Motorway Jokes
36 motorway jokes and hilarious motorway puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about motorway that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
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Funniest Motorway Short Jokes
Short motorway jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The motorway humour may include short highway jokes also.
- I just saw a bmw driver using his indicators correctly on the motorway. Twice. Should I report the vehicle as stolen?
- A truck loaded with Vicks VapoRub overturns on the motorway... Police confirms there will be no congestion for eight hours.
- News just in, a lorry carrying onions has sheded its load all over the M1 motorway. Motorists are advised to find a hard shoulder to cry on
- "There's a woman trapped under a motorway bridge in Italy." "Genoa?"
"I'm not sure, I can't see her face." - A coach full of musicians has broken down on the motorway Police have said to expect some lengthy jams
- I got pulled over for speeding on the Motorway last week... The officer didn't seem to pleased when I told him I was trying to get back to 1955
- Daniel said his mother had one foot in the grave The other one had proved to difficult for workers to scrape off the motorway
- John on the motorway His phone rings:
- Darling, be careful as I heard on the news there's a mad man driving on the wrong side of the road.
-A mad man? There's hundred s of them - My wife was fuming just because I was teaching my son how to ride his bike. "Across the motorway doesn't count," she yelled.
- 2 dyslexic men driving along the motorway The driver says to the passenger: "can you smell petrol?"
The passenger says: "smell petrol? I can hardly smell my own name"
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Motorway One Liners
Which motorway one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with motorway? I can suggest the ones about roadside and lane highway.
- A van carrying snooker equipment has crashed in the motorway Queues on both sides.
- What do you get when crossing the Queen and Prince Philip? Killed in a motorway tunnel
- I spotted a Marmite van on the motorway. It was heading yeastbound.
- Were you born on a motorway? cause that's where accidents happen.
- What do you call a man walking down the motorway? Carlos.
- If there's one thing I love about Scotland.... It's the M6 motorway back to England.
- What did the busy motorway tell the other motorway? I'm feeling a bit congested today.
- What do you get if you cross a motorway with a flock of sheep? A flock of dead sheep
Hilarious Motorway Jokes that Bring Laughter with Friends
What funny jokes about motorway you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean side road jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make motorway pranks.
Putin is held hostage by a t**....
A Russian truckdriver stops at the back of a long queue on the motorway. He sees a policeman walking down the line of stopped cars to briefly talk to the drivers. As the policeman approaches the truck, the truckdriver rolls down his window and asks:
Driver: What's going on?
Policeman: A t**... is holding Putin hostage in a car. He's demanding 10 mill rubles, or he'll douse Putin in petrol and set him on fire. So we're asking drivers for donations.
Driver: Oh, ok. How much do people donate on average.
Policeman: About a gallon.
An elderly man was driving his car down the motorway..
An elderly man was driving his car down the motorway when his mobile phone rang.
Answering, he heard his wife's voice urgently warning him, "George, I just heard on the news that there's a car going the wrong way on the M40. Please be careful!"
"It's not just one car," said George. "It's hundreds of them!"
I was driving down the motorway with my blonde girlfriend the other day and she said,
"I think those people in the car next to us are from another country"
"why is that?" I said
"Well, the kids are writing on the window and it says, 'stit rey su wohs'"
A man called his wife while she was driving to warn her.
He said 'Honey, be careful. I turned on the news and there's a car going the wrong way on the motorway.'
She says 'Oh, not just one car - it's all of them!
A report came on the news that a maniac was driving the wrong way down the motorway.
I thought I had better give my grandad, who was visiting me, a call and warn him.
He said, "There's not just one, there's hundreds of them."
A man was driving along the motorway
When all of a sudden, he sees two crisps (potato chips) walking along the side of the road.
Perplexed by this and concerned for their safety he leans out and shouts "Hey! You two want a lift anywhere?", to which the crisps stopped and replied "No thanks mate, we're Walkers".
First day driving on your own
It's a joung guy's first ever drive on his own after getting his licence.
He is driving on the motorway when his Mum calls him and say:"honey be careful, I heard on the radio that an idiot is driving on the wrong side of the road!", and he replies:" are you sure it's just one idiot, becose it looks like everyone is"
Couple police jokes
1) A hole has opened up on the motorway, the police are looking into it.
2) Someone has stolen the toilets at the police station, the police have nothing to go on.
3) A lorry carrying hair gel has tipped under suspicious cirumstances, over scattering it's content all over the road. The police are combing the area.
Wife calls husband about major traffic incident
A wife calls her husband whilst he is driving and says be careful I've just heard a traffic report about a car going the wrong way on the motorway! And the husband gets confused and asks one car? There's hundreds!
Pull over
An old woman was driving and knitting on the motorway. She was serving across the lanes when a police car overtook her flashing all the lights.
As it drew level a policeman wound down his window and shouted to her "Pull over!".
"No" she shouted back. "Pair of socks!"
The local radio station reports that there's a driver going the wrong way on the motorway
The man decides to call his gf to warn her about it
I know, but it's not just one she says there's hundreds
An old lady is driving on the motorway...
when a cop drives by and sees that she is knitting whilst driving. So the cop trying to stop this madness realizes he needs to do something. So he shouts over to the lady "Pullover!"
The old woman replies "No, its a cardigan!"
I was driving down the motorway with my girlfriend
I was driving down the motorway with my girlfriend the other day and she piped up,
"I think those people in the car next to us are from another country"
"why is that?" I said
"Well, the kids are writing on the window and it says, 'stit rey su wohs'"
An electron is breaking the speed limit going along a motorway...
...when he is pulled over by a Proton. Proton: do you know how fast you were going?
Electron: yes, but now I have no clue as to where I am.
