The Best 89 Mosquito Jokes

Following is our collection of funny Mosquito jokes. There are some mosquito scalar jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.

Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these mosquito vector puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.

Top 10 of the Funniest Mosquito Jokes and Puns

*tips fedora at mosquito*

M'laria

Two mosquitoes go on a date.

The gentleman opens the door to the restaurant for the lady, and goes, M'laria.

What's your favorite blonde joke?

What's the difference between a blonde and a mosquito? When you smack it, the mosquito stops sucking.

Mosquito joke, What's your favorite blonde joke?

What do you get when you cross a mosquito with a mountain climber?

Nothing! You can't cross a vector with a scaler.
(Great math joke that came up in Calculus the other day)

I asked my wife what she wanted for Christmas.

"Something that buzzes and is guaranteed to drive me crazy" she replied.

So I bought her a pet mosquito.


Yo mama's like a mosquito

I gotta slap her to stop sucking

How many mosquitoes does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

Two. But I don't know how they got in there.

Mosquito joke, How many mosquitoes does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

What's the difference between a blonde and a mosquito?

The blonde keeps sucking after you slap her.

At Night

It is night, I'm sleeping. Gently you're moving towards me, softly touching my naked body searching for that one special place. You've found it and you start sucking on it. You love it so much.

I hate you, mosquito.

I just had the worst experience with a mosquito.

It sucked!

What animal gets applauded?

The mosquito.

You can explore mosquito practise reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean mosquito malarious dad jokes. There are also mosquito puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.


I was bitten by a mosquito today.

It sucked.

Computer Science joke: After you've been bit 8 times by a mosquito does that been you have a mosquito byte?

Not understanding this joke is what causes malaria.

You can't cross a mosquito with a mountainclimber

because you can't cross a vector with a scalar

Physics Joke

A mountain climber goes out drinking with his friends.
He starts complaining "My wife called me annoying last night! She compared me to a mosquito." His buddy responded. "You know what they say. You can't cross a vector with a scalar."

Chinese Philosophy.

The Great Lao-Tzu said:

"It is only when you see a mosquito
landing on your testicles that you realize

there is always a way to

solve problems without using violence.

Mosquito joke, Chinese Philosophy.

The fly and me

I'm translating this joke from my native language so I'm hoping its just as funny in English.

The other night I saw a mosquito in my room. I kept trying to catch it till I caught it in a corner, ready to end its life, when all of a sudden it turned around and said "Wait! Surely you won't kill your own family!", I stopped in my tracks and stared at the mosquito thinking what it meant. Then I realised the mosquito wasn't lying... My blood was coursing through its veins

Confucius Say

It is only when a mosquito lands on your testicles that you realize there is always a way to solve a problem without violence.

I think we should invest in mosquito nets for Africa

We can save millions of mosquitos from needlessly dying of aids


Baby mosquito with his father

It was a baby mosquito's first day to fly out from home.

When the mosquito came back home later that day, the father mosquito asked, "How was your journey?"
The baby mosquito replied, "It went great. Everyone was clapping for me!"

What's the difference between a mosquito and a hedge fund manager? A mosquito will stop sucking your blood before its head explodes.

Full disclosure: Got this from Bill Mahr

There's nothing scarier then a mosquito

coming out of Magic Johnson's house

Whats the difference between a bdsm slavegirl, and a mosquito?

The mosquito stops sucking if you slap it.

What's the difference between a blonde and a mosquito?

A mosquito will stop sucking when you smack it.

*Heard this from my hubby last night.

What do you get when you're bitten by a mosquito wearing a fedora?

M'laria

Stealing mosquito repellent...

Jacking Off!©

What happens when you cross a mountain climber with a mosquito?

Nothing, you can't cross a vector with a scaler.

What is the difference between a Paul Blart Mall Cop Movie and a mosquito?

If you slap the mosquito it will stop sucking.

What fever did Joe Dirt catch on vacation after getting bit by a mosquito?

Deeeeeeeeeeengue

What do you get when you cross a mountain climber and a mosquito?

You can't. A mosquito is a vector and the mountain climber is a scaler.

Courtesy of my physics professor.

Yesterday 8 mosquitoes bit me!

I guess I now have a mosquito bite

What's the difference between your mom and a mosquito?

Your mom doesn't stop sucking when I smack her

What do you call a mosquito sitting on your wife's cheek?

A golden opportunity

I'm Kinda hoping I get bit by a Zika mosquito.

I could use a little head.

If only we had more money for mosquito nets in Africa...

think of all the mosquitoes we could save from dying needlessly of AIDS.

What did the Russian athlete say when he was stung by a mosquito during the Summer Olympics in Rio de Janeiro?

zika blyat

What do you call a funny mosquito?

What do you call a funny mosquito?
Malarious
-My gf's homemade joke

What does the neckbeard mosquito say to the female mosquito?

M'laria

What do mosquitoes think of people who wear bug spray?

They are just OFF-full

I sexually identify as a mosquito...

... Because everyone wants to smash me.

I caught a mosquito in my hand..

It sucked.

I just sprayed a mosquito with mosquito repellent.

Now he'll never have any friends.

A mosquito bit Hillary Clinton the other day...

It was later found to have hit itself in the back of the head with a fly swatter.

I love being a mosquito...

People always clap when I'm around!

What's the difference between a prostitute and a mosquito?

If you slap a mosquito it will stop sucking.

I saw a mosquito flying over my head and i caught it

Then, I took off its wings and I shouted to it "Go Fly!"
but it didnt fly.
Conclusion: Mosquitoes go deaf when you remove their wings

Why did the cockroach break up with his mosquito girlfriend?

He saw her sucking someone else.

A teacher asked learners in a class, what's the difference between a mosquito and a fly?

All learners kept quiet except Mike Mike: a mosquito can fly but a fly can't mosquito

What happened to the biologist who swallowed mosquito larvae?

She pupaed her pants.

Did you hear about the mosquito comedian?

He was malarious.

A mosquito landed on Vladimir Putin's arm the other day...

It was later found to have swatted itself in the back of the head.

A Mosquito landed on my wife's face...

Easiest decision of my life..

Mosquito bit me 8 times.

Mosquito byte.

Mosquitos are like family...

Annoying but they carry your blood.

What do you get when you cross a mosquito with a rock climber?

You can't. A mosquito is a vector, but a rock climber is a scalar.

Mosquitoes

Mommy mosquito: How was your first day of flying?

Baby mosquito: It was great everybody was clapping for me!

A bee, a fly, and a mosquito signed up for a website that sometimes stings, usually stinks, and mostly sucks. What website is this?

BuzzFeed

How many mosquitoes does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two. But the real question is "How do they get inside?"

Because of lack of mosquito nets in Africa, millions of...

mosquitoes each year die needlessly due to AIDS

What is a muslims favourite insect?

A mosquito.

What does a mosquito plumber say?

Itsa me, Malario!

A mosquito asks her son

"How was your first flight?"
The son answers: "I think it was good, everybody clapped for me"

It turns out I have really attractive genes.

I get like 20 mosquito bites a day.

What can a mosquito do that a fly cannot?

A mosquito can fly, but a fly cannot mosquito

How do you know if the mosquitos are really big?

When their sucking feels good.





A joke told my my grandfather about his time in the army.

What Africa Really needs

If only Africa had more mosquito nets

Then every year we could save millions

Of mosquitos from dying needless from aids

\- Jimmy Carr

What does an African neck beard mosquito say?

M'laria

Why do Africans use mosquito nets?

To protect the mosquitoes from AIDS.

To be stung by a mosquito is not very pleasant.

But the thought that an insect with just 10 brain cells could mess up your entire night is something quite different.

What do you call a funny mosquito?

Malarious

It's not until a mosquito lands on your genitals...

That you realize that not everything can be solved with violence.

Mosquito

A couple went 2 see a film at a theatre...

A mosquito enters the girl's skirt..

Guess where it bites?
.
.

.
.
.
.
.
.
.

Dirty Mind...
Always thinking bad and naughty......
.

.

It bites the BOY'S HAND...!

GOD: "Hey, let's make Vampires REAL. . .!"

God: "They shall drink BLOOD!"

God: "They shall be responsible for the DEATHS of more humans in history than any other creature!"

God: ". . . And they can FLY!"

God: . . .But let's troll them so they can only make annoying high pitched whiny noises

God: . . .And are only 1/2" tall. At most.



\*Creates Mosquito\*

What do you call an Islamic place of worship in Ecuador?

A "mosquito"

There are thousands of different mosquito species

And they all suck.

What's the difference between a woman and a mosquito?

The mosquito doesn't stop sucking when she's married.

What's the difference between a hooker and a mosquito?

A mosquito will stop sucking after you slap it.

What do you call a fascist mosquito?

Benito Mosquitollini

I just got my ass eaten yesterday!

Yup just found the mosquito bite this morning

A young mosquito returns to its Mother

"How is your flight dear?" Ask the mother.

"it's great mom! Everyone clapped for me!"

Two Mosquitoes go to a Liquor Store.

One buys O- Blood, and one buys AB- Blood.

Mosquito 1: You must have really good taste.

Mosquito 2: And you're just whippin' by for a drink?

Mosquito 1: Nah, this kind's just really easy to get 'round here.

Difference between mosquito and a fly.



A mosquito can fly but a fly can't mosquito.

A young mosquito returned to it's mother

"How was your flight dear "? Asked the mother.

"It was great mom!, everyone clapped for me".

Mommy mosquito to baby mosquito after his first flight "How did it go son?"

Baby mosquito "it was great mom, everyone was clapping!"

What do you get when you cross the Aedes egypti mosquito with a mountain climber?

Nothing.

You can't cross a vector with a scaler.

Who knew that by setting a mosquito free, that one day..

..it would come back and bite me in the ass.

A mosquito landed on my balls

Hardest decision of my life.

How was it like, flying for the first time?

"I think I did quite well. Everybody in the room was clapping", the second mosquito said.

A baby mosquito is coming home from his first flying lesson

Son, you did good?
Terrific! Everyone clapped

Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the mosquito bug jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.

We suggest to use only working mosquito larvae piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.

Joko Jokes