Motherinlaw Jokes
121 motherinlaw jokes and hilarious motherinlaw puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about motherinlaw that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Funniest Motherinlaw Short Jokes
Short motherinlaw jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The motherinlaw humour may include short mommy jokes also.
- My wife accused me of hating her family and relatives... I replied, "No, I don't hate your relatives. In fact, I like your mother-in-law a lot better than I like mine."
- "Diana!" I said, greeting my mother-in-law as she walked through the door... She said, "My name's Anna."
I said, "Yeah, I know." - If your mother-in-law and a lawyer were drowning and you had to choose... would you go to lunch or a movie?
- My wife thinks that I don't care for her relatives. I told her that's not true. I love her mother-in-law more than I love mine.
- My mother-in-law has a massive case of diarrhea. She won't find out until she unpacks her luggage.
- I Wasn't Too Keen On The Idea Of Gay Parenting Until I met my wife, who was raised by two dads. That's when I came to my senses and realized.. NO MOTHER-IN-LAW!
- What do you call mixed emotions? Watching your mother-in-law reverse off a cliff in your brand new car
- My mother-in-law fell down our well last week but she is fine she stopped crying for help 2 days ago
- A man and his wife drove past the beautiful countryside... They saw a pig, rolling in the mud, so wife said: "Your relative?"
Man replied: "Yes, mother-in-law." - My mother-in-law just asked for "bath stuff" for her birthday She seemed unimpressed with the toaster I bought her
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Motherinlaw One Liners
Which motherinlaw one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with motherinlaw? I can suggest the ones about parenthood and mum.
- Someone kidnapped my mother-in-law He threatened that unless I pay up, he'll release her.
- My mother-in-law told me I had poor posture when standing. I stand corrected.
- My wife's mother is a lawyer. I have a mother-in-law.
- Which newton's law creates the most noise? Newton's mother-in-law.
- My mother-in-law is like a fine wine. Too much of her gives me a headache.
- I ate so much at Thanksgiving, I had to loosen my Fitbit.
- The biggest problem with polygamy? Multiple mother-in-laws.
- My mother-in-law was bitten by a dog yesterday She's fine. But, the dog died
- How do you know a wishing well works? If your mother-in-law falls down it.
- Adam was the luckiest man! He had no mother-in-law.
- What's an undefined feeling? When your mother-in-law crashes your brand new car and dies.
- What's worse than your mother-in-law? My mother-in-law.
- I'm heading to Thailand next week for a birthday party. My mother-in-law is turning 19.
- Viper is also a God's creature Said Jesus after healing Peter's mother-in-law.
- The perfect mother-in-law gift idea United Airline tickets
Comical Motherinlaw Jokes and Gems that Will Get You in Laughter Land
What funny jokes about motherinlaw you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean voice jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make motherinlaw pranks.
A conversation between my mother and my wife.
Wife: Hi mom, I am so happy to see you. How long will you be staying?
Mother-in-Law: As long as you want me to...
Wife: What! you wont even stay for coffee?
A man was walking along the beach with his mother-in-law...
She was complaining about how much of a good-for-nothing husband he was to her daughter, when he saw a bottle on the ground. He picked it up, wondering what it was, when a genie popped out. The genie told the man he could make 3 wishes, but when he saw the mother-in-law, said whatever the man got, the mother-in-law would get double. The man thought for a while and agreed. "I would like 1 million dollars," the man said. "Your wish is granted," said the genie. 1 million dollars was added to the man's banking account, and 2 million to the mother-in-law's. She starts complaining, "Thanks a lot, now I'll have to manage all this money, why do you have to be so selfish?!" The next wish was for a large house, and that wish was granted. This meant the mother-in-law would have a house twice as big, and started complaining about how she would have to clean such a large house, and the taxes would be expensive.
For the man's final wish, he wished to be beaten half to death.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What do a Jewish mother-in-law and 60 Minutes have in common?
They both always start with tsk tsk tsk tsk tsk tsk tsk tsk...
Horror at the zoo
A man is at the zoo with his family. Suddenly a flustered employee comes up and says
*Sir, sir! There's been a terrible accident!*
The man responds, *What happened?*
*Your mother-in-law fell into the alligator pool!*
The man, supremely calm, says to the worker, *Not my problem! You try to save those alligators.*
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A man stumbles upon a magic lamp
A man stumbles upon a magic lamp and out comes a genie. The genie says, "I will grant you any three wishes you want, but whatever you wish for I will give your mother-in-law double."
The man agrees to the terms and says, "I wish for a billion dollars." Instantly, he has a billion dollars and his mother-in-law has two billion dollars.
The man then says, "I wish for a 10,000 square foot home on 100 acres." The genie grants his wish and gives his mother-in-law a 20,000 square foot home on 200 acres.
Finally, the man cleverly says, "I wish for you to beat me half to death."
A man opens the door for his moother-in-law
And declares, "Oh, long time, no see! This is a surprise. How long will you be staying with us, this time, then?"
The mother-in-law, trying to be polite, jokinly replies with a big grin, "Until you get sick of me."
"Oh, really? You won't even stay for a cup of coffee?"
Supposedly this joke was rated the funniest joke in a survey of British people...
Patient: Doctor, last night, I made Freudian slip. I was sitting at the dinner table next to my mother-in-law. I turned to her and I meant to say,"Please pass the salt", but instead I said "You fat cow, you've ruined my life".
A man is taking a stroll...
... when he finds his mother-in-law. So he asks her "Hey, how are you doing?" and she replies "Good, I just came from the beauty salon!"
So he says "Oh, was it closed?"
Fred and Susan were having their usual loud...
...and endless argument about family reunions.
At last, Fred relented. "I'm so sorry, Sweetheart. I didn't mean all those hateful things I said about your family. As a matter of fact, I like your mother-in-law a whole lot better than I do mine."
Ambushed my mother-in-law
After visiting our house my mother-in-law got ambushed by 6 men who starting punching her. My wife shouted Are you gonna help? , I said 6 should be enough!
The lawyer called his client overseas...
..."Your mother-in-law passed away in her sleep and I can't reach any other relatives. Shall we order burial or cremation?"
Back came the reply, "Take no chances - order both."
Two friends meet at a bar
Guy 1: Can you believe i just spent $3000 to cremate my mother-in-law?
Guy 2: Oh really? i only paid $500 to cremate my mother-in-law
Guy 1: Yeah but your mother-in-law was dead...
I saw a bunch of youths hitting an old lady.
I stopped my car, wound down my window and yelled, "Excuse me, that's my mother-in-law."
"And what?" they replied.
"And she's still moving."
A man enters the police office...
...and walks up to the board.
"Sir, my mother-in-law disappeared! Here's a picture, we should start looking for her."
The policeman glances at the pictures and says:
"Why...?"
I just got back from a pleasure trip
I just got back from a pleasure trip. I took my mother-in-law to the airport.
What do you call your wife and mother-in-law when they're riding in the same car?
Dual air bags.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Trying to Have a Baby
Saying that "We are trying to have a baby" is the only discreet way I can tell my mother-in-law that I had s**... with her daughter 4 times last week.
Doctor, I messed up.
A patient says, "Doctor, last night I made a Freudian slip. I was having dinner with my mother-in-law and wanted to say: 'Could you please pass the butter?' But instead I said: 'You fat cow, you have completely ruined my life!"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What do you do when your mother-in-law is swaying towards you?
You pull the trigger again.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What does walking a tight rope and receiving a b**... from your mother-in-law have in common?
In both cases it is strongly advisable to not look down
Dave was in a bar looking
very dejected. His friend, Adam, walked over and asked, "What's wrong?"
"It's my mother-in-law," Dave replied, while shaking his head sadly. "I have a real problem with her."
"Cheer up," Adam said. "Everyone has problems with their mother-in-law."
"Yeah, sure," Dave answered. "But not everybody gets theirs pregnant!"
A guy meets his friend on the street
but his friend has a horribly swollen face, is missing teeth, has scratches on his arms, blood all over his shirt and he looks scared and disorientated. Of course his friend gets extremely worried and asks:
"Are you all right?! What happened dude?"
"I just buried my mother-in-law..."
"So?"
"Well she resisted".
What's the difference between onions and your mother-in-law?
You don't cry when chopping your mother-in-law.
How to start a fight
One year, I decided to buy my mother-in-law a cemetery plot as a Christmas gift...
The next year, I didn't buy her a gift.
When she asked me why, I replied,
"Well, you still haven't used the gift I bought you last year!"
And that's how the fight started.....
Mr. Smith is on vacation with his wife and mother-in-law in Jerusalem
One day, his mother-in-law dies quite suddenly. An undertaker proposes to bury the deceased there in Jerusalem.
'No, thank you,' says Mr. Smith. 'I'd rather have the body shipped back to New York.'
'But why not?' asks the undertaker. 'Shipping a body is expensive, and I could organise a beautiful ceremony here...'
'Look, sir! We're talking about my mother-in-law... Two thousand years ago, they buried a young man here who was resurrected three days later; I'm not taking any chances!'
"– Hi, We're doing a brief survey. May I ask you some questions?"
*"– Yes."*
"– What's your name?"
*"-Adam."*
"– And your wife's?"
*"– Eve."*
"– Wow, and the snake lives with you too?"
*"– Yes, my mother-in-law lives with us too"*
^I ^translated ^it ^from ^Spanish ^and ^that's ^the ^better ^punchline ^I ^could ^think ^about.
What's the difference between my abs and my mother-in-law?
Unfortunately, I won't be seeing my abs over Christmas.
What do you do if you miss your mother-in-law?
Reload.
(Thanks Bob Dylan via Theme Time Radio Hour)
A newly wedded desperate soldier sends a hand-grenade to his mother-in-law, with a note:
Dearest Mom,
If you pull this ring, I'll be able to get 3 days leave.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
The police have just released my mother-in-law after questioning her about the m**... of her husband.
They only spoke to her for 2 minutes before coming to the conclusion he committed s**....
Had to bury my mother-in-law today and I must admit, it was quite a shocking experience…
I didn't expect her to scream for as long as she did…
A Jewish man's mother-in-law is in court for stealing a bag of oranges...
The judge says, Well, since you stole 6 oranges, your punishment is 6 nights in jail, one for each orange. Immediately the Jewish Man jumps up out of his seat and yells, WAIT! The whole room is shocked. What is it? Do you not feel that this is a fair punishment? Asks the judge. Oh No. I think it's very fair. I just wanted to add that she stole a bag of peas as well...
My mother-in-law came into work at lunch time today, and I must admit unlike other men, I was genuinely pleased to see her.
By the way I'm an undertaker.
So these 2 cannibals are eating dinner.
One cannibal says, man I hate my mother-in-law. The other cannibal says, so eat the rice.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Please pray for my mother-in-law. She was taken to hospital this morning. A bee landed on her face. Luckily she wasn't stung.
I was too quick with the s**....
My Mother-in-law robbed a bank and is on the run from the police
Now she's my Mother-out-law
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I f**... on my mother-in-law and everyone around us could smell it but her.
That's one upside of being in a coffin.
A professor asked one of his automotive students if he knew what the definition of "mixed emotions" was...
The student said "watching your mother-in-law drive off a cliff in your new Cadillac."
My Mother-In-Law asked how Charles Manson died, and I responded, "Complications with dementia". To which she replied...
"I thought he was demented his whole life. Why is he having complications with it now??"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Two cannibals are sitting around a campfire.
One says to the other, "I hate my mother-in-law." The other says, "Then just eat the vegetables."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Wife told me to take my mother-in-law out.
One punch did it.
What is the definition of a mixed feeling?
Watching your mother-in-law roll off a cliff in your new car
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Mother-in-law
Oh, I didn't expect you at work today Mr. Brundy, isn't it your mother-in-law's f**... today?
Well you know how it is.Work first, then fun.
In a marriage breakdown there are always both to be to blame...
...the wife and the mother-in-law.
My mother-in-law said to me, "If you were my husband I'd put poison in your coffee."
I replied, "If I were your husband, I'd drink it."
An American man visits the Holy Land...
An American man visits the Holy Land with his wife and mother-in-law. Sadly the mother-in-law died. When seeing the local Israeli undertaker, it was explained that they could ship the body home for $5,000. But if they buried her locally it would cost only $150. The man said to the undertaker "We'll ship her home." The undertaker asked "Are you sure? It's an awfully big expense and we can do a very nice burial here." The man replied "look, 2000 years ago they buried a guy here and three days later he rose from the dead. I can't take that chance."
Assistant and Boss
Assistant: "Sir, can I have a day off next week to visit my mother-in-law?"
Boss: "Certainly not!"
Assistant: "Thank you so much sir! I knew you would be understanding."
I've decided to call my mother-in-law the 'Exorcist'
...because every time she came to visit she'd make all the spirits disappear
A man gets married. Now, he has a father-in-law, a mother-in-law, a bother-in-law, a sister-in-law. And the wife?
She is the law.
A friend told me that his mother-in-law is a real angel.
I told him how lucky he is, mine is still alive.
My mother-in-law has come for a visit and has been of immeasurable help
Which is a polite way to say that her assistance has not been perceptible.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
My mother-in-law can m**... any joke.
After the 2000 Presidential elections with the multiple vote recounts in Florida, she came home and told us the funniest joke she had just heard:
Have you seen the new Texas quarter?
You count it five times!
I live in constant fear
I live in constant fear that one day while I'm least suspecting it someone might break in to burglarize and kill my mother-in-law, who lives at 375 Woodland Ave in the light blue house, only one dog who is friendly and no alarm set, always leaves the kitchen window unlocked and without screen, sleeps on the second floor south room next to the bathroom which is where she keeps all her jewelry hidden behind the mirror.
Why didn't princess Diana carry any cash?
Who would like their purse to be full with pictures of their mother-in-law?
"You don't look a day over fifty!" I told the mother-in-law on her birthday.
Slightly ruined her 38th.
The cricketer was proud of his progress as a batsman and invited his mother-in-law along to watch him play, hoping to impress her.
At the crease, he turned to the wicketkeeper and said "I'm anxious to do well and really hit this ball. That's my wife's mother over there." "Don't be silly," said the wicketkeeper. "You'll never hit her at 200 hundred yards."
Years ago, my Mother-in-law began reading, "The Exorcist". She said it was the most evil book she ever read. So evil in fact, she couldn't finish it, took it to the ocean and threw it off the pier.
I went out, but another copy, ran it under the faucet, and left it beside her bed.
Thinking outside the box
Fresh out of gift ideas, a man buys his mother-in-law a large plot in an expensive cemetery. On her next birthday, he buys her nothing, so she phones him, furious.
"What are you complaining about?" he fires back. "You still haven't used the present I gave you last year."
My wife and I have recently moved into my Mother-In-Laws while our house is being renovated...
Being intimate is pretty tricky!
I constantly have to remind her that my Wife is sitting downstairs...
A man went to the hospital to visit his mother-in-law, who was in serious condition. On the way back the wife, very worried, asks: "So, honey? How's my mom doing?"
He replies: "She looks great! She is in good health! She will still live for many years! Next week she will be released from the hospital and will come and live with us, forever!"
"Wow that's amazing!" - says the wife - "But this is very strange, dear... yesterday she seemed to be on her deathbed, the doctors said she should have a few days to live!"
"Well, I don't know how she was yesterday" - he replied - "But today when I arrived at the hospital, the doctor told me that we should prepare for the worst"
What's the difference between bad luck and extreme bad luck?
Bad luck is when your mother-in-law falls into a river.
Extreme bad luck is when someone saves her.
My mother-in-law moved in with us, I told her to treat the house like it was her own...
so she sold it
A Day Off
An man goes to see his boss..
Boss, he says, we're doing some heavy house-cleaning tomorrow before my mother-in-law arrives for Christmas. My wife needs me to help with cleaning, moving and hauling stuff.
COVID has us short-handed, the boss replies. I can't afford to give anyone a day off.
The man says, Thanks boss, I knew I could count on you!
A Russian joke my grandmother once told me. I hope it works in English.
A man sits at the deathbed of his mother-in-law.
She suffers very much and cries in agony:
"Oh I'm dying!" "It hurts" "I'm gonna die soon"
She stops for a seconds and says:
"Well at least the weather is nice today"
The man says: "hey dear, don't get distracted!"
A wake for my mother-in-law
Two rural gentlemen were chatting. One says, "Say, I noticed a lot of cars at your house on Saturday night. Were you having a party or something?"
"No," responds the second man. "Tragically last week one of my mules kicked my mother in law in the head, and she died suddenly"
"Oh, No!" says the first man. "So were the people there to pay their final respects?"
"No," says the second man. "Once news started to spread about the incident, men from all over the county started coming over asking if they could borrow my mule."
Birthday Return
Friend: "What are you going to give your mother-in-law for her birthday?"
Me: "Her son back!"
