The Best 84 Mouse Jokes

Following is our collection of funny Mouse jokes. There are some mouse cursor jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.

Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these mouse cat and mouse puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.

Top 10 of the Funniest Mouse Jokes and Puns

What were you thinking?

Schwarzenegger has a big one,
Michael J. Fox has a small one,
Madonna doesn't have one,
The POPE has one but doesn't use it,
Clinton uses his all the time,
Mickey Mouse has an unusual one,
George Burns' was hot,
Liberace NEVER used his on women,
Jerry Seinfeld is very very proud of his,
We never saw Lucy use Desi's
what is it?

A riddle for the day

A riddle for the day

Arnold Schwarzenegger has a big one.

Michael J. Fox has a small one.

Madonna doesn't have one.

The Pope has one but doesn't use it.

Clinton uses his all the time.

Mickey Mouse has an unusual one.

Liberace never used his on women.

Jerry Seinfeld is very, very proud of his.

Cher claims that she took on 3.

We never saw Lucy use Desi's.

What is it? Answer below! (this is pretty good )

----------------------------------------------------------

The answer is: "A Last Name."

Sorry Folks...No Dirty Jokes Here!

Why did the mouse whisper into the elephant's ear?

The giraffe put him up to it.

Mouse joke, Why did the mouse whisper into the elephant's ear?

How high do you have to be to adopt a mouse as your son and name it Stuart

a little

What do we call a wireless mouse?

Hamster.

Source: **Dad**


Technology has ruined our kids

A group of young children were siting in a circle with their teacher. She was going around in turn asking them all questions.
"Davy, what noise does a cow make? "
"It goes moo. "
"Alice, what noise does a cat make? "
"It goes meow. "
"Jamie, what sound does a lamb make? "
"It goes baaa. "
"Jennifer, what sound does a mouse make? "
"Errr.., it goes.. click! "

A homeless man walks by a bar...

He sees a man sitting in front of a steaming bowl of chili. And the homeless man is so hungry he walks inside the bar and tells the man he's very hungry. The man at the bar just shoves the chili over to the homeless man and nods. The homeless man is surprised but starts eating right away, as he gets to the bottom of the bowl he sees a dead mouse. The homeless man throws up the chili back in the bowl. The man at the bar says "I did the same thing ten minutes ago".

Mouse joke, A homeless man walks by a bar...

A Lithuanian couple in a hotel

A Lithuanian couple go to a hotel in USA. They spot a mouse in the room.

"A mouse! Dear, call the lobby, you know at least some English, right?!"

The man picks up the phone.

"Helou."

"Can I help you?"

"Yes, dΕ« jΕ« nau Tom and DΕΎeri?"

"Yes sir, of course."

"So, DΕΎeri iz hier."

A bear is chasing a mouse through the woods..

When suddenly a genie appears. The mouse and bear stop dead in their tracks, perplexed at the genie's appearance. The genie offers to give both the bear and mouse three wishes. The bear, not hesitating, goes first; "I wish all the bears in these woods were female." The genie laughs and moves onto the mouse. "I wish for a motorcycle." The genie nods and moves back to the bear. "I wish all the bears in the world were female." The genie laughs again. The mouse asks for a motorcycle helmet. The genie gives it to the mouse and looks at the bear one last time. "I wish all the female bears wanted me." The genie goes, "My man!" and looks to the mouse for his final wish. The mouse gets on his motorcycle, starts it up, puts his helmet on and says, "I wish the bear was gay." and the mouse zooms off.

cat problems

A girl cat asked her boyfriend cat where her mouse stuffed animal was. He says "that was a stuffed animal? I thought it was real so I ate it!"

She responds: "THIS IS WHY WE CAN'T HAVE MICE THINGS"

Why did Mickey Mouse get shot?

Because Donald ducked.

You can explore mouse rat reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean mouse mousetrap dad jokes. There are also mouse puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.


I translated a German joke and hope it's still funny

A man is treated by a psychiatrist because he thinks that he is a mouse. After some weeks of psychiatric counseling he is finally healed and has learned, that he isn't a mouse.

As the man in walks out of the psychiatrists office he sees a cat on the street and runs back to the psychiatrist and screams: "I'm scared! There's a cat on the street!"

The psychiatrist replies "I thought you know now, that you are not a mouse."

The man answers "Yes, I know that, but does the cat know this too?"

Mickey mouse is getting a divorce

Mickey mouse goes to a lawyer and says he wants a divorce. Lawyer says "unfortunately you can't divorce your wife cause she is crazy" Mickey says "I didn't say she was crazy, I said she was f**king Goofy"

Why wouldn't the mouse tell the police where he hid the cheese?

Because he's not a rat.

I'm in a band called Arrogant Rat

We're like Modest Mouse but way better

The Mouse

Little Johnny walks into his dad's bedroom and sees him sliding on a condom. His father tries to hide it by bending over, as if to look under the bed.

Little Johnny asks curiously, "What are you doing, Dad?"

His father quickly replies, "I thought I saw a mouse go underneath the bed."

Little Johnny replies, "What are you gonna do -- screw him?"

Mouse joke, The Mouse

Why did Mickey Mouse go to outer space?

To find Pluto.

Why did Mickey Mouse leave Minnie Mouse?

She was fuckin' Goofy.

I was having trouble understanding the importance of the computer mouse...

And then it clicked.


I invented a sandwich made with rodent meat.

I call it the Mickey Mouse Club.

Comes with chips.

Ukrainian authorities are planning to turn the Chernobyl exclusion zone into an amusement park

They say the only difference between it and Disneyland will be that the six foot tall mouse isn't a costume.

What did we have before the mouse icon of today?

The precursor.

The Ukrainian government is opening up a tourist attraction in Chernobyl.

It will be like Disney World, except the six foot tall mouse is real.

second language

A family of mice were surprised by a big cat. Father Mouse jumped and and said, "Bow-wow!" The cat ran away. "What was that, Father?" asked Baby Mouse. "Well, son, that's why it's important to learn a second language."

What did the mouse say when his cheese was stolen?

Rats!

I found a dead mouse in my mother's basement.

Honestly, I hate being a gynaecologist sometimes.

Mickey Mouse "Doc, my knees hurt!"

Doctor: Which knee?

Mickey: Disney

The early bird might get the worm, but

The second mouse *always* gets the cheese

My pet mouse "Elvis" died yesterday...

He was caught in a trap.

Three Mice Are Bragging to eachother

The first mouse says: I will eat tons of mouse-poison, but it does nothing to me. The second mouse says, well for me a mouse trap is peanuts! I just pull the lever and take the cheese!

The Third says: Oh you two, stop bragging already! Wait... what time is it? Oh, I have to go home, i have to feed the cat!

'Twas the night before Christmas, and all through the house, Not a creature was stirring, not even a mouse...

I really should have invested in one of those carbon monoxide detectors.

Why did Mickey Mouse name his dog Pluto?

Because he's not a planet.

I introduced my mouse to my keyboard today...

It was awkward at first, but then they just clicked.

Micky Mouse isn't quick enough to avoid my punches.

But Donald ducks.

What's gray, has big ears, and a trunk?

A mouse on vacation.

There's a mouse named In and a mouse named Out. How does Out know that In has died?

Instincts

A lone sniper was just about to assassinate Donald Trump.

Just at the last moment, one of the President's bodyguards spotted him.
He immediately shouted "Mickey Mouse, Mickey Mouse"
A shot rang out and Trump fell dead.
As his aides gathered round the body, one of them asked the bodyguard why he had shouted "Mickey Mouse"
'I'm sorry" he said "I meant to shout "Donald, duck"

What did Mickey Mouse yell when the president was about to be shot?

Donald!! Duck!!!

Went to Disney World because my daughter is obsessed with Mickey Mouse.

She was so excited when I got home and told her.

Two men are eating chili together.

One finishes his bowl and claims it's the best chili he's ever eaten. He looks at the second man who's bowl is completely full.

First man: are you gonna eat that?
Second man: nah I'm not feeling too good.
First man: wouldn't want it to go to waste then.

The first man eats the second bowl of chili and finds a dead mouse at the bottom. He instantly spews the chili back into the bowl.

Second man: yeah that's as far as I got too.

You see a mousetrap

I see free cheese and a challenge

Whenever my boss asks, "Having fun yet?"

I say, "Are you kidding, this is my Disneyland!"

because my boss is a rat, my co-workers are goofy and this is a Mickey Mouse operation.

A million or more lab rats die each year and my fiance screams at me for running over a mouse.

That's the last time we're going to Disney.

What do you call a mouse on 2 legs

Friend "i dont know"
Me "mickey mouse"
Me "what do you call a duck on 2 legs"
Friend "donald duck"
Me " all ducks idiot"

First bird gets the worm, second mouse gets the cheese but the third wife gets

The White House

What is grey, has four legs, and a trunk?

A mouse going on holiday.

What sounds like a mouse, but much, much louder?

#**A MOUSE**

A cat and a mouse go to heaven

A cat and a mouse got to heaven, after a bit God goes to the mouse and asks "how do you like it up here?" The mouse replies "it's fine but I have a hard time getting around", God then snaps his fingers and gives the mouse a pair a wheels to roll around on. A little later God then goes to the cat and asks "how do you like it up here?" The cat replies "Oh I love it! I never had meals on wheels like this before!"

What did the mouse say the ant crossing the street?

Hello, fellow road-ant

Three cats live at the football stadium

It was lean pickings one winter but eventually they managed to catch a mouse and are discussing how they will divide it up.

The first cat says "as we live at the football stadium let's divide it by team. I support Liverpool so I will eat it's Liver

"Great idea" says the second cat "I support Hartlepool. I will eat the heart

The third cat says "I support Arsenal, I'm not that hungry thanks"

An Irishman is drinking at a pub when God Himself appears to him

"Pat McGinty! If you don't stop your drinking, I'll make you smaller and smaller until you become a mouse!"

Shocked, Pat rushes home to think. His wife notices his duress and asks him what's wrong. Somberly, Patrick looks up and says "God just appeared to me. He told me we had to get rid of the cat."

Donald Trump is giving a speech, and his bodyguard spots somebody about to shoot the president...

The bodyguard leaps up and shouts "MICKEY MOUSE"

Confused, the shooter stops and asks, "why did you shout Mickey mouse?"

The bodyguard replies "oh sorry, i meant to say DONALD, DUCK!"

What's the difference between a beautiful woman and a mouse?

One charms the he's and the other harms the cheese.

Donald Trump approaches the wall prototypes.

Donald Trump is approaching the wall prototypes when suddenly a secret service agent yells "Mickey Mouse!".

A man appears to have jumped across the boarder holding something suspicious.

The secret service agents tackle him and the situation is secure.

Someone then asks what the Mickey Mouse shouting was about.
The agent goes "I was startled, I meant to say Donald Duck!"

A mother mouse and a baby mouse were walking along

A mother mouse and a baby mouse were walking along, when all of a sudden, a cat attacked them.
The mother mouse goes, "WOOF WOOF!" and the cat runs away.

"See?" says the mother mouse to her baby. "Now do you see why it's important to learn a foreign language?"

I got mad and threw my mouse at the wall because it wasn't working..

I don't know why the people at the vet are giving me that look.

What is Minnie Mouse's father's name?

Massive Mouse

At a restaurant...

ME: I'll have the mouse, please.

WAITER: That's mousse, sir.

ME: Never mind then, that would be way too much food

The president walks out the White House and one of his body guards spots a shooter.

Quickly, he shouts "MICKEY MOUSE" and charges the gunman. Confused, the shooter is managed to be apprehended and the body guard is a hero.

The next day his boss invites him into his office and asks why he shouted mickey mouse. Blushing, he replied " I was panicking and I meant to say, Donald duck".

I put some batteries in my mouse yesterday

And now I'm banned from the pet store

The president is walking out of the White House towards his limo, when a possible assassin steps forward and aims his gun.

A Secret Service agent, new on the job, shouts Mickey Mouse! This startles the would be assassin and he is captured. Later, the Secret Service agent's supervisor asks him, Why the hell did you shout Mickey Mouse?

Blushing, the agent replies, I got nervous. I meant to shout...... Donald, duck!

I saw a giant mouse so I tried killing it with a baseball bat

So now I have a lifetime ban from Disneyland

What do you call a computer mouse that swears a lot?

A cursor!

Barking mouse

The cat closes in upon them as the terrified baby mice back into the corner with no where to run. Suddenly, out in a distance behind the cat, mama mouse began barking "woof, woof!". Caught off guard the cat immediately turned tail and ran. Seeing that the coast is clear, mama mouse came up to her babies and gathered them up. Having made sure that all her babies are accounted for, she said, "see children, that's why it's so important to learn a 2nd language."

Trump is leaving a rally and heading to his limo

When suddenly a would be assassin jumps from the shadows and takes aim. A secret service agent, brand new on the job, shouts Micky Mouse! This startles the assassin and he is captured in the confusion. Later the agents supervisor takes him aside, congratulates him and says but what in the hell made you shout 'Micky Mouse?!' Visibly embarrassed the Agent replies I got nervous, I meant to shout 'Donald, Duck'

What's the difference between a hot girl and a mouse?

One charms the he's and the other harms the cheese.

I used to be a body guard for Donald Trump

One day, an assassination attempt took place, and when the man tried to shoot, I shouted "Mickey Mouse!".

After the attempt, Trump asked why I shouted Mickey Mouse, to which I replied "sorry, I meant to shout 'Donald, Duck!'"

I lost a game and threw the mouse at the wall.

I was then promptly escorted out of the pet store.

Two mice are walking down a New York sidewalk.

A beautiful woman passes them. The first mouse says Wow! Did you see the ass on her?! The other mouse responds It was nice, but I'm a titmouse myself.

When I first came to the US. I stayed at a hotel with a rodent problem. I tried to call front desk but I didn't know how to say mouse in English.

Hello sir how can I help you?
Do you know Tom and Jerry?
Yes sir.
Jerry is here.

The early bird gets the worm

but the second mouse gets the cheese

I thought my mouse was dead.

But it's alive and clicking.

Why did Arnold Schwarzenegger kill the mouse?

He's an ex-Terminator

How did Minnie save Mickey from drowning?

Mouse to mouse resuscitation.

A joke from my 10-year-old - what kind of car would a mouse or rat drive?

A Mouse-or-ratty

Mice

A family of mice were out walking, and were suddenly surprised by a large cat. Father Mouse stood his ground, drew himself up to his full height, and shouted BOW-WOW-WOW!!! at the cat. The cat, alarmed, ran off.

The small mice were very impressed. That was fantastic, Dad! How did you do that?

That, son, explains Father Mouse, demonstrates the value of learning a second language.

A guy walks into a cafe and asks for a bowl of chili.

The waitress says, "The guy next to you got the last bowl." He looks over and sees that the guy's bowl of chili is full. He says, "If you're not going to eat that, mind if I take it?" The other guys says, "No, help yourself." He starts to eat it and about halfway down, his fork hits something. It's a dead mouse, and he vomits the chili back into the bowl. The other guys says, "That's about as far as I got, too."

Disneyland will be opened in Chernobyl. As always, at the entrance, the visitors will be greeted by a 7-feet-tall mouse.

But this time, a real one.

Cat Attack

A mother mouse and a baby mouse are walking along, when all of a sudden, a cat attacks them. The mother mouse goes, "Bark!" and the cat runs away. "See?" says the mother mouse to her baby. "Now do you see why it's important to learn a foreign language?"

An assassin is running towards Trump

His personal bodyguard sees him and shouts Mickey Mouse . This startles the assassin and he runs off in the other direction.

Trump turns to his bodyguard and says Thank you, but why did you yell Mickey Mouse The bodyguard replies Sorry Sir, I meant to say Donald, Duck.

You know why all elephants are console gamers?

'Cause they're afraid of the mouse

What do you call a mouse that swears?

A cursor

A lion, a tiger, a cheetah and a mouse fell in a hole

after trying to get away for hours, they gave up and accepted their fate

soon enough everybody got hungry.

The tiger proposed that they start by eating the weakest animal, the cheetah agreed, but the mouse stood up and said : "if you touch the lion I'll kick you in the nuts"

hickory dickory dock,

The mouse went up the clock. The clock struck One, and the other two got away with minor injuries.

Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the mouse mickey mouse jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.

We suggest to use only working mouse micky mouse piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.

Joko Jokes