Most Amusing Jokes
96 most amusing jokes and hilarious most amusing puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about most amusing that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Funniest Most Amusing Short Jokes
Short most amusing jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The most amusing humour may include short most entertaining jokes also.
- Ha - mildly amusing Haha - laughing
Hahaha - saracstic laughing
Hahahaha - Staying Alive - I just learned that 'amused' and 'bemused' don't mean the same thing. At first I laughed, but now I don't know what to think!
- What's the difference between tinder and amusement parks? Amusement parks have realistic height requirements.
- When my wife was in labor I would tell her jokes to keep her mind off the pain. She wasn't amused though. I think it was the delivery.
- Laughing scale Ha – Mildly amusing
Haha – Funny
Hahaha – Sarcastic laugh
Hahahaha – Stayin alive - I got ripped off at the amusement park. A guy sold me tickets to the ferrous wheel.
Turns out it's made of aluminium. - Hear about the vampire who quit his job at the Amusement Park? He used to set up the Hall of Mirrors but he just couldn't see himself doing it anymore.
- -Dad, did you ever fall in love with a teacher? -Yes son, the kindergarden teacher
-And what happened?
-Your mother was not amused, we had to take you to another school. - I heard a life tip that went; If you're ever too embarrassed to buy something, get a birthday card with it. The cashier wasn't amused by the birthday tampons for my wife.
- I was at an amusement park with my friends. They all said the invisible roller coaster was great, but I didn't see the attraction.
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Most Amusing One Liners
Which most amusing one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with most amusing? I can suggest the ones about funniest and amusing.
- It's amusing how Americans love Cardi-B ..but hate Cardi-o
- Do you want to hear a joke about a ghost? That's the spirit.
- Did you know Hellen Keller had an amusement park in her backyard? Neither did she.
- What does a ISIS amusement park have as a safety mechanism? Allahu lap-bar.
- [OC] What's the most ironic amusement park ride? The ferrous wheel.
- The feeling of amusement you get reading about "Florida Man" schadenflorida
- I believe god created the earth solely to amuse himself. I am a Recreationist.
- I am a theist God was not amused
- What do chefs call plants that make them laugh? Amuse Bush.
- What do you call a bunch of dolls in line at an amusement park? A Barbie-queue
- (Generic title that catches your attention) (Mildly amusing pun)
- What did Adele say when she was at the amusement park? Hello from the other ride
- I'd made a chemistry joke... ...but all the moderately amusing ones have used to death.
- Why is the clown always amused? He is surprised that he's seen as a muse
- A dyslexic man walks into a bar Unfortunately, the woman was not amused
Most Amusing Funny Jokes And Hilarious Puns.
What funny jokes about most amusing you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean world funniest jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make most amusing pranks.
As I watched the dog chasing his tail I thought "Dogs are easily amused", then I realized I was watching the dog chasing his tail.
A tourist while passing a little shop noticed the name inscribed as A. Swindler- Proprietor upon its glass window.
Curious about the rather amusing name, the tourist went inside the store and asked the shopkeeper would it not be better to use the latter's first name instead of his initial.
The shopkeeper shook his head and said "My name is Adam".
A husband, so proud...
....of the fact that his wife had given birth to 6 children, begins to call her "mother of 6" rather than by her first name. The wife was amused at first.
A few years down the road, the wife has grown tired of her husband's description. "Mother of 6, get me a beer!" This type of situation rose to a boiling point.
Finally, while at a party with her husband, he jokingly said, "Hey mother of 6, it's time to go!"
The wife shouted, "I'll be right with you - father of 4!"
[found this scrolling through YouTube Comments]
An engineer, a physicist, and a mathematician are trying to set up a fenced-in area for some sheep...
but they have a limited amount of building material. The engineer gets up first and makes a square fence with the material, reasoning that it's a pretty good working solution. "No no," says the physicist, "there's a better way." He takes the fence and makes a circular pen, showing how it encompasses the maximum possible space with the given material.
Then the mathematician speaks up: "No, no, there's an even better way." To the others' amusement he proceeds to construct a little tiny fence around himself, then declares:
"I define myself to be on the outside."
Taking the kids out
A husband and wife were discussing what to do with their two kids on the weekend. "They want to go to the zoo and the amusement park" said the wife.
"That's too expensive" said the husband. "It'll have to be one or the other."
"Well, which do you think?"
"Probably Mikey."
An old woman joins a gang.
A little old lady wanted to join a biker club.
She went to a bar where she new they hung out and a big, hairy, bearded biker with tattoos all over his arms was at the entrance.
She proclaims "I want to join your biker club."
The guy was amused and told her that she needed to meet certain biker requirements before she was allowed to join. So the biker asks her "You have a bike?"
The little old lady says "Yea, that's my Harley over there" and points to a Harley parked in the parking lot.
The biker asks her "Do you smoke?"
The little old lady says "Yea, I smoke. I smoke 4 packs of cigarettes a day and a couple of cigars while I'm shooting pool."
The biker is impressed and asks "Well, have you ever been picked up by the Fuzz?"
The little old lady says "No, never been picked up by the fuzz, but I've been swung around by my n**... a few times."
Pleasing you girlfriend.
I asked a friend of mine what ways he pleases his girlfriend since I felt I was losing some spark in the bedroom. He told me, "Try waking her up with o**... s**...."
The next morning, I woke up early to see if it would work. She wasn't too amused. She screamed, "What are you doing!? Get that out of my mouth!"
Small o**...
A fellow picked up a girl in a bar and took her home with him. After some preliminary drinks and talk, they got undressed, climbed into bed and generally got organized for a leg over.
After a few minutes, the girl started laughing. The fellow asked her what she found so amusing.
"Your o**...," she replied. "It's a bit on the small side."
Hurt, he replied, "It's not used to playing in cathedrals."
Three men shipwreck on an island known for cannibals.
As they wander the jungle they are captured by these cannibals and put in a cage. The biggest and ugliest cannibal approaches the cage and says
"Now we're fun loving cannibals and we like to play games. We'll give you a chance to escape for our amusement, with one item of your choice. If you get to the beach, then you'll be taken back to society. If you fail we shall kill you, skin you, eat you, and turn you into a canoe. Good luck."
The first man wants to go the traditional route and chooses a gun. As he runs to the beach, he runs out of ammo and the cannibals catch him, skin him, eat him, and turn him into a canoe.
The second man asks for a horse. They begrudgingly give him their only horse, and he rides towards the beach, but the cannibals spear him off the horse and skin him, eat him, and turn him into a canoe.
The third man asks for a fork. The cannibals give him a funny look and fetch him a fork. The man begins to stab himself all over. The cannibals ask him why he's making their job easier and he yells
"Try and make a canoe out of me now!"
Furniture shopping
An old favorite which might bear more than one telling is the one about the lady who visited a furniture store and ask to see a s**... couch.
The salesman, masking his amusement, politely asked, Don't you perhaps mean a section couch, madam?
No, no, she replied emphatically, I'm sure my interior decorator told me I should have a s**... couch for an occasional piece in the living room.
A lady walks into a pet store...
She sees a beautiful parrot with a sign on its cage: $10 OBO
The lady asks the pet shop owner, "Why so cheap?" The owner says "This bird used to live in a brothel, so he says a lot of inappropriate things." The lady can't pass up the deal and decides to get the bird anyway.
She gets the bird home and the first thing the bird says is "Finally cleaned up this dump, and the new madam isn't bad looking." The lady finds it amusing.
Her two teen daughters get home and the bird says "New w**... in the house, business will be booming tonight." The girls are shocked but laugh it off.
A few hours later the woman's husband gets home and the bird says "Hey Jim."
My wife wasn't amused...
Her: Be careful traffic is crazy.
Me: If I can handle you, traffic should be a cinch!
A barber, a bald guy and a professor go for a night camp in a jungle.
They decide to guard one by one during the night. Barber's turn comes first. Others sleep.
While guarding, he gets bored and amuses himself by shaving the professor's head.
Then professor's turn comes. He touches and feels his bald head and thinks, "Idiot barber has woken up the bald guy by mistake".
Stereotypical jokes
I keep making stereotypical jokes about my old man and his new Thai bride. He really doesn't find it amusing... and neither does my Dad
The Walk
I went to a mixed religion seminar.
The Christian Priest came, laid his hands on my hand and said, By the will of Jesus Christ, you will walk today!
I smiled and told him I was not paralysed.
The Rabbi came, laid his hands on my hand and said, By the will of God Almighty, you will walk today!
I was less amused when I told him there was nothing wrong with me.
The Mullah came, took my hands and said, Insha Allah, you will walk today!
I snapped at him, There's nothing wrong with me
The Buddhist Monk came, held my hands and said, By the will of The Great Buddha, you will walk today!
I rudely told him there was nothing wrong with me.
After the sermons, I stepped outside and found my car had been stolen.
A magic show...
Two friends, Bob and Hank, are watching a magician perform. Mildly amused by the standard tricks and illusions they have seen so far, their attention perks up when they see the beautiful assistant come out from behind the curtain for the saw the lady in half trick. As she is climbing into the box, Bob leans over and whispers, That's some hot broad. I'd ask her out, wouldn't you?
Nah, Hank says, I'd probably get the half that eats.
Ukrainian authorities are planning to turn the Chernobyl exclusion zone into an amusement park
They say the only difference between it and Disneyland will be that the six foot tall mouse isn't a costume.
Having a bit of a lazy day...
sitting in my underwear looking for jobs online.
My boss doesn't look amused
What did the Russian tell his nervous Socialist Dictator at the amusement park?
"Quit Stalin and get on the ride!"
What did the broke zombie amusement park say to the wealthy vampire golf course?
I just need to get fundead.
Accidentally broke my Irish friend's Pixar movie...
He wasn't amused, but he did say, You cracked me Up.
How to add extra fun during your amusement park ride ?
Carry some extra nuts and bolts with you.
as soon as the ride begins, Tap on the shoulder of the guy in front of you. Show them the nuts and bolts and ask
"Are these from your seat ? "
While my wife was in labor I read her jokes to distract her from the pain, but she didn't seem amused...
**It must have been the delivery.**
The Farmer had an ill-tempered Donkey.
The donkey would refuse to plow the fields and would kick any anyone that came close to him. One unfortunate day, the donkey kicked the farmer's wife, who died from the blow. During the f**..., thousands of men showed up from all over the province. Feeling amused, a neighbor asked the farmer, "Thats a lot of men paying their respects. Was your wife popular back in the day?"
The farmer bursts out laughing and says, "No, they're here to buy the donkey!"
At the amusement park's Haunted House, the toilets are three inches taller than normal.
They like to keep visitors on their toes.
One of my husband's duties as a novice drill instructor at Fort Jackson, S.C., was to e**... new recruits to the mess hall.
After everyone had made it through the chow line, he sat them down and told them
"There are three rules in this mess hall: Shut up!
Eat up!
Get up!"
Checking to see that he had everyone's attention, he asked, "What is the first rule?"
Much to the amusement of the other instructors, 60 privates yelled in unison, "Shut up, Drill Sergeant!"
How NOT to cheer up your overweight girlfriend
My girlfriend was sad one day, and exclaimed "I look like a huge whale".
Being the compassionate caring man that I am, I said "no you don't, you're more like a medium-sized seal".
To my surprise she was not amused, or comforted.
There are 11 kinds of people
Those who will get this joke, and be amused
Those who will get this joke, but not be amused
Those who won't get the joke.
What did Lieutenant Dan say after getting his new legs blown off?
"Oh, the iron knee!"
Note: Old joke I made up and told friends in high school, before realizing his new legs are not actually made of iron. Hope the joke is still amusing though
What do ghosts ride at an amusement park?
A roller-ghoster
It's Amusingly hypocritical for my wife to get upset at me buying a $89 samurai sword
When she has no problem spending $150 on groceries.
When God closes a door, he opens a window.
It amuses him to watch the gluttons try in vain to escape his wrath.
What did the orange say to the banana?
You look very a-peeling.
Just kidding. You look o*K*.
**The banana, like many of the people reading this, was not amused.**
The amusement park was taking photos of me on their rides without my consent
When i found out, i was fluming!
A chicken and an egg are in bed
A chicken and an egg are in bed together.
The chicken has her arms crossed and is glaring at the egg.
The egg has an amused look on his face and is smoking a cigarette.
After few moments the chicken says:
Well I guess we answered THAT question.
My girlfriend said she's breaking up with me.
When I asked why, she said it was because I talked about video games too much.
She wasn't amused when I informed her it was a dumb thing to Fallout 4.
I don't get why people find push button, receive bacon amusing
I just want to dry my hands, not eat breakfast - with wet hands
What's a jews least favorite amusement park ride?
The Holocoaster
How do you get a Pikachu onto a bus?
You poke 'im on.
(I'm sorry if this has been posted before but I just heard it and was amused)
A mouse found a lion and a fox trapped in two different cages.
The lion begged to the mouse to free it and promised not to eat it.
But then the fox said Lion's lion to you.
Amused by the joke the mouse freed the fox instead.
Just before my wedding, a man gave me some advice on where to hide all my cash
In the oven.
My wife to be wasn't amused
I find it amusing Americans call it soccer and the English call it football
Just like how I find it amusing the English call it shooting range and the Americans call it school
My uncle got a severe allergic reaction while staying in a remotely located hotel near Barcelona...
he would have died certainly as there were no hospitals close by. Suddenly we heard someone knocking on the hotel's door. Miraculously it was the hotel's in-house doctor.
We were quite amused by how the doctor showed up at the exact time he was needed.
Nobody expected the Spanish Inn Physician
Amusingly, the flow of e**... in the sewer system is well-regulated.
And thanks to modern architectural decor, it's all in all a pretty solid waste system.
I tucked my son into bed...
When I'm about to leave, he looked up at me and said, "Daddy, check for monsters under the bed." Amused, I look underneath for him and see him, another him, shaking under the bed, and he whispers: "Daddy, there's someone on my bed."
Then I grounded the twin because it's a bad joke.
A single lady goes to the convenience store a buys : 12 eggs, 1L of milk and a can of fried beans.
When she's about the pay, the clerk looks at her and guesses :
\- "You must be single, right?"
The lady, visibly amused and intrigued, asks back how could he pick that up.
The clerk replies :
\-"Because you are ugly as f\*c**...."
My teacher pointed a scale at me and said "at the end of this scale, there is an idiot"
Then i asked something and she sent me out of the class.
Apparently, asking "at which end?" did not amuse her.
I tried to translate a joke
General ordered soldier to catch a rabbit and make a soup while he is taking a nap. When he woke up he see a bowl of soup on table. Amused General asked soldier how did you catch rabbit in that short time?
Soldier replied I saw a rabbit running around and shot it immediately, it didn't even have a chance to meow
One evening a husband, thinking he was being funny, said to his wife.
Perhaps we should start washing your clothes in Slim Fast. Maybe it would take a few inches off of your b**...!"
His wife was not amused, and decided that she simply couldn't let such a comment go un-rewarded.
The next morning the husband took a pair of underwear out of his drawer. "What the Heck is this??" he said to himself as a little 'dust' cloud appeared when he shook them out.
"April," he hollered into the bathroom, "why did you put talcum powder in my underwear?"
She replied... "It's not talcum powder... it's Miracle Grow."
A pegleg man is at the amusement park...
He is a foot short for every ride.
He leaves and goes to his favorite restaurant:
IHOP.
Salesman's promise
A salesman knocked at the door and a woman answers. The salesman barges in and scatters fresh h**... all around the living room floor and the carpet.
The woman is shocked and her kids are amused.
The salesman confidently says, Do not worry. I am selling this brand new extra power vacuum cleaner. If it cannot clean up all this s**... in 15 mins, I will eat it all myself.
The woman smiles and says, Very well, so would you like some ketchup or salt with it, because the power is out since morning.. .
(An oldie but I am shopping for vacuum cleaners and this joke has been popping up in my mind.)
Place Value
This is not so much of a joke as an amusing true story.
I was teaching math to some first graders, and we had been discussing place value for the past week.
It was Friday and I had been explaining that a 1 in the one's place is worth 1, but a 1 in the ten's place was worth 10.
So, I said to the class, "Six....seven....eight....nine....................ten. One, zero. Now what does that mean."
A young fellow in the back of the room raised his hand and said, "The end of the easy numbers."
Tunnel love
A gawky lad from New England came to New York with his girl, and took her to nearby Playland Amusement Park. They had heard a lot about the Tunnel of Love and were especially anxious to try it out. But when they got home, the kids expressed disappointment.
Shucks, the boy said, it was dark and damp and uncomfortable. Besides, we got soaking wet.
How come? asked a friend. Did the boat leak?
The kid looked amazed. There's a boat?
Obit
Woman from the deepest, most southern part of Alabama goes into the local newspaper office to see that the obituary for her recently deceased husband is written. The obit editor informs her that the fee for the obituary is 50 cents a word. She pauses, reflects and then says, Well, then, let it read, 'Billy Bob died'. Amused at the woman's thrift, the editor says, Sorry ma'am, there is a 7 word minimum on all obituaries. Only a little flustered, she thinks things over and in a few seconds says, In that case, let it read, 'Billy Bob died - 1983 Pick-up for sale.'
Canoeing
Bob: You get a great deal of amusement out of your new canoe, I suppose?
Joe: Well, my wife does.
Bob: But she never rides in it!
Joe: No. She says it's safer and funnier to watch me from the shore.
Source: 1913 Newspaper
My wife asked me what that pile of clothes was doing on the floor
I told her it must be a dead Jedi.
She was not amused.
A student is blatantly cheating in an exam
The invigilator is watching in a mixture of disbelief and amusement as the student peeks at a crib sheet and looks at his neighbours papers.
At the end of the exam the students line up to hand their papers in. When the cheater gets to the front of the line the invigilator says "Uh-uh, no way. You were blatantly cheating; you don't get to submit a paper"
The student looks him in the eye and says "Do you know who I am!?"
"Not a clue!" says the invigilator.
"Good then" says the student, as he slips his paper into the middle of the stack of papers on the desk and walks out.