Motel Jokes
64 motel jokes and hilarious motel puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about motel that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Make sure to check out these hilarious motel jokes! From jokes about Bates Motel to funny puns about Motel 6, this article offers some of the best laughs about lodging and accommodations - perfect for a chuckle when you're checking into your next inn.
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Funniest Motel Short Jokes
Short motel jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The motel humour may include short holiday inn jokes also.
- Bill Cosby enters in a bar ... ... i don't know what happens next because I suddenly woke up in a motel's room.
- A photon checks into a motel the clerk says, "Do you have any luggage? If so, I can have the bell hop take it to your room."
The photon replies, "No, I am traveling light!" - Jesus Christ walks into a motel and drops a handful of nails on the counter. He asks Can you put me up for the night ?
- A year ago I left home and since, I've only been living at guesthouses and motels. Today I celebrated my inn dependence.
- In New Orleans she was 'Honeychile', the sweetest of the bunch But on my job's expense account, she's 'gas, motel and lunch'.
- Jesus walked into a motel 6 And said Sorry innkeeper I don't have any money, but I have 3 nails. Can you put me up for the night?
- So there's this witch that owns a motel and she'll give you a discount room if you consent to her experimenting on you... The sign outside says, Come on in and rest for a spell .
- Chicken and egg check in to the motel Know this one?
They get busy, then kick back. Egg lights up a cigarette. Chicken says, 'Well that settles that.' - Jesus walks in to a motel puts a couple of nails on the counter and ask the clerk "can you put me up for a night?"
- Called the front desk of our motel and told him "I've gotta leak in the sink." He said "That's OK, just rinse it out when you're done."
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Motel One Liners
Which motel one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with motel? I can suggest the ones about hotel and hotel room.
- If someone wants to say the word "motel" backwards Just letom.
- How are a pair of skinny jeans like a cheap motel? No ballroom
- What do skinny jeans and motels have in common? No ballroom.
- Q: Why does Motel 6 "keep the light on for you" A: So the roaches won't come out.
- They called it the Fiddle Motel..... ....but it was a vile inn.
- Why does Motel 6 leave the light on for you? It keeps the roaches in hiding.
- I found the perfect hotel between a Motel 6 and a Super 8. It's called the Meaty Inn.
- When does a motel become a hotel? When your mom stays in it.
- Motel 6 is a favorite among moths. They always leave a light on for them.
- Troy Barnes no longer visits motels. The last room didn't have Abed.
:) - What do teens and cheap motels have in common? Hormones
- My wife thinks she's Motel 6. She keeps leaving the light on.
- Don't ever go to Bates Motel... a PSYCO lives there!
- what did one valve say to the other valve as he left the motel 6..... Intake it easy.
- What's the difference between a motel and a hotel? One got mo h**...'s.
Bates Motel Jokes
Here is a list of funny bates motel jokes and even better bates motel puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- How does Norman Bates get to the Bates Motel? He takes the psycho path! (I'll see myself out...)
Hilarious Fun Motel Jokes to Bring Joy & Laughter with Friends
What funny jokes about motel you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean lodge jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make motel pranks.
A priest and a rabbi are stuck on an elevator.
They strike up a friendly conversation and after a while, the priest asks the rabbi, "Tell me, did you ever, in a moment of weakness, partake in the eating of bacon."
The rabbi said, "Yes. I was staying at a motel where no one knew me and it was on the breakfast buffet."
The priest nods, empathetically. The rabbi then asks the priest a question. "Did you ever...you know...sleep with a woman?"
The priest replied, "Yes, in a period of weakness during my first year in seminary. I met a young woman at a cafe and one thing led to another and, well, yes. We had s**...."
"I see," the rabbi nodded, knowingly, before adding. "It's a heckuva lot better than bacon, isn't it?"
You Passionate
Guy I work with tells this story of working on the road, being hard up, and deciding to pick up this h**.... Of course she is not the classiest of broads and a little strung out. She gets in the car and they talk about going back to the motel room to party, but she wants to stop at the liquor store first. "Oh yeah, baby, no problem."
So they're driving down the road getting frisky and talking dirty and this girl is a freak. Squirming all around in her seat and rubbing her hands all up and down his leg and across his junk. She is n**.... She says, "Sugar, you passionate."
"Oh yeah! I'm passionate, alright. I am gonna do you so good, you're gonna have to pay me."
"No sugar! You passionate! You pash'n the liquor sto!"
Good Sunday
On their first date, a man asked his companion if she'd like a drink with dinner.
"Oh, no, what would I tell my Sunday school class?" she said.
Later, he offered her a cigarette.
"Oh, no, what would I tell my Sunday school class?" she said again.
On the drive home, he saw a motel. Figuring he had nothing to lose, he asked if she wanted to stop in there.
"Okay," his date replied.
"What will you tell your Sunday school class? he asked, shocked.
"The same thing I always tell them. 'You don't have to drink or smoke to have a good time.'"
One hundred year old man propositions a p**......
A 100 year old man propositions a p**... on the street. She is doubtful he can even get it up but she takes him to a motel room, undresses and hops in bed.
The old man shuffles to the foot of the bed and pulls out a cotton ball and a c**.... He tears the cotton ball into four equal pieces, methodically putting one piece in each nostril, and one piece in each ear.
Before he puts the last piece of cotton in his ear, the p**..., asks him, Honey, why did you put that cotton in your nose and ears?
The old man put the last bit of cotton in his ear and started strapping on the c**... and then replied to her question, There are few things I can't abide, one is the smell of burning rubber, and the other is the sound of a screaming woman!
comment: this may be a common joke. I don't tell them much or collect them. It's 20 years old at least. Heard it when I was 17.
The craziest dream
Three young guys traveling together walk into a motel and find out there is only one room left and that room has only one bed. Since it's the only motel in town, the guys decide to s**... it up for the night and share the bed. They get to their room, squeeze in, and quickly fall asleep.
The next morning, the guy on the left side of the bed wakes up and says, "I had the craziest dream. I dreamt I was getting the best h**... of my life."
The guy on the right side says, "That's amazing, I had the same dream!"
Then the guy in the middle wakes up and says, "Wow, I had the weirdest dream! I was cross-country skiing really, really fast..."
A deaf couple are on a road trip
My deaf professor told me this joke (in sign language) in college:
A deaf couple are on a road trip. The wife signs to the husband that she is tired, and they should look for a motel for the night. The husband pulls over into the next motel, and they reserve a room.
In the middle of the night, the husband wakes up with a splitting headache. He signs to his wife his wife if they have any ibuprofen. The wife groggily replies to check the glove compartment in the car.
The man, half asleep, gets out of bed, walks out to the car, and finds the pills in the glove compartment.
He gets out of the car to make his way back to the room, but immediately forgets which room is his. So he gets back into the car and SLAMS on the horn and holds it.
Little by little, every room in the motel turns on their light. All but one. That's his room!
My wife likes to talk after s**...
She calls me from the motel
Motel Deal
My wife and I were travelling cross country when we stopped in a tiny town for the night. There was only one motel.
I walked into the office and asked the clerk, "How much for one night?"
He answered, "Sixty dollars."
"Sixty dollars?" I shouted. "Don't you have anything cheaper?"
"Sure," he said. "You can get a room for half price if you don't mind making your own bed."
I agreed that this was fine.
So they put us in a room with a pile of lumber and a hammer and some nails...
An old guy walks into a church...
"- Father, I'm 92 years old, am married to a 70 year old wife and have 3 children, 7 grandchildren and 6 great-grandchildren. Yesterday, I gave a ride to 2 young college girls; they were beautiful, nice, modern, you know? After a little chit chat we stop by a motel. I had s**... with each one of them 3 times."
The priest remains silent for a few moments, but seeing that the old guy doesn't have anything else to say, he asks:
"- Are you regretful of your sins?"
"- What sins?"
"- What kind of catholic are you?!"
"- Catholic? Me? I'm an atheist."
"- Then why come here and tell me that story?"
"- I'm telling everybody."
An elderly man walks into a confessional...
An elderly man walks into a confessional. The following conversation ensues Man: "I am 92 years old, have a wonderful wife of 70 years, many children, grandchildren, and great-grandchildren. Yesterday, I picked up two college girls, hitchhiking. We went to a motel, where I had s**... with each of them three times."
Priest: "Are you sorry for your sins?"
Man: "What sins?"
Priest: "What kind of a Catholic are you?"
Man: "I'm Jewish."
Priest: "Why are you telling me all this?"
Man: "I'm 92 years old. I'm telling everybody .
So my black friend told me that he had a dream.....
Black friend: I have a dream and want to persue it.
Me: It would be better if you don't pursue it.
Black friend: Why do you say that?
Me: Because the last black guy who had a dream, got shot in a motel.
An elderly man walks into a confessional.
Man: I am 92 years old, had a wonderful wife of 70 years who recently passed away, many children, grandchildren and great grandchildren. Yesterday, I picked up two hitch-hiking college girls. We went to a motel where I had s**... with each of them three times.
Priest: Are you sorry for your sins?
Man: What sins?
Priest: What kind of a Catholic are you?
Man: I'm Jewish.
Priest: Why are you telling me all this?
Man: I'm 92 years old…I'm telling everybody!
A woman goes to the pharmacy and asks for cyanide.
The pharmacist looked stunned and couldn't believe what she had asked for but he was still curious.
"Why would you want to get cyanide?"
The women replied, "My husband has been having an affair and I want to poison him."
The pharmacist tried to reason with the woman, " I can't do this for you. I would lose my license and you and I would go to prison for this."
Then the woman reached into her purse and pulled out a picture of her husband and a woman going into a motel. Upon closer inspection the woman in the picture was the pharmacist's wife.
The pharmacist looks at the woman and says, "Why didn't you just say you had a prescription?"
A r**... couple from West Virginia get married..
That night, they stay in a cheap motel. Just as they're about to consummate the marriage, the woman says- "Be gentle- it's my first time."
The new husband gets dressed and storms home to tell his parents the devastating news:
"You did the right thing, son", says his father. "If she ain't good enough for her own family- she ain't good enough for ours!"
Three guys on a roadtrip had to share a bed in a fleabag motel after their car broke down.
They slept side-by-side. In the morning, the guy on the left said "I had the most wonderful dream. I was getting a h**... from the most beautiful woman."
"That's weird," said the guy on the right, "I had the exact same dream."
The guy in the middle said "I had a dream that I went skiing!"
Three friends are on a road trip and stop at a motel for the night.
Three friends are on a road trip and stop at a motel for the night. The receptionist tells them there is only 1 room available with 1 bed in it.
The guys are exhausted and just decide to share the bed. In the morning, the one who slept on the left side of the bed says "I just had the best dream last night, a hot girl was giving me a h**... and it felt so real". The one who slept on the right side says "That's weird, I had a similar dream."
They both turn to the friend who slept in the middle and ask him "What about you? Same dream?"
"Nah, I had a dream that I was skiing in the Alps"
3 friends are sharing one bed in a motel room
As they're waking up in the morning, the friend on the left says, "Man, I had the best dream last night that I was getting a h**...!" The friend on the right says, "That's crazy! I had the exact same dream!" Then the friend in the middle says, "Really?! I had a dream I was skiing".
A panda walks in a bar and asks the bartender if he knew any p**... around so he points to this lady sitting afar so he goes over and talks to her and both of them head to a motel... After they finish she asks him
"Arent you going to pay me?" The panda was surprised and asked her why... She told him to look up p**... and it clearly said (has s**... in exchange for money) the panda laughed and told her to look up panda and it said "eats bush and leaves"
A brunette and a blonde visit a motel
Before they go in, brunette warns her friend "Don't fill in your own address. Pick some European country. They won't know the difference.".
In the form brunette states her country of origin as "Hungary" while the blonde, trying to remain inconspicuous, writes "Thirsty".
The body of an homosexual, existentialist fugitive was found in a motel 2 years after the case went cold.
Across an entire wall the words "How do they know" were scrawled, surrounded by places and names connected by bits of string.
The police investigated this, but they couldn't decipher it beyond the ravings of a madman.
The body was found in front of a computer after people at the motel reported a gunshot early in the morning.
Apparently he had browsing 4chan. The police tried to figure out what drove him to kill himself by checking his browser history, but couldn't get any leads. It wasn't until they looked at the comments that they figured out what drove him mad.
It was a motel where married men would take their side-chicks.
A h**...-tel, if you will.
Some guy got stabbed in a motel near me last week.
I guess you could call it a bled and breakfast.
Well, there was only one thing I could say when I walked into the wrong motel room answering a Craigslist ad.
.
.
.
.
.
Wrong sub
I told my wife I'd take her to the movies after I got some s**......
So I called her from the motel and asked what she wanted to see.
I was staying in a c**... motel. In the middle of the night a beautiful woman woke me up by pounding on the door and begging me to open it. I felt so bad...
... that I decided to let her out.
A married man goes to a motel with his lover
And all of a sudden finds his father-in-law's car in the parking lot. In an attempt to prank him, he keys the car all around. After that, he goes with his lover and stays a few hours at the motel. Later, he payes a visit to his father-in-law as a surprise, and finds him very upset.
-What's wrong?- the man asks, forcing himself not to laugh.
-Awful stuff-he replies- My daughter borrowed my car to go to church, and all of a sudden returned it keyed all around!
On their first date, a man asked his companion if she'd like a drink with dinner.
"Oh, no, what would I tell my Sunday school class?" she said.
Later, he offered her a cigarette. "Oh, no, what would I tell my Sunday school class?" she said again.
On the drive home, he saw a motel. Figuring he had nothing to lose, he asked if she wanted to stop in there.
"Okay," his date replied.
"What will you tell your Sunday school class?" he asked, shocked.
"The same thing I always tell them. 'You don't have to drink or smoke to have a good time.'"
Tommy discovered his wife was cheating with another guy
so he went to the guy's wife and told her about it.
"I know what we will do", she said,
"Let's take revenge on him."
So together they went to a motel and had revenge.
After 10 minutes, she said,"Let's have more revenge",
and they took revenge again.
After 5 times, Tommy was lying spent, and she said,"Lets take revenge again."
Tommy said, "let's forgive them...............
I have no more HARD feelings left !!!"
I finally caught her.
I jumped into a cab and asked the driver to follow my wife's car. From a safe distance, I saw her turn into the motel parking lot. I told the cabbie, "I'll pay you an extra $100 if you go in there and bring her out."
Without hesitating, he jumped out of the car and trotted to the motel. After a few minutes, during which I could hear a lot of commotion, he came back to the car, dragging a woman by the arm. "Hey, what gives?", I protested. "This isn't my wife!" "I know, she's mine. I'll be right back with yours."
