Mount Jokes
147 mount jokes and hilarious mount puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about mount that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
This article will explore the funniest mount jokes about famous mountain peaks like Mount Rushmore, Mount Everest, Mount Kilimanjaro, Mount Vesuvius, Mount Fuji, Mount Snowdon, and Mount St. Helens. Learn why Elijah decided not to climb Everest and more amazing mount jokes, sure to make you laugh!
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Funniest Mount Short Jokes
Short mount jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The mount humour may include short mast jokes also.
- Bumblebees can fly higher than mount Everest Kinda obvious. Considering mount Everest can't fly
- Trump reportedly asked to be added to Mount Rushmore Turns out granite isn't a dense enough material to represent him
- I think my friend is lying when he claimed he reached the top of Mount Everest last year. I'm not sure if…he made it up.
- In the old West, a lantern was often mounted on a horse for night time travel.... It was thought to be the first generation of 'Saddle-Light-Navigation'.
- I feel bad for the people that have climbed Mount Everest. Their lives have been downhill ever since.
- What do you call a rock group of 4 men who don't sing or play music? Mount Rushmore.
^^Or ^^nickelback. ^^I'm ^^so ^^sorry. - I told a salesman I desperately needed a new TV. "Do you plan on mounting it?" he asked.
"No," I said. "I'm not *that* desperate." - Pieces of cooked meat have been found on mount Everest recently... The steaks have never been higher.
- Chuck Norris They wanted to add Chuck Norris' face to Mount Rushmore, but the granite is not hard enough for his beard.
- Today my 10 year old daughter referred to the pile of dirty laundry that my wife is doing as. Mount Wash More.
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Mount One Liners
Which mount one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with mount? I can suggest the ones about anchor and mute.
- What rock group has four men that don't sing? Mount Rushmore.
- Have you seen Mount Rushmore before it was carved? It was unprecedented.
- What do you call a camera mounted on a ISIS-truck? a daeshcam
- Why did Popeye beat up the pope? He heard he was going to Mount Olive
- The taxidermist mounted the wrong end of my prize lion on the wall. It's a catastrophe!
- What do you call a mountain of puns? Mount Cleverest
- My roommate mounted a dart board on the ceiling. It made me throw up.
- What's a prostitutes favorite soda? Mount-and-do
- Did I ever tell you the story about the time I climbed Mount Everest? I made it up.
- What do Mount Everest and The Sixth Sense have in common? They both have icy dead people.
- What do The Sixth Sense and Mount Everest have in common? Icy dead people!
- What do you call a mountain that you've never climbed. Mount neverest
- Moses went to Mount Olive. Popeye was furious.
- (Offensive) Old enough to count... Old enough to mount ;)
- Oh, you want to climb to the top of Mount Everest? Did it PEAK your interest?
Mount Everest Jokes
Here is a list of funny mount everest jokes and even better mount everest puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- What did the mountain climber name his horse? Everest. Any time he is bored I see him Mount Everest.
- My Pa said he would accompany me when I told him I was going to climb Mount Everest. I said Are you surePa?
- I hear the view from Mount Everest is breathtaking... literally.
- An avalanche has started on Mount Everest that threatens to wipe out 20% of its surrounding area. This is snow joke.
- I finally reached the Top of Mount Everest! But things went really downhill from there...
- Many people daydream about being on the top of Mount Everest, It turns out they're already super high.
- Why do so many die on Mount Everest? Many never reached peak performance.
- A Pokemon GO player climbed to the summit of mount Everest... ...convinced that he would could catch a rare Pokemon. All he caught was a cold. It stared with a peak achoo.
- Why was the man with size four shoes turned away from Mount Everest? Because climbing Mount Everest is no small feat
- Finally reached the top of Mount Everest in 15 days That's my Peak Performance!
Mount Rushmore Jokes
Here is a list of funny mount rushmore jokes and even better mount rushmore puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Obama was offered to get his face carved into Mount Rushmore But he declined. He didn't want to get ahead of himself.
- If you blew up Mount Rushmore, what crime would you have committed? Four counts of defacing a national monument.
- What makes people fall in love with Mount Rushmore? It's the men with all the chiseled features.
- What do you call four rock-hard dudes chilling next to each other? Mount Rushmore
- Today I saw a rock group, but none of the 4 members sang Mount Rushmore was kinda disappointing
- Who sculpted Mount Rushmore? George Washington Carver.
- If the United States put Trump on Mount Rushmore, It'll be "huge".
- There were talks about adding Trumps' head to Mount Rushmore. But they couldn't find rock that was thick enough.
- Apparently there was a Problem with a request to put Trump's Face on Mount Rushmore It seems granite isn't a dense enough substance to accurately portray his head
- They found four bodies in Mount Rushmore today... Turns out the presidents can walk.
Laughable Mount Jokes for Instant Grins & Giggles
What funny jokes about mount you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean vent jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make mount pranks.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
"Alright guys, we have lots of pictures to mount before the art gallery tonight. Like I said in the email, we'll have to use these adhesive hooks. Under no circumstances will you p**... the wall with nails or screws. Tim, I've noticed you've already hung one picture. Great job.
Tim (hiding his drill and muttering under his breath): welp.. I s**... that up.
I would look more like a mountain..
if I were so inclined.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Why do programmers like UNIX?
unzip, s**..., touch, finger, grep, mount, fsck, more, yes, fsck, fsck, fsck, umount, sleep
A computer joke...
I hear they make gender-specific versions of ActiveX now: ActiveXX and ActiveXY. Unfortunately, ActiveXX overflows for a few days every month and ActiveXY constantly tries to mount drives it shouldn't.
A lady goes to the store to buy a hook
..to mount on a wall to hang her coat. She walks up to the counter with it but doesn't have a screw to mount it to the wall. The checkout guy says "do you want a screw for the hook? She answers ""No but I'll blow you for that toaster."
(A version of an old Andrew Dice Clay joke)
What did the little mountain say to the big mountain?
"Hi, Cliff "
I'm seeing a lot of blonde jokes, so here's mine.
A brunette, a redhead, and a blonde were talking about their boyfriends and decided they wanted to give them nicknames.
The brunette says, "I'll name mine 7-Up because he is 7 inches and always up for me."
The redhead says, "I'll name mine Mountain Dew because he always wants to mount and dew me."
The blonde thinks for a moment and says, "I'll name my boyfriend Jack Daniels. He's a hard liquor."
Why were the mountain climber's parents disappointed in him?
He was always high! ^(I'm sorry)
What is a mountain climber's favorite drink?
Anything on the rocks.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Baby, I hope you are an ISO file
cuz I wanna mount you.
What do Mountain folk do on Halloween?
Pumpkin.
Taxidermist walks into a bar...
A man walks into a bar in Alabama and orders a cosmopolitan. The bartender looks at the man and says, "You're not from 'round here are ya?"
"No" replies the man, "I'm from New Hampshire." The bartender looks at him and says, "Well what do you do in New Hampshire?"
"I'm a taxidermist," says the man. The bartender looks bewildered, so the man explains, "I mount dead animals."
The bartender stands back and hollers to the whole bar, "It's OK, boys! He's one of us!"
A mountain was next to another mountain..
An earthquake happens and one of the mountains say..
"It wasn't my fault!"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
(AP) New York - A baby delivered without eyelids had surgery today at Mount Sinai Hospital in Manhattan, NY. Doctors successfully removed the child's f**... and were able to use the tissue to successfully form eyelids. Doctors said the child will be fine.
Just a little cockeyed.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
b**... vs. Mount Everest
What does getting a b**... from a 70 year old woman and jumping down from Mount Everest have in common?
You don't dare to look down, but you feel the rush.
Why don't mountains get cold?
They wear snow caps. *cringe*
^Courtesy ^of ^Westjet's ^horrible ^phone ^line.
Why are mountains so funny?
Because they are hill areas.
I'll show myself out
I caught a big fish!
I was going to mount it, but there were people around!
Source: Emo Philips
The night before the wedding
The bride-to-be and her bridesmaids were giggling over tequila and strawberry daiquiris at the bachelorette party. The maid of honor started a game of truth or dare.
"If your boyfriend were a soda, what would he be?" she slurred at the other bridesmaid.
"7-Up, because he's got seven inches and he can keep it up. What about you?"
"Mountain Dew. He knows how to mount and do me. And what about the future Mrs. Johnson? What kind of soda is Matt?"
"Jack Daniels," said the bride proudly.
"But that's not a soda! Jack Daniels is a hard liquor!" protested her friends.
The bride looked at them and said, "Girls, why do you think I'm marrying him?"
What did one mountain say to the other?
We're best friends for everest
Why don't mountains get cold in the winter?
They wear snowcaps.
The mountain gazelle is said to have the ability to jump higher than the average house
Considering houses don't jump
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I learned a very important lesson at Mount Rushmore.
The best presidents were s**....
Why did the mountain day dream?
Because he had his head in the clouds.
What did the Pompeiians say to Mount Vesuvius?
You ruined everything
If you must go up a mountain...
...ride a donkey, but I wouldn't recommend going down on it.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What did one mountain say to the other mountain?
Nothing. They were both s**....
I don't know what to think of mountain-climbing.
It has it's ups and downs.
Why did the mountain have trouble in class?
Because there was a steep learning curve.
Who went to Mount Olive?
A Sunday School teacher asks "Who went to Mount Olive?"
From the back of the class, a voice responds, "Popeye!"
Why are most mountain climbers hippies?
Because scalars have no direction
(OC, as far as I know)
In which mountain range do fruit trees primarily grow?
The Apple-achian mountains.
What do mountains wear when it's cold?
Icecaps
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Why do mountains always laugh at themselves?
Because they're hill-areas
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
How to tell whether someone is an idiot
Doctor, how can you tell whether someone is an idiot, even if he looks normal to you?
For that, we have special questions.
Can you name an example?
Mountaineer Brown climbed Mount Everest three times but he was killed during one of these ascents. Can you tell me which one?
But doctor, that surely won't work for people like me who know nothing about mountaineering.
I went fishing recently and caught a 20lb sea bass. I tried to mount it
But I was arrested for indecent exposure.
Why was the mountain stream laughing?
Because it's banks were hill-areas...
My mountain climbing partner's last words were wasted on giving me advice about toys I don't even have.
"DON'T LEGO."
Odd.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Tell me girl, do you like soda?
Because I'd mount 'n do you. ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)
A friend of mine said he was going to Mount Isa...
...I said he should get to know her as a friend, first.
Welsh pub
One day a man walked into a pub in Wales and ordered a pint of beer.
All the other men in the bar looked at him and the bartender asked, "You're not from around here, are you lad?"
"No," replied the man, "I'm from London."
"So, boyo," said the bartender, "What do you do for a living then?"
"I'm a taxidermist." Replied the man.
"A taxidermist?" asked the barman, "What's one of them do?"
"Well," replied the man, "I mount animals."
The bartender then turned to all the other welshmen in the bar and said, "It's o.k. lads, he's one of us!"
An old mountaineer and his ex-wife...
were fighting over custody of their kids. The mother protested that since she brought her kids into this world, she should retain custody of them. The judge asked the old mountaineer for his side of the story. After a long moment of silence, the mountaineer rose from his chair and asked, "Judge, when I put a quarter in a candy machine and a candy bar comes out, does it belong to me or the machine?"
How did Gandlaf know that Frodo would take the ring to Mount Doom?
coz Elijah Would
How do mountains see?
They peak.
Mount Vernon?
I mean, shouldn't we ask Vernon if that's okay first?
If my wiener was a mountain...
It be Mount Saint Helens
What are restaurants in Nepal called?
Mount Everestaurant.
Up the mountain, a japanese asked the wise man: "Master Akira, why every western man thinks that we, japanese, all look alike?"
"I am not Master Akira."
What mountaintop is infamous for making climbers disappear?
\- Peak Aboo.
And which one gives them a flu?
\- Peak Achoo.
I saw a mountain lion the other day.
Almost made me puma pants.
3 Mountain Men Are Sitting in a Bar Trying to decide What to Name Their Newly Settled Land
They throw all the letters of the alphabet into a hat and draw them out one at at a time.
The first draws, "'C', eh."
The second, "'N', eh."
The third, "'D', eh."
What do mountains do at dinner time?
They avalunch.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
You know that you're at the highest point in your life...
...when you're smoking w**... on Mount Everest.
What did Zeus pick as Mount Olympus' national anthem?
Greeced Lightning.
Why are mountains always tired?
Because they don't Everest.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Two cowboys are out on the range talking about their favorite s**... position.
One says, "I think I enjoy the rodeo position the best." "I don't think I have ever heard of that one," says the other cowboy. "What is it?" "Well, it's where you get your girl down on all four, and you mount her from behind. Then you reach around, cup her t*ts, and whisper in her ear, 'boy these feel almost as nice as your sisters.' Then you try and hold on for 30 seconds."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A guy walks into a r**... bar.
A guy walks into a r**... bar and orders a glass of wine. Everyone sitting around the bar looks up expecting to see some flamboyant Yankee. The bartender eyes him suspiciously and asks, "You ain't from around here, are you?"
"No sir," the guy says, "I'm from North Dakota."
"North Dakota?" the bartender asks. "What the h**... you do in North Dakota?"
"I'm a taxidermist," the guy replies.
"A taxidermist, what the h**... is that?" the bartender asks.
The guy says nervously, "Um, I mount dead animals."
The bartender smiles and shouts out to the whole bar, "It's okay fellas, he's one of us!"
