Motorbike Jokes

Humoristic puns and funny pick up lines

When my wife left, I was sad and lonely

So I got a dog, a new motorbike, shagged 2 women and blew a grand on drugs and alcohol.
She's going to go fucking nuts when she gets back from work.

When my wife left I was sad upset and lonely

When my wife left, I was sad, upset and lonely.
Since then I've got a dog,bought a new motorbike, shagged two women and blown a grand on drink .

She'll go fucking mental when she gets home from work.

Some bloke started talking to me in the pub last night.

"My mate came off his motorbike today," he said.

"Oh really?" I asked.

"Yes," he replied. "He has slight brain damage, two broken arms and is completely blind in one eye."

"Blimey," I said. "No wonder he came off it then."

My wife and I were driving home last night, both of us feeling horny…

We couldn't wait to get home, so I pulled into a quiet road and we got down to it.

Then a cop on a motorbike came round the corner and gave me a ticket.

I said "What the fuck's this for?"

He replied, "That's for doing 69 in a 30 zone."

What do you call a Vicar on a motorbike?


Paddy says to Murphy, My mate came off his motorbike today

Oh really Murphy said.
Yeah he has brain damage, 2 broken arms and is blind in one eye replied Paddy.
Fucking hell says Murphy, No wonder he came off .

I was sad when my wife left

When my wife left i was sad, lonely and upset.
Since then ive got a dog, bought a new motorbike, shagged 2 women and blown a grand on drink and drugs.

Shes going to go mental when she gets home from work!

Wearing a helmet while riding a motorbike is wise..

But having a transparent panel on it?? Now, that's visor..

What's worse than watching your brother do a double barrel roll over 15 cars on a motorbike?

Having to watch him do a half barrel roll over 8 of them.

R.I.P. Bobby. Never forget.

Did you hear about the motorbike who came out to his parents?

He was bi-cycle

When I was 18, I wanted to buy a brand new motorbike, but my mother forbid it.

She explained that she had a brother who died in a motorbike crash when he was 18, and so I could have his instead.

There was a bear and a rabbit.

There was a bear and a rabbit walking through the woods, right, and they found a magic lamp. Since it was dirty they decided to clean it. So when they were done with that a magic genie came out of the lamp. So the genie was like "I shall grant you both three wishes since you both found me." So the bear went first and said "I wish I was the sexiest bear in the forest", so the genie obliged. Next the rabbit went and he said "I wish I had a motorbike." Then for the bear's next wish he said "I wish all the female bears had the hots for me." So now all the girls loved this guy. Next the rabbit went and he said "I wish I had motorbike gear." And so now he had motorbike gear. The bear went next and he said "I wish all the other male bears were gone", and so he became the only male bear in the forest. The rabbit got on his motorbike and started to ride off. "What of your last wish, master.", and the rabbit said, for his third and final wish, "I wish the bear was gay".

I've invented a way of getting my motorbike going without a battery.

I'm going to do a kickstarter for it.

What's the difference between a motorbike and a toilet?

In the first case you sit and run, in the second you run and sit.

(incredibly nobody ever wrote this one before, credits to dad)

Harley Davidson dies and goes to heaven...

He was met at the gate by saint Peter. He said to Harley your not suppose to be here, your supposed to be in hell. Harley said no I'm not I want to see the boss. Saint Peter takes Harley to see God. Harley says to God I'm suppose to be up here not in hell. Oh Harley you invented the motorbike, I'm an inventor too. I invented man and woman.
Harley said I know with the male you made the perfect model, with the female you made the inlet valve to close to the outlet valve.
God said maybe so but a lot more people rides my model than yours.

I used to drink absinthe

I used to drink absinthe, but it caused me bad indigestion and terrible wind, weirdly, it sounded like a Japanese motorbike.

I went to a doctor who told me it wasn't uncommon, that everybody knows "absinthe makes the fart go Honda".

I was having trouble with my motorbike so I arrived late at my girl friend's ...

she asked "what happened?"

I replied "piston broke",

and she said " I know you are, but what happened?"

Can anyone trade me a wheelchair?

I offer a crushed motorbike

Motorbikes are ideal transportation for people that don't intend to have children.

They wouldn't even let me bring our newborn home from the hospital.

A man goes to the doctor and says "Doctor, my farts sound like a motorbike"

Doctor says "you have an abscess"
Man says "how do you know?"
Doctor says "because abscess makes the fart go Honda"

Periods can really change the meaning of a sentence.

Jane was on her motorbike.

Jane was on her period.

For it is written.

How do you know Jesus had a motorbike?

'Cause he came down from the mount with a Triumph.

I beat a motorbike in a game of chess.

It was a Triumph.

What are the funniest motorbike jokes of all time?

Did you ever wanted to stand out with a good sense of humour joking about Motorbike? Well, here are the best Motorbike puns to laugh out loud. Crazy and funny Motorbike pick up lines to share with friends.


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