Mouse Jokes
165 mouse jokes and hilarious mouse puns to laugh out loud. Read animal jokes about mouse that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Spark up your conversations with these hilarious mouse jokes! With topics like Mickey Mouse and Minnie Mouse, rodents, squeaking, and rats, there's something for everyone to laugh about. Enjoy these funny mouse jokes!
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Funniest Mouse Short Jokes
Short mouse jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The mouse humour may include short keyboard jokes also.
- I saw a giant mouse so I tried killing it with a baseball bat So now I have a lifetime ban from Disneyland
- There's a mouse named In and a mouse named Out. How does Out know that In has died? Instincts
- 'Twas the night before Christmas, and all through the house, Not a creature was stirring, not even a mouse... I really should have invested in one of those carbon monoxide detectors.
- A million or more lab rats die each year and my fiance screams at me for running over a mouse. That's the last time we're going to Disney.
- I introduced my mouse to my keyboard today... It was awkward at first, but then they just clicked.
- A joke from my 10-year-old - what kind of car would a mouse or rat drive? A Mouse-or-ratty
- I lost a game and threw the mouse at the wall. I was then promptly escorted out of the pet store.
- Whenever my boss asks, "Having fun yet?" I say, "Are you kidding, this is my Disneyland!"
because my boss is a rat, my co-workers are goofy and this is a Mickey Mouse operation. - At a restaurant... ME: I'll have the mouse, please.
WAITER: That's mousse, sir.
ME: Never mind then, that would be way too much food - First bird gets the worm, second mouse gets the cheese but the third wife gets The White House
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Mouse One Liners
Which mouse one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with mouse? I can suggest the ones about monkey and gesture.
- What do you call a mouse that swears? A cursor
- Mickey Mouse "Doc, my knees hurt!" Doctor: Which knee?
Mickey: Disney - Why is Mickey Mouse's helicopter no use in Scotland? Disneyland
- The early bird might get the worm, but The second mouse *always* gets the cheese
- What did the mouse say when his cheese was stolen? Rats!
- Micky Mouse isn't quick enough to avoid my punches. But Donald ducks.
- I'm in a band called Arrogant Rat We're like Modest Mouse but way better
- Why did Mickey Mouse get shot? Because Donald ducked.
- How high do you have to be to adopt a mouse as your son and name it Stuart a little
- You know why all elephants are console gamers? 'Cause they're afraid of the mouse
- What is gray, has four legs and a trunk? A mouse going on vacation.
- I put some batteries in my mouse yesterday And now I'm banned from the pet store
- Why did Arnold Schwarzenegger kill the mouse? He's an ex-Terminator
- What is Minnie Mouse's father's name? Massive Mouse
- Why did Mickey Mouse name his dog Pluto? Because he's not a planet.
Mickey Mouse Jokes
Here is a list of funny mickey mouse jokes and even better mickey mouse puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Arnold Schwarzenegger has a long one, Kim Jong has a short one, Mickey Mouse's isn't human, the Pope doesn't use his, and Cher doesn't have one. What is it? Last Names
- How did Minnie save Mickey from drowning? Mouse to mouse resuscitation.
- Went to Disney World because my daughter is obsessed with Mickey Mouse. She was so excited when I got home and told her.
- I invented a sandwich made with rodent meat. I call it the Mickey Mouse Club.
Comes with chips. - Mickey Mouse hangs himself... He doesn't die though, it's just a case of suspended animation.
- Why did Mickey Mouse take a trip into space? He wanted to find Pluto!
- Donald uses a keyboard... .. and Mickey mouse.
- Which mouse runs on two legs? Mickey mouse. Now which duck runs on two legs? Every duck runs on two legs.
- Did you hear about the broken helicopter that Mickey Mouse bought from Scotland? Disneyland
- Mickey and Minnie Mouse go to see a marriage counsellor.
Cat And Mouse Jokes
Here is a list of funny cat and mouse jokes and even better cat and mouse puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- When is it unlucky to see a black cat? When your a mouse!
Edit : you're a mouse - Why are cats always sitting on keyboards? So they can play with the mouse
*bah dum tsss* - What's the difference between a roommate and a cat? One has a house mate, and the other has a mouse hate.
- Why couldn't the grandma use her computer? Because her cat ate the mouse.
- My keyboard is a cat Works great but now my mouse doesn't work.
- Why did the cat chase the mouse? He was in purrrrrrrrrrsuit
- This next question will determine whether you are imparied or not. Was Mickey Mouse a cat or a dog?
- Why was the mouse afraid to cross the road? It saw the cat's eyes!
- What did the mouse say to the cat? "Cheesed to meet ya!"
- Does Mickey Mouse watch cat videos? No. He tried once, but he couldn't put on the notebook's headphones.
Computer Mouse Jokes
Here is a list of funny computer mouse jokes and even better computer mouse puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- I was having trouble understanding the importance of the computer mouse... And then it clicked.
- Where did the computer mouse go to get a drink? The spacebar
And you know I've been to a couple spacebars before, they're all exactly the same. Great food, no atmosphere. - A Youtuber got extremely famous for catching lots of fish with only a computer mouse... Turns out it was just clickbait.
- Why can't elephansts use computers Because they are scared of the mouse
- If you give a mouse a cookie... You don't understand computers.
- Dad my mouse isn't working I've yet to see a mouse with a job.
My computer mouse stopped working 15 minutes ago, A dad joke ensued. - My computer mouse isn't working properly It could type paragraphs, but now it's just randomly slamming its tiny paws on the keyboard.
- I tried to be friends with my computer mouse But he's too cliquey.
- Q: What will my computer printer warranty cover?
A: Your mouse pad. - The inventor of the computer mouse has died. They should have right clicked and saved him.
Minnie Mouse Jokes
Here is a list of funny minnie mouse jokes and even better minnie mouse puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Mickey Mouse's wife and Christopher Robin's friend made a gameshow together where contestants do 60 second challenges. They called it... Minnie to Winnie.
- What kind of car does Mickey Mouse drive? A Minnie van...
- What's the difference between a fast food job and what Minnie Mouse got on her wedding night? One is Mickey D's, the other is Mickey's D.
- Why did Minnie Mouse get paid less than Micky while working for Disney? Minnie-Quality
- Actual "dad" joke from my dad What does Mickey Mouse do to Minnie Mouse after she drowns and he pulls her out of the water? Mouse to Mouse resuscitation.
- Mickey Mouse discovered the hard way Minnie Mouse liked superheroes. She was having an affair with Mighty Mouse.
- Mickey Mouse is at the lawyers office.. The lawyer says "you can't divorce Minnie just because she has big teeth"
Mickey say " I didn't say she had big teeth, I said she's f\*\*king Goofy"
Delightful Fun Mouse Jokes for a Roaring Good Time
What funny jokes about mouse you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean mice jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make mouse pranks.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What to you call a obese mouse?
A PIE-RAT
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Dad: what mouse walks on 2 feet?
Me:
Dad: Mickey Mouse
Dad: What duck walks on 2 feet?
Me: Donald Duck?
Dad: All ducks, d**...
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What were you thinking?
Schwarzenegger has a big one,
Michael J. Fox has a small one,
Madonna doesn't have one,
The POPE has one but doesn't use it,
Clinton uses his all the time,
Mickey Mouse has an unusual one,
George Burns' was hot,
Liberace NEVER used his on women,
j**... Seinfeld is very very proud of his,
We never saw Lucy use Desi's
what is it?
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A riddle for the day
A riddle for the day
Arnold Schwarzenegger has a big one.
Michael J. Fox has a small one.
Madonna doesn't have one.
The Pope has one but doesn't use it.
Clinton uses his all the time.
Mickey Mouse has an unusual one.
Liberace never used his on women.
j**... Seinfeld is very, very proud of his.
Cher claims that she took on 3.
We never saw Lucy use Desi's.
What is it? Answer below! (this is pretty good )
----------------------------------------------------------
The answer is: "A Last Name."
Sorry Folks...No Dirty Jokes Here!
Why did the mouse whisper into the elephant's ear?
The giraffe put him up to it.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What do we call a wireless mouse?
Hamster.
Source: **Dad**
Technology has ruined our kids
A group of young children were siting in a circle with their teacher. She was going around in turn asking them all questions.
"Davy, what noise does a cow make? "
"It goes moo. "
"Alice, what noise does a cat make? "
"It goes meow. "
"Jamie, what sound does a lamb make? "
"It goes baaa. "
"Jennifer, what sound does a mouse make? "
"Errr.., it goes.. click! "
What's the squeakiest ride at the fair?
The haunted mouse
A homeless man walks by a bar...
He sees a man sitting in front of a steaming bowl of chili. And the homeless man is so hungry he walks inside the bar and tells the man he's very hungry. The man at the bar just shoves the chili over to the homeless man and nods. The homeless man is surprised but starts eating right away, as he gets to the bottom of the bowl he sees a dead mouse. The homeless man throws up the chili back in the bowl. The man at the bar says "I did the same thing ten minutes ago".
A Lithuanian couple in a hotel
A Lithuanian couple go to a hotel in USA. They spot a mouse in the room.
"A mouse! Dear, call the lobby, you know at least some English, right?!"
The man picks up the phone.
"Helou."
"Can I help you?"
"Yes, dū jū nau Tom and Džeri?"
"Yes sir, of course."
"So, Džeri iz hier."
A bear is chasing a mouse through the woods..
When suddenly a genie appears. The mouse and bear stop dead in their tracks, perplexed at the genie's appearance. The genie offers to give both the bear and mouse three wishes. The bear, not hesitating, goes first; "I wish all the bears in these woods were female." The genie laughs and moves onto the mouse. "I wish for a motorcycle." The genie nods and moves back to the bear. "I wish all the bears in the world were female." The genie laughs again. The mouse asks for a motorcycle helmet. The genie gives it to the mouse and looks at the bear one last time. "I wish all the female bears wanted me." The genie goes, "My man!" and looks to the mouse for his final wish. The mouse gets on his motorcycle, starts it up, puts his helmet on and says, "I wish the bear was gay." and the mouse zooms off.
cat problems
A girl cat asked her boyfriend cat where her mouse stuffed animal was. He says "that was a stuffed animal? I thought it was real so I ate it!"
She responds: "THIS IS WHY WE CAN'T HAVE MICE THINGS"
I translated a German joke and hope it's still funny
A man is treated by a psychiatrist because he thinks that he is a mouse. After some weeks of psychiatric counseling he is finally healed and has learned, that he isn't a mouse.
As the man in walks out of the psychiatrists office he sees a cat on the street and runs back to the psychiatrist and screams: "I'm scared! There's a cat on the street!"
The psychiatrist replies "I thought you know now, that you are not a mouse."
The man answers "Yes, I know that, but does the cat know this too?"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
[Knee-slappin, terrible OC] Why was the nun named "NPN"?
She was a trans-sister!
***
I'm so sorry for wasting your precious mouse clicks on that god-awful joke
A baby mouse is out for a walk one day and sees a bat...
He quickly runs home to his mother and says "Mummy! Mummy! I just saw an angel!"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Mickey mouse is getting a divorce
Mickey mouse goes to a lawyer and says he wants a divorce. Lawyer says "unfortunately you can't divorce your wife cause she is crazy" Mickey says "I didn't say she was crazy, I said she was f**king Goofy"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A riddle for today
A riddle for today
Arnold Schwarzenegger has a big one.
Michael J. Fox has a small one.
Madonna doesn't have one.
The Pope has one but doesn't use it.
Clinton uses his all the time.
Mickey Mouse has an unusual one.
Liberace never used his on women.
j**... Seinfeld is very, very proud of his.
Cher claims that she took on 3.
We never saw Lucy use Desi's.
What is it?
[The answer is: "A Last Name."
Sorry Folks...No Dirty Jokes Here!] (/spoiler)
Two men get into an elevator
Two men get into an elevator in a doctors office. One man, beaming says to the other, "I just got a brand new hearing aid. It works great; if you were to drop a pin, I could hear it; if a mouse were to sneeze cross the street, I would hear it." The second man replies "thats impressive, what kind is it?" The first man looks down at his watch and says "11 o'clock."
Why wouldn't the mouse tell the police where he hid the cheese?
Because he's not a rat.
There's something about a mousetrap that I can't quite put my finger on.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Mouse and elephant are on their way to the pool.
*Told* *by* *my* *adorable* *niece.*
Elephant: b**...! I forgot my swim trunks!
Mouse: Don't worry, I brought a spare.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
The Mouse
Little Johnny walks into his dad's bedroom and sees him sliding on a c**.... His father tries to hide it by bending over, as if to look under the bed.
Little Johnny asks curiously, "What are you doing, Dad?"
His father quickly replies, "I thought I saw a mouse go underneath the bed."
Little Johnny replies, "What are you gonna do -- screw him?"
If your mouse doesn't work, what is it?
Unemployed.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Why did Mickey Mouse leave Minnie Mouse?
She was f**...' Goofy.
My English is terrible, but at least I know the plural for mouse
which is mice.
Ukrainian authorities are planning to turn the Chernobyl exclusion zone into an amusement park
They say the only difference between it and Disneyland will be that the six foot tall mouse isn't a costume.
What did we have before the mouse icon of today?
The precursor.
second language
A family of mice were surprised by a big cat. Father Mouse jumped and and said, "Bow-wow!" The cat ran away. "What was that, Father?" asked Baby Mouse. "Well, son, that's why it's important to learn a second language."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What do you throw on stage at a mouse s**... club?
Kraft Singles.
There once was a mouse called Keith
Who did circumcisions for free with his teeth;
He didn't do it for pleasure,
Excitement or leisure...
He did it for the cheese underneath.
I found a dead mouse in my mother's basement.
Honestly, I hate being a gynaecologist sometimes.
An owl and a mouse are sitting on a branch when a farmer walks by below.
The owl turns to the mouse and says nothing. Because owls can't speak. The owl then eats the mouse because it's a bird of prey.
Three Mice Are Bragging to eachother
The first mouse says: I will eat tons of mouse-poison, but it does nothing to me. The second mouse says, well for me a mouse trap is peanuts! I just pull the lever and take the cheese!
The Third says: Oh you two, stop bragging already! Wait... what time is it? Oh, I have to go home, i have to feed the cat!
What do you call a mouse wearing spectacles?
.
.
.
.
An optical mouse.
Tada!!
A mouse entered my house
He ate everything, even drank some redbull and now I have a bat problem
You see a mousetrap
I see free cheese and a challenge
My wife gave me a mouse and a keyboard for my birthday.
I learned to play "KLONKY DONKEY" on the keyboard and trained that little fella to dance.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What do you call a mouse on 2 legs
Friend "i dont know"
Me "mickey mouse"
Me "what do you call a duck on 2 legs"
Friend "donald duck"
Me " all ducks idiot"
An elephant and a mouse are walking across a bridge...
The mouse looks up at the elephant and says, "Boy, we sure are making this bridge shake!"
What's the difference between a flying mammal in sunglasses and a mouse in disguise?
One's a rad bat, the other's a bad rat
I didn't understand why my friend got a new mouse...
But then it just kinda clicked.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What sounds like a mouse, but much, much louder?
#**A MOUSE**
A cat and a mouse go to heaven
A cat and a mouse got to heaven, after a bit God goes to the mouse and asks "how do you like it up here?" The mouse replies "it's fine but I have a hard time getting around", God then snaps his fingers and gives the mouse a pair a wheels to roll around on. A little later God then goes to the cat and asks "how do you like it up here?" The cat replies "Oh I love it! I never had meals on wheels like this before!"
I never could think of a name for my pet mouse...
Guess he'll always be anonymous.
What did the mouse say the ant crossing the street?
Hello, fellow road-ant
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Three cats live at the football stadium
It was lean pickings one winter but eventually they managed to catch a mouse and are discussing how they will divide it up.
The first cat says "as we live at the football stadium let's divide it by team. I support Liverpool so I will eat it's Liver
"Great idea" says the second cat "I support Hartlepool. I will eat the heart
The third cat says "I support Arsenal, I'm not that hungry thanks"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
An Irishman is drinking at a pub when God Himself appears to him
"Pat McGinty! If you don't stop your drinking, I'll make you smaller and smaller until you become a mouse!"
Shocked, Pat rushes home to think. His wife notices his duress and asks him what's wrong. Somberly, Patrick looks up and says "God just appeared to me. He told me we had to get rid of the cat."
Why does Bill Gates use a mouse when he's fishing?
Because he sincerely believes it is the most effective.......
Click bait!
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Question
James and Kumar were having a conversation when James asked Kumar a question.
J: what mouse walks on two legs?
K:(thinking hard).....ummm....I don't know
J: it's Mickey mouse you idiot
K: oh...ok
James then asks another question
J: which duck walks on two legs
K: this one's easy...it's Donald duck
J:all ducks walk on two legs you d**....
K:.....
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Tom only chases the most suitable mouse.
I guess that is j**... picking.
Where does the male mouse live since his wife caught him cheating and kicked him out of the house?
His mouse pad
A r**... and a midget get into an accident
The midget gets out of his car, hands on his hips and squeak angrily, "I am not happy!"
The r**... spits and drawls "so which one are you?"
A mouse found a lion and a fox trapped in two different cages.
The lion begged to the mouse to free it and promised not to eat it.
But then the fox said Lion's lion to you.
Amused by the joke the mouse freed the fox instead.
Technology is crazy these days
We now have smartphones, wireless TVs, and tablets.
When I was a kid we had to blow everything. The Nintendo cartridge, the mouse with that ball inside, the priest.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
An scotsman went to norway for vacation
He was going in a taxi , when suddenly a moose crossed in front of them
Scotsman: What was that?
Driver: It was a moose
Scotsman(in heavy accent): Take me back to the airport right now. If the mouse are this big then I don't wanna even see the rats.
