Motionless Jokes
8 motionless jokes and hilarious motionless puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about motionless that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
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Playful Motionless Jokes to Add Joy and Laughter to Your Group
What is a good motionless joke to make people laugh? Check out this list of funny stories that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth.
Bears think if you're lying down motionless, you're dead.
So everyday, the first bear to wake up thinks its entire family is dead. Tragic..
Panic struck, I couldn't understand why my dog was motionless...
Then I realized...it was on paws.
Two young men sneak on to a blind man's property in order to steal something of vaule.
The blind man hears them and goes to the door with his shot gun. The two young men, seeing the blind man, stand motionless. The blind calls out, "Marco!". Silence. He tries once more, "Marco!" More silence. One more time, "Marco!" One of the young men, tired of the game, yells out, "We aren't going to fall for that..." *BANG!
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A man is sitting at a bar when he notices a turtle near the register. It is covered with bandages ....
and not moving. "So uh, what's the deal with the dead turtle?" he asks.
The barkeep perks up, "Dead? you say? I'll have you know that this is the fastest turtle on Earth!" "In fact, I have fifty dollars that say **this** turtle can beat **you** to the other side of the room!"
The man looks at the motionless turtle and says, "Alright - Your on!"
"on the count of three" says the bartender.
"one"
"two"
"three!" and he picks up the turtle and throws it across the room.
Two men are hunting in the Forest...
Two men are hunting in the forest by themselves, when suddenly one of them falls down into a huge pit. The other hunter is shocked, and shouts down the hole to see if his friend is okay. He sees him motionless at the bottom of the pit, and gets really worried. He gets out his mobile phone, and calls an emergency helpline. A woman answers.
"Hello, this is the emergency helpline, how can I help you?" she asks.
"I'm in the forest with my friend and he just fell down a pit and I think he's dead, I'm certain! He isn't moving!" the man replies worriedly.
The woman senses the fright in his voice, and says to him "Right, it's okay, calm down, don't worry."
The man breathes heavily.
"Okay, sir? The first thing I'm going to need you to do, is make sure that your friend is dead. Okay?"
The woman can no longer hear his heavy breathing, and instead she hears the crack of a gunshot.
"Sir? Hello?" she asks.
"Okay, I've made sure he's dead, what do I do now?"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
4 monks
Years ago, there were 4 monks going through the trials to reach their inner peace. They all excelled to the point of the last test; the test of purity. Each monk had a brass ring precariously hung off their d**.... Then, the head monk chose the most beautiful woman from the village to walk n**... in front of all the monks. Should any of the monks be a**..., their rings would drop and they'd fail the test. The woman went down the row. Monk #1; nothing. Number 2; not a stir. The 3rd monk stood stone faced and motionless. However, when the fourth monk was reached, his ring dropped. Horribly ashamed, he bent over to pick it up. Then the 3 other rings dropped.
A doctor, a priest and a model are driving.
So the three of them are driving on a country road, when they hit a bunny. They stop and get out, overwhelmed with sympathy for their fluffy victim, it lies motionless on the road
The doctor draws on all his skills to try and get the bunny up again, but to no avail. The priest kneels down and gives the bunny his last rites and blesses it. They are about to bury it when the model stops them.
She takes a can of hairspray and sprays the bunny all over. It gets up and hops away as the priest and the doctor stand speechless. Ten yards down the road the bunny turns around and waves at the tree companions. Twenty yards away, it turns around and waves again. This goes on until the bunny disappears into the high grass beside the road.
"What on earth is in that spray can?", asks the doctor.
"I don't know ..." replies the model, "... but it certainly works as advertised" And she hands the doctor the can.
The can reads: "instantly revives your hair, adds a permanent wave"
A manufacturing plant was in full swing one day.
The company's massive machine was humming along, taking in the raw materials at one end and churning out the finished product at the other.
All of a sudden, the machine stopped and ground to a halt.
Workers climbed all over it like ants to get it started again.
The plant's manager stormed out of his office to find out why his multi-million- dollar machine wasn't making him any money.
He listened to his people saying they couldn't figure it out, and he told them to call a technician.
Soon a tech arrived, and the manager frantically explained to him that he needed his machine back as soon as possible.
The technician listened patiently, took one look at the massive hulk of motionless metal, and immediately walked over to a small panel, opening a tiny door inside to see a screw.
The technician took a screwdriver and turned the screw one-quarter turn to the right, and the machine suddenly came back to life as if nothing was wrong.
The manager hurried over to thank the technician, shook his hand, and asked what he owed him for saving his company.
The technician answered, "$100,000.00".
The manager looked at him and said, "You were here less than two minutes and just turned one screw. How can you charge so much? Give me an itemised bill."
The technician calmly wrote out on a piece of paper:
-Turning of one screw: $1.00.
-Knowing which screw to turn: $99,999.00.
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