Mourning Jokes
100 mourning jokes and hilarious mourning puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about mourning that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Drawing on the power of humor, “Mourning Jokes” explores the role of joke-telling in the face of sorrow and grief. From the sound of a mourning dove to the unusual presence of a tombstone, delve into the fascinating mix of tragedy and comedy.
Quick Jump To
Funniest Mourning Short Jokes
Short mourning jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The mourning humour may include short grieving jokes also.
- What would be the most (in)appropriate way to respond to the death of a loved one? Mourning Would.
- It is always difficult for me to attend funerals I suffer from a condition called mourning wood.
- What do you call a tree that's crying? Mourning wood.
- I'm a "morning" person. Every morning when I wake up, I'm mourning the fact that I'm no longer sleeping.
- Why don't night owls ever cry at funerals? They just aren't mourning people
- I was going to get up early to join the queue to pay respects to the Queen. But I slept in. Guess I'm not a mourning person.
- I hear that Bambi has been in mourning since the conclusion of last hunting season. He lost a deer friend.
- My GF passed away... and I wake up every day with mourning wood now.
- The neighbors complained about my 5 a.m. bagpipe playing... ...I guess they're not mourning people.
- I once dated a mortician... it didn't work out because I'm not that much of a mourning person.
Though she was a real head-turner.
Share These Mourning Jokes With Friends
Mourning One Liners
Which mourning one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with mourning? I can suggest the ones about grief and mortuary.
- I hate how funerals are always at 9 or 10am... I'm not really a mourning person.
- I don't like how funerals are usually at 9 or 10 AM. I'm not a mourning person.
- My favorite pornstar died last night. I woke up today with mourning wood.
- My favorite tree died earlier. Now I have mourning wood.
- I had a dream in which my favorite pornstar died. I woke up with mourning wood.
- What does a Necrophiliac have when he is turned on? Mourning Wood
- I don't like to go to funerals I'm just not a mourning person.
- What do you call a 2x4 that lost its family to a fire? mourning wood
- What would Rhett do if Link died? Good Mythical Mourning.
- I don't like funerals before midday. I'm not a mourning person...
- I hate how funerals are at 9.00am. I'm not really a mourning person.
- What is the scientific name of a Weeping Willow? Mourning Wood
- I hate funerals I'm not a mourning person
- What did Jesus say when he switched from Intel to AMD? Do not mourn me for I have Ryzen.
- what do you call a sad tree? Mourning wood
Uproarious Mourning Jokes to Share with Friends
What funny jokes about mourning you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean funerals jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make mourning pranks.
2 old buddies mourning the loss of a friend
2 old friends are catching up at an old pal's f**.... One takes a moment to pause and finally asks the question.
"So... How'd it happen?"
To which the other responds.
"Well, as I understand it, he went to the doctor the other day and the doctor said he was 'as healthy as a horse.' But on the way home he broke a leg."
An Odd f**......
A guy is just coming out of the store when he sees an unusual f**... procession moving down the road. In front is a black hearse, which is followed at a respectable distance of about 30 feet by another, slow moving hearse. Behind the two walks a man with a dog. And some twenty feet behind him is a line of 100 more men, walking just as slowly.
His curiosity gets the better of him and he approaches the man with the dog as they pass, falling into step beside him.
"This may not be the best time..." he begins "but I've never seen a f**... like this, so I need to ask what's going on. Who's in the first hearse?"
"My wife" says the man with the dog, mournfully. "She yelled at me, so Rover attacked and killed her." As if it feels guilty, the dog lowers its head and tail at the mention of his name.
"Oh.. oh my. I'm so sorry for your loss." Says the second guy. He walks alongside in respectful silence for a while before, once more, curiosity gets the better of him. "So whose in the second hearse?"
"My mother-in-law." comes the reply. "She tried to help my wife, so Rover killed her too."
"Oh my god, that's awful!" says the other guy, and walks alongside in respectful silence for a moment more. Eventually, he looks up and says "I don't suppose I could borrow your dog, could I?"
"Get in line." answers the guy.
What does a necrophiliac get at a f**...?
Mourning wood
A great cardiologist is being buried.
All of his colleagues and fellow surgeons are reunited to mourn his. All except for one man who is laughing. The cardiologist's coffin was in the shape of a heart to honor his career. The man continues to laugh. Finally they ask him why he is so happy at a f**... and he responds "I was picturing my f**... because I'm a gynecologist".
What did the necrophiliac have when his grandmother died?
Mourning wood
Strange music
In Vienna, the great composer Mr. Beethoven had recently died and been buried in the city cemetery, with much mourning by the Viennese citizens.
A few nights after the burial, the town drunk is stumbling on his way home through the cemetery. All of a sudden he hears some very strange-sounding music wafting up from Beethoven's fresh burial plot. Terrified, the man runs through the streets, screaming about ghosts in the graveyard.
Pretty soon he's gathered quite a crowd around the grave, all muttering to each other about devils and ghosts. Finally one man makes his way to the front of the crowd, squats down by the grave, and listens.
"Why... that's Beethoven's Ninth Sympony, but... it's playing backwards!" He listens some more. "There's his Eighth Symphony, also backwards! ... And the seventh.... sixth..."
Finally he stands up and addresses the crowd. "My good people, you have nothing to fear. This is simply Mr. Beethoven decomposing."
My Dad died recently, but unfortunately I slept in and missed the f**...
I guess I'm not a mourning person
What do you do if somebody dies Christmas Eve?
Wait 12 hours and have Christmas Mourning
Did you hear about the Asian guy who was so terrible that nobody mourned his death?
He was unbereaveable.
How can U make a difference?
Good Mourning!
*(this pun is baaad and I feel terrible about it)*
A man died and the whole country was in mourning
then it became the afternoon, followed by the evening and then the night.
Why do happy people like to sleep in late?
Because they aren't mourning people.
I just made this up!! Could you all help me with the wording? It feels like it could be a little better I just don't know how to word it differently while using the same "mourning" pun as the punch line.
What do you call a necrophiliacs e**...?
Mourning wood.
Sometimes in the mornings I have dirty thoughts about a dead girlfriend
Mourning wood
What's worse than morning wood?
Mourning wood
An old man dies...
...and at the f**..., his family members walk to the casket to say their final respects. When they're done, the old mans son notices a bulge in his fathers pants. When he goes to ask the f**... director about it, the director says "Oh, don't worry about that, it's just mourning wood"
Everyone mourns our fallen heroes...
But I'm the only one who cried when I dropped my deli sandwich
I don't see how someone could mourn the loss of a Chinese dictator.
It just seems unbereaveable to me.
Why didn't the insomniac attend his uncle's f**...?
he's not a mourning person
Well, it's Inauguration Day in America....
It's gonna be a great mourning.
I got a hard on at my wifes f**...
Guess you could say I had mourning wood.
Donald Trump gets executed
and is hanged by the neck until dead.
At Trump Tower, his family watches CNN, which is covering his death live, all of them mournful and teary before Donald himself walks in triumphantly.
"But Donald, CNN says you were killed!" Ivanka cried.
"Nope!" Donnie beamed, holding up the rope that was used to hang him, "fake noose."
Why didn't the night owl go to the f**...?
He wasn't a mourning person
If you get hard at a f**......
...is that a mourning wood?
What do you call an e**... at a f**...?
Mourning wood.
When Queen Elizabeth dies there will be two days of mourning.
One for the f**... and one for the coronation.
I want to make a f**... home in the forest
I'll call it "Mourning Wood"
A woman tells her husband she was diagnosed with cancer.
Her husband tells he's very sad and sorry for her. Once they get to bed, the wife asks:
'Honey, when I'll be... dead, will you marry someone else?' The husband thinks for a while. 'No.'
'Why not? Don't you like being married?' 'If you want me to, then yes.' 'Will she sleep in my part of the bed?' she asks mournfully. 'I guess she will.' answers the husband. 'Will you replace all my photos?' 'Of course not, I'll keep the ones I love most.' 'Will she drive my car?' 'No, she doesn't have a driver's licence.'
TIFU by not waking up in time to go to a f**...
Then again, I have never been much of a mourning person
Why are funerals never held at night?
Because they're always in mourning.
The worst thing about celebrity deaths is the inevitable torrent of jokes referencing them from people trying to be witty when really it should be a time of mourning and respect. I won't take any part in it.
So wake me up when it's all over
Final Memories
Three friends from the local congregation were asked, "When you're in your casket, and friends and congregation members are mourning over you, what would you like them to say?"
Artie said, "I would like them to say I was a wonderful husband, a fine spiritual leader, and a great family man."
Eugene commented, "I would like them to say I was a wonderful teacher and servant of God who made a huge difference in people's lives."
Al said, "I'd like them to say, 'Look, he's moving!'"
I was invited to a f**... at 6 AM
But I declined, because I'm really not a mourning person.
An elderly woman is holding a f**... for her recently deceased husband
After the viewing, she discusses how kind and honest of a man her husband was, how she was so sad to see him go, and she bursts into tears.
Her nephew, after consoling his mourning aunt , asks May I say a word .
Through tears she says, Of course
He takes a moment and says Plethora .
His aunt, wiping her eyes, says Thank you, that means a lot.
An American is moving to Britain...
...So he decides to learn the british way of spelling things. So he spoke to a Brit he knew and he was told the following:
"So: Color turns into colour. Harbor turns into harbour. honor becomes honour. Starting to notice a pattern?"
So he writes an e-mail to his new boss:
"Good mourning sir....
What do you call a tree who just lost a loved one?
Mourning Wood.
What is the first thing a depressed person does when they wake up?
Their mourning routine. :-(
A sailor comes back one morning after a long time at sea
His best buddy died on the ship, so he goes announcing the news, first thing, to his widow. One thing led to another and they are starting to undress, but she suddenly stares at him and stops, asking:
-Why are you only half mast?
-It's mourning wood
My wife doesnt like me greeting people at a f**...
Good mourning.
How do you greet an anti-vaxxer before noon?
Good mourning.
A boy knocks his father down the stairs in a freak accident.
The father breaks his neck and dies, leaving his son to mourn for days. However, one night, the boy wakes up to see an apparition of his father before him. All at once, he breaks down crying, and screams out, "I'm sorry!"
His father responds, "Hi Sorry, I'm dead!"
What do you say at an early f**...?
Good Mourning.
I get erections at funerals. "Mourning wood," if you will.
It's hard to come up with an original e**... joke. The competition is stiff.
I was asked to deliver a eulogy at a f**... that is scheduled for 5:00am.
I had to decline. I'm not much of a mourning person.
Starbucks has starting to offer free drinks during funerals
They acknowledged the need for mourning coffees
A drummer needed a car, but only had $200
A drummer desperately needed a car, any car, to get to work, but he only had $200. He called his friend who owned a used car lot and explained the situation.
You're in luck, the friend told the drummer. I've got a brand new Jaguar. Runs great. Looks great. For you, only $200. One small problem: it doesn't have any doors.
The drummer let out a mournful sigh and said that's no good – how'm I gonna get in?
My grandfather lived and died for this joke.
My grandfather used say to the whole world celebrated 11/11, not because of armistice day, but because he was born.
When died I went to my mom and told her "I think I know what he would say if he was here today."
'The whole country is in mourning, not because it is 9/11, but because he died'
Why was the nighttime sad?
Because now it was mourning.
What do you call it when you get an e**... at a f**...?
Mourning wood
When your in your casket............?
Three friends from the local congregation were asked,
"When you're in your casket, and friends and congregation members are mourning over you,
what would you like them to say?"
Artie said, "I would like them to say I was a wonderful husband, a fine
spiritual leader, and a great family man."
Merle commented, "I would like them to say I was a wonderful teacher and servant of God,
who made a huge difference in peoples lives."
Don said, "I'd like them to say, 'Look! He's moving!'"
I missed my grandfather's f**... today because I slept in.
I'm not a mourning person.
What do you call a tree that recently lost a loved one?
Mourning wood
Why do funerals always happen before noon?
It's the perfect time in the mourning
Had a dream about deforestation...
Woke up mourning wood.
What does a necrophiliac get whenever he goes to a f**...?
Mourning wood.
What do you call getting a hard-on at a f**...?
Mourning wood.
What do you say first thing at an early f**...?
Good mourning.
Mayonnaise
In 1912, the Titanic sank and everyone still talks about it to this day.
But only weeks after the incident, another ship fell victim to the harsh ocean. This was a large cargo ship that contains various products that were supposed to be delivered to Mexico, among them were sugar, coffee beans, but the bulk of the shipment comprised of mayonnaise. You see, Mexicans love mayonnaise. That's why when it happened on a sad day in May 5th, the whole mexican wept for the fallen sailors and the delicious products they were supposed to enjoy.
Since then, the day of mourning came to be: >!Sinko De Mayo!<
For years, my wife and I had s**... as soon as we woke up. Sadly, she passed away.
Now I wake up every day with mourning wood.
Two lawn workers were taking a break in the yard
From down the block they heard a familiar mournful tune coming from the local church.
"Guess there's a f**... in town today," one man said. "Wonder who died?"
The second man said "I'm not sure but usually it's the one in the coffin."
