Mountain Climbing Jokes

A Polish man, a German guy, and an American dude, climb a mountain because they each want to make a wish from the genie on the top. When they make it to the top, they find the lamp and all rub it. The genie appears and says, "For your wish to be granted, you must yell it out while you are jumping off of this mountain." So the German jumps off and yells, "I wish to be a fighter plane!" "So be it," the genie says, and the German becomes a plane. The American jumps off and yells, "I wish to be an eagle!" "So be it," the genie says, and the American becomes an eagle and flies away. The Polish man runs to the edge, accidentally trips on a rock, and yells, "I wish to b- oh S**t!"

Two r**... flew to Canada on a hunting trip.

They chartered a small plane to take them into the Rockies for a week hunting moose.

They managed to bag 6. As they were loading the plane to return, the Pilot said the plane could take only 4 moose.

The two guys objected strongly. "Last year we shot six. The pilot let us take them all and he had the same plane as yours."

Reluctantly, the pilot gave in and all six were loaded. The plane took off. However, while attempting to cross some mountains, even on full power, the little plane couldn't handle the load and went down.

Somehow, surrounded by the moose bodies, only the two r**... survived the
c**....

After climbing out of the wreckage, Billy Ray asked Billy Bob, "Any idea where we
are?"

Billy Bob replied, "I think we're pretty close to where we crashed last year."

Two Irishmen flew to Canada on a hunting trip. They chartered a small plane to take them into the Rockies for a week hunting moose.....

With some luck they managed to bag Six.
As they were loading the plane to return, the pilot said the plane could take only Four moose.
The two lads objected strongly. "Last year we shot six as well! The pilot let us take them all and he had the same plane as yours!?!"
Reluctantly, the pilot gave in and all six were loaded. The plane took off. However, while attempting to cross some mountains even on full power the little plane couldn't handle the extra load of the Moose and promptly went down.
Somehow, surrounded by the moose bodies, p**... and m**... survived the c**....
After climbing out of the wreckage, p**... asked m**..., "Any idea where we are?"
m**... replied....... "I can't be sure, but I think we're pretty close to where we crashed last year."

The world's greatest swordsman

A young man climbs a mountain to a ledge, where there sits an old man with a sword in his lap. The young man says, "I seek the greatest swordsman in the world."
Without a word, the old man draws his sword and flicks it in the air at a passing fly. The fly falls to the ground in two pieces.
The young man says, "Surely you are the greatest swordsman in the world."
The old man says, "No. Further up the mountain is a swordsman greater than I."
So the young man climbs up the mountain to another ledge where there sits an even older man with a sword in his lap.
The young man says, "I seek the greatest swordsman in the world."
Without a word, the old man draws his sword and flicks it in the air at a passing fly. The fly falls to the ground in three pieces.
The young man says, "Surely you are the greatest swordsman in the world."
The old man says, "No. At the top of this mountain is the greatest swordsman."
So the young man climbs up to the top of the mountain, where there sits an even older man with a sword in his lap.
The young man says, "I seek the greatest swordsman in the world."
Without a word, the old man draws his sword and flicks it in the air at a passing fly. The fly buzzes away.
"What's going on," the young man yells. "I thought you were supposed to be the greatest swordsman in the world. You couldn't even kill that fly."
"No," the old man says. "That fly is not dead. But that fly will never again father children."

A man climbed a mountain for the first time...

and he wanted to know how long it would take for an object to fall down a cliff. He threw a pebble. It didn't make a sound. He looked for a bigger object, and threw a fist-sized rock. It too, refused to make a sound. He looked around for a bigger object. The man saw a steel pillar. He threw that off the cliff. Then a goat jumped off the cliff after the pillar. The man was confused. He was analyzing the situation when a farmer came by.
"Hi," said the farmer. "Have you seen my goat anywhere?"
The man replied, "I did see a goat; but it jumped off the cliff."
The farmer exhaled in relief. "That's not my goat," he said. "My goat was tied to a steel pillar."

A man wants to be an Eskimo...

He meets with the chief and asks him what it would take to become an Eskimo. The chief, wary of letting a white man into his clan, devises a series of impossible challenges. He says, "If you truly want to become part of our Eskimo family, you must do three things:
1) You must drink one gallon of 151 r**..., and if you can handle it and maintain all of your faculties, we will know your body and spirit are in harmony.
2) You must climb up the tall mountain and kill the polar bear that resides in the cave at the summit.
3) To show your true love for our race, you must make love to an Eskimo woman of my choosing."
The man thinks for a while, and agrees to complete the challenges. He first drinks the gallon of 151 and it was like nothing ever happened to him. He can talk, walk, and think logically. Next, he ascends the mountain and is not seen for a few hours after entering the cave. The chief breathes a sigh of relief, because he is sure the polar bear killed him, but gets the shock of his life when he sees the man descending the mountain. He is in tatters. His clothes are ripped, he is breathing heavily and sweating profusely, and his hair is pointing in every direction.
He approaches the chief, ready for the third challenge and asks, "Alright, now who is this woman you want me to kill?"

Michigan jokes

So a michigan state fan, university of michigan fan, notre dame fan, and a penn state fan are all climbing up a mountain. As they were climbing they began to argue over who had the most school spirit. As they reached the top the penn state fan wants to show that he has the most school spirit so jumps off the mountain yelling "this is for the nitany lions". Not wanting to be outdone the notre dame fan jumps off saying "this is for the fighting irish". Then the michigan state fan, not wanting to be outdone, yells "this is for the spartans" and pushes the michigan fan off the mountain.

A black man and a white man are arguing about whether God is black or white

They decided to climb to the top of the tallest mountain and call out to God with the hopes of getting a response.
"God! Are you white or black?"
"I am who I am!" comes a booming response.
"See," says the white guy. "He is white!"
"Why would you assume that?!" asks the black guy. "He could just as easily be black!"
"If he was black, he would say, 'I is who I is."

Is god Black or white?

A black guy and white guy are arguing over whether God is
black or white. They cannot agree and finally decide to
fly to Israel, climb the highest mountain and shout the
question to God. After they arrive and reach the summit
of the holiest mountain, the white guy shouts out, "God,
what are you, black or white?"
Soon, dark clouds gather, the wind picks up, lightning is
flashing and this thundering voice replies: "I am what I
am."
The white guy turns to the black and says, "See, I told
you He was white."
"How do you know?" asks the black.
"Because," says the white guy, "If He was black, He would
have said "I is what I is.""

Downhill Skiing

3 rock climbers (Bob, Tim, Jack) were attempting to climb Everest. In a freak accident, Bob and Tim lost all of their supplies. Unable to progress any further, they decide to make camp and share jack's supplies. The three of them slept side to side, with bob and Tim on either side of jack. In the morning, as they made their way down the mountain, bob was telling the other two about his dream last night. Bob said, "man I dreamt this buxom blonde gave me a vigorous h**... last night." Tim chuckled and said " I dreamt I was getting a h**... from a beautiful woman as well." Jack merely shrugged and said " I dreamed I was downhill skiing."

Two men are climbing a mountain. One of them slips and falls.

"Oh my god are you alive?!? Can you hear me?!?"
-- "Yes, I'm alive."
"Did you break your legs?"
-- "No, my legs are fine."
"Did you break your arms?
-- "No, they're OK."
"Well, thank goodness, climb back up!"
-- "I can't."
"Why not?"
-- "I'm still falling."

Two friends were climbing a mountain

When suddenly one of them took a false step and fell from the top, disappearing from the other's sight.
As they were equipped with radio equipment, the other tried to contact him immediately with his, "Well, well, are you okay?"
"I'm fine!"
The friend sighed in relief, and kept asking, "Do you have a fracture?"
"No, none!"
"Then go back up and I'll wait for you here."
"Sure, as soon as I get to the bottooooooom!"