Mountain Lion Jokes
22 mountain lion jokes and hilarious mountain lion puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about mountain lion that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Funniest Mountain Lion Short Jokes
Short mountain lion jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The mountain lion humour may include short mountain goat jokes also.
- What kind of summer camp would a toilet, a mountain lion, and a cantaloupe all go to? A John Cougar Melon Camp
- If you had a gun and you were being chased by a bull and a mountain lion, which one would you shoot first?
The mountain lion.
You can always shoot the bull. - Local mountain lions have been complaining about the recent string of Chuck Norris attacks.
- What Did Owen the Owl say to Pierre the Mountain Lion? Hanging out with you is a real hoot.
- A bear, a mountain lion, and a duck walk into a bar. The bartender says, holy s**... okay everyone stay calm, I'm calling animal control
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Mountain Lion One Liners
Which mountain lion one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with mountain lion? I can suggest the ones about sea lion and mountain.
- What do you get when you cross a bear with a mountain lion? Killed. You get killed.
- I saw a mountain lion the other day. Almost made me puma pants.
- I met a mountain lion once ... ... He made me puma pants.
- What did the mountain lion say when it had to f**...? Puma finger.
Howlingly Hilarious Mountain Lion Jokes for an Unforgettable Evening
What funny jokes about mountain lion you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean mountain man jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make mountain lion pranks.
A priest was hiking in the woods when suddenly a mountain lion appeared…..
…. readyto devour the man whole.
The priest quickly falls to his knees, looks up to the heavens and prays, "Dear God, please teach this lion mercy and give him religion." A chorus of angels is heard as a beam of light shines down on the mountain lion.
The lion then drops to his knees, looks up to heavens and prays, "Dear God, bless you for this food I'm about to receive."
A guy is standing in Times Square hitting two sticks together
A police man walks up to him, thinking he is crazy, and asks "what in the world are you doing?"
The man replies "I'm keeping the mountain lions away!"
The police man says "there's not a mountain lion within 1000 miles of here!"
The man grins "I know I'm doing a pretty good job, aren't I?"
Since there have been a few math jokes lately...
Q1. What do you get if you cross a mountain lion with a mountain goat?
A1. ||mountain lion|| ||mountain goat|| sin θ
Q2. What do you get when you cross a mountain lion with a mountain climber?
A2. You can't - the mountain climber is a scalar.
A guy runs into a saloon and yells "everybody clear out, Big John's comin' to town!"
A couple minutes later a mountain of a man rides into town on an ox and he's dragging a mountain lion on a chain behind him. He gets down and punches the ox and slams the mountain lion and says "You guys stay here."
He walks into the saloon, ripping the doors off the hinges. Walks up to the bartender grabs him by the shirt and says "Give me a bottle of beer." Bartender does, guy bites the top right off, c**... it down in one gulp and slams it down on the bar.
Bartender asks, "Ca-ca-can I getcha another?"
Guy says "Naw. I gotta get out of here. Big John's coming to town."
Three blondes were hiking in the woods when they came upon some tracks...
The first blonde said "We'd better be careful, I think these are bear tracks!"
The second blonde says "No, I'm almost certain these are mountain lion tracks!"
The third blonde says "Your both wrong, these are wolf tracks!"
They were still arguing 20 minutes later when the train hit them.
Three blondes are out on a hike...
when they come across some tracks. The first one quickly says "Let's get out of here, those are mountain lion tracks." The second one says "Don't be silly, those are deer tracks." The third one says "I think you're both wrong, but I'm no expert" right before they all got hit by a train
After eating an entire bull, a mountain lion…
After eating an entire bull, a mountain lion felt so good he started roaring. He kept it up until a hunter came along and shot him. The moral: When you're full of bull, keep your mouth shut.
There once lived a puma (mountain lion) in LA.
This particular cat never really identified herself as a puma, she really felt a closer affinity towards tigers. Being in LA, she convinced herself she could chase her dreams and set off on a journey to find herself and realise her identity.
After swimming across the seven seas, she finally got to India and roamed about the Sunderbans looking for a royal Bengal tiger. When she finally met one, she made her case, pleading the tiger to accept her as a part of the community and promising that she'd be a great tiger.
The tiger, a majestic male, thought about it for a few moments and said,
"No. You'll have to earn your stripes."
After a long winter, a mountain lion, a wolf, and a fox...
After a long winter, a mountain lion, a wolf, and a fox get together and each tells how they spent the winter.
The mountain lion says, "I spent my winter in a pigpen, and each day I ate a pig. The owner counted the pigs, saw that some were missing, and set a trap from which I barely escaped."
The wolf says, "I spent my winter in a henhouse. Each day I ate two hens. The owner counted the hens, brought out his shotgun, and I almost got shot."
The fox says, "I spent my winter at a construction site where there were lots of Mexicans. Nobody counts those b**...."