Most Aggressive Jokes
139 most aggressive jokes and hilarious most aggressive puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about most aggressive that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Funniest Most Aggressive Short Jokes
Short most aggressive jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The most aggressive humour may include short aggressive jokes also.
- My French girlfriend is aggressively insisting we adopt a kitten She stormed into my room and said "I think it's time you and I had a little chat"
- Sure passive income is great, but do you know how much you can make with passive aggressive income? You know what, never mind. Forget I even mentioned it…
- The best method of passive aggressiveness is simply to include the person's name at the end of your sentence, Kathy.
- What did one passive aggressive republican say to the passive aggressive democrat? I don't know, let me go check my Facebook feed.
- We have a beautiful little girl who we named after my mom; in fact, Passive Aggressive Psycho turns five tomorrow.
- So I started a new band. We scream aggressively about how broke we are to heavy guitar riffs.
We're called Debt Metal. - How many passive aggressive people does it take to change a light bulb? Don't bother, I'll do it myself.
- My crazy neighbour rang my doorbell aggressively at 3 A.M. I almost dropped my drilling machine!
- I've noticed my wife gets very aggressive about controlling the TV remote at the same time each month. It's nothing but period drama.
- I met a passive aggressive witch. She didn't curse me she just blessed everyone around me.
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Most Aggressive One Liners
Which most aggressive one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with most aggressive? I can suggest the ones about most sophisticated and most evil.
- I'm not passive aggressive. Unlike *some* people.
- The first rule of passive aggressive club is... You know what, nevermind. It's fine.
- My horse was way more aggressive than usual today it threw me off
- Don't worry if you've forgotten the first rule of Passive Aggressive Club, it's fine.
- I just watched my friend sweep a woman off her feet. He's a really aggressive janitor.
- I just swept a girl off her feet. I'm quite an aggressive janitor.
- Why are farmers aggressive gamblers? Because they raise the steaks.
- People say I'm too aggressive when I'm trading baseball cards. It's because I'm Ruthless.
- Today I aggressively plugged in my phone Needless to say, it got turned on.
- I said some stubtly racist stuff to a magpie She was a victim of my crow aggressions.
- What did the passive aggressive raven say to Edgar Allen Poe? "...ugh nevermind"
- I am not passive aggressive Unlike someone
- What do you call it when someone is angry on a dirty job? A Mike Rowe aggression.
- What do an aggressive teddy bear and this joke have in common? The punch is pretty weak
- Why was Fozzie Bear acting so aggressively? Muppet rabies.
Most Aggressive Funny Jokes And Hilarious Puns.
What funny jokes about most aggressive you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean most intelligent jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make most aggressive pranks.
My wife and I have started aggressively planning for our retirement, and by that I mean we're playing the lottery 3-5 times per week.
An 85 year old man goes to his doctor for his annual checkup...
... Doc says, Mr. Jones, I have bad news and worse news.
"Whats the worse news?"
"You have a relatively large brain tumor that is very aggressive and the treatment options are almost nonexistent, so I'm afraid you have about 6 months to live."
Mr. Jones hangs his head for a couple moments and looks up to ask, "And the bad news?"
"you have Alzheimers."
Mr. Jones frowns and says, "well, at least I don't have cancer."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Courtesy of my black high school ethics teacher.
A black man and a white woman are out on a date for the first time. Things are going well and the woman is dying to take the man home. She has never been with a black man before and all of her friends keep telling her how get it is.
She's aggressively flirting with him all night and eventually suggests that they go back to her apartment. He agrees and they grab a cab. By the time they get there, the woman is so hot to trot that she practically shoves him through the front door.
She takes him to her bedroom and then heads into the bathroom to change into s**... l**.... Thinking about the man in the other room and imagining what how big he could be, the woman gets so turned on she can barely stand it. Finally she feels prepared. Burning with desire, she steps out of the bathroom and tells him: "Alright, now show me what you black men are known for!"
So the man grabs her TV and runs out the door.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Project: Reimagined
There once was a secret government program that tried to create perfect soldiers through genetic modification, cloning, and strenuous conditioning.
What they wanted to achieve was the normal super soldier run down:
- Super strong
- Super fast
- Super smart
- Super obedient
They started out by impregnating 10 women with the altered embryos. For the sake of confidentiality the clones were numbered instead of named, 1-10.
The modifications seemed to work in some of the clones, but it caused some strange side effects in the other ones, not all of them survived childhood.
The first to go was 8. She wasn't told to eat, so she starved.
Then it was 2 and 10. 2 had become dangerously aggressive and attacked 10, who fought back just well enough.
Next went 4 to some disconnect in her nervous system.
Then 1, when she tried to escape after a mental break down.
3 and 5 committed s**....
The project was terminated after an incident where 9 went missing. In the file there was what seemed to be a transcript from an interview of 6, the terrified clone who witnessed it.
"Dr: Where has 9 gone? Has she told you her plan after she escaped.
6: 9 didn't escape.
Dr: What are you talking about? The whole base has been searched! 9 is nowhere to be found! Where is 9?
6: You aren't listening! 9 didn't escape, 7 killed her!
Dr: What? How? How did she kill her and then get rid of the body?
6: Isn't it obvious Doctor? 7 ate 9."
Old men and young women
Two elderly gentlemen were talking together.
"I guess you're never too old," the first one boasted. "Why, just yesterday a pretty college girl said she'd be interested in dating me. But to be perfectly honest, I don't quite understand it."
"Well," his friend said, "you have to remember that nowadays women are more aggressive. They don't mind being the one to ask."
"But great googly-moogly, man! I'm so much older than she!"
"Oh. Well, maybe she's attracted to the fatherly type."
"No, I don't think so. She also mentioned something about 'Carbon 14.'"
What did Stalin say when he had to sign the non-aggression pact with Germany?
"Soviet"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
The Gorilla and the r**...
A small zoo in Georgia obtained a very rare species of gorilla. Within a few weeks the gorilla, a female, became impossible to handle. Upon examination, the veterinarian determined the gorilla was in heat, and her aggressive behavior could only be relieved with s**... interaction with a male counterpart. To make matters worse, there was no male gorilla available.
After considering nearly all possible options, the Zoo Keeper thought of Bobby Lee Walton, a r**... part-time worker responsible for cleaning the animal cages. Bobby Lee, a very strong physical man, had little sense but was always bragging about his h**... tonk women. The Zoo Keeper thought they might have a solution. Bobby Lee was approached with a proposition. Would he be willing to mate with the gorilla for $500.00?
Bobby Lee showed some interest, but said he would have to think the matter over carefully. The following day, he announced that he would accept their offer, but only under four conditions:
"First", Bobby Lee said, "I ain't gonna kiss her on the lips." The Keeper quickly agreed to this condition.
"Second", he said, "you can't never tell no one about this, and I mean no one." The keeper again readily agreed to this condition.
"Third", Bobby Lee said, "In the event that there are offspring, I want all the children raised Southern Baptist." Once again it was agreed.
And last," Bobby Lee said, "I'm gonna need another week to come up with the $500.00."
The prostate examiner has been too aggressive with his patients recently....
The prostate examiner has been too aggressive with his patients recently...
Hes was caught red handed.
They're adding a new weight class to boxing.
It's to go along with "Lightweight", "Heavyweight", and the like. They're calling it "Menstruweight".
Due to being much more aggressive than the other weight classes, they're only allowed to fight for about five days out of the month.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
How many passive-aggressive people does it take to change a lightbulb?
Oh never mind, I'll just sit here in the dark...
What's it called when you throw Indian food at someone?
Naan-aggression.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
UNBELIEVABLE!!! Woman Stops Grizzly Attack With 25 Caliber p**... !
This is a story of self-control and marksmanship with an itsy bitsy shooter by a woman against a fierce predator.
What is the smallest caliber you trust to protect yourself?
While out hiking in Alberta, Canada with my boyfriend, we were surprised by a huge grizzly bear charging at us from out of nowhere. She must have been protecting her cubs because she was extremely aggressive.
If I had not had my little Beretta Jetfire with me I would not be here today!
Just one shot to my boyfriend's knee cap was all it took. The bear got him and I was able to escape by just walking away at a brisk pace.
It's one of the best pistols in my collection.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A black piece of tarmac is having a quiet drink at the pub...
...when the door bursts open and a red piece of tarmac comes storming in loud and aggressively.
The piece of black tarmac turns to the barman anxiously: *"Don't even think about serving him!"*
*"Why not?"*, the barman asks.
*"Isn't it obvious? He's a freaking cycle path!"*
A boy that lives on a farm is awakened by his mother early in the morning on the weekend.
She tells him he won't get breakfast until he does his chores. One of his chores involves feeding all the animals.
While he was feeding the animals he takes out his aggression on some of them.
He kicks a chicken, flogs a cow, and a pinches a pig.
When he finished his chores his mother just gives him a bowl of dry cereal.
When he asks why, his mother tells him that he didn't get any milk because he flogged the cow.
He didn't get any eggs because he kicked the chicken and he didn't get bacon because he harassed the pig.
Right then his father comes in trips over the cat and gives it an unmerciful kick up the hole out the door.
The boy looks at his mother and says, "Would you like to tell him or should I?"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Wifi
A man hears his neighbors having s**... very night, so In a fit of passive aggressiveness, he changes the name of his wifi network to "Icanhearyouhavingsex".
The next day when he goes to sign on to his wifi, he sees another network labeled "Wecanhearyounothavingsex"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Jesus was calling to his disciple Peter
Jesus was nailed on the cross and his followers were pushed back by the Romans.
Jesus saw his favorite disciple Peter in the crowd and called out to him, "Peter come to me."
Peter tried pushing his way to his teacher and the Romans pushed back cutting his arm in the process.
Jesus again called, "Peter come to me."
Peter pushes through the next row of Romans but again meets the blade of a soldier and his other arm is cut.
Jesus pleading now, "Peter my son, come to me."
Peter makes the final push and is now crawling missing a leg cut off by an aggressive Roman.
"I'm here my master, what is it you want to tell me?"
"Peter, I can see my house from here!"
My dog can speak English.
My dog can speak English.
When I ask him how his day was, he says "rough!"
When I ask him what sandpaper feels like he says "rough!"
When I ask him where my golf ball went he says "rough!"
And when I ask him how aggressively he likes to play he says "I prefer to minimize the chance of injury"
My Dad just told me this joke.
A man walks into a bar and sees a guy sitting next to a dog at the bar table. He comes over to the guy and says "Hey, does your dog bite?" "No" the man replies. He claps the dog and it bites his hand aggressively, blood everywhere. "Ahh! I thought you said your dog doesnt bite!?" "....Thats not my dog" replies the man.
My wife and I are the classic passive- aggressive couple...
I'm passive, she's aggressive.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
When grammar n**... correct me, I start to make errors on purpose to mess with them.
You can say I'm passive, aggressive.
Why is the computer so aggressive?
It bytes
What's a woman's best friend?
Passive-aggression.
What do you call a bipolar person's attitude?
Passive aggressive.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Did you hear about the nudists that attempted to forcefully take over a local beach?
It was roundly condemned as a case of n**... aggression.
I'm a passive aggressive driver.
I pass other drivers and then aggressively speed towards the next one.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What do you do with an aggressive Islamic German shepherd
Muslim
My wife and I were talking about our physical relationship.
"I wish you were more of a lion," she said.
"A lion? Why?" I asked.
She said, "They are masculine and aggressive."
"I wish you were more of a mule," I said.
"A mule? Why?" she asked.
I said, "They can't reproduce."
A town decided to form a clergy group to have Catholics, Jews, Protestants and Muslims gather to talk about various issues facing their places of worship.
The Rabbi went first and said they were having a terrible issue with squirrels. He said they were hanging around outside of church and aggressively begging for food. He said they were scaring their kids. The preacher said they were having the same issue, in fact, a few of the squirrels had actually gotten inside of the church and had done some damage to the roof. The Imam agreed saying that in fact one of the squirrels had bitten a few people at the mosque. The Priest then spoke up and said they used to have the same issue but had solved it. He said they took all of their squirrels, Baptized them, confirmed them, and now they only come around on Christmas and Easter.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A zookeeper notices his prize gorilla was getting aggressive..
She wouldn't eat. She wouldn't sleep. And she constantly kept trying to attack the zookeeper. So, he did some research and found out female gorillas can become depressed and aggressive when deprived from s**....
The zookeeper then looked around for another male gorilla for her to engage in i**..., but unfortunately the zoo couldn't afford to import a male gorilla just for her to have s**....
Giving his funding situation, he goes up to the janitor and asks him "Hey, for $500, would you have s**... with this gorilla?"
The janitor thought about it for a minute, and then replied "Sure, on three conditions. First condition, I don't want to kiss her."
"Okay sure! I wouldn't expect you to!"
The janitor then stated "Second condition. I don't want anyone knowing about this ordeal."
"Sure, fine! Not a problem! What's your third condition?"
Janitor said "Give me at least 2 weeks to come up with the $500"
Aggressiveness is in the eye of the beholder.
Until he punches you in the face. Then aggressiveness is inbetween the eyes of the beholder.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Can you people please stop being so condescending and passive-aggressive?
Thanks!
What movie contains the most micro aggressions?
Ant Man
What is a teenage girl's best friend?
Passive-Aggression
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
The Earth was and is still quite aggressive towards the n**......
As its always tilted on the Axis
What do you call the mafia of aggressive pepper salesmen?
The all up in yo business.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
1 in 3 homicides start with a passive aggressive note.
But of course you are too busy to read it.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I hate passive-aggressive people.
_You know what you did_
There's a group of passive aggressive people that keep saying I'm a snoopy mailman
I know because they keep writing letters about it to their friends.
What do you get when you give a computer programmer an aggressive dermal viral infection?
Open sores.
"Dad, why are they taking down the traffic lights so aggressively?"
"I don't know, son, but they sure are pulling out all the stops."
If someone does something to annoy you, DONT just be passive aggressive about.
Unlike SOME people I know.
The wife & I have just been to the cinema to see that film, Suffragette.
Two hours of a woman's struggle... full of tears, aggression, sadness, anger and frustration.
Anyway, after she finally managed to park the car in the cinema car park, we rushed in and caught the credits.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
How many passive aggressive people does it take to change a lightbulb?
I don't know. Why don't *you* change it yourself instead of waiting for other people to do it?
What do you call the practitioner of a restaurant that aggressively goes after customers who leave bad Yelp reviews?
The sous-chef.
My friends call me passive aggressive.
I tell them that I do not know what that means.
What is it called when you bully a midget?
Micro aggression
My GF says I drive aggressively.
I drive a Prius.
What is this "hurricane harvey"
Here in the north we call it the war of Atlantic aggression
A lawyer took a client who was charged with aggressively weaving objects to throw at people
He had a real basket case on his hands
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
If a dog is man's best friend, then a cat must be...
Man's snotty, passive-aggressive ex-girlfriend.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Two men were hiking in the Australian Outback.
Two men were hiking in the Australian Outback when an emu walked up to them.
One of the men was thrilled to see an emu so close up. The other man was more hesitant, for he read that emus can be very aggressive and hostile.
The man started to yell at the emu, "Go away, you big, fat, s**..., flightless bird! We don't want you here!"
The other man responded, "Dude, stop ostracizing it."
A joke walks into the bar
He starts aggressively drinking until he starts puking all over the bar.
After the he finally leaves, the bar tending looks around at all the mess and mumbles,
"Man, that was a pretty sick joke."
What do you call five aggressive people in front of a club?
Punchline.
What do you call a mildly aggressive but angsty orange vegetable?
A beta carrot teen.
What did EA get with it's micro-transaction fiasco?
Macro-Aggression
There are signs of hope in south Asia.
India and Pakistan have signed a naan-aggression pact.
I have a friend who is very passive-aggressive
All the time he is telling me: "You are an idiot who doesn't know what passive-aggressive means."
My wife and I are playing the passive aggressive thermostat game...
She is currently winning 73 to 68
Say what you will about George W Bush, but he wouldn't have stood for North Korean aggression...
He'd have invaded New Zealand by now...
TIL that male rabbits, while going through puberty, can be extremely aggressive and destructive. Veterinarians do not recommend buying them young.
As it can be quite the hair raising experience.
What do you call the libertarian head of a school?
The non-aggression Principal.
A cheerleader wants to warn her friend a bee is flying straight towards her so what does she yell?
BEE, AGGRESSIVE, BEE BEE AGGRESSIVE!
What's the most aggressive fast food business right now?
its nacho business
What do you call an aggressive knife and fork?
Cutlairy.
My mother is so passive aggressive.
She says things to me like, You can't just seem to do anything right, and that's what I really love about you.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I saw a homeless man aggressively shaking a cup of coins at me this morning
I get it. You have more money than me. No need to rub it in
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Last night, my girlfriend was aggressively yelling and screaming in the other room when she couldn't find her favourite underwear...
... man, I nearly s**... her pants.
You're at the mall when a security guard comes up to you.
He (falsely) suspects you of attempted shoplifting.
You try to explain to him that you're not, but he thinks you're getting aggressive and trying to resist arrest.
He pulls out his taser.
What happens next may shock you...
Why did REO Speedwagon have to get rid of their aggressive pet cat?
They couldn't fight this feline anymore.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Old Arabic joke going to translate the best I can
Their was a goat farmer named Kassim and his wife and one day the wife went to feed the goats. Unfortunately for her the male goat was particularly aggressive that day and mauled her to death. During her f**... the farmers brother Khalid came from another town. His brother Khalid was amazed how many people showed up to the f**... said "Kassim look how many people came to pay their respects to your wife you and her must be beloved in the area." In tears Kassim says " they are not here for the f**... they are here hoping to buy the goat".