Most Unexpected Jokes
117 most unexpected jokes and hilarious most unexpected puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about most unexpected that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Funniest Most Unexpected Short Jokes
Short most unexpected jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The most unexpected humour may include short sudden unexpected jokes also.
- Bilbo Baggins wakes up and hears someone singing 'Don't Stop Believing'. It was an unexpected Journey.
- Interviewer: It says here you're skilled at saying unexpected things? Me: Yes, I am.
Interviewer: Hmm, I thought you were going to say something unexpec-- oh, you're good. - Bilbo was surprised to hear of a Tesco Express opening up in the Shire... It was an unexpected item in the Baggins area
- My in-laws couldn't cope when their cat unexpectedly had 9 kittens, so my wife told me to put them in a sack and throw them in the river… I did it but it broke my heart.
I quite liked her dad… - Sometimes, someone unexpected comes into your life out of nowhere, makes your heart race, and changes you forever. We call those people cops.
- Bilbo was surprised to wake one morning, and find that a Tesco had been built right next to his house It was an unexpected item in the Baggins area
- I always make sure to call my Japanese friends before I go visit them... Turns out, they really don't like an unexpected fat man dropping in.
- Not only was John F. Kennedy's assassination an unexpected thing... It was also mind blowing.
- Unexpected She: Why is your shirt smudged with ink blots?
He: I refilled a printer cartridge at work today.
Octopus under their bed: *whispers* Tell her about us, you chicken. - My Son's #1 Concern When my three-year-old was told to pee in a cup at the doctor's office, he unexpectedly got nervous. With a shaking voice, he asked, Do I have to drink it?
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Most Unexpected One Liners
Which most unexpected one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with most unexpected? I can suggest the ones about surprisingly and expect the unexpected.
- Mr and Mrs Lee unexpectedly had their baby early So they named him SUDDEN LEE
- What was the most unexpected summer hit of all time? DES...
PA....
-nish Inquisition - Bilbo wakes up suddenly to Don't Stop Believing. It was an unexpected Journey.
- How do you call unexpected pregnancy in German? Kinder Surprise
- What do colorblind people say to the unexpected? Well that came out of the purple
- What do you call a person's tendency to discover drugs in unexpected places? potluck
- My audio editor keeps shutting down unexpectedly while I'm working. The Audacity.
- "I don't like to call it the One Ring" "I prefer 'unexpected item in the Baggins area'"
- Unexpectedly meeting a celebrity is cool, unless.... It's Chris Hansen.
- How do you call an unexpected Chinese guy? Sudden-Lee
- The other day I unexpectedly bought a cat. It was an impulse purrchase.
- Why was Pluto's child unexpected? Because it didn't plan it.
- I unexpectedly found out I'm color blind That sure came out of the yellow
- Two men unexpectedly walk into a bar Bartender: "Sorry"
- I was in Minneapolis last night… …until Mr. Apolis returned home unexpectedly…
Most Unexpected Funny Jokes And Hilarious Puns.
What funny jokes about most unexpected you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean unforeseen jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make most unexpected pranks.
Doesn't expecting the unexpected make the unexpected become the expected?
A computer is like air-conditioning.
It becomes useless when you open windows.
My friend gave me a How-To book on how to come up with jokes, and I'm halfway through.
Step 5. Your punchline should be unexpected in contrast to the delivery.
A woman had 2 pet rabbits.
When they both died unexpectedly, she decided to get them stuffed so she took them to a taxidermist.
"Would you like them mounted?" the taxidermist asked.
She thought about it for a moment and said, "no, holding hands is fine".
What did the detective say when he tripped over a pretzel left by the perp?
Well, that was an unexpected twist!
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The morticians wife.
The mortician gets a call to come pick up Schultz, who dies unexpectedly. While getting him ready for the f**..., he can't help but notice Schultz has a freakishly huge male member. So he cuts it off, puts it in a bag, and brings it home to show his wife this amazing specimen.
He gets home and says, " Honey come look at the amazing thing I found at work today!" She comes over, takes a look in the bag and shrieks loudly, "Oh my God! Schultz is dead!"
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Socrates on jokes...
Socrates: Define, for me, a punch line.
Hippias: A punch line is at the end of a joke.
Socrates: Is it a punch line simply by virtue of being at the end of said joke?
Hippias: No, it must be an unexpected statement.
Socrates: Ah, but if you know that the punch line is about to arrive, how can it be unexpected?
Hippias: True. Therefore, there can be no punch line to any joke, for such a punch line is always to be expected.
Socrates: Exactly. Last night the exact same logical conclusion was told to me by your mother, while we had i**....
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Paraprosdokians
*A paraprosdokian is a figure of speech in which the latter part of a sentence or phrase is surprising or unexpected in a way that causes the reader or listener to reframe or reinterpret the first part. Some paraprosdokians not only change the meaning of an early phrase, but they also play on the double meaning of a particular word, creating a form of syllepsis.*
Where there's a will ... I want to be in it.
I like going to the park and watching the children run around ... because they don't know I'm using blanks. (Emo Philips)
The last thing I want to do is hurt you. But it's still on my list.
You can always count on the Americans to do the right thing ... after they have tried everything else. (Winston Churchill)
I didn't say it was your fault, I said I was blaming you.
In filling out an application, where it says, 'In case of emergency, Notify:' ... I put 'DOCTOR'.
If I am reading this graph correctly ... I'd be very surprised. (Stephen Colbert)
You do not need a parachute to skydive. You only need a parachute to skydive twice.
I don't belong to an organized political party. I'm a Democrat. (Will Rogers)
Going to church doesn't make you a Christian any more than standing in a garage makes you a car.
I've had a perfectly wonderful evening, but this wasn't it. (Groucho Marx)
You're never too old to learn ...something s**....
Death
When a family member unexpectedly dies, what's the proper waiting period before removing their stick figure from the back of the minivan?
Hunger Games : Mockingjay
For the last installments of the Hunger Games series, the director has decided to make a change. In the new movies, Philip Seymour Hoffman will unexpectedly be killed by the heroine.
My dad recently passed away and loved dirty jokes. I need some new ones to cheer me and my family up.
Last week, my dad unexpectedly passed away at the age of 56. One of the many things my family loved about him was his tendency to tell dirty jokes at the most inappropriate times. Does anybody have any good ones? Hearing some new dirty jokes would really help cheer me and my family up.
Mr. Smith is Dead
A law firm receptionist answered the phone the morning after the firm's senior partner had passed away unexpectedly.
"Is Mr. Smith there?", asked the client on the phone.
"I'm very sorry, but Mr. Smith passed away last night," the receptionist answered.
"Is Mr. Smith there?", repeated the client.
The receptionist was perplexed. "Perhaps you didn't understand me I'm afraid Mr. Smith passed away last night."
"Is Mr. Smith there?", asked the client again.
"Ma'am, do you understand what I'm saying?", said the exasperated receptionist. "Mr. Smith is DEAD!"
"I understand you perfectly," the client sighed. "I just can't hear it often enough."
You know what's funny?
An unexpected shift in context.
Bilbo Baggins turns on the radio.
After a lengthy commercial break, the DJ suddenly jumps right into a new song.
"Just a small town girl..."
Bilbo was surprised, and delighted: this was unexpected Journey.
My niece told me this one, she technically messed up the joke, but I thought it was a hilarious and unexpected take on the original
"Knock knock."
"Who's there?"
"Orange."
"Orange who?"
"Knock knock."
"Who's there?"
"Orange."
"Orange who?"
"Knock knock."
"Who's there?"
"Orange."
"Orange who?"
"Knock knock."
"Who's there?"
"Banana."
"Banana who?"
"Banana you glad I didn't say orange?"
Unexpected car wash...
So a guy in a pick up truck goes to a car wash, after a few minutes he gets waved in and starts to drive away. He looks back and sees a Spanish guy drying his rear window in the bed of his truck. He freaks out, swerves and a cop who sees all of this pulls him over. While the cop is walking up to the cab of the truck, the truck driver says "no one is going to believe this!" The Spanish guy looks up and says "NO! Juan will believe this!!!"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
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My boss fired an employee unexpectedly today and everyone wants to know why...
I think it's because he was caught with a bag of c**.... But regardless, our boss told us to keep our noses out of it.
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A man walks into a bar and sees h**......
A man walks into a bar and sees h**....
"Hey, is that h**...?" he asks the bartender.
"Yeah that's Adolf and his right hand man. Have a cold beer and go introduce yourself!"
The man gets a nice cold bottle from the bartender and makes his way over to h**....
"Hello Adolf."
"How are you?" Adolf asks.
"Good, what are you doing?"
h**...'s right hand man chimes in. "We are going over plans for World War III."
"Ah, what are your plans for it?" the bar visiting man asks.
"Well, we will kill 1 million Jews and 1 bicycle repair man," Adolf's right hand man answers.
"Why are you going to kill a bicycle repair man?" asks the man.
h**... becomes excited and turns to his right hand man.
"Ha! See? I told you nobody would care about the Jews."
--
The Holocaust is a terrible thing. This is a terrible joke. However, it has made people laugh, even Jewish people because it is very unexpected. I have no issue with Jewish men or women.
A 96 year old man...
After marrying a beautiful young woman, a 96 year old man informed his doctor that he and his new wife were expecting a baby.
"Let me tell you a story," the doctor said. "An absentminded fellow went hunting, but instead of a gun, he accidentally brought his umbrella on the trip. When he was in the woods, a bear charged him unexpectedly. The man whipped out his umbrella, pointed it at the bear and shot and killed it on the spot."
"That's impossible!" the elderly man exclaimed. "Someone else shot the bear."
"My point exactly," the doctor replied.
The first Matrix director coming out as a trans-woman felt bold, unexpected and original....
.... the second one? Ehh... not so much.
In 1940 Russia, a poor man with no car was late to his daughter's wedding. He hitchhiked there with an unexpected guest who drove very slowly. What did he tell his daughter?
"Sorry I'm late. My ride was Stalin."
TIFU by clicking on a link that read "Click to see something unexpected!"
Spanish Inquisition.
What did the mom say when she found out her son took an unexpected trip north?
I don't like your latitude!
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A couple of ten years is in bed
They haven't had s**... in months. The man unexpectedly starts caressing her knees, then her tighs. She starts breathing heavily. He caresses her waist, her belly. She closes her eyes and starts biting her lips. He caresses her breast, her shoulders. She's getting there.
"Found the remote!"
So what do you all think of the new House of Cards?
I have to say that whole plot twist with Trump becoming the new president was quite unexpected.
The Queen takes the Bishop, leaving the Knight in a vulnerable position.
This royal wedding is taking an unexpected turn.
What's the worst part about an unexpected box of Crayons?
It's out of the blue.
I hate it when a whole heap of people wearing cargo pants unexpectedly gather around me and get all excited.
It's like "Boo! Khaki party!"
A man walks into a police station
with his head profusely bleeding.
Officer: What Happened
Man: My Wife hit me in the head
Officer: Why..??
Man: Her parents came over unexpectedly, so she asked me to go and get them something.
Officer: And..??
Man: I got them a taxi
What do you call an unexpected gifts store?
Present Supplies
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What do you call an award given for an unexpected h**...?
A Pull-it Surprise.
Did you hear the one about the soldier who came home unexpectedly ?
His wife woke up to find him standing at the foot of the bed with his discharge in his hands.
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Unexpected s**... is a great way to be woken up...
If you're not in prison.
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I always carry a c**... in my wallet in case a date goes unexpectedly well...
that way I can impress her with my balloon animals skills.
Just read a book about our ankle
Was a painful experience as it had a lot of unexpected twists.
A couple of cosmonauts were heading to the moon when the unexpectedly turned around
Turns out the moon was full
I was playing scrabble and my dad played the word 'stneve'
Needless to say, it was an unexpected turn of events.
Everyone knows Charles Dickens as a famous author of great classics. Lesser known is his short-lived Apple Cider business. He had to close it after complaints of unexpected pregnancies.
It may seem strange, but what do you expect when you have Dickens Cider?
What are two of the most unexpected words?
Spanish inquisition
IKEA founder Ingvar Kamprad passes away at 91.
Wonder if he collapsed unexpectedly at home?
I hate talking about my sudden unexpected erections...
But sometimes it just comes up.
A lot of things can be unexpected in life. For example...
you thought I would be giving an example.
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I think t**... is a bad name for a c**... brand...
...because of course, the Trojans were a people whose lives were ruined when a vessel containing little warriors unexpectedly exploded inside their city walls...
My Neighborhood's mechanic.
It's amazing how unexpected things happen around us, my neighborhood's mechanic was just arrested by the police for selling drugs...
Who would've known! I've been his customer for 3 years and I never realized he was a mechanic til now.
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Blonde suspects her boyfriend of cheating on her, so she goes out and buys a gun.
She goes to his apartment unexpectedly and when she opens the door she finds him in the arms of a redhead.
Well, the blonde is really angry. She opens her purse to take out the gun, and as she does so she is overcome with grief.
She takes the gun and puts it to her head.
The boyfriend yells, "No, honey, don't do it."
The blonde replies, "Shut up, you're next."
I unexpectedly won a free trip to the most scenic part of the California central coast.
It was a Big Sur prize.
I had to magic up some Italian food for an unexpected guest.
I just mixed garlic, nuts, basil, cheese, and olive oil, and *Hey Pesto!*
Have you seen the videos in which people confuse their pets by disappearing unexpectedly?
I'm sick of that sheet.
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My girlfriend sent me something unexpected.
I was having trouble with a chemistry pop quiz in school. I texted her "Sn?" She sent n**.... I just needed to know what Sn meant.
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Unexpected morning s**...:
I stumbled into the kitchen to see my wife cooking our usual breakfast of soft-boiled eggs and toast.
Barely awake, I thought perhaps I was dreaming when she suddenly took off her gown and demanded I make love with her there and then.
Soon finished, she turned back to the stove and said thanks . I said, My pleasure, dear, you seemed so inspired, thank you!
Dryly, she drawled, Don't get used to it, the egg timer's broken.
The psychic convention was unexpectedly cancelled.
No one had foreseen this.
A cow was born unexpectedly
He was a MiSTEAK
I unexpectedly had a good time today.
I was sitting next to a blonde on the train and as my station was coming up I said;
"Please excuse me, I'd like to get off".
What is the difference between a piece of fabric with elastic around the edges, designed to go on a bed, and an unexpected bout of diarrhea when wearing sandals?
One is a fitted sheet...
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My five-year-old, everyone.
My insanely witty five-year-old, ladies and gentlemen:
Step-daughter: "I'm hungry."
Me: "Nice to meet you, hungry, I'm dad."
Her: "Ahhhhgh could you not say that anymore?"
Me: "Aw why not, sweets?"
Her: "Because I don't like it when you call me names like hungry or thirsty or anything!"
Me: "Alright, I'm not going to say that anymore."
Her: "Nice to meet you, not going to say that anymore."
I had just been out-dad-joked by my five-year-old. It was so unexpected, and was the first time I think I recognized how hilarious she was with her wit. I really miss her (because of a divorce, not a f**...).
My teacher gave me a bad grade on my essay, she said the ending was too unexpected .
Guess I'll never end it with the Spanish inquisition in that class ever again...
What do you call an unexpected pruning tool?
A non-secateur.
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I like my jokes the way I like d**...
Dark and unexpected
What do you call an unexpected wiggle on a straight graph?
A plot twist.
What do you call an unexpected birth?
A Kinder Surprise.
If you're ever trying to do something unexpected, don't steal someone's abacus.
They'll be counting on that.
A girl was studying French, and doing very well at it.
One day, she asked her teacher Do you know anything about Spanish? For I know everything there is to know about French, and I need a new language.
The teacher responded What a sudden change! And why would you possibly ask me, your French teacher? This was completely unexpected!
Nobody expects the Spanish Inquisition!
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Reddit Karma is like women
At first, everyone seems to have it except you.
No one knows how they work but everyone want them.
It would look really hard to get it untill you finally get it unexpectedly, somehow.
A difference of opinion and you lose them.
But they give you a sense of value even after being repeatedly told they are pointless.
Conclusion: Karma's a b**....