Mother Birthday Jokes
57 mother birthday jokes and hilarious mother birthday puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about mother birthday that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Funniest Mother Birthday Short Jokes
Short mother birthday jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The mother birthday humour may include short daughter birthday jokes also.
- Today would've been my mother's 50th birthday... But due to drug use and bad choices We all forgot about it
- I bought my mother in law a chair for her birthday... But my wife wouldn't let me plug it in.
- My mother-in-law just asked for "bath stuff" for her birthday She seemed unimpressed with the toaster I bought her
- 60th birthday Last year my mother should have been celebrating her , but because of drugs, alcohol and many hard years of addition. we all forgot...
- "You don't look a day over fifty!" I told the mother-in-law on her birthday. Slightly ruined her 38th.
- Dad gets mom a cake for her birthday every year But for Mother's Day he gives her a cream pie.
- It was my nieces birthday so I asked her mother what present I should get her. She said 'you can't really go wrong with Frozen stuff'. So I got her a bag of peas.
- After his birthday party, a little boy goes to his mother Son: Mom, you need to act funnier, especially in front of
my friends. You never make jokes!
Mother: I made you - Birthday Return Friend: "What are you going to give your mother-in-law for her birthday?"
Me: "Her son back!" - It was my mother's 50th birthday the other day. I handed her her 50th card. She says why have you got me so many cards?!
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Mother Birthday One Liners
Which mother birthday one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with mother birthday? I can suggest the ones about wife birthday and dad birthday.
- Today is Sigmund Freud's birthday Which reminds me, Mother's Day is this weekend.
- "Daddy, what's a birthday suit?" "That's the suit I wear for your mother's birthday."
- For my birthday, my mother gave me a vehicle "Thanks for the car, Ma!"
- I'm heading to Thailand next week for a birthday party. My mother-in-law is turning 19.
- What's worse than having your birthday on Christmas? Being stillborn on Mother's Day
- I bought your mother some jewelry for her birthday. Call it "p**... my ride".
Laughter Mother Birthday Jokes for Everyone for Fun and Frivolity
What funny jokes about mother birthday you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean kids birthday jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make mother birthday pranks.
A married couple, Harry and Esther, are out shopping one morning when Esther says, "Darling, it's my mother's birthday tomorrow. What shall we buy for her? She said she would like something electric." Harry replies, "How about a chair?"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
For his birthday, little Johnny asked for a 10-speed bicycle.
His father said, “Son, we’d give you one, but the mortgage on this house is $280,000 and your mother just lost her job. There’s no way we can afford it.”
The next day the father saw little Johnny heading out the front door with a suitcase.
So he asked, “Son, where are you going?”
Little Joe told him: “I was walking past your room last night and heard you telling Mom you were pulling out. Then I heard her tell you to wait because she was coming too. And I’ll be d**... if I’m staying here by myself with a $280,000 mortgage and no bike!”
A distinguished young woman on a flight from Ireland asked the Priest beside her, "Father, may I ask a favor?"
Ҭ"Of course child. What may I do for you?"
"Well, I bought an expensive woman’s electronic hair dryer for my Mother’s birthday that is unopened and well over the Customs limits, and I’m afraid they’ll confiscate it. Is there any way you could carry it through customs for me? Under your robes perhaps?"
"I would love to help you, dear, but I must warn you: I will not lie."
"With your honest face, Father, no one will question you."
When they got to Customs, she let the priest go ahead of her.
The official asked, "Father, do you have anything to declare?"
"From the top of my head down to my waist, I have nothing to declare."
The official thought this answer strange, so asked, "And what do you have to declare from your waist to the floor?"
"I have a marvelous instrument designed to be used on a woman, but which is, to date, unused."
Roaring with laughter, the official said, "Go ahead, Father. Next!"
I asked my mother where I have been born when she told me in a hospital.
I responded: "Mom was I ill?"
A distinguished young woman on a flight from Ireland asked the Priest beside her, 'Father, may I ask a favour?'
'Of course child. What may I do for you?'
'Well, I bought an expensive woman's electronic hair dryer for my Mother's birthday that is unopened and well over the Customs limits, and I'm afraid they'll confiscate it. Is there any way you could carry it through customs for me? Under your robes perhaps?'
'I would love to help you, dear, but I must warn you: I will not lie.'
'With your honest face, Father, no one will question you.'
When they got to Customs, she let the priest go ahead of her. The official asked, 'Father, do you have anything to declare?'
'From the top of my head down to my waist, I have nothing to declare.'
The official thought this answer strange, so asked, 'And what do you have to declare from your waist to the floor?'
'I have a marvelous instrument designed to be used on a woman, but which is, to date, unused.'
A young woman on a flight from Ireland asked the priest beside her, 'Father,may I ask a favor?'
'Of course child. What can I do for you?'
'Well, I bought an expensive woman's electric hair dryer for my Mother's birthday that is unopened and well over the Customs limits, and I'm afraid they'll confiscate it. Is there any way you could carry it through customs for
me? Under your robes perhaps?
'I would love to help you, dear, but I must warn you: I will not lie.'
'With your honest face, Father, no one will question you.'
When they got to Customs, she let the priest go ahead of her..
The official asked, 'Father, do you have anything to declare?'
'From the top of my head down to my waist, I have nothing to declare.'
The official thought this answer strange, so he asked, 'And what do you have to declare from your waist to the floor?'
'I have a marvelous instrument designed to be used on a woman, but which is, to date, unused.'
Roaring with laughter, the official said, 'Go ahead, Father. Next!
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Why do women have babies? [First] [Terrible Xmas Joke from 95 Year old Grandpa]
Because they take it too seriously when men poke them in good fun.
I know, I know, this is absolutely terrible. But my 95 year old grandpa just said it at his birthday dinner with the rest of the family around... after hitting on 4 women at the restaurant old enough to be my mother. Oy.
A Priest helps a young woman at the airport
A young woman on a flight from Mexico asked the priest beside her, "Father, may I ask a favor?"
"Of course, what may I do for you?" the priest replied.
"Well, I bought an expensive hair dryer for my mother's birthday. It's unopened and over my customs limits. I'm afraid they'll confiscate it. Is there any way you could carry it through for me? Under your robes, perhaps?"
"I would love to help you, dear, but I must warn you, I will not lie," said the devout man.
"With your honest face, Father, no one will question you."
When they reached the customs area, she let the priest go ahead of her.
The official asked, "Father, do you have anything to declare?"
"From the top of my head down to my waist, I have nothing to declare."
The official thought this answer strange, so asked, "And what do you have to declare from your waist to the floor?"
"I have a marvelous instrument designed for a woman's use, but which is, to date, unused." The official said, "Go ahead, Father."
I want Tampax!
A little boy was asked by his mom what he would like for his birthday. He answered immediately: "I want Tampax!"
The mother was shocked, then asked him why in the world he would want that for his birthday.
"Because it says in the commercials that with Tampax you can go swimming, ride a horse, or go to a party any time you a want to.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
m**...-in-law
A husband and wife are shopping when the
wife says, "Darling, it's my mother's birthday tomorrow. What shall we buy for her?
Do you think she would like something electric?"
"Sure," the husband says, "how about a chair?"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Patrick wants a bike...
For his birthday, little Patrick asked for a 10-speed bicycle. His father said, "Son, we'd give you one, but the mortgage on this house is $80,000 & your mother just lost her job. There's no way we can afford it."
The next day the father saw little Patrick heading out the front door with a suitcase. So he asked, "Son, where are you going?"
Little Patrick told him, "I was walking past your room last night and heard you telling mom you were pulling out. Then I heard her tell you to wait because she was coming too. And I'll be d**... if I'm staying here by myself with an $80,000 mortgage and no bike!"
It's 2 am. A teenage girl climbs up a brick wall and slowly shimmies through her open bedroom window
"Click!" Suddenly, light quickly engulfs the room. The girl discovers her mother siting on her bed with her right hand on the lamp string and a large angry grin of disapproval on her face.
Mother - "What happened to your 12 am curfew?! Where were you??!"
Daughter - "Sigh... I'm sorry mom! Yes I meant to call... I was at Shirley's house and lost track of time! Geez!"
Mother - "That lie you just told is gonna cost you your phone for a month! Your father called me half an hour ago, he's out drinking at his favorite bar with his work friend where he said he saw you with some boy! What were you thinking?! you're underage!"
Daughter - "UGH! Mom Chill! Yes I lied ok? That boy was just my friend Daniel! You know THAT Daniel??? It was his Birthday so me and Shirley got fake I.D's and took him to a Gay Bar to mingle! What's the big deal?!..."
ilove my family...
For his birthday, I gave my son an iPhone.
My daughter received an iPod for hers.
For my birthday, I was pleased to receive an iPad.
My mother was given an iMac for her birthday.
Thinking along the same lines, I got my wife an iRon. And that's when the fight started…
A woman was shopping for her daughters birthday.
She asked the salss girl the price of some Barbie dolls. "This Barbie is $16.99," the girl said. "If you want something a little nicer, Malibu Barbie is $24.99. Or you can get Divorce Barbie for $169.99." "Why is Divorce Barbie so expensive" the mother asked. "Well," the sales girl said "Divorce Barbie comes with Ken's house and car."
Why couldn't the Buddhist monk send his mother a birthday card via email?
He had no attachments.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Mortgage
For his birthday, little Patrick asked for a 10-speed bicycle. His father said, "Son, we'd give you one, but the mortgage on this house is $80,000 & your mother just lost her job. There's no way we can afford it."
The next day the father saw little Patrick heading out the front door with a suitcase. So he asked, "Son, where are you going?"
Little Patrick told him, "I was walking past your room last night and heard you telling mom you were pulling out. Then I heard her tell you to wait because she was coming too. And I'll be d**... if I'm staying here by myself with an $80,000 mortgage and no bike!"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
On h**...'s birthday my company is discounting everything...
Everything will be nein percent off.
My mother actually came up with this..not sure if I should be concerned.
Just a whisper.
So my mother in law was in town today, and we took my son to Walmart to get him something for his birthday. I'm off looking at the fishing rods, and my son Johnny is with his grandmother.
I guess he told her he has to pee, and she got really embarrassed. Told him it's not a polite word, and he should say he has to whisper instead.
So they come find me, and he looks at me and says "Daddy, I need to whisper."
So I kneel down on the floor, and tell him to whisper in my ear. And that's the last time I let my mother in law come stay with us.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Patrick wants a bike...
For his birthday, little Patrick asked for a 15-speed bicycle. His father said, "Son, we'd give you one, but the mortgage on this house is $85,000 & your mother just lost her job. There's no way we can afford it."
The next day the father saw little Patrick heading out the front door with a suitcase. So he asked, "Son, where are you going?"
Little Patrick told him, "I was walking past your room last night and heard you telling mom you were pulling out. Then I heard her tell you to wait because she was coming too. And I'll be d**... if I'm staying here by myself with an $85,000 mortgage and no bike!"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A sad story
For his birthday, little Johnny asked for a 10-speed bicycle.
His father said, Son, we'd give you one, but the mortgage on this house is $489,000 and your mother just lost her job.
I'm sorry but there's no way we can afford it.
The next day the father saw little Johnny heading out the front door with a suitcase. So he asked, Son, where are you going?
Little Johnny told him, I was walking past your room last night and heard you telling mom you were pulling out.
Then I heard her tell you to wait because she was coming too.
And I'll be d**... if I'm staying here by myself with a $489,000 mortgage and no f**...' bike.
Amazing life hack
"How would you describe the woman who attacked you?"
\*Describes mother\*
\*Gets a copy of picture\*
\*Gives it to mum as late birthday present\*
Timmy: "My mom said you bought her Microsoft Office for her birthday. Is that true?"
Jimmy: "Word to your mother."
By asking 4 questions i can tell what your zodiac sign is
1. What's your favorite color?
2. What's your mother's maiden name?
3. What's your social security number?
4. What's your birthday?
A divorced man was delighted when his daughter reached her 18th birthday
because it would be his final child support payment. Month after month, year after year he had paid, and now at last he would be free of the financial burden.
So he called his daughter over to his house and said: "I want you to take this last check to your mother's house. You tell her this is the last check she's ever going to get from me. Then I want you to come back here and tell me the expression she had on her face."
The girl took the check and returned a couple of hours later. "Well,' said the dad gleefully, "what did she have to say?"
The girl replied: "She told me to tell you that you ain't my dad."
Before John was a traveling salesmen
Before John was a traveling salesman he worked door to door on foot. He actually came from an upper middle class family but had a healthy work ethic and a humble yet dull nature from aristocratic inbreeding a few generations back..
It was his birthday and his eccentric mother had told John he could have only one of the two presents she bought for him and she would return the other. After cake , John was led out to the front of the house where he saw a beautiful new dark blue four door sedan. The other choice was a fine black stallion of superior breeding . John looked carefully at both options then yelled Gimme the Karma
An American girl came to the checkout of a store to purchase a cake for her mother's birthday
An Englishman was at the checkout. The girl put the cake down on the counter and let the Englishman check the price.
"That'll be 10 pounds, miss" said the Englishman.
The American girl replied, "Oh, sorry, I wanted the cost not the weight."
The Englishman realised his mistake and immediately said sorry to the girl. He converted 10 pounds to American dollars and allowed the girl to hand him the money.
When she was given back the cake, the girl said," Thanks, I got really confused when you told me the weight. There must be some language barrier since you come from another planet."
Thinking outside the box
Fresh out of gift ideas, a man buys his mother-in-law a large plot in an expensive cemetery. On her next birthday, he buys her nothing, so she phones him, furious.
"What are you complaining about?" he fires back. "You still haven't used the present I gave you last year."
Here's a classic jewish joke.
A mother brings her son two new ties as a birthday gift for her adult son. Later, in the evening the two meet for dinner and the son is wearing one of the ties. His mother takes one look at him and says, You didn't like the other tie?
A Girl Was About to Celebrate her 18th Birthday
The mother asked the girl what would she like as a gift.
As the girl was not materialistic, she said even a heartfelt message that will make her cry will suffice.
And the mother said "you're adopted".
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Great grandma calling her shot
My great grandmother was notorious for kind of edgy but hilarious jokes.. she also lived to 103 and 50 weeks.
At her f**... her daughter told my brother and I about the last time she saw her. She said she was getting everything together to leave and had told her mother goodbye and that she'd be back in a few weeks to see her for her birthday. My great grandmother, said with a grin and a big laugh well, you better bring a shovel!
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I was on a date with a woman.
"When's your birthday?" I asked.
'13th of March."
"When's your mother's birthday?" I asked.
"24th of December."
"When's your father's birthday?" I asked.
"1st of October."
"Excellent," I replied. "So, when do you have s**... with someone for the first time?"
"Usually after four dates," she said.
"Ok, when's Valentine's Day?" I asked.
"Um...14th of February."
I said, "Perfect. Back to your place or mine?"
"Dad, are you planning on getting me a gift for my birthday?"
"Of course, but your mother and I would like to get you something you will enjoy, what is it you want?"
"Well, crypto is hot - how about a Bitcoin."
"A Bitcoin? Sheesh, those things cost $45,237! Do you know how long it takes me to earn $31,479? Some day you'll have a job yourself and have a better appreciation of how much $63,981 is on a pre-tax basis! I don't understand what you're going to do with a $26,109 bitcoin anyway.
Pick something else - $4,807 for a bitcoin is more than we were going spend."
My mother gave me a pendant for my birthday
It was a special gift with a picture of my late grandmother inside.
I thanked her profusely, but I had to ask, this is such a unique gift. What made you decide on this specific piece of jewelry?
She responded well, your grandmother has always been a strong, in-da-pendant type of woman
Mother decided that 10-year-old Cathy should get something 'practical' for her birthday.
Suppose we open a savings account for you?" mother suggested. Cathy was delighted.
"It's your account, darling," mother said as they arrived at the bank, "so you fill out the application."
Cathy was doing fine until she came to the space for "Name of your former bank."
After a slight hesitation, she put down: "Piggy."
This past year has been a sad one. It would have been my Mother's 60th Birthday, which we would have celebrated with the whole family. But thanks to drugs, alcohol, and a whole lot of bad decisions...
We all forgot to show up.
