Mouse Jokes
168 mouse jokes and hilarious mouse puns to laugh out loud. Read animal jokes about mouse that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Spark up your conversations with these hilarious mouse jokes! With topics like Mickey Mouse and Minnie Mouse, rodents, squeaking, and rats, there's something for everyone to laugh about. Enjoy these funny mouse jokes!
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Funniest Mouse Short Jokes
Short mouse jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The mouse humour may include short pointer jokes also.
- I saw a giant mouse so I tried killing it with a baseball bat So now I have a lifetime ban from Disneyland
- There's a mouse named In and a mouse named Out. How does Out know that In has died? Instincts
- 'Twas the night before Christmas, and all through the house, Not a creature was stirring, not even a mouse... I really should have invested in one of those carbon monoxide detectors.
- What do you call a mouse on 2 legs Friend "i dont know"
Me "mickey mouse"
Me "what do you call a duck on 2 legs"
Friend "donald duck"
Me " all ducks idiot" - A million or more lab rats die each year and my fiance screams at me for running over a mouse. That's the last time we're going to Disney.
- hickory dickory dock, The mouse went up the clock. The clock struck One, and the other two got away with minor injuries.
- The Ukrainian government is opening up a tourist attraction in Chernobyl. It will be like Disney World, except the six foot tall mouse is real.
- I introduced my mouse to my keyboard today... It was awkward at first, but then they just clicked.
- Ukraine has announced plans to open Chernobyl as a theme park.
They say It's just like Disneyland. Except the 6-foot mouse is real... - The best pet for beginners is a mouse. They only live 5 days and require no food or water.
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Mouse One Liners
Which mouse one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with mouse? I can suggest the ones about keyboard and monkey.
- What do you call a mouse that swears? A cursor
- What do you call a computer mouse that swears a lot? A cursor!
- Mickey Mouse "Doc, my knees hurt!" Doctor: Which knee?
Mickey: Disney - Why is Mickey Mouse's helicopter no use in Scotland? Disneyland
- What do you call a mouse who swears? A curser
- The early bird might get the worm, but The second mouse *always* gets the cheese
- What did the mouse say when his cheese was stolen? Rats!
- Micky Mouse isn't quick enough to avoid my punches. But Donald ducks.
- I'm in a band called Arrogant Rat We're like Modest Mouse but way better
- Why did Mickey Mouse get shot? Because Donald ducked.
- How high do you have to be to adopt a mouse as your son and name it Stuart a little
- You know why all elephants are console gamers? 'Cause they're afraid of the mouse
- What is gray, has four legs and a trunk? A mouse going on vacation.
- The early bird gets the worm but the second mouse gets the cheese
- I put some batteries in my mouse yesterday And now I'm banned from the pet store
Mickey Mouse Jokes
Here is a list of funny mickey mouse jokes and even better mickey mouse puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Whenever my boss asks, "Having fun yet?" I say, "Are you kidding, this is my Disneyland!"
because my boss is a rat, my co-workers are goofy and this is a Mickey Mouse operation. - Arnold Schwarzenegger has a long one, Kim Jong has a short one, Mickey Mouse's isn't human, the Pope doesn't use his, and Cher doesn't have one. What is it? Last Names
- Why did Mickey Mouse name his dog Pluto? Because he's not a planet.
- How did Minnie save Mickey from drowning? Mouse to mouse resuscitation.
- Went to Disney World because my daughter is obsessed with Mickey Mouse. She was so excited when I got home and told her.
- I invented a sandwich made with rodent meat. I call it the Mickey Mouse Club.
Comes with chips. - Why did Mickey Mouse go to outer space? To find Pluto.
- Mickey Mouse hangs himself... He doesn't die though, it's just a case of suspended animation.
- Why did Mickey Mouse take a trip into space? He wanted to find Pluto!
- Donald uses a keyboard... .. and Mickey mouse.
Cat And Mouse Jokes
Here is a list of funny cat and mouse jokes and even better cat and mouse puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- So apparently Curiosity, a Mars rover, found something resembling a mouse... If Mars is suffering from a mouse infestation it's probably because Curiosity killed the cat.
- What do cats eat for breakfast? Mice Krispies.
- When is it unlucky to see a black cat? When your a mouse!
Edit : you're a mouse - When is it bad luck to have a black cat follow you? When you are a mouse.
- Why are cats always sitting on keyboards? So they can play with the mouse
*bah dum tsss* - What's the difference between a roommate and a cat? One has a house mate, and the other has a mouse hate.
- When does a black cat bring bad luck? When you're a mouse!
- Why couldn't the grandma use her computer? Because her cat ate the mouse.
- My keyboard is a cat Works great but now my mouse doesn't work.
- Why did the cat chase the mouse? He was in purrrrrrrrrrsuit
Computer Mouse Jokes
Here is a list of funny computer mouse jokes and even better computer mouse puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- I was having trouble understanding the importance of the computer mouse... And then it clicked.
- Where did the computer mouse go to get a drink? The spacebar
And you know I've been to a couple spacebars before, they're all exactly the same. Great food, no atmosphere. - A Youtuber got extremely famous for catching lots of fish with only a computer mouse... Turns out it was just clickbait.
- Why can't elephansts use computers Because they are scared of the mouse
- If you give a mouse a cookie... You don't understand computers.
- Dad my mouse isn't working I've yet to see a mouse with a job.
My computer mouse stopped working 15 minutes ago, A dad joke ensued. - My computer mouse isn't working properly It could type paragraphs, but now it's just randomly slamming its tiny paws on the keyboard.
- I tried to be friends with my computer mouse But he's too cliquey.
- Why won't the elephant use the computer? He's afraid of the mouse!
- Q: What will my computer printer warranty cover?
A: Your mouse pad.
Minnie Mouse Jokes
Here is a list of funny minnie mouse jokes and even better minnie mouse puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- What is Minnie Mouse's father's name? Massive Mouse
- Mickey and Minnie Mouse go to see a marriage counsellor.
- Mickey Mouse's wife and Christopher Robin's friend made a gameshow together where contestants do 60 second challenges. They called it... Minnie to Winnie.
- What kind of car does Mickey Mouse drive? A Minnie van...
- What's the difference between a fast food job and what Minnie Mouse got on her wedding night? One is Mickey D's, the other is Mickey's D.
- Why did Minnie Mouse get paid less than Micky while working for Disney? Minnie-Quality
- Actual "dad" joke from my dad What does Mickey Mouse do to Minnie Mouse after she drowns and he pulls her out of the water? Mouse to Mouse resuscitation.
- Mickey Mouse discovered the hard way Minnie Mouse liked superheroes. She was having an affair with Mighty Mouse.
- Mickey Mouse is at the lawyers office.. The lawyer says "you can't divorce Minnie just because she has big teeth"
Mickey say " I didn't say she had big teeth, I said she's f\*\*king Goofy" - Why did Mickey Mouse leave Minnie Mouse? She was f**...' Goofy.
Delightful Fun Mouse Jokes for a Roaring Good Time
What funny jokes about mouse you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean gesture jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make mouse pranks.
Dad: what mouse walks on 2 feet?
Me:
Dad: Mickey Mouse
Dad: What duck walks on 2 feet?
Me: Donald Duck?
Dad: All ducks, d**...
What were you thinking?
Schwarzenegger has a big one,
Michael J. Fox has a small one,
Madonna doesn't have one,
The POPE has one but doesn't use it,
Clinton uses his all the time,
Mickey Mouse has an unusual one,
George Burns' was hot,
Liberace NEVER used his on women,
j**... Seinfeld is very very proud of his,
We never saw Lucy use Desi's
what is it?
A riddle for the day
A riddle for the day
Arnold Schwarzenegger has a big one.
Michael J. Fox has a small one.
Madonna doesn't have one.
The Pope has one but doesn't use it.
Clinton uses his all the time.
Mickey Mouse has an unusual one.
Liberace never used his on women.
j**... Seinfeld is very, very proud of his.
Cher claims that she took on 3.
We never saw Lucy use Desi's.
What is it? Answer below! (this is pretty good )
----------------------------------------------------------
The answer is: "A Last Name."
Sorry Folks...No Dirty Jokes Here!
Why did the mouse whisper into the elephant's ear?
The giraffe put him up to it.
What do we call a wireless mouse?
Hamster.
Source: **Dad**
Technology has ruined our kids
A group of young children were siting in a circle with their teacher. She was going around in turn asking them all questions.
"Davy, what noise does a cow make? "
"It goes moo. "
"Alice, what noise does a cat make? "
"It goes meow. "
"Jamie, what sound does a lamb make? "
"It goes baaa. "
"Jennifer, what sound does a mouse make? "
"Errr.., it goes.. click! "
A homeless man walks by a bar...
He sees a man sitting in front of a steaming bowl of chili. And the homeless man is so hungry he walks inside the bar and tells the man he's very hungry. The man at the bar just shoves the chili over to the homeless man and nods. The homeless man is surprised but starts eating right away, as he gets to the bottom of the bowl he sees a dead mouse. The homeless man throws up the chili back in the bowl. The man at the bar says "I did the same thing ten minutes ago".
A Lithuanian couple in a hotel
A Lithuanian couple go to a hotel in USA. They spot a mouse in the room.
"A mouse! Dear, call the lobby, you know at least some English, right?!"
The man picks up the phone.
"Helou."
"Can I help you?"
"Yes, dū jū nau Tom and Džeri?"
"Yes sir, of course."
"So, Džeri iz hier."
A bear is chasing a mouse through the woods..
When suddenly a genie appears. The mouse and bear stop dead in their tracks, perplexed at the genie's appearance. The genie offers to give both the bear and mouse three wishes. The bear, not hesitating, goes first; "I wish all the bears in these woods were female." The genie laughs and moves onto the mouse. "I wish for a motorcycle." The genie nods and moves back to the bear. "I wish all the bears in the world were female." The genie laughs again. The mouse asks for a motorcycle helmet. The genie gives it to the mouse and looks at the bear one last time. "I wish all the female bears wanted me." The genie goes, "My man!" and looks to the mouse for his final wish. The mouse gets on his motorcycle, starts it up, puts his helmet on and says, "I wish the bear was gay." and the mouse zooms off.
cat problems
A girl cat asked her boyfriend cat where her mouse stuffed animal was. He says "that was a stuffed animal? I thought it was real so I ate it!"
She responds: "THIS IS WHY WE CAN'T HAVE MICE THINGS"
I translated a German joke and hope it's still funny
A man is treated by a psychiatrist because he thinks that he is a mouse. After some weeks of psychiatric counseling he is finally healed and has learned, that he isn't a mouse.
As the man in walks out of the psychiatrists office he sees a cat on the street and runs back to the psychiatrist and screams: "I'm scared! There's a cat on the street!"
The psychiatrist replies "I thought you know now, that you are not a mouse."
The man answers "Yes, I know that, but does the cat know this too?"
A baby mouse is out for a walk one day and sees a bat...
He quickly runs home to his mother and says "Mummy! Mummy! I just saw an angel!"
Mickey mouse is getting a divorce
Mickey mouse goes to a lawyer and says he wants a divorce. Lawyer says "unfortunately you can't divorce your wife cause she is crazy" Mickey says "I didn't say she was crazy, I said she was f**king Goofy"
A riddle for today
A riddle for today
Arnold Schwarzenegger has a big one.
Michael J. Fox has a small one.
Madonna doesn't have one.
The Pope has one but doesn't use it.
Clinton uses his all the time.
Mickey Mouse has an unusual one.
Liberace never used his on women.
j**... Seinfeld is very, very proud of his.
Cher claims that she took on 3.
We never saw Lucy use Desi's.
What is it?
[The answer is: "A Last Name."
Sorry Folks...No Dirty Jokes Here!] (/spoiler)
Two men get into an elevator
Two men get into an elevator in a doctors office. One man, beaming says to the other, "I just got a brand new hearing aid. It works great; if you were to drop a pin, I could hear it; if a mouse were to sneeze cross the street, I would hear it." The second man replies "thats impressive, what kind is it?" The first man looks down at his watch and says "11 o'clock."
Why wouldn't the mouse tell the police where he hid the cheese?
Because he's not a rat.
The Mouse
Little Johnny walks into his dad's bedroom and sees him sliding on a c**.... His father tries to hide it by bending over, as if to look under the bed.
Little Johnny asks curiously, "What are you doing, Dad?"
His father quickly replies, "I thought I saw a mouse go underneath the bed."
Little Johnny replies, "What are you gonna do -- screw him?"
If your mouse doesn't work, what is it?
Unemployed.
Ukrainian authorities are planning to turn the Chernobyl exclusion zone into an amusement park
They say the only difference between it and Disneyland will be that the six foot tall mouse isn't a costume.
What did we have before the mouse icon of today?
The precursor.
second language
A family of mice were surprised by a big cat. Father Mouse jumped and and said, "Bow-wow!" The cat ran away. "What was that, Father?" asked Baby Mouse. "Well, son, that's why it's important to learn a second language."
There once was a mouse called Keith
Who did circumcisions for free with his teeth;
He didn't do it for pleasure,
Excitement or leisure...
He did it for the cheese underneath.
I found a dead mouse in my mother's basement.
Honestly, I hate being a gynaecologist sometimes.
My pet mouse "Elvis" died yesterday...
He was caught in a trap.
Three Mice Are Bragging to eachother
The first mouse says: I will eat tons of mouse-poison, but it does nothing to me. The second mouse says, well for me a mouse trap is peanuts! I just pull the lever and take the cheese!
The Third says: Oh you two, stop bragging already! Wait... what time is it? Oh, I have to go home, i have to feed the cat!
Ukraine is opening a theme park in Chernobyl.
It's like Disneyland, except the 2 metre mouse is real.
What's gray, has big ears, and a trunk?
A mouse on vacation.
What do you call a mouse wearing spectacles?
.
.
.
.
An optical mouse.
Tada!!
Two men are eating chili together.
One finishes his bowl and claims it's the best chili he's ever eaten. He looks at the second man who's bowl is completely full.
First man: are you gonna eat that?
Second man: nah I'm not feeling too good.
First man: wouldn't want it to go to waste then.
The first man eats the second bowl of chili and finds a dead mouse at the bottom. He instantly spews the chili back into the bowl.
Second man: yeah that's as far as I got too.
A mouse entered my house
He ate everything, even drank some redbull and now I have a bat problem
You see a mousetrap
I see free cheese and a challenge
First bird gets the worm, second mouse gets the cheese but the third wife gets
The White House
What's the difference between a flying mammal in sunglasses and a mouse in disguise?
One's a rad bat, the other's a bad rat
What is grey, has four legs, and a trunk?
A mouse going on holiday.
I didn't understand why my friend got a new mouse...
But then it just kinda clicked.
What sounds like a mouse, but much, much louder?
#**A MOUSE**
A cat and a mouse go to heaven
A cat and a mouse got to heaven, after a bit God goes to the mouse and asks "how do you like it up here?" The mouse replies "it's fine but I have a hard time getting around", God then snaps his fingers and gives the mouse a pair a wheels to roll around on. A little later God then goes to the cat and asks "how do you like it up here?" The cat replies "Oh I love it! I never had meals on wheels like this before!"
What did the mouse say the ant crossing the street?
Hello, fellow road-ant
Three cats live at the football stadium
It was lean pickings one winter but eventually they managed to catch a mouse and are discussing how they will divide it up.
The first cat says "as we live at the football stadium let's divide it by team. I support Liverpool so I will eat it's Liver
"Great idea" says the second cat "I support Hartlepool. I will eat the heart
The third cat says "I support Arsenal, I'm not that hungry thanks"
An Irishman is drinking at a pub when God Himself appears to him
"Pat McGinty! If you don't stop your drinking, I'll make you smaller and smaller until you become a mouse!"
Shocked, Pat rushes home to think. His wife notices his duress and asks him what's wrong. Somberly, Patrick looks up and says "God just appeared to me. He told me we had to get rid of the cat."
I thought there was something wrong with my mouse.
Then it clicked.
What's the difference between a beautiful woman and a mouse?
One charms the he's and the other harms the cheese.
Donald Trump approaches the wall prototypes.
Donald Trump is approaching the wall prototypes when suddenly a secret service agent yells "Mickey Mouse!".
A man appears to have jumped across the boarder holding something suspicious.
The secret service agents tackle him and the situation is secure.
Someone then asks what the Mickey Mouse shouting was about.
The agent goes "I was startled, I meant to say Donald Duck!"
Tom only chases the most suitable mouse.
I guess that is j**... picking.
A mother mouse and a baby mouse were walking along
A mother mouse and a baby mouse were walking along, when all of a sudden, a cat attacked them.
The mother mouse goes, "WOOF WOOF!" and the cat runs away.
"See?" says the mother mouse to her baby. "Now do you see why it's important to learn a foreign language?"
Technology is crazy these days
We now have smartphones, wireless TVs, and tablets.
When I was a kid we had to blow everything. The Nintendo cartridge, the mouse with that ball inside, the priest.
An scotsman went to norway for vacation
He was going in a taxi , when suddenly a moose crossed in front of them
Scotsman: What was that?
Driver: It was a moose
Scotsman(in heavy accent): Take me back to the airport right now. If the mouse are this big then I don't wanna even see the rats.
I got mad and threw my mouse at the wall because it wasn't working..
I don't know why the people at the vet are giving me that look.
At a restaurant...
ME: I'll have the mouse, please.
WAITER: That's mousse, sir.
ME: Never mind then, that would be way too much food
One day, Mickey Mouse wakes up and found a graffiti on the snow written with pee outside his house.
The graffiti wrote "Mickey s**...".
The police came, and they told Mickey that there's bad news and an even worse news.
The bad news is, the u**... is from Goofy.
The worse news is, its Minnie's handwriting.
