motherf Jokes

funny pick up lines and hilarious motherf puns

Semper Fi, Motherf*****

A Taliban division is patrolling the desert when, over a nearby dune, they hear a voice call out "One Marine is worth 10 Taliban." The Taliban commander sends 10 of his men over the dune, and a gun battle ensues, then silence.

Then the voice laughs and says "One marine is tougher than 100 Taliban." Angered, the commander sends 100 of his troops over the dune. A fierce gun battle breaks out, then silence.

Then the voice once again calls out: "The Taliban are wimps. One Marine can smash 1000 of you cowards!" Enraged, the commander sends 1000 of his best men over the dune. Bullets are flying everywhere, grenades exploding left and right, and then silence again.

Then, through the smoke, one badly wounded Taliban soldier crawls back over the dune. He looks at his commander and says "Don't send any more men, it's a trap. There are actually TWO of them!"



Kate and Bob were having sex in their bedroom. Suddenly they hear a noise. They turn around and see little Timmy, their son, in the doorway, looking shocked. After a few seconds, Timmy turns around and runs back to his bedroom. Bob looks at his wife and says:

-I'm gonna go talk to Timmy.

He walks to Timmy's room, opens the door, and freezes. Timmy is on his bed fucking his grandmother. Bob is flabbergasted.

-WHAT THE FUCK!!! says Bob.

To which Timmy replies calmly:

-It's not so funny when it's your mother now is it?!?

(All credits go to Robin Williams!)


The MotherFucker.

This guy walks into a bar and goes up to a man sitting at the bar.
He says, ''I just fucked your mother and I did it in your bed and I fucked her doggie style and I even made her give me a blowjob. What do you think about that?''

The other guy says, ''Shut up Dad, you're drunk again."



A little girl named Suzy goes to the confessional at her church sits down in the booth. Suzy had been to church with her parents often and knew the priest very well, so she chose to do the confession without keeping herself anonymous.

The priest says, "Suzy, my dear, please confess your sins."

Suzy responds, "Well... you see... I'd like to confess that the other day, I called the neighbor boy Johnny a motherfucker."

The priest says, "Suzy! You know that is a terrible word. My dear, why did you call Johnny a motherfucker?"

Suzy replies, "Well, last time we were hanging out in his basement, he tried pulling my pants down."

The priest reaches across the booth and pulls Suzy's pants down. "Like this, Suzy? Is that why you called him a motherfucker?"

"Well, no. After he pulled my pants down, he turned me around and told me to bend over!"

Again, the priest turns Suzy around and bends her over. "Like this, Suzy? Is this why you called Johnny a motherfucker?"

"Actually... no. After that, he pulled down his own pants and put his private part inside of mine!"

The priest, without hesitation, pulls out his genitalia and slides it into little Suzy. "Like this, my Suzy? Is this why you called Johnny a motherfucker?"

Suzy replies, ""

The priest, still inside Suzy, says, "Well then why did you call Johnny a motherfucker?!"

Suzy responds, "Because then he told me he had herpes!"

The priest shouts, "Motherfucker!"


You Motherfucker

What's her name? I'll fuck her.


Motherfucking accidents

I accidentally dropped my swear jar. And about 900 motherfuckers escaped.


What did one motherfucker say to the other motherfucker?

Hows it going motherfucker


That congresswoman should apologize for calling Trump a motherf*****.

He's been very consistent that it's his daughter he wants to f\*\*\*.


What are the most funny Motherf jokes of all time ?

Did you ever wanted to stand out with a good sense of humour joking with someone about Motherf? Well, here are the best Motherf dad jokes to laugh out loud. Crazy funny puns and Motherf pick up lines to share with friends.


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