Motorcycle Jokes

144 motorcycle jokes and hilarious motorcycle puns to laugh out loud. Read vehicle jokes about motorcycle that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

This is a page about motorcycle jokes. If you are looking for a laugh, then this is the place for you. These jokes are about motorcycles, riders, and anything else that has to do with motorcycles.

Quick Jump To

Funniest Motorcycle Short Jokes

Short motorcycle jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The motorcycle humour may include short motorbike jokes also.

  1. What do you call a motorcycle gang made up of ancient bisexual Norse monarchs? The bikings.
  2. I just got a wooden motorcycle. It has a wooden frame, wooden handle bars, wooden wheels, and a wooden seat. Guess what? It wooden start.
  3. Beware of a new E-bay scam I ordered my wife some expensive jewelry and they sent me motorcycle parts
  4. Sean Connery: A Man Who Conquers All *obviously, this is read in the man's grizzled voice*
    What's the difference between your mother and a motorcycle?
    When I ride a motorcycle... I wear protection.
  5. I can't think of a time when I lost my toupee while riding a motorcycle. At least not right off the top of my head.
  6. Whats an alcoholic motorcycle's favorite drink? RUUUMrumrumrumrumrumrumRUMRUUUUMMMrumrumrum
  7. A pickpocket is a victim of a motorcycle hit-and-run. A police officer comes to his aid.
    "Do you remember his license plate?" he asks.
    "No" says the pickpocket weakly, "but here's his wallet."
  8. What's the difference between a vaccuum and a Harley motorcycle? The vaccuum carries its dirt bag on the inside.
  9. What is the difference between an angel of love jumping a motorcycle through a ring of fire and a Karen? One is a cupid stunt and the others a....
  10. What's the funniest motorcycle? A Yama-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha.... :)
    ^^^I'll ^^^show ^^^myself ^^^out...

Share These Motorcycle Jokes With Friends

Motorcycle One Liners

Which motorcycle one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with motorcycle? I can suggest the ones about bicycle and moped.

  1. Why are cars faster than motorcycles? Because motorcycles are two tired.
  2. Friends are like motorcycles... 'Cause I wish I had a motorcycle
  3. Why was the motorcycle going so slow? Because it was two tired!
  4. What do you call a laughing motorcycle? a Yamahahahaha
  5. What kind of motorcycle has the best sense of humor? Yamahahaha
  6. Why do motorcycles fall over? Because they're too tired.
    (Told to me by my 5 year old).
  7. Why can't the motorcycle get up on its own? It's two tired.
  8. Why won't my motorcycle run? Because it's two tired.
  9. Why did the motorcycle stay at home? It was two-tired
  10. Why couldn't the motorcycle make it home? Because it was two tired.
  11. I don't snore, I dream I'm a motorcycle. And that's why I wake up exhausted.
  12. Motorcycles are fast... ...despite being both two tired and exhausted.
  13. I would love to buy a Harley Davidson motorcycle... But I can't afford all the shirts.
  14. Did you hear about the mute motorcycle gang? They don't answer to nobody.
  15. Why can't motorcycles go faster? They're two tired.

Riding Motorcycle Jokes

Here is a list of funny riding motorcycle jokes and even better riding motorcycle puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • What do you call a group of Norwegian monarchs who ride motorcycles and enjoy both men and women? The Bikings.
  • A man made a motorcycle completely out of wood It had a wooden engine, a wooden frame, wooden tires, wooden gas tank, everything was wood.
    But did he ride it?
    No, wooden start....
  • what's the difference between your first motorcycle and you first girlfriend? Nothing, it doesn't matter what either of them look like, you're just happy to have something to ride.
  • Mopeds are for men who want to ride motorcycles but prefer to feel the wind on their vaginas
  • Stormtrooper helmets I would wear a stormtrooper helmet everytime I went for a ride on a motorcycle to avoid HITTING anything.
  • What do you call a medieval ruler who frequently says farewell, is attracted to both genders, rides a motorcycle, and originates from Scandinavia? A biking
  • Why didn't the motorcycle want to go for a ride? It was two tired...
  • Motorcycle will last you a lifetime if you ride it fast enough.
  • A doctor from the morgue calls the local dealership: "How many motorcycles did you sell today?" "Four." "Oh, looks like one is still riding"
  • Why does the Undertaker ride his motorcycle slowly? Because he's an Undertaker not an Overtaker!
Motorcycle joke, Why does the Undertaker ride his motorcycle slowly?

Charming Humor Motorcycle Jokes with Loads of Fun

What funny jokes about motorcycle you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean bike jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make motorcycle pranks.

Three men die, and go to the pearly gates...

St. Peter walks up to the firsts, and he says: "You have lived a good life, but you have cheated on your wife many times. Confess here before your friends, and you will be allowed into heaven."
The man says: "I slept with a different woman every week of my ten-year marriage. I beg for forgiveness."
St. Peter forgives him, and gives him a bicycle. He tells him that he must travel for a thousand miles as penance, and think about his sin.
The second man says:"I was married for five years, and I slept with a different woman as a lover each year. I beg for forgiveness."
St. Peter forgives him, and gives him a motorcycle. He tells him that he must travel for a thousand miles as penance, and think about his sin.
The third man says: "I was married for a month, and stayed faithful throughout. Then my wife died, so I committed s**... so I may be with her."
St. Peter tells him: "I know. Follow me." He then leads him to a helicopter, and tells him to enjoy the ride. The man soon enough passes the other two men, who see him land a short distance away. They eventually catch up to him, and see he is crying.
The first two men ask him: "Why are you crying? You have no sins to atone for!"
The third says: "I just saw my wife... She was skateboarding."

The Rabbit, The bear, and The genie.

A bear is chasing a rabbit through the woods. The rabbit trips on a glistening metal object. The bear quickly picks up the object which appears to be a silver oil lamp.
A genie appeared forth.
The genie looked at the bear then the rabbit, then back at the bear.
"Alright, which of you schmucks freed me?"
"Me" the bear and rabbit said simultaneously.
The genie looked at the rabbit, then back at the bear. "Alright, I'm in a good mood, so you both get three wishes. Who's going first?"
The bear volunteered. "I wish all the other bears in this forest were female" He said.
"I wish I had a motorcycle" said the rabbit.
"Done and done" said the genie. Next wish?
The bear got a dumb smile and said "I wish all the other bears in the surrounding forests were female."
The rabbit hopped on the motorcycle. "I wish I was wearing a helmet"
"Alright. easy enough."
The bear a grin across his face yelled "I wish all the other bears in the world were female!"
The rabbit revved the engine, put on some goggles and as he sped away yelled "I wish the bear was gay!"

Why did the motorcycle fall asleep?

It was two-tired.

An Arab Sheik was admitted to Hospital for heart surgery.

But prior to the surgery, the doctors needed to store his blood in case a need arose.
As the gentleman had a rare type of blood, it couldn't be found locally, so the call went out.
Finally a Scotsman was located who had a similar blood type. The Scot willingly donated his blood for the Arab.
After the surgery, the Arab sent the Scotsman as appreciation for giving his blood, a new BMW motorcycle, diamonds and a substantial sum of money.
A couple of days later, the Arab had to go through a corrective surgery.
His doctor telephoned the Scotsman who was more than happy to donate his blood again.
After the second surgery, the Arab sent the Scotsman a thank-you card and a box of Quality Street chocolates.
The Scotsman was shocked that the Arab did not reciprocate his kind gesture as he had anticipated.
He phoned the Arab and asked him: "I thought you would be generous again, that you would give me another motorcycle, diamonds & money... but you only gave me a thank-you card & a box of Quality Street chocolates."
To this the Arab replied: "Aye laddie, but I now have Scottish blood in ma veins".

A bear is chasing a mouse through the woods..

When suddenly a genie appears. The mouse and bear stop dead in their tracks, perplexed at the genie's appearance. The genie offers to give both the bear and mouse three wishes. The bear, not hesitating, goes first; "I wish all the bears in these woods were female." The genie laughs and moves onto the mouse. "I wish for a motorcycle." The genie nods and moves back to the bear. "I wish all the bears in the world were female." The genie laughs again. The mouse asks for a motorcycle helmet. The genie gives it to the mouse and looks at the bear one last time. "I wish all the female bears wanted me." The genie goes, "My man!" and looks to the mouse for his final wish. The mouse gets on his motorcycle, starts it up, puts his helmet on and says, "I wish the bear was gay." and the mouse zooms off.

Old man driving alone

An old man is driving along the road humming to himself.
Suddenly he hears a police siren and a motorcycle cop pulls him over.
He can't imagine what could be wrong.
"Sir, do you realize that you left your wife behind in the gas station?"
"I did? I am so relieved."
"You're relieved you drove off without your wife?"
The gent nods.
"But didn't you sense something was wrong?"
"Yes, I thought I'd gone deaf."


An australian tourist flies to america. He is unpacking his bags in a hotel, rents a motorcycle and start driving. He goes 70MPH in a 40MPH speed limit roas, whan a cup is telling him to pull over. The police officer yells at him: "What is wrong with you, man?!?! Did you came here to die?!"
"No," the tourist said, "I came here yesterday"

What do you get when you mix a bush and a motorcycle?

A hedgehog

Me and my friend were riding on my motorcycle...

... on a particularly windy day when we saw a cyclist in front of us, pedaling in the middle of the road,
with a car honking furiously behind him...
So we drove over and asked the guy "Why don't you move to the side and let the car overtake you?"
The guy replied "I am trying!!!"

Why did the motorcycle suddenly stop running?

Because it was two tired.

My girlfriend is like a motorcycle

I dont have a motorcycle

When that guy has s**... with his wife on a motorcycle he's "cool."

When I do it I'm "absconding with the cadaver."

What do you call a Jamaican motorcycle?

Bob Harley

I had a dog that always used to chase people on motorcycles

In the end I had to take the keys off him

A guy calls 911 and says: "I hit a pig on the side of the highway, what do I do?"

The operator replies: "If it's still alive, put it out of its misery."
The operator hears a gunshot and then the man comes back on the phone.
"Done, now what do I do with his motorcycle?"

What is globalization?

Question : What is globalization?
Answer : Princess Diana's death
Question : How come?
Answer :
An English princess with an
Egyptian boyfriend crashes in a
French tunnel, driving a
German car with a
Dutch engine, driven by a
Belgian who was high on
Scottish whiskey, followed closely by
Italian Paparazzi, on
Japanese motorcycles, treated by an
American doctor, using
Brazilian medicines!
And this is sent to you by a
Canadian, using
Bill Gates' technology which he got from the
And you are probably reading this on
one of the IBM clones that use
Philippine-made chips, and
Korean made monitors, assembled by Bangladeshi
workers in a Singapore plant, transported by lorries
driven by Indians, hijacked by Indonesians and finally
sold to you by a Chinese!

When I graduated high school I wanted to buy a motorcycle..

When I finished high school I wanted to take all my graduation money and buy myself a motorcycle. But my mom said no. See, she had an uncle who died in a horrible motorcycle accident when he was 18. And I could just have his motorcycle. - Anthony Jeselnik

My dad just lost his leg in a motorcycle accident

Now his feet only smell half as bad.

What's the difference between a vacuum cleaner and a lawyer on a motorcycle?

The vacuum cleaner has the dirtbag on the inside.

"I hate being half bicycle, half motorcycle"

he moped

Biker mimes

If a group of mimes forms a motorcycle gang....
Do they have to drive electric bikes?

In the motorcycle safety course they tell you that target fixation is bad, where your eyes are looking is where you usually end up.

Must be why I keep running over female joggers.

Why kind of motorcycles do cows ride?


How does the motorcycle of a Ku Klux k**... member sounds like?


When I finished high school I wanted to take all my graduation money and buy myself a motorcycle. But my mom said no.

See, she had a brother who died in a horrible motorcycle accident when he was 18, and I could just have his motorcycle.

Did you hear about the ancient bisexual motorcycle gang made up of Norse monarchs?

They're called the bi-kings

Why did Simba buy a motorcycle?

So he could mufasa.

What is a Jewish man's favorite motorcycle?

A Yamaka

What is a Jewish guys favorite motorcycle brand?


Riding a motorcycle is like having s**... without a c**....

It does feel great at the time, but if you make a mistake it's really really bad.

Two w**... were riding a motorcycle....

... When suddenly your mom fell off

A policeman on a motorcycle pulls over a car.

'What's up?' says the driver.
'Your wife fell out the passenger door three miles back,' says the policeman.
'Thank goodness for that,' says the driver. 'I thought I'd gone deaf.'

What does a non-moving cat and a motorcycle traveling at 80mph have in common?

They make the same sound.

Warnings about motorcycles

Every time people find out I drive a motorcycle they always freak out and tell me about sometime someone they know got in an accident.
I don't get it.
I don't go around telling pregnant women that my dad left

What does a motorcycle and the government have it common?

Once you have more power, you can't go back.

Two priests were riding very fast on a motorcycle.

They were promptly stopped by a policeman who said, What do you think you are doing?
What if you have an accident?
The priests say, Don't worry, my son. God is with us.
The policeman says, In that case, I have to book you. Three people are not allowed to ride on a motorcycle.

Three guys are on a motorcycle. The guy in the middle is a stutterer.

All of a sudden the stutterer says: "F-f-f-f-f-"
Driver: Faster?
Stutterer: F-f-f-f-f-f-f
Driver: "You want me to go faster?"
Stutterer: "F-f-f-f-f-f"
Driver: I can't go any faster.
Stutterer: F-f-f-f Frank f-f-f-f-fell off.

There are several types of vests designed to protect a person...

There's Life Vests - designed to protect a person from drowning.
There's Bullet Proof Vests - designed to protect a person from bullets.
There's High Visibility Safety Vests - designed to protect a person from getting hit while near traffic.
There's Leather Vests - designed to protect a person from road rash when laying down their motorcycle.
And there's Sweater Vests - designed to protect a person from women.

A teenage girl brought her new boyfriend home to meet her parents.

They were appalled by his leather jacket, motorcycle boots, tattoos, and pierced nose. Later, the parents pulled their daughter aside and confessed their concern. "Dear," the mother said, "he doesn't seem very nice."
"Oh please, Mom," the daughter replied. "If he wasn't nice, why would he be doing 200 hours of community service?"

What do you call a sad motorcycle?

A moped

A genie grants a Bear and a Squirrel each 3 wishes.

Wish 1: The Bear wishes that every bear in the world would become female.
Wish 1: The squirrel wishes for a motorcycle he can ride.
Wish 2: The Bear wishes that every female bear in the world would fall in love with him.
Wish 2: The Squirrel wishes for a helmet.
Wish 3: The Bear wishes that none of the female bears ever wanted to get married.
Wish 3: The Squirrel wishes the Bear was gay.

I wanted to buy a motorcycle

But I'm too tired to do it.

What is the most important part of an Indian Motorcycle?

The i**...

A friend tried to get me to wear jeans, a white t shirt, and a motorcycle jacket - but I said no.

It sounded like a Fonzie scheme.

Did you hear about the robot that looks eerily like Evil Knievel?

He's doing a motorcycle jump over the uncanny valley.

What's the Difference between a Harley Davidson Motorcycle and a Hoover vacuum?

The Hoover vacuum only carries one dirt bag.

This guy walks in a Toy R Us to buy a Barbie for his daughter's birthday.

First Barbie he sees: Barbie with ski set: 29.99
Second Barbie that caught his attention: Barbie on a motorcycle: 34:99
Third Barbie he sees: Divorced Barbie: 249.99
So he go and asks an employee why is the Divorced Barbie so expencive.
The employee replies: That's because this set comes with Ken's car, Ken's motorcycle, Ken's boat and Ken's house.

My wife asked for something hot and trembling between her legs

You can imagine her surprise when she saw the motorcycle I had gotten her

I get complaints that my dog is chasing people on bike

I didnt take this as a problem until i realized he has been using my motorcycle

What's a medical doctor called, who is also part of a motorcycle club?

Health Angel

Guy dies and is at the pearly gates

St. Peter says: before I can let you in, you must tell me one selfless act you did while alive
Guy says One time i was driving and saw this motorcycle gang harassing a little old lady. I pulled over and went up to the biggest guy punched him square in the face and said - LOOK, if you mess with her, you mess with me
St. Peter said wow, that's pretty impressive, but I don't see it in your records. When exactly did this happen?
The guy said oh, about five seconds ago

Ruth rode on my motorcycle, on the seat behind me...

I took a bump at 95, and rode on ruthlessly

I was hit by a moose driving my motorcycle yesterday.

How he managed to drive it is a mystery to me.

I thought of an idea for a new reality TV show...

It's about a group of Middle Easter Islamic terrorists that are entering their 40s. They stop buying an excessive amount of guns and explosives and instead start purchasing luxery cars and motorcycles. I call the show Midlife ISIS.

What do you call a guy who throws motorcycles?

Hurley Davidson

Once upon a time, a Prince asked a beautiful Princess..."Will you marry me?"

The Princess said "No!" and the Prince lived happily ever after and rode motorcycles and went fishing and hunting and played golf and drank beer and scotch and had tons of money in the bank and left the toilet seat up and f**... whenever he wanted. THE END

A truck driver stopped at a roadside diner for lunch and ordered a cheeseburger, coffee and a slice of apple pie. As he was about to eat, three bikers walked in.

One grabbed the trucker's cheeseburger and took a huge bite from it. The second one drank the trucker's coffee, and the third wolfed down his apple pie. The truck driver didn't say a word as he paid the waitress and left.
As the waitress walked up, one of the motorcyclists growled, "He ain't much of a man, is he?"
"He's not much of a driver, either," the waitress replied. "He just backed his 18-wheeler over three motorcycles."

One day I was walking when I saw a man on a motorcycle.

Suddenly a donkey came up kicked the man off the motorcycle, got on the motorcycle and then drove it away. And I thought to myself, That's badass .

Motorcycle joke, One day I was walking when I saw a man on a motorcycle.

jokes about motorcycle