he has to check this out. He walks into the jungle and finds the tree where the monkey is sitting, finishing a joint. He looks up and says Hey, MONKEY! The Monkey looks down and says FUUUUUCK, DUDE……. how much water did you drink?
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Even as a women, this is funny.
Lady goes to the Doctor, she looks horrible and stressed. The doctor asks "What's wrong?" She replies "Well, my husband has a bad temper and he likes to yell at me." He looks concerned and says "Next time, get a bottle of water and swish some in your mouth until he leaves." So she goes home, and to her demise he starts yelling, so she gets her bottle of water and starts swishing. He leaves the room. She comes back two weeks later looking better and refreshed. "Doctor! It worked! But you have to tell me, what's with the water?" Doctor looks over and says "It's not the water, it's keeping your mouth shut."
Yeah boy. x]
So a woman goes to the doctor with a busted lip and a black eye...
...and the doctor says, "Oh my, what happened?"
To which the woman replies, "Well my husband always goes to the bar after work, he then proceeds to come home and beat me. I've tried everything to get him to stop but nothing works." The doc listens to her story and after a few minutes, he responds with "Hmmm, welp, I think I may be able to help you. From now on, the second your husband walks through that door I want you to drink some water but keep some of that water in your mouth and swoosh through your teeth until he goes to bed. Do that and I promise he'll never lay a hand on you, ever." The woman, although slightly confused, thanks the doc and leaves.
Later on that night the husband arrives reeking of alcohol. Taking the doctors advice, she guzzles some water and starts swooshing it between her teeth until he goes to bed. To her amazement, it works so she repeats the process for a few weeks. Completely baffled, she returns to the doctors office to quiz him on this "cure". He then says to the woman, "that's called keeping your mouth shut."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
An Australian joke...
A koala was sitting in a gum tree smoking a joint when a little lizard walked past, looked up and said, 'Hey Koala! What are you doing?'
The koala said, 'Smoking a joint, come up and have some.'
So the little lizard climbed up and sat next to the koala where they enjoyed a few joints. After a while the little lizard said that his mouth was 'dry' and that he was going to get a drink from the river.
The little lizard was so s**... that he leaned over too far and fell into the river. A crocodile saw this and swam over to the little lizard and helped him to the side. Then he asked the little lizard, 'What's the matter with you?'
The little lizard explained to the crocodile that he had been sitting with the koala in the tree, smoking a joint, but got too s**... and fell into the river while taking a drink..
The crocodile said that he had to check this out and walked into the rain forest, found the tree where the koala was sitting finishing a joint. The crocodile looked up and said,
'Hey you!'
The koala looked down at him and said,
'FUCK ME! How much water did you drink!?'
Two friends are fishing for carp...
...when one of them stands up and as he does, his wallet falls into the water and slowly starts to sink to the bottom of the lake.
As he feverishly attempts to retrieve it, two huge carp appear and both grab the wallet in their mouths and start fighting over it.
The second guy turns to his friend and says, "First time I see carp to carp walleting."
Three fishermen
Bob, Steve, and Terry are out in the boat, fishing and drinking beer. Terry stands up to pee over the side but falls overboard and sinks right to the bottom.
Steve doesn't hesitate. He kicks off his shoes and dives into the water after Terry. A few moments later, he surfaces, dragging the body behind, and immediately begins mouth-to-mouth.
"Jeez," he gasps. "Terry sure does have bad breath!"
"Yeah," says Bob. "And where did he get that snowmobile suit?"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Husband's Temper
A woman goes to the Doctor, worried about her husband's temper.
The Doctor asks: "What's the problem?
The woman says: "Doctor, I don't know what to do. Every day my husband seems to lose his temper for no reason. It scares me."
The Doctor says: "I have a cure for that. When it seems that your husband is getting angry, just take a glass of water and start swishing it in your mouth. Just swish and swish but don't s**... it until he either leaves the room or calms down."
Two weeks later the woman comes back to the doctor looking fresh and reborn.
The woman says: "Doctor that was a brilliant idea! Every time my husband started losing it, I swished with water. I swished and swished, and he calmed right down! How does a glass of water do that?"
The Doctor says: "The water itself does nothing. It's keeping your mouth shut that does the trick..."
Jesus, Moses, and this guy are out golfing...
and the hole is a notorious Par 3 with a huge lake before the green. Moses takes a shot and hits it right into the lake. With his second shot he parts the lake, knocks it on the green, and right after he putts it in for par.
Jesus goes next and he too can't clear the water hazard and the ball just sticks on the surface without sinking. He walked right across the surface of the water where he chipped it in for a birdie.
The two looked back at the man awaiting his shot with smug faces. He hits the ball and like the others it falls right into the lake. Jesus and Moses snicker a little bit before a fish swims to the surface with the ball in it's mouth as an eagle swoops down from the clouds and grabs the fish. As it flies away the ball falls out of the fishes mouth landing on the green where a squirrel runs across and pushes it into the cup for a hole in one.
Moses throws down his club and looks and Jesus and says "Man I HATE playing golf with your Dad!"
Moses, Jesus and a third man are playing golf one day.
Moses is up first. He hits a nice shot, but it dips and lands in a water trap. Moses quickly raises his club, the water parts, and the ball rolls out of the trap.
Jesus is up next. He hits an almost identical shot, again landing in the water trap. The ball hovers a few inches over the surface of the water, and Jesus casually strolls out and chips the ball up onto the green.
The third man is up last. He hits a long shot, but it's going in a wrong direction. It flies off the course to the left and into traffic. It hits a truck and bounces off, landing on the roof of the pro shop and rolling down the roof until it bounces down the course. It lands in the same water trap. A frog takes the ball in its mouth when suddenly a hawk flies down, picks up the frog, and as they fly over the green the frog drops the ball into a hole for a perfect hole-in-one.
Moses turns to Jesus and says, "I hate playing with your dad."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A sloth is hanging out in a tree getting s**...
when a lizard walks up and says "Hey sloth what's up?"
The sloth answers "Smoking a joint, you want to come up here and hit this?"
The lizard climbs up and the two share the joint. After a while the lizard says his mouth is dry and excuses himself to a nearby river to get a drink.
The lizard, so s**..., leans over too far and falls in. A crocodile swims out to rescue him. When they get onto dry land, the croc asks, "What's wrong with you, lizard?"
The lizard tells him that he was smoking a joint with a sloth, and he got too s**... and fell in while taking a drink.
The croc has to see this for himself, so he asks the lizard to take him to the sloth. When they get back to the tree, the croc looks up at the sloth and says "Hey, you."
The sloth looks down and says "Shiiiit dude, how much water did you drink?"
The monkey and the lizard
Lizard is walking through the woods when he sees Monkey up in the branches of a tree.
"Hello there, Monkey! What are you up to today?"
"Hey Lizard. I was just about to smoke this joint."
"I'll be right up."
After he tokes, Lizard says, "Monkey, I have cotton mouth, real bad. I'm going down to the river for a drink of fresh water."
When Lizard reaches the river, he leans over and drinks and drinks. Alligator swims up and says, "Slow down, Lizard! Why are you drinking so much water?"
"Well I was smoking a joint with Monkey up in a tree and I got cotton mouth real bad."
"Wait a minute. Monkey has a joint? In a tree? This I've got to see."
Alligator gets out of the river and goes waddling up to the tree.
"Say, Monkey..."
"Jesus Lizard! How much water did you drink, man?"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A monkey is sitting in a tree smoking a joint...
... when a lizard walks past and looks up and says to the monkey "hey! what are you doing?" The monkey says "smoking a joint, come up and have some."
So the lizard climbs up and sits next to the monkey and they smoke a few doobies. After a while the lizard says his mouth is 'dry' and is going to get a drink from the river. The lizard is so s**... that he leans too far over and falls into the river.
A Crocodile sees this and swims over to the lizard and helps him to the side, then asks the lizard, "what's the matter with you?"
The lizard explains to the crocodile that he was sitting smoking a joint with the monkey in the tree, got too s**... and then fell into the river while taking a drink.
The crocodile says he has to check this out and walks into the jungle, finds the tree where the monkey is sitting, finishing a joint, and he looks up and says "hey you!"
The Monkey looks down and says "fuuuuuuck dude.......how much water did you drink?!!"
Jesus, Moses and an old man are playing golf.
Moses steps up to the tee and hits the ball. It goes sailing over the fairway and lands in the water trap. Moses parts the water and chips onto the green.
Jesus steps up to the tee and hits the ball. It goes sailing over the water trap but still lands in the water. Jesus just walks on the water and chips the ball onto the green.
The old man steps up to the tee and hits the ball. It goes sailing over the fairway and heads for the water trap. But just before it lands in the water a fish jumps out of the water and catches the ball in his mouth, then an eagle swoops down and grabs the fish in its claws, then the eagle flies over the green and is hit by a sudden bolt lightning and the eagle drops the fish.
When the fish hits the ground, the ball pops out of his mouth and rolls in for a hole in one.
Jesus then turns to the old man and says, "Dad, if you don't stop fooling around we won't bring you next time!"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Temper cure...
A woman goes to the Doctor, worried about her husband 's temper.
The Doctor asks: "What's the problem?
The woman says: "Doctor, I don't know what to do. Every day my husband seems to lose his temper for no reason. It scares me."
The Doctor says: "I have a cure for that. When it seems that your husband is getting angry, just take a glass of water and start swishing it in your mouth. Just swish and swish but don't s**... it until he either leaves the room or calms down.
Two weeks later the woman comes back to the doctor looking fresh and reborn.
The woman says: "Doctor that was a brilliant idea! Every time my husband started losing it, I swished with water. I swished and swished, and he
calmed right down! How does a glass of water do that?"
The Doctor says: "The water itself does nothing. It's keeping your mouth shut that does the trick".
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A man goes to the doctor, worried about his wife's temper.
The doctor asks, What's the problem?
The man says, Doctor, I don't know what to do. Every day my wife seems to lose her temper for no reason. It scares me.
The doctor says, I have a cure for that. When it seems that your wife is getting angry, just take a glass of water and start swishing it in your mouth. Just swish and swish but don't s**... it until she either leaves the room or calms down.
Two weeks later, the man comes back to the doctor looking fresh and reborn.
The man says, Doctor, that was a brilliant idea! Every time my wife started losing it, I swished with water. I swished and swished, and she calmed right down! How does a glass of water do that?
The doctor says, The water itself does nothing. It's keeping your mouth shut that does the trick.
Putin, Trump and Merkel are all at a seaside resort having an argument...
The topic of the debate is which country has the best submarines.
Putin begins, saying "Russian submarines are best in the world! They can stay submerged for weeks at a time before needing supplies."
Trump laughs, "Oh no no, AMERICAN submarines are the best in the world. I know it, you know it, everybody knows it! They can go for months without needing supplies!"
Merkel opens her mouth to speak, but is interrupted by a large submarine emerging from the water. The hatch opens, and a sailer shouts at them,
"Sieg Heil! We need fuel!"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Water.....I have news for you.
The poor bottle water notice he was red, it felt nauseous, it had diarrhea, and it had a sweet taste in its mouth. He went to the clinic to see what was wrong with him. But the doctor had bad news. He said" I'm sorry water, but you have **Kool** aids."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Guy walks into a bar…
Guy walks into a bar…
Orders 5 shots of tequila shoots them one after the other.
Bartender says Are you celebrating?
Guy says Yup! Had my first b**...!
Bartender says Congrats! Here is one on the house.
Guy shoots it, says Six shots of tequila and i still can't get the taste out of my mouth
Next day guy comes back to the bar and orders a tall glass of water.
Bartender says What happened, you were in here last night celebrating and having a great time
Guy yeah, I went home last night and blew chunks
Bartender Well, as much as you drank, not surprised
Guy you don't understand, Chunks is my dog…"
Coffee drinking trio
3 friends are bragging about their coffee drinking habits.
1st: I take it dark, thick and black. It's so strong, the spoon stands upright in my cup when I stir it.
2nd: big deal, at least you use a cup. I pour it directly from the kettle into my mouth.
3rd: yeah? We'll I don't even use a kettle. I chew the coffee beans, drink some water and just go sit on the stove for a while.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A guy wants to commit s**...
A guy wants to commit s**... but he has tried in the past and failed. This time he is ready and has a failsafe plan. He decides that he is going to s**... poison, shoot himself in the head and hang himself at the same time. He goes to the local bridge and ties a rope around the railing. He places the noose around his neck, puts the gun to his temple and takes a mouthful of poison and jumps. The gun goes off and he misses his head and the bullet cuts the rope in half. He screams as he falls into the water below. The water rushes into his mouth and washes the poison away. He swims to shore and says " Thank God, if I hadn't been able to swim I might have drowned."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Do you suffer from an addiction to water?
Can you not live without your water?
Do you try to quit, and come back to drinking water again?
Do you suffer from any of the following withdrawal symptoms when trying to quit?
* Headache?
* Fatigue?
* Dry t**...?
* Dry mouth?
* Darker u**...?
* Craving more water?
* Hunger?
If you answered yes to any of these questions, please call the water addiction hotline, 1-5-STOP-WATER.
Proper English
An Englishman is out walking in the Highlands and gets thirsty, so he stops at a river to get some water. He's about to bring the water up to his mouth with his hand when he gets interrupted by a shepherd nearby.
"Dinnae drink oot the river, it's foo o' sheep pish!"
The Englishman looks confused and replies, "I'm sorry, my good man, I didn't understand a word of that! I'm English and on a walking holiday!"
The shepherd smirks and says, "I said use both hands; you'll get more water that way!"