The Best 62 Mother In Law Jokes
Following is our collection of funniest Mother In Law jokes. There are some mother in law weight jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud. Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these mother in law moms puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.
Funny Mother In Law Jokes and Puns
A woman stopped by, unannounced, at her son's house. She knocked on the door then immediately walked in.
She was shocked to see her daughter-in-law lying on the couch, totally naked. Soft music was playing, and the aroma of perfume filled the room.
"What are you doing?!" she asked.
"I'm waiting for Mike to come home from work," the daughter-in- law answered.
"But you're naked!" the mother-in-law exclaimed.
"This is my love dress," the daughter-in-law explained.
"Love dress? But you're naked!"
"Mike loves me and wants me to wear this dress," she explained." It excites him to no end. Every time he sees me in this dress, he instantly becomes romantic and ravages me for hours on end. He can't get enough of me".
The mother-in-law left. When she got home, she undressed, showered, put on her best perfume, dimmed the lights, put on a romantic CD, and lay on the couch, waiting for her husband to arrive.
Finally, her husband came home. He walked in and saw her lying there so provocatively.
"What are you doing?" he asked.
"This is my love dress," she whispered sensually.
"Needs ironing"...
I Wasn't Too Keen On The Idea Of Gay Parenting Until
I met my wife, who was raised by two dads. That's when I came to my senses and realized.. NO MOTHER-IN-LAW!
If your mother-in-law and a lawyer were drowning and you had to choose...
would you go to lunch or a movie?
What's the penalty for bigamy?
Two mothers-in-law.
A husband and wife are in a car crash
They are both badly injured, but recover soon enough. However, the wife's face was badly injured during the crash and she needs a skin graft to replace the skin on her cheeks.
The doctor says "The good news is, we know just the place to find the skin for your cheeks." He turns to the husband and says, "The bad news, however, is that the skin needs to come from your buttocks."
The husband quickly agrees. The wife says, "Honey, are you sure?" He says, "Of course, you're my wife, I would do anything for you!"
And so, the operation occurs. The wife's face is as restored as can be.
A while later, the wife says "Honey, how can I ever thank you for this?"
"You don't need to. I get all the satisfaction I need when my dear mother-in-law kisses your cheek."
A conversation between my mother and my wife.
Wife: Hi mom, I am so happy to see you. How long will you be staying?
Mother-in-Law: As long as you want me to...
Wife: What! you wont even stay for coffee?
An Odd Funeral...
A guy is just coming out of the store when he sees an unusual funeral procession moving down the road. In front is a black hearse, which is followed at a respectable distance of about 30 feet by another, slow moving hearse. Behind the two walks a man with a dog. And some twenty feet behind him is a line of 100 more men, walking just as slowly.
His curiosity gets the better of him and he approaches the man with the dog as they pass, falling into step beside him.
"This may not be the best time..." he begins "but I've never seen a funeral like this, so I need to ask what's going on. Who's in the first hearse?"
"My wife" says the man with the dog, mournfully. "She yelled at me, so Rover attacked and killed her." As if it feels guilty, the dog lowers its head and tail at the mention of his name.
"Oh.. oh my. I'm so sorry for your loss." Says the second guy. He walks alongside in respectful silence for a while before, once more, curiosity gets the better of him. "So whose in the second hearse?"
"My mother-in-law." comes the reply. "She tried to help my wife, so Rover killed her too."
"Oh my god, that's awful!" says the other guy, and walks alongside in respectful silence for a moment more. Eventually, he looks up and says "I don't suppose I could borrow your dog, could I?"
"Get in line." answers the guy.
A man was walking along the beach with his mother-in-law...
She was complaining about how much of a good-for-nothing husband he was to her daughter, when he saw a bottle on the ground. He picked it up, wondering what it was, when a genie popped out. The genie told the man he could make 3 wishes, but when he saw the mother-in-law, said whatever the man got, the mother-in-law would get double. The man thought for a while and agreed. "I would like 1 million dollars," the man said. "Your wish is granted," said the genie. 1 million dollars was added to the man's banking account, and 2 million to the mother-in-law's. She starts complaining, "Thanks a lot, now I'll have to manage all this money, why do you have to be so selfish?!" The next wish was for a large house, and that wish was granted. This meant the mother-in-law would have a house twice as big, and started complaining about how she would have to clean such a large house, and the taxes would be expensive.
For the man's final wish, he wished to be beaten half to death.
My dad loves telling this joke to women
Robert is walking down the street and sees two hearses followed by hundreds of men walking. At the front of the line, one man is walking his dog.
Robert walks up to the man and asks,
>"What happened?!"
The man- "My wife and mother in law died."
Robert - "Oh my God, I'm so sorry. How did they die?"
The man - "My dog bit them."
Robert - "Your dog bit them and they died?!"
The Man - "Yup"
Robert - "...Can I borrow your dog?"
The man simply smiles and says, "Get in line."
2 hearses.
One fall day Dave was out raking leaves when he noticed a hearse slowly drive by. Following the first hearse was a second hearse, which was followed by a man walking solemnly along, followed by a dog, and then about 200 men walking in single file. Intrigued, Dave went up to the man following the second hearse and asked him who was in the first hearse. "My wife," the man replied. "I'm sorry," said Dave. "What happened to her?" "My dog bit her and she died." Dave then asked who was in the second hearse. The man replied, "My mother-in-law. My dog bit her and she died as well." "Can I borrow your dog?" "Get in line." replied the man.
A man and his wife drove past the beautiful countryside...
They saw a pig, rolling in the mud, so wife said: "Your relative?"
Man replied: "Yes, mother-in-law."
You can explore mother in law mom reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean mother in law fatherhood dad jokes. There are also mother in law puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.
Two men are walking down the street
When they see 3 guys across the road beating up an older woman. Fred turns to George and says
"Hey, isn't that your mother in law over there?"
"So it is." replies George
"Well aren't you going to help?!" Fred asked.
"Nah," George replied, "I think 3 should be enough"
Horror at the zoo
A man is at the zoo with his family. Suddenly a flustered employee comes up and says
*Sir, sir! There's been a terrible accident!*
The man responds, *What happened?*
*Your mother-in-law fell into the alligator pool!*
The man, supremely calm, says to the worker, *Not my problem! You try to save those alligators.*
I was walking down the street with my wife..
And i saw my mother in law being beaten up by six men, when my wife asked "Aren't you going to help?" I said "No, six should be enough."
From Les Dawson.
I was walking down the street with my wife...
... when I saw my mother-in-law being beaten up by six men.
My wife said, "Aren't you going to help?"
I said, "Six should be enough."
*(Copyright Les Dawson, as retold by Jimmy Carr on QI.)*
A man stumbles upon a magic lamp
A man stumbles upon a magic lamp and out comes a genie. The genie says, "I will grant you any three wishes you want, but whatever you wish for I will give your mother-in-law double."
The man agrees to the terms and says, "I wish for a billion dollars." Instantly, he has a billion dollars and his mother-in-law has two billion dollars.
The man then says, "I wish for a 10,000 square foot home on 100 acres." The genie grants his wish and gives his mother-in-law a 20,000 square foot home on 200 acres.
Finally, the man cleverly says, "I wish for you to beat me half to death."
A man opens the door for his moother-in-law
And declares, "Oh, long time, no see! This is a surprise. How long will you be staying with us, this time, then?"
The mother-in-law, trying to be polite, jokinly replies with a big grin, "Until you get sick of me."
"Oh, really? You won't even stay for a cup of coffee?"
If your ex wife, and ex mother in law were drowning and you could only save one.. What kind of sandwich would you make?
My mother-in-law fell down a wishing well today...
I was amazed. I didn't know they actually worked.
My Mother in Law fell down a wishing well
I was amazed. I never knew they worked.
Two friends meet at a bar
Guy 1: Can you believe i just spent $3000 to cremate my mother-in-law?
Guy 2: Oh really? i only paid $500 to cremate my mother-in-law
Guy 1: Yeah but your mother-in-law was dead...
If a tiger was attacking your wife and mother in law at the same time and you could save one, who would it be?
The tiger of course. There are only a few left šÆ
Got my mother in law a cemetery plot for Christmas once, and the next year didn't buy her anything. When she asked me why I didn't buy a gift for her I said.....
... because you still haven't used the one I got you last year.
How to start a fight
One year, I decided to buy my mother-in-law a cemetery plot as a Christmas gift...
The next year, I didn't buy her a gift.
When she asked me why, I replied,
"Well, you still haven't used the gift I bought you last year!"
And that's how the fight started.....
A husband is with his wife at his mother-in-law's funeral...
Suddenly, the husband starts crying. His wife leans in and whispers to him:
"Why are you even crying? You never liked her anyways."
"I thought I saw her move."
A man finds his best friend crying.
He asks "what's wrong?"
His friend responds, "I got in a fight with my mother in law. She said she won't speak to me for a month."
"Sounds like a good deal to me!"
Dejected, his friend friend replied, "that was a month ago."
Mr. Smith is on vacation with his wife and mother-in-law in Jerusalem
One day, his mother-in-law dies quite suddenly. An undertaker proposes to bury the deceased there in Jerusalem.
'No, thank you,' says Mr. Smith. 'I'd rather have the body shipped back to New York.'
'But why not?' asks the undertaker. 'Shipping a body is expensive, and I could organise a beautiful ceremony here...'
'Look, sir! We're talking about my mother-in-law... Two thousand years ago, they buried a young man here who was resurrected three days later; I'm not taking any chances!'
So I saw my mother-in-law getting beaten up by six guys
"Aren't you going to do something?" My wife asked.
"Nah, six should be enough."
(Les Dawson)
Operation successful
An older gentleman was on the operating table awaiting a complicated surgery on him and.....
he insisted that his son-in-law, a renowned surgeon, perform the operation.
As he was about to get the anaesthesia, he spoke to his son-in-law.
'Yes, Dad, what is it?'
'Don't be nervous son; do your best and just remember, if something happens to me.........
........your mother in law will come and live with you.'
The surgery was a great success....
What do you call mixed emotions?
Watching your mother-in-law reverse off a cliff in your brand new car
"Where's your mother in law?"
- "She's in the garden."
- "Where? I can't see her."
- "You have to dig a little."
Anagram of "mother in law"
Woman Hitler
The police have just released my mother-in-law after questioning her about the murder of her husband.
They only spoke to her for 2 minutes before coming to the conclusion he committed suicide.
Two married men are talking: - My mother-in-law is an angel
- You're lucky, mine's still alive.
My mother-in-law fell down our well last week but she is fine
she stopped crying for help 2 days ago
Please pray for my mother-in-law. She was taken to hospital this morning. A bee landed on her face. Luckily she wasn't stung.
I was too quick with the spade.
I took my mother in law out today
I love being a sniper
I bought my mother in law a chair for her birthday...
But my wife wouldn't let me plug it in.
Two cannibals are sitting around a campfire.
One says to the other, "I hate my mother-in-law." The other says, "Then just eat the vegetables."
For the past six years I've been trying to find my mother-in-law's killer...
...but nobody wants the job.
(Courtesy of Steve Pemberton & Reece Shearsmith)
Mother-in-law
Oh, I didn't expect you at work today Mr. Brundy, isn't it your mother-in-law's funeral today?
Well you know how it is.Work first, then fun.
I saw six men kicking and punching my mother-in-law.
My neighbour said 'Well, are you going to help?' I said 'No, six should be enough.'
An American man visits the Holy Land...
An American man visits the Holy Land with his wife and mother-in-law. Sadly the mother-in-law died. When seeing the local Israeli undertaker, it was explained that they could ship the body home for $5,000. But if they buried her locally it would cost only $150. The man said to the undertaker "We'll ship her home." The undertaker asked "Are you sure? It's an awfully big expense and we can do a very nice burial here." The man replied "look, 2000 years ago they buried a guy here and three days later he rose from the dead. I can't take that chance."
My Wife just accused me of hating her side of the family and relatives.
I replied, "No, I don't hate your relatives. In fact, I like your mother-in-law a lot better than I like mine."
My mother in law was getting beaten up by four guys
and my wife shouted "Go Help", to which I replied "four should be enough".
"Diana!" I said, greeting my mother-in-law as she walked through the door...
She said, "My name's Anna."
I said, "Yeah, I know."
My wife accused me of hating her family and relatives...
Iļø said, No, in fact, Iļø like your mother in law a lot better than Iļø like mine
My mother-in-law once went on holiday with a massive case of diarrhoea.
She only found out when she opened her suitcase.
I took my mother-in-law out yesterday morning
Being a sniper is awesome
I live in constant fear that Trump will deport my Latina mother in law
Who lives at 324 3rd st. Los Angeles. She gets off at 6
I don't understand all these jokes about mothers-in-law.
Mine is sweet, supportive, and a great influence on me and my wife. I can't say anything bad about her.
I discovered my mother in law has weekly sessions with Lucifer himself on how to be even more vicious.
I've no idea what kind of fees she's charging him.
I was walking down the street with my wife.
And there down an alley we saw five men beating up my mother-in-law.
My wife screamed: "Aren't you going to help?!"
I said: "No, five seems like enough."
Years ago, my Mother-in-law began reading, "The Exorcist". She said it was the most evil book she ever read. So evil in fact, she couldn't finish it, took it to the ocean and threw it off the pier.
I went out, but another copy, ran it under the faucet, and left it beside her bed.
I've spend the last 10 years looking for my mother in law's killer...
But nobody will do it!
A man went to the hospital to visit his mother-in-law, who was in serious condition. On the way back the wife, very worried, asks: "So, honey? How's my mom doing?"
He replies: "She looks great! She is in good health! She will still live for many years! Next week she will be released from the hospital and will come and live with us, forever!"
"Wow that's amazing!" - says the wife - "But this is very strange, dear... yesterday she seemed to be on her deathbed, the doctors said she should have a few days to live!"
"Well, I don't know how she was yesterday" - he replied - "But today when I arrived at the hospital, the doctor told me that we should prepare for the worst"
Have a daughter named after my mother in law
Passive-Agressive Psycho turns 5 next week
A Russian joke my grandmother once told me. I hope it works in English.
A man sits at the deathbed of his mother-in-law.
She suffers very much and cries in agony:
"Oh I'm dying!" "It hurts" "I'm gonna die soon"
She stops for a seconds and says:
"Well at least the weather is nice today"
The man says: "hey dear, don't get distracted!"
In the court:
The judge: So is it true you saw your brother beat his mother in law?
Yes, sir
Then why didnt you try to help?
I could see he could handle her himself
A wake for my mother-in-law
Two rural gentlemen were chatting. One says, "Say, I noticed a lot of cars at your house on Saturday night. Were you having a party or something?"
"No," responds the second man. "Tragically last week one of my mules kicked my mother in law in the head, and she died suddenly"
"Oh, No!" says the first man. "So were the people there to pay their final respects?"
"No," says the second man. "Once news started to spread about the incident, men from all over the county started coming over asking if they could borrow my mule."
My mother-in-law has a massive case of diarrhea....
She probably won't find out until she gets home and starts unpacking.
Birthday Return
Friend: "What are you going to give your mother-in-law for her birthday?"
Me: "Her son back!"
Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the mother in law fatherly jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.
We suggest to use only working mother in law relatives piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.