Mosquito Jokes
141 mosquito jokes and hilarious mosquito puns to laugh out loud. Read animal jokes about mosquito that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Are you looking for a good laugh? Check out these funny mosquito jokes that will make you laugh and remind you of the importance of mosquito repellent and mosquito nets. Also find out why an elephant doesn't get bitten by mosquitoes, and explore the similarities between a mosquito and a midge.
Quick Jump To
- Short Mosquito Jokes
- Mosquito One Liners
- Mosquito Bites Jokes
- Mosquito Bite Jokes
- Mosquito Net Jokes
- Mosquito Repellent Jokes
- More Mosquito Jokes
Funniest Mosquito Short Jokes
Short mosquito jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The mosquito humour may include short insect jokes also.
- I think my cholesterol might be too high, A mosquito bit me, grabbed it's little chest and keeled over.
- A mosquito bit Hillary Clinton the other day... It was later found to have hit itself in the back of the head with a fly swatter.
- I saw a mosquito flying over my head and i caught it Then, I took off its wings and I shouted to it "Go Fly!"
but it didnt fly.
Conclusion: Mosquitoes go deaf when you remove their wings - What do you get when you cross a mosquito with a rock climber? You can't. A mosquito is a vector, but a rock climber is a scalar.
- I asked my wife what she wanted for Christmas. "Something that buzzes and is guaranteed to drive me crazy" she replied.
So I bought her a pet mosquito. - What do you get when you cross a mosquito with a mountain climber? Nothing! You can't cross a vector with a scaler.
(Great math joke that came up in Calculus the other day) - Knock knock Who's there?
Amos.
Amos who?
A mosquito.
Knock Knock
Who's there?
Ana.
Ana who?
Another mosquito.
My dad died last year. These were the only two jokes he knew. - What Africa Really needs If only Africa had more mosquito nets
Then every year we could save millions
Of mosquitos from dying needless from aids
\- Jimmy Carr - During the summer a local police station developed a mosquito problem They deployed the swat team.
- Mosquito bites nowadays can cause concussion yesterday, one of them bit my friend in his head, but fortunately I was able to kill it with a shovel
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Mosquito One Liners
Which mosquito one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with mosquito? I can suggest the ones about fly insect and biting flies.
- *tips fedora at mosquito* M'laria
- What do you call a mosquito sitting on your wife's cheek? A golden opportunity
- Mosquito bit me 8 times. Mosquito byte.
- A Mosquito landed on my wife's face... Easiest decision of my life..
- What do you get when you're bitten by a mosquito wearing a fedora? M'laria
- Did you hear about the mosquito comedian? He was malarious.
- What does the neckbeard mosquito say to the female mosquito? M'laria
- I just sprayed a mosquito with mosquito repellent. Now he'll never have any friends.
- What is a benefit of parkinson's disease? Mosquitoes don't bite you
- I love being a mosquito... People always clap when I'm around!
- What disease do neckbeard mosquitos give you? M'laria.
- What do you call a crazy guy in a room full of mosquitoes? A bit neurotic.
- I went fishing with my new tackle and got plenty of bites. trout?
No, mosquitoes. - Beggars are like mosquitos... You hope for cold weather, so they will stop bothering you.
- What do you call a funny mosquito? Malarious
Mosquito Bites Jokes
Here is a list of funny mosquito bites jokes and even better mosquito bites puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Mom: Wear your jeans! There are too many mosquitoes outside. Feminist daughter: Don't teach me what not to wear. Teach the mosquitoes how not to bite.
- Mosquito came buzzing up and landed on me, said, "I just need a place to rest and maybe a bite to eat." I said, "I feel you."
- Yesterday 8 mosquitoes bit me! I guess I now have a mosquito bite
- I was talking to some insects about my feet. I think they're pretty big, but mosquitos think they're bite-sized.
- What kind of bug bites only at your feet? Mosqui-toes
- It turns out I have really attractive genes. I get like 20 mosquito bites a day.
- Team Croatia is like a bunch of mosquito bites on your back Ic's all over that can't be scratched.
- You should consider moving to Arkansas, the don't have any mosquitoes... They all died off after biting so many methheads
- A mosquito enters a girl's skirt, where does it bites? On her boyfriend's hand
- What do pigs use on their mosquito bites? Oinkment
Mosquito Bite Jokes
Here is a list of funny mosquito bite jokes and even better mosquito bite puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- I fell in love with a mosquito.. The love bites were swell.
- What's deadlier, tigers or mosquitos? My mom: Mosquitos!
Teacher: Yes! And why?
My mom: ... Because mosquitos can bite tigers, but tigers can't bite them back - Chuck Norris doesn't use OFF!
Mosquitos instinctively know not to bite him. - Why are biting mosquitos female Well obviously because they're blood suckers
- What do you say to Harry Potter when he has a mosquito bite he can't stop scratching? Quidditching
- Who knew that by setting a mosquito free, that one day.. ..it would come back and bite me in the a**....
- I just got my a**... eaten yesterday! Yup just found the mosquito bite this morning
- You should move to Arkansas. It's absolutely lovely But what about all the mosquitoes?
They all died from ODs thanks to biting the m**... heads - How can you tell a mosquito smokes p**...? It'll only bite your joints
Mosquito Net Jokes
Here is a list of funny mosquito net jokes and even better mosquito net puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Why do Africans use mosquito nets? To protect the mosquitoes from AIDS.
- Because of lack of mosquito nets in Africa, millions of... mosquitoes each year die needlessly due to AIDS
- I think we should invest in mosquito nets for Africa We can save millions of mosquitos from needlessly dying of aids
- Please, donate to charities to provide bug nets to poor Africans. With your help, we can save millions of mosquitoes from needlessly dying of AIDS.
- If only we had more money for mosquito nets in Africa... think of all the mosquitoes we could save from dying needlessly of AIDS.
- If only Africa had more mosquito nets... We could stop millions and mosquitoes from dying needlessly of AIDS.
- We really should donate more money into mosquito nets Millions of mosquitos are needlessly dying of aids every year
- #MOSQUITOLIVESMATTERTOO If people donated mosquito nets to African homes. We could save millions of mosquitos dying needlessly of aids every year
- For just $1 a month you can send a pack of mosquito nets to Africa to prevent the spread of disease. . . Just imagine the millions of mosquitos who will be saved from dying of AIDS.
- If only we had more mosquito nets in Africa.. We could prevent tens of thousands of mosquitos from dying needlessly of AIDS each year.
Mosquito Repellent Jokes
Here is a list of funny mosquito repellent jokes and even better mosquito repellent puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- I find myself buying the same mosquito repellent my boyfriend gives me I guess you could say he's rubbing Off on me
- Stealing mosquito repellent... Jacking Off!©
- How did the scientist invent the mosquito repellent? He started from scratch
- I sprayed mosquito repellent on a mosquito Now he won't have any friends
- I sprayed insect repellant on a mosquito It didn't kill him right away. He eventually committed s**... because he couldn't stand to be around himself.
- If I spray a mosquito with mosquito repellant... Will he be so filled with self loathing that he commits s**...?
Gather Around for Fun Mosquito Jokes and Laughter with Friends
What funny jokes about mosquito you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean flies jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make mosquito pranks.
Two mosquitoes go on a date.
The gentleman opens the door to the restaurant for the lady, and goes, M'laria.
What's your favorite blonde joke?
What's the difference between a blonde and a mosquito? When you s**... it, the mosquito stops s**....
Yo mama's like a mosquito
I gotta slap her to stop s**...
What's the difference between a blonde and a mosquito?
The blonde keeps s**... after you slap her.
At Night
It is night, I'm sleeping. Gently you're moving towards me, softly touching my n**... body searching for that one special place. You've found it and you start s**... on it. You love it so much.
I hate you, mosquito.
I just had the worst experience with a mosquito.
It s**...!
Physics Joke
A mountain climber goes out drinking with his friends.
He starts complaining "My wife called me annoying last night! She compared me to a mosquito." His buddy responded. "You know what they say. You can't cross a vector with a scalar."
Chinese Philosophy.
The Great Lao-Tzu said:
"It is only when you see a mosquito
landing on your t**... that you realize
there is always a way to
solve problems without using violence.
The fly and me
I'm translating this joke from my native language so I'm hoping its just as funny in English.
The other night I saw a mosquito in my room. I kept trying to catch it till I caught it in a corner, ready to end its life, when all of a sudden it turned around and said "Wait! Surely you won't kill your own family!", I stopped in my tracks and stared at the mosquito thinking what it meant. Then I realised the mosquito wasn't lying... My blood was coursing through its veins
Confucius Say
It is only when a mosquito lands on your t**... that you realize there is always a way to solve a problem without violence.
Baby mosquito with his father
It was a baby mosquito's first day to fly out from home.
When the mosquito came back home later that day, the father mosquito asked, "How was your journey?"
The baby mosquito replied, "It went great. Everyone was clapping for me!"
There's nothing scarier then a mosquito
coming out of Magic Johnson's house
Whats the difference between a b**... slavegirl, and a mosquito?
The mosquito stops s**... if you slap it.
What's the difference between a blonde and a mosquito?
A mosquito will stop s**... when you s**... it.
*Heard this from my hubby last night.
What happens when you cross a mountain climber with a mosquito?
Nothing, you can't cross a vector with a scaler.
What is the difference between a Paul Blart Mall Cop Movie and a mosquito?
If you slap the mosquito it will stop s**....
What do you get when you cross a mountain climber and a mosquito?
You can't. A mosquito is a vector and the mountain climber is a scaler.
Courtesy of my physics professor.
What's the difference between your mom and a mosquito?
your mom doesn't stop s**... when I s**... her
What do you call a funny mosquito?
What do you call a funny mosquito?
Malarious
-My gf's homemade joke
I s**... identify as a mosquito...
... Because everyone wants to smash me.
I was walking along and I saw a guy fall into a nest of mosquitoes...
...it was malarious!
Barack Obama and Vladimir Putin went fishing...
After a couple of hours, Obama was flinging his arms around, swatting mosquitos away, while Putin sat there, watching the pond, unbothered.
"How is it, that these bloodsuckers only target my blood reserves?" Asked Obama. "They don't bite you at all!"
Putin smiled knowingly and replied: "They're not allowed to".
What's the difference between a p**... and a mosquito?
If you slap a mosquito it will stop s**....
Ladies and gentlemen
Ladies and gentlemen, hobos and tramps
crosseyed mosquitos and bowlegged ants
I've come to tell you a lie that is true.
One fine day in the middle of the night
Two dead boys rose up to fight.
Back to back they faced each other
Pulled out knives and shot each other.
Two deaf policemen heard the noise
And ran to save the two dead boys.
If you don't believe this lie is true
Go ask the blind man, he saw it too.
Why did the cockroach break up with his mosquito girlfriend?
He saw her s**... someone else.
Trump opens a window in the white house to let a fly out..
And In comes 3 bees, 5 mosquitoes, 2 Jehovah's witnesses and some i**... Mexicans.
Wife asked me what am I doing
Me: Killing Mosquitos
Wife: How many have you killed?
Me: Total 5. 2 Female and 3 Male
Wife: How did you know their gender?
Me: Three were near my beer bottle and two near my wallet
Mosquitos are like family...
Annoying but they carry your blood.
I have a lot of females s**... on me.
Unfortunately all of them are mosquitoes.
A bee, a fly, and a mosquito signed up for a website that sometimes stings, usually stinks, and mostly s**.... What website is this?
BuzzFeed
The Oxymoron poem
Ladies and Gentlemen; hobos and Tramps; bug eyed mosquitos and legged ants: I come here before you to stand behind you to tell you a story I know nothing of.
One cold dark day in the middle of the night two dead boys stood up to fight, back to back they face each other, drew their swords and shot each-other! The deaf policeman heard this noise and came and killed those two dead boys.
Now if you don't believe this lie is true, ask the blind man, he saw it to.
What do you get when you perform a bad vocal solo to a crowd of mosquitoes?
Malaria.
I am not a sexist but...
female mosquitos don't belong in a workplace. They the s**... the life right out of you.
How do you know if the mosquitos are really big?
When their s**... feels good.
A joke told my my grandfather about his time in the army.
What's something twitch streamers and Mosquitoes have in common?
They both hate being swatted.
What does an African neck beard mosquito say?
M'laria
Mosquito
A couple went 2 see a film at a theatre...
A mosquito enters the girl's skirt..
Guess where it bites?
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
Dirty Mind...
Always thinking bad and naughty......
.
.
It bites the BOY'S HAND...!
GOD: "Hey, let's make Vampires REAL. . .!"
God: "They shall drink BLOOD!"
God: "They shall be responsible for the DEATHS of more humans in history than any other creature!"
God: ". . . And they can FLY!"
God: . . .But let's troll them so they can only make annoying high pitched whiny noises
God: . . .And are only 1/2" tall. At most.
\*Creates Mosquito\*
I don't care what people think of me.
At least mosquitoes find me attractive.
What do you call an Islamic place of worship in Ecuador?
A "mosquito"
There are thousands of different mosquito species
And they all s**....
Today I learned that mosquitoes love type-B blood.
What's the difference between a h**... and a mosquito?
A mosquito will stop s**... after you slap it.
A young mosquito returns to its Mother
"How is your flight dear?" Ask the mother.
"it's great mom! Everyone clapped for me!"
God wanted to make sure that every man would get s**... at least once in his life
So he created mosquitoes
You know why people hate mosquitos?
Because they s**....
Difference between mosquito and a fly.
A mosquito can fly but a fly can't mosquito.
A young mosquito returned to it's mother
"How was your flight dear "? Asked the mother.
"It was great mom!, everyone clapped for me".
Mommy mosquito to baby mosquito after his first flight "How did it go son?"
Baby mosquito "it was great mom, everyone was clapping!"
What do you get when you cross the Aedes egypti mosquito with a mountain climber?
Nothing.
You can't cross a vector with a scaler.
A mosquito landed on my b**...
Hardest decision of my life.
How was it like, flying for the first time?
"I think I did quite well. Everybody in the room was clapping", the second mosquito said.
A baby mosquito is coming home from his first flying lesson
Son, you did good?
Terrific! Everyone clapped
It was a baby mosquito's first day to fly out from home.
When the mosquito came back home later that day, the father mosquito asked, "How was your journey?"
The baby mosquito replied, "It went great, everyone was clapping for me!"
What do a mosquito and a politician have in common?
They both s**....
And how are they different? A mosquito will stop s**... eventually.
What do you get if you cross a mountain climber with a mosquito?
You can't cross a scalar with a vector!
A mosquito is like a kid...
When he stops making noise, he is on to something!
Why did the mosquito spend a lot of time playing cards?
Because he had a great poker face.
How do you identify a female? Easy. They're the only ones that hurt you.
Male mosquitoes on the other hand are basically harmless
