Motorcycle Jokes
144 motorcycle jokes and hilarious motorcycle puns to laugh out loud. Read vehicle jokes about motorcycle that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
This is a page about motorcycle jokes. If you are looking for a laugh, then this is the place for you. These jokes are about motorcycles, riders, and anything else that has to do with motorcycles.
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Funniest Motorcycle Short Jokes
Short motorcycle jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The motorcycle humour may include short motorbike jokes also.
- What do you call a motorcycle gang made up of ancient bisexual Norse monarchs? The bikings.
- I just got a wooden motorcycle. It has a wooden frame, wooden handle bars, wooden wheels, and a wooden seat. Guess what? It wooden start.
- Beware of a new E-bay scam I ordered my wife some expensive jewelry and they sent me motorcycle parts
- Sean Connery: A Man Who Conquers All *obviously, this is read in the man's grizzled voice*
What's the difference between your mother and a motorcycle?
When I ride a motorcycle... I wear protection. - I can't think of a time when I lost my toupee while riding a motorcycle. At least not right off the top of my head.
- Whats an alcoholic motorcycle's favorite drink? RUUUMrumrumrumrumrumrumRUMRUUUUMMMrumrumrum
- A pickpocket is a victim of a motorcycle hit-and-run. A police officer comes to his aid.
"Do you remember his license plate?" he asks.
"No" says the pickpocket weakly, "but here's his wallet." - What is the difference between an angel of love jumping a motorcycle through a ring of fire and a Karen? One is a cupid stunt and the others a....
- What's the funniest motorcycle? A Yama-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha.... :)
^^^I'll ^^^show ^^^myself ^^^out... - What's the difference between a Harley Davidson motorcycle and a vacuum cleaner? The Harley holds the dirtbag on the outside.
Share These Motorcycle Jokes With Friends
Motorcycle One Liners
Which motorcycle one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with motorcycle? I can suggest the ones about bicycle and bike.
- Why are cars faster than motorcycles? Because motorcycles are two tired.
- Friends are like motorcycles... 'Cause I wish I had a motorcycle
- What do you call a laughing motorcycle? a Yamahahahaha
- What kind of motorcycle has the best sense of humor? Yamahahaha
- Why won't my motorcycle run? Because it's two tired.
- Why did the motorcycle stay at home? It was two-tired
- I don't snore, I dream I'm a motorcycle. And that's why I wake up exhausted.
- Motorcycles are fast... ...despite being both two tired and exhausted.
- I would love to buy a Harley Davidson motorcycle... But I can't afford all the shirts.
- Did you hear about the mute motorcycle gang? They don't answer to nobody.
- What motorcycles do ghosts prefer? A boocati.
- My dad just lost his leg in a motorcycle accident Now his feet only smell half as bad.
- Motorcyclist: I can drive this motorcycle on one wheel! 4 year old: *gasp* wheelie?!
- My girlfriend is like a motorcycle I dont have a motorcycle
- What do you get when you mix a bush and a motorcycle? A hedgehog
Riding Motorcycle Jokes
Here is a list of funny riding motorcycle jokes and even better riding motorcycle puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- what's the difference between your first motorcycle and you first girlfriend? Nothing, it doesn't matter what either of them look like, you're just happy to have something to ride.
- Stormtrooper helmets I would wear a stormtrooper helmet everytime I went for a ride on a motorcycle to avoid HITTING anything.
- What do you call a medieval ruler who frequently says farewell, is attracted to both genders, rides a motorcycle, and originates from Scandinavia? A biking
- Motorcycle will last you a lifetime if you ride it fast enough.
- A doctor from the morgue calls the local dealership: "How many motorcycles did you sell today?" "Four." "Oh, looks like one is still riding"
- Why does the Undertaker ride his motorcycle slowly? Because he's an Undertaker not an Overtaker!
- Why kind of motorcycles do cows ride? Mooooootorcycles!
- What is Charming than raining Cats & Dogs...? Riding on the Motorcycle....
- What kind of motorcycle dose santa ride Holy Davidson
- A Guy Rides A Motorcycle And he falls over.
Charming Humor Motorcycle Jokes with Loads of Fun
What funny jokes about motorcycle you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean street bike jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make motorcycle pranks.
Three women talk about their husband's performance as lovers.
The first woman says, "My husband is a marriage counselor, so he always buys me flowers and candy before we make love."
The second woman says, "My husband is a motorcycle mechanic. He likes to play rough and use leather sometimes."
The third woman shakes her head and says, "My husband works for an Internet company. He just sits on the edge of the bed and tells me how great it's going to be when I get it."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Yo mama is so s**... that when she got on a motorcycle she didn't know how to open the window.
Young riders pick a destination and go... Old riders pick a direction and go.
Winter is natures way of telling you to polish.
There are drunk bikers. There are old bikers. There are NO old, drunk bikers.
Isn't it weird how when a cop drives by you feel paranoid instead of protected.
It was only when I bought a motorbike that I found out that adrenaline is brown.
Other people don't like my queue jumping. Especially when I use my motorcycle.
Whats the difference between Amy Winehouse and a moped? A moped can make it to 30.
Stretchy shrink-wrap can be loads of fun. You can get it at most office supply stores. Completely wrap a friend's car, bike, or motorcycle. Extra credit: leave a large pink bow on top.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Three men die, and go to the pearly gates...
St. Peter walks up to the firsts, and he says: "You have lived a good life, but you have cheated on your wife many times. Confess here before your friends, and you will be allowed into heaven."
The man says: "I slept with a different woman every week of my ten-year marriage. I beg for forgiveness."
St. Peter forgives him, and gives him a bicycle. He tells him that he must travel for a thousand miles as penance, and think about his sin.
The second man says:"I was married for five years, and I slept with a different woman as a lover each year. I beg for forgiveness."
St. Peter forgives him, and gives him a motorcycle. He tells him that he must travel for a thousand miles as penance, and think about his sin.
The third man says: "I was married for a month, and stayed faithful throughout. Then my wife died, so I committed s**... so I may be with her."
St. Peter tells him: "I know. Follow me." He then leads him to a helicopter, and tells him to enjoy the ride. The man soon enough passes the other two men, who see him land a short distance away. They eventually catch up to him, and see he is crying.
The first two men ask him: "Why are you crying? You have no sins to atone for!"
The third says: "I just saw my wife... She was skateboarding."
The Rabbit, The bear, and The genie.
A bear is chasing a rabbit through the woods. The rabbit trips on a glistening metal object. The bear quickly picks up the object which appears to be a silver oil lamp.
A genie appeared forth.
The genie looked at the bear then the rabbit, then back at the bear.
"Alright, which of you schmucks freed me?"
"Me" the bear and rabbit said simultaneously.
The genie looked at the rabbit, then back at the bear. "Alright, I'm in a good mood, so you both get three wishes. Who's going first?"
The bear volunteered. "I wish all the other bears in this forest were female" He said.
"I wish I had a motorcycle" said the rabbit.
"Done and done" said the genie. Next wish?
The bear got a dumb smile and said "I wish all the other bears in the surrounding forests were female."
The rabbit hopped on the motorcycle. "I wish I was wearing a helmet"
"Alright. easy enough."
The bear a grin across his face yelled "I wish all the other bears in the world were female!"
The rabbit revved the engine, put on some goggles and as he sped away yelled "I wish the bear was gay!"
An Arab Sheik was admitted to Hospital for heart surgery.
But prior to the surgery, the doctors needed to store his blood in case a need arose.
As the gentleman had a rare type of blood, it couldn't be found locally, so the call went out.
Finally a Scotsman was located who had a similar blood type. The Scot willingly donated his blood for the Arab.
After the surgery, the Arab sent the Scotsman as appreciation for giving his blood, a new BMW motorcycle, diamonds and a substantial sum of money.
A couple of days later, the Arab had to go through a corrective surgery.
His doctor telephoned the Scotsman who was more than happy to donate his blood again.
After the second surgery, the Arab sent the Scotsman a thank-you card and a box of Quality Street chocolates.
The Scotsman was shocked that the Arab did not reciprocate his kind gesture as he had anticipated.
He phoned the Arab and asked him: "I thought you would be generous again, that you would give me another motorcycle, diamonds & money... but you only gave me a thank-you card & a box of Quality Street chocolates."
To this the Arab replied: "Aye laddie, but I now have Scottish blood in ma veins".
A bear is chasing a mouse through the woods..
When suddenly a genie appears. The mouse and bear stop dead in their tracks, perplexed at the genie's appearance. The genie offers to give both the bear and mouse three wishes. The bear, not hesitating, goes first; "I wish all the bears in these woods were female." The genie laughs and moves onto the mouse. "I wish for a motorcycle." The genie nods and moves back to the bear. "I wish all the bears in the world were female." The genie laughs again. The mouse asks for a motorcycle helmet. The genie gives it to the mouse and looks at the bear one last time. "I wish all the female bears wanted me." The genie goes, "My man!" and looks to the mouse for his final wish. The mouse gets on his motorcycle, starts it up, puts his helmet on and says, "I wish the bear was gay." and the mouse zooms off.
Australians
An Australian turist came to America and rented a motorcycle. He drives in the speed of 100MPH in a 70MPH speed limit road, when a police officer tells him to pull over. The cup yells at the turist: "What is wrong with you, did you came here to die?!?!"
"No," answer the turist, "I came here today"
Old man driving alone
An old man is driving along the road humming to himself.
Suddenly he hears a police siren and a motorcycle cop pulls him over.
He can't imagine what could be wrong.
"Sir, do you realize that you left your wife behind in the gas station?"
"I did? I am so relieved."
"You're relieved you drove off without your wife?"
The gent nods.
"But didn't you sense something was wrong?"
"Yes, I thought I'd gone deaf."
Australians
An australian tourist flies to america. He is unpacking his bags in a hotel, rents a motorcycle and start driving. He goes 70MPH in a 40MPH speed limit roas, whan a cup is telling him to pull over. The police officer yells at him: "What is wrong with you, man?!?! Did you came here to die?!"
"No," the tourist said, "I came here yesterday"
Me and my friend were riding on my motorcycle...
... on a particularly windy day when we saw a cyclist in front of us, pedaling in the middle of the road,
with a car honking furiously behind him...
So we drove over and asked the guy "Why don't you move to the side and let the car overtake you?"
The guy replied "I am trying!!!"
Two ants meet in the south for the winter to keep warm...
...and one is cold and shivering on when he arrives. "that will be the last time I ride to Florida in the moustache of a man on a motorcycle, I'm freezing!"
The other ant says "Just do what I do, hitch a ride between the legs of a beautiful woman. It's the warmest way to travel."
The shivering ant says "That's what I did, but I dozed off, and woke up in the moustache of a man on a motorcycle."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
When that guy has s**... with his wife on a motorcycle he's "cool."
When I do it I'm "absconding with the cadaver."
What do you call a Jamaican motorcycle?
Bob Harley
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A guy calls 911 and says: "I hit a pig on the side of the highway, what do I do?"
The operator replies: "If it's still alive, put it out of its misery."
The operator hears a gunshot and then the man comes back on the phone.
"Done, now what do I do with his motorcycle?"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
My girlfriend and my motorcycle have something in common.
The faster I accelerate the ride, the more likely I am to break my c**....
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What's the difference between my e**... and my motorcycle?
My wife actually looks forward to riding the motorcycle.
Did you hear Fetty Wap got in a motorcycle accident?
He didn't have both eyes on the road.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What Kind of Motorcycles do l**... ride?
Chowasaki. - Pat H.
What is globalization?
Question : What is globalization?
Answer : Princess Diana's death
Question : How come?
Answer :
An English princess with an
Egyptian boyfriend crashes in a
French tunnel, driving a
German car with a
Dutch engine, driven by a
Belgian who was high on
Scottish whiskey, followed closely by
Italian Paparazzi, on
Japanese motorcycles, treated by an
American doctor, using
Brazilian medicines!
And this is sent to you by a
Canadian, using
Bill Gates' technology which he got from the
Japanese.
And you are probably reading this on
one of the IBM clones that use
Philippine-made chips, and
Korean made monitors, assembled by Bangladeshi
workers in a Singapore plant, transported by lorries
driven by Indians, hijacked by Indonesians and finally
sold to you by a Chinese!
When I graduated high school I wanted to buy a motorcycle..
When I finished high school I wanted to take all my graduation money and buy myself a motorcycle. But my mom said no. See, she had an uncle who died in a horrible motorcycle accident when he was 18. And I could just have his motorcycle. - Anthony Jeselnik
What's the difference between a vacuum cleaner and a lawyer on a motorcycle?
The vacuum cleaner has the dirtbag on the inside.
"I hate being half bicycle, half motorcycle"
he moped
Biker mimes
If a group of mimes forms a motorcycle gang....
Do they have to drive electric bikes?
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What do you call non-muslims that rides motorcycle?
k**... rider
My dad died at 40. We should've seen it coming when he bought a motorcycle at 20.
They don't call it a mid life crisis for nothing.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
In the motorcycle safety course they tell you that target fixation is bad, where your eyes are looking is where you usually end up.
Must be why I keep running over female joggers.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
How does the motorcycle of a Ku Klux k**... member sounds like?
Runnnnnnnnnnnnigganigganigganigaanigga
Why did Simba buy a motorcycle?
So he could mufasa.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Did You Know Lenin Had a Motorcycle?
Yeah! He had a 4-s**...!
What is a Jewish guys favorite motorcycle brand?
Yamaka
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Riding a motorcycle is like having s**... without a c**....
It does feel great at the time, but if you make a mistake it's really really bad.
I wrecked my motorcycle on my way to work this morning...
I was just two tired.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Two w**... were riding a motorcycle....
... When suddenly your mom fell off
A policeman on a motorcycle pulls over a car.
'What's up?' says the driver.
'Your wife fell out the passenger door three miles back,' says the policeman.
'Thank goodness for that,' says the driver. 'I thought I'd gone deaf.'
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What does a motorcycle and Eddie Hermida have in common?
They both killed s**... silence.
What does a non-moving cat and a motorcycle traveling at 80mph have in common?
They make the same sound.
If Timmy buys 7 apples and eats 5
what is the median velocity of his motorcycle?
Warnings about motorcycles
Every time people find out I drive a motorcycle they always freak out and tell me about sometime someone they know got in an accident.
I don't get it.
I don't go around telling pregnant women that my dad left
What does a motorcycle and the government have it common?
Once you have more power, you can't go back.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Against the wishes of my dad I bought a motorcycle. The first two times I rode it I ended up in the hospital.
My dad said to me, I warned you not to buy the two s**...!
I bought a motorcycle and now my parents think I'm gay...
I told them I'm just bike-curious
Two priests were riding very fast on a motorcycle.
They were promptly stopped by a policeman who said, What do you think you are doing?
What if you have an accident?
The priests say, Don't worry, my son. God is with us.
The policeman says, In that case, I have to book you. Three people are not allowed to ride on a motorcycle.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Three guys are on a motorcycle. The guy in the middle is a stutterer.
All of a sudden the stutterer says: "F-f-f-f-f-"
Driver: Faster?
Stutterer: F-f-f-f-f-f-f
Driver: "You want me to go faster?"
Stutterer: "F-f-f-f-f-f"
Driver: I can't go any faster.
Stutterer: F-f-f-f Frank f-f-f-f-fell off.
There are several types of vests designed to protect a person...
There's Life Vests - designed to protect a person from drowning.
There's Bullet Proof Vests - designed to protect a person from bullets.
There's High Visibility Safety Vests - designed to protect a person from getting hit while near traffic.
There's Leather Vests - designed to protect a person from road rash when laying down their motorcycle.
And there's Sweater Vests - designed to protect a person from women.
A genie grants a Bear and a Squirrel each 3 wishes.
Wish 1: The Bear wishes that every bear in the world would become female.
Wish 1: The squirrel wishes for a motorcycle he can ride.
Wish 2: The Bear wishes that every female bear in the world would fall in love with him.
Wish 2: The Squirrel wishes for a helmet.
Wish 3: The Bear wishes that none of the female bears ever wanted to get married.
Wish 3: The Squirrel wishes the Bear was gay.
I wanted to buy a motorcycle
But I'm too tired to do it.
After his motorcycle accident where he lost his left leg and half his right foot, Dylan sulked slowly around school in all black outfits.
We call him the three-toed Goth.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What is the most important part of an Indian Motorcycle?
The i**...
A friend tried to get me to wear jeans, a white t shirt, and a motorcycle jacket - but I said no.
It sounded like a Fonzie scheme.
Did you hear about the robot that looks eerily like Evil Knievel?
He's doing a motorcycle jump over the uncanny valley.
Which vehicle is the oldest among all?
Motorcycle - because it is two-tyred.
What's a medical doctor called, who is also part of a motorcycle club?
Health Angel
Guy dies and is at the pearly gates
St. Peter says: before I can let you in, you must tell me one selfless act you did while alive
Guy says One time i was driving and saw this motorcycle gang harassing a little old lady. I pulled over and went up to the biggest guy punched him square in the face and said - LOOK, if you mess with her, you mess with me
St. Peter said wow, that's pretty impressive, but I don't see it in your records. When exactly did this happen?
The guy said oh, about five seconds ago
