Mother In Law Jokes
135 mother in law jokes and hilarious mother in law puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about mother in law that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
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Funniest Mother In Law Short Jokes
Short mother in law jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The mother in law humour may include short mom in law jokes also.
- I don't understand all these jokes about mothers-in-law. Mine is sweet, supportive, and a great influence on me and my wife. I can't say anything bad about her.
- My wife accused me of hating her family and relatives... I replied, "No, I don't hate your relatives. In fact, I like your mother-in-law a lot better than I like mine."
- These two cannibals are sitting by the campfire having dinner. One says " I can't stand my mother in law". The other says " so , just eat the potatoes".
- My wife accused me of hating her family and relatives... I️ said, No, in fact, I️ like your mother in law a lot better than I️ like mine
- I live in constant fear that Trump will deport my Latina mother in law Who lives at 324 3rd st. Los Angeles. She gets off at 6
- My Wife just accused me of hating her side of the family and relatives. I replied, "No, I don't hate your relatives. In fact, I like your mother-in-law a lot better than I like mine."
- I was walking down the street with my wife.. And i saw my mother in law being beaten up by six men, when my wife asked "Aren't you going to help?" I said "No, six should be enough."
From Les Dawson. - Two cannibals sat around a campfire One turned to the other and said, "God, I hate my mother-in-law."
His friend said, "Well then try the potatoes." - "Diana!" I said, greeting my mother-in-law as she walked through the door... She said, "My name's Anna."
I said, "Yeah, I know." - If your mother-in-law and a lawyer were drowning and you had to choose... would you go to lunch or a movie?
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Mother In Law One Liners
Which mother in law one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with mother in law? I can suggest the ones about parents in law and father in law.
- What's the penalty for bigamy? Two mothers-in-law.
- My Mother in Law fell down a wishing well I was amazed. I never knew they worked.
- Why Did the mother in law cross the road? She thought it was a boundary.
- Have a daughter named after my mother in law Passive-Agressive Psycho turns 5 next week
- What is the punishment for polygamy in the United States? Multiple mothers-in-law.
- My mother in law has gone a bit off the rails. Hopefully the train still gets her.
- Someone kidnapped my mother-in-law He threatened that unless I pay up, he'll release her.
- The definition of mixed emotions... My mother-in-law driving of a cliff in my new car
- My mother-in-law told me I had poor posture when standing. I stand corrected.
- I've spent years looking for my mother-in-law's killer. But nobody will do it.
- My wife's mother is a lawyer. I have a mother-in-law.
- Which newton's law creates the most noise? Newton's mother-in-law.
- Wife told me to take my mother-in-law out. One punch did it.
- My mother-in-law is like a fine wine. Too much of her gives me a headache.
- My Mother-In-Law fell down a wishing well I was amazed, I didn't think they worked.
Jewish Mother In Law Jokes
Here is a list of funny jewish mother in law jokes and even better jewish mother in law puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- What do a Jewish mother-in-law and 60 Minutes have in common? They both always start with tsk tsk tsk tsk tsk tsk tsk tsk...
Share Hilarious Mother In Law Jokes and Enjoy Unforgettable Laughter
What funny jokes about mother in law you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean daughter in law jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make mother in law pranks.
I took my mother in law out today
I love being a s**...
Anagram of "mother in law"
Woman h**...
Two men are walking down the street
When they see 3 guys across the road beating up an older woman. Fred turns to George and says
"Hey, isn't that your mother in law over there?"
"So it is." replies George
"Well aren't you going to help?!" Fred asked.
"Nah," George replied, "I think 3 should be enough"
An armed masked man bursts into a bank yelling "EVERYBODY PUT YOUR HANDS UP, THIS IS A ROBBERY!"
The patrons and staff, terrified, comply.
He's loading up his sack with cash when his mask slips off. He quickly pulls it back up and sees two guys who may have seen his face. He points his gun at the first.
"Did you see my face?"
"Yes"
BANG, he shoots him.
He then points it at the second guy.
"Did you see my face?"
The second guy points at a woman sitting far off in the reception area.
"No, but my mother in law did!"
My mother in law was getting beaten up by four guys
and my wife shouted "Go Help", to which I replied "four should be enough".
My mother in law came for a visit so I asked her - How long do you plan to stay?
Just until I start getting on your nerves, she replied.
Oh, so you won't even stay for a coffee?
"Where's your mother in law?"
- "She's in the garden."
- "Where? I can't see her."
- "You have to dig a little."
I bought my mother in law a chair for her birthday...
But my wife wouldn't let me plug it in.
I discovered my mother in law has weekly sessions with l**... himself on how to be even more vicious.
I've no idea what kind of fees she's charging him.
If your ex wife, and ex mother in law were drowning and you could only save one.. What kind of sandwich would you make?
My dad loves telling this joke to women
Robert is walking down the street and sees two hearses followed by hundreds of men walking. At the front of the line, one man is walking his dog.
Robert walks up to the man and asks,
>"What happened?!"
The man- "My wife and mother in law died."
Robert - "Oh my God, I'm so sorry. How did they die?"
The man - "My dog bit them."
Robert - "Your dog bit them and they died?!"
The Man - "Yup"
Robert - "...Can I borrow your dog?"
The man simply smiles and says, "Get in line."
A man finds his best friend crying.
He asks "what's wrong?"
His friend responds, "I got in a fight with my mother in law. She said she won't speak to me for a month."
"Sounds like a good deal to me!"
Dejected, his friend friend replied, "that was a month ago."
Operation successful
An older gentleman was on the operating table awaiting a complicated surgery on him and.....
he insisted that his son-in-law, a renowned surgeon, perform the operation.
As he was about to get the anaesthesia, he spoke to his son-in-law.
'Yes, Dad, what is it?'
'Don't be nervous son; do your best and just remember, if something happens to me.........
........your mother in law will come and live with you.'
The surgery was a great success....
I've spend the last 10 years looking for my mother in law's killer...
But nobody will do it!
If a tiger was attacking your wife and mother in law at the same time and you could save one, who would it be?
The tiger of course. There are only a few left 🐯
A man is walking along the road when he sees his mother in law being attacked by five men. His wife asks, "Aren't you going to help?".
The man says no five should be enough.
Got my mother in law a cemetery plot for Christmas once, and the next year didn't buy her anything. When she asked me why I didn't buy a gift for her I said.....
... because you still haven't used the one I got you last year.
A wake for my mother-in-law
Two rural gentlemen were chatting. One says, "Say, I noticed a lot of cars at your house on Saturday night. Were you having a party or something?"
"No," responds the second man. "Tragically last week one of my mules kicked my mother in law in the head, and she died suddenly"
"Oh, No!" says the first man. "So were the people there to pay their final respects?"
"No," says the second man. "Once news started to spread about the incident, men from all over the county started coming over asking if they could borrow my mule."
My mother in law complained that the thermometer I gave her (which she hung in a very sunny spot) wasn't showing an accurate temperature.
So I told her to stick it where the sun doesn't shine.
I was walking down the street when I saw my mother in law getting beaten up by 7 people...
Someone said "shouldn't you help?" and I replied "nah, 7 should be enough."
I've spent more than four years looking for my mother in law's killer.
But I can't find anyone to do it!
My Mother in law said to me: "I'll dance on your grave, when you're dead"
"Good!" I said, "I'm being buried at sea."
It was stormy weather outside, so I was really surprised to hear the doorbell ring.
The doorbell camera revealed it was my mother in law, completely soaked from the rain, and shivering in the icy wind. Concerned she might catch a cold, I hollered:
Please, don't just stand there!
Go home!
————————————
Disclaimer:
I really appreciate my mother in law. This is a joke (which I like to tell her once in a while). In-laws deserve to be treated with respect, just like real human beings.
When is the only time you're smiling and winking at your mother in law?
When you're looking at her through a rifle scope.
I still remember my mother in law's last words before she died.
She said Stop shaking the ladder you idiot!
My mother in law got pulled over
Cop asked:whats in the bottle?
She says :water
He says: it looks like wine!
She's: Praise the lord, Jesus did it again!
"Dad, what was the name of Adam's mother in law?"
"He didn't have a mother in law, son, because he lived in paradise"
A Man was talking with his best friend.
About how much he hates his Mother in law.
Friend says " Well without your Mother in law you wouldn't have your wife so you cant hate her."
Man says "No pretty sure thats mainly the reason I hate her."
Two cannibals are eating dinner. One says to the other "I hate my mother in law"
The other cannibal replies "Well, then just eat the noodles"
Me and my wife were having an argument about which family we will spend Christmas Day with...
I'm sure many couples can relate. I want to spend it with mine and she obviously wants to spend it with hers. It led to a big argument where she yelled, You like your family way more, you hate my relatives
I replied, That's not true, I like your mother in law way more than mine
A man sees his friend covered in blood and scratches
A man was walking and see his friend clearly exhausted, scratched and covered in blood.
- What happened to you?
- Well, I just came back from burying my mother in law.
- Sorry to hear that, but how does that explain your injuries?
- ... She didn't want to.
A 17 in blackjack is like a mother in law
Sometimes you want to hit it, but it's probably smarter not to.
Mother In Law
A husband and wife had a fight.
Wife called her mom: He fought with me again, I am coming to stay with you.
Mom: No dear, he must pay for his mistake. I am coming to stay with you!
I had dinner with my mother in law the other night. Was gonna ask "would you to pass the salt, please"
But instead my tounge twisted and I said
"You s**... cow. You've completely ruined my life."
It just doesn't make sense
You know how people donate a pint of blood and are hailed as a hero. I go into the clinic and donate 8 pints of blood already packaged. And then they gotta go call the police. Guess I have to find another way to get rid of my mother in law.
I'll try to translate this joke from Spanish
A man is walking down the road carrying a shovel when his friend sees him.
Friend: Hey Pablo, you sure do look tired. What have you been up to?
Pablo: I come from burying my mother in law.
Friend: And you're that tired? Even with how strong you are?
Pablo: The massive b**... wouldn't let me!
What is the definition of bitter sweet?
Your Mother in law driving off a cliff in your brand new Corvette.
A mother in law knocks on the door, her son in law opens it....
MIL - hi Gabe, I'm here for a visit.
Gabe - cool. How long are you here for?
MIL - I don't know, as long as you want me to.
Gabe - you mean you won't even stay for a cup of tea?
Did you hear about the roman fighter who ate his mother in law?
Terrible indigestion but he was gladiator.
A man is very worried about the future...
Anxious with fright, he visits the village soothsayer and asks him what the future holds.
''Hold your hand out for me.''
The man does as requested and the soothsayer looks at the hand, the shapes and patterns intriguing him. A bit cautiously he says ''Your mother in law will die very soon.''
''I know that already! Just tell me if the police will able to catch me or not!''
(I was watching an Afghan comedy show and this joke came up! :)
What do a slinky and your mother in law have in common?
They're both fun to watch tumble down stairs.
Mother in law and stairs
Two old friends meet each other after a long time:
A: Oh hey, what's new?
B: Nothing much, my mother in law died.
A: Oh really, d**..., how?
B: She went downstairs to the basement to get some potatoes for lunch, fell and broke her neck.
A: That's tragic, what did you do then?
B: We ordered pizza.
Two cannibals sit down to eat
The one ask to the other why he is so sad?
I don't like my mother in law
It's okay, just eat your chips then
If you are driving really fast and suddenly you see your wife and your mother in law in front of you, what will you hit first?
Brakes...... The brakes.
What do you do when your mother in law keeps b**... on the window?
Raise the oven's temperature.
In the court:
The judge: So is it true you saw your brother beat his mother in law?
Yes, sir
Then why didnt you try to help?
I could see he could handle her himself
A few years ago I called my mother in law fat and she still resents me for it
I should've known that an elephant never forgets.
What do you do when you see your mother in law standing in front of your house?
Reload and try again.
Newly Married Husband
Newly Married Husband puts a notice
in front of his residence:
FOR SALE
Computer and Encyclopedia both in
good condition.
Reason for selling:
No longer needed
Got married.
Wife knows EVERYTHING ...
with backup server called
"Mother In Law "
No present for your mother in law
At Christmas, a man just opened presents from his mother in law and she asks, "where's mine?"
He says, "I didn't get you anything this year."
Visibly upset, she asks why.
He says, "you never used what I got you last year."
She yells, " it was a burial plot!"
What do you do when you miss your mother in law?
Reload
Aim
Shoot again!
I went to the vet to get the tails of both my dogs chopped off…
My mother in law is coming to town and I wanted her to know nobody was happy to see her.
Two cannibals are having dinner together
The man says I really hate my mother in law The woman says Then try the patatoes
Two cannibals are sitting around eating dinner. One begins to complain to the other, "You know, I really don't like my mother in law."
"Then just eat the noodles."
My mother in law is Spanish
My mother in law is Spanish, so when we named our son 'Muchos' it really meant a lot to her.
"I really don't like my mother in law" said the cannibal...
"I really don't like my mother in law" said the cannibal to his friend. His friend puts his hand on the cannibals shoulder and replies, "Thats okay, just finish your chips".
After two years of a marriage...
Mother in law: it is time for you guys become 3 from 2
Daughter in law: I know, I have been asking your son to try a t**... but he refuses....
Bad news from the doctor...
Men: Doctor, how is my mother in law?
Doctor: I have some bad news.
Men: We can take her home, right?
Doctor: Yes
Dear Mother In Law,
Don't teach me how to bring up my children.
I'm living with one of yours and they need a lot of improvement.
So I took my mother in law out yesterday morning...
From 1867 yards with a Barrett M82
It was extremely difficult to switch off my mother in law's life support system.
I had to fight the doctor, my wife, and her siblings to finally do it.
Things always have a way of going badly for me.
I tried to use pins on a voodoo doll that looks like my mother in law and I ended up curing her arthritis with acupuncture.
what is the punishment for polygamy?
multiple mother in laws
I'm allowed to make racist jokes because my Mother in Law is Korean
And she love me long time
You shouldn't commit any crimes after you marry someone.
Why? Because you have a mother in law.
What is the ideal weight of your mother in law?
6 kilograms urn included.
Deep freeze prevents things go bad
And my mother in law definitely showed signs of going bad, officer.
It was a logical thing to do.
My wife's mad just because I told my mother in law I can't wait til she gets to move into one of our properties....
... we own a cemetery.
My mother in law's name is Francessca
I call her MIL-F
My mother in law is like a treasure,
I feel a strong urge to bury her on a deserted island
My mother in law is so fat, her doctor has to use a special scale to take a reading....
They cal it a Richter scale.
What do you call it when you have court woth ones mother?
A mother in law.
I made this joke up a long time ago when I was but a tike
The trampoline used to be called a jumpoline.
They changed the name to Tramponline when my Mother in law got one.
At the mortuary..
-How do you want to handle your mother in law? Do you want her incinerated, embalmed or buried?
-All of them, lets not take any chances
