Mosquito Jokes

What are some Mosquito jokes?

*tips fedora at mosquito*

M'laria

What's the difference between your mom and a mosquito?

Your mom doesn't stop sucking when I smack her

Confucius Say

It is only when a mosquito lands on your testicles that you realize there is always a way to solve a problem without violence.

What do you call a mosquito sitting on your wife's cheek?

A golden opportunity

Mosquito bit me 8 times.

Mosquito byte.

Whats the difference between a bdsm slavegirl, and a mosquito?

The mosquito stops sucking if you slap it.

A mosquito bit Hillary Clinton the other day...

It was later found to have hit itself in the back of the head with a fly swatter.

A Mosquito landed on my wife's face...

Easiest decision of my life..

I saw a mosquito flying over my head and i caught it

Then, I took off its wings and I shouted to it "Go Fly!"
but it didnt fly.
Conclusion: Mosquitoes go deaf when you remove their wings

What do you get when you cross a mosquito with a rock climber?

You can't. A mosquito is a vector, but a rock climber is a scalar.

What do you get when you're bitten by a mosquito wearing a fedora?

M'laria

The fly and me

I'm translating this joke from my native language so I'm hoping its just as funny in English.

The other night I saw a mosquito in my room. I kept trying to catch it till I caught it in a corner, ready to end its life, when all of a sudden it turned around and said "Wait! Surely you won't kill your own family!", I stopped in my tracks and stared at the mosquito thinking what it meant. Then I realised the mosquito wasn't lying... My blood was coursing through its veins

What do you get when you cross a mosquito with a mountain climber?

Nothing! You can't cross a vector with a scaler.
(Great math joke that came up in Calculus the other day)

I asked my wife what she wanted for Christmas.

"Something that buzzes and is guaranteed to drive me crazy" she replied.

So I bought her a pet mosquito.

Did you hear about the mosquito comedian?

He was malarious.

What Africa Really needs

If only Africa had more mosquito nets

Then every year we could save millions

Of mosquitos from dying needless from aids

\- Jimmy Carr

What does the neckbeard mosquito say to the female mosquito?

M'laria

What's the difference between a blonde and a mosquito?

A mosquito will stop sucking when you smack it.

*Heard this from my hubby last night.

I just sprayed a mosquito with mosquito repellent.

Now he'll never have any friends.

I love being a mosquito...

People always clap when I'm around!

Why did the cockroach break up with his mosquito girlfriend?

He saw her sucking someone else.

What do you get when you cross a mountain climber and a mosquito?

You can't. A mosquito is a vector and the mountain climber is a scaler.

Courtesy of my physics professor.

What do you call a funny mosquito?

Malarious

GOD: "Hey, let's make Vampires REAL. . .!"

God: "They shall drink BLOOD!"

God: "They shall be responsible for the DEATHS of more humans in history than any other creature!"

God: ". . . And they can FLY!"

God: . . .But let's troll them so they can only make annoying high pitched whiny noises

God: . . .And are only 1/2" tall. At most.



\*Creates Mosquito\*

A bee, a fly, and a mosquito signed up for a website that sometimes stings, usually stinks, and mostly sucks. What website is this?

BuzzFeed

There's nothing scarier then a mosquito

coming out of Magic Johnson's house

What's your favorite blonde joke?

What's the difference between a blonde and a mosquito? When you smack it, the mosquito stops sucking.

Mosquitos are like family...

Annoying but they carry your blood.

What does an African neck beard mosquito say?

M'laria

Two mosquitoes go on a date.

The gentleman opens the door to the restaurant for the lady, and goes, M'laria.

Yo mama's like a mosquito

I gotta slap her to stop sucking

I sexually identify as a mosquito...

... Because everyone wants to smash me.

Baby mosquito with his father

It was a baby mosquito's first day to fly out from home.

When the mosquito came back home later that day, the father mosquito asked, "How was your journey?"
The baby mosquito replied, "It went great. Everyone was clapping for me!"

What do you call a funny mosquito?

What do you call a funny mosquito?
Malarious
-My gf's homemade joke

What's the difference between a prostitute and a mosquito?

If you slap a mosquito it will stop sucking.

Chinese Philosophy.

The Great Lao-Tzu said:

"It is only when you see a mosquito
landing on your testicles that you realize

there is always a way to
​
solve problems without using violence.

What's the difference between a blonde and a mosquito?

The blonde keeps sucking after you slap her.

What happens when you cross a mountain climber with a mosquito?

Nothing, you can't cross a vector with a scaler.

At Night

It is night, I'm sleeping. Gently you're moving towards me, softly touching my naked body searching for that one special place. You've found it and you start sucking on it. You love it so much.

I hate you, mosquito.

What is the difference between a Paul Blart Mall Cop Movie and a mosquito?

If you slap the mosquito it will stop sucking.

How do you know if the mosquitos are really big?

When their sucking feels good.





A joke told my my grandfather about his time in the army.

I just had the worst experience with a mosquito.

It sucked!

Physics Joke

A mountain climber goes out drinking with his friends.
He starts complaining "My wife called me annoying last night! She compared me to a mosquito." His buddy responded. "You know what they say. You can't cross a vector with a scalar."

I caught a mosquito in my hand..

It sucked.

What do you call an Islamic place of worship in Ecuador?

A "mosquito"

Yesterday 8 mosquitoes bit me!

I guess I now have a mosquito bite

A mosquito landed on Vladimir Putin's arm the other day...

It was later found to have swatted itself in the back of the head.

To be stung by a mosquito is not very pleasant.

But the thought that an insect with just 10 brain cells could mess up your entire night is something quite different.

Because of lack of mosquito nets in Africa, millions of...

mosquitoes each year die needlessly due to AIDS

A teacher asked learners in a class, what's the difference between a mosquito and a fly?

All learners kept quiet except Mike Mike: a mosquito can fly but a fly can't mosquito

Computer Science joke: After you've been bit 8 times by a mosquito does that been you have a mosquito byte?

Not understanding this joke is what causes malaria.

What animal gets applauded?

The mosquito.

What is a muslims favourite insect?

A mosquito.

Why do Africans use mosquito nets?

To protect the mosquitoes from AIDS.

What did the Russian athlete say when he was stung by a mosquito during the Summer Olympics in Rio de Janeiro?

zika blyat

I was bitten by a mosquito today.

It sucked.

What fever did Joe Dirt catch on vacation after getting bit by a mosquito?

Deeeeeeeeeeengue

I'm Kinda hoping I get bit by a Zika mosquito.

I could use a little head.

What do mosquitoes think of people who wear bug spray?

They are just OFF-full

Mosquitoes

Mommy mosquito: How was your first day of flying?

Baby mosquito: It was great everybody was clapping for me!

What can a mosquito do that a fly cannot?

A mosquito can fly, but a fly cannot mosquito

How many mosquitoes does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two. But the real question is "How do they get inside?"

A mosquito asks her son

"How was your first flight?"
The son answers: "I think it was good, everybody clapped for me"

Mosquito

A couple went 2 see a film at a theatre...

A mosquito enters the girl's skirt..

Guess where it bites?
.
.

.
.
.
.
.
.
.

Dirty Mind...
Always thinking bad and naughty......
.

.

It bites the BOY'S HAND...!

What does a mosquito plumber say?

Itsa me, Malario!

I think we should invest in mosquito nets for Africa

We can save millions of mosquitos from needlessly dying of aids

What's the difference between a mosquito and a hedge fund manager? A mosquito will stop sucking your blood before its head explodes.

Full disclosure: Got this from Bill Mahr

Stealing mosquito repellent...

Jacking Off!Β©

If only we had more money for mosquito nets in Africa...

think of all the mosquitoes we could save from dying needlessly of AIDS.

It's not until a mosquito lands on your genitals...

That you realize that not everything can be solved with violence.

It turns out I have really attractive genes.

I get like 20 mosquito bites a day.

What do you call a Muslim mosquito?

A mosqueito.

You can't cross a mosquito with a mountainclimber

because you can't cross a vector with a scalar

What happened to the biologist who swallowed mosquito larvae?

She pupaed her pants.

How many mosquitoes does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

Two. But I don't know how they got in there.

Once in a lifetime opportunity…

Unknown: Define once in a lifetime opportunity.
Unknown: A mosquito, landing on your wife's face.

Once in a lifetime

What is once in a lifetime opportunity?

A mosquito sitting on your wife's face.:πŸ˜›

what is the difference between mosquito and prostitute?

One sucks free of cost while the other is paid for sucking

A baby mosquito had just returned after his first flight.

Daddy mosquito asked, "So, son, how did it feel?"
The baby mosquito replied, "Wow, Dad, it was wonderful. Everyone was clapping for me!"

Why do mosquitoes always leave an orchestra performance before it ends?

Because the standing ovation can be quite deadly to them

What's the difference between a lawyer and a mosquito?

One is a blood sucking parasite, and the other is an insect.

If only Africa had more mosquito nets...

We could stop millions and mosquitoes from dying needlessly of AIDS.

Why does a mosquito buzz in your ears?

It doesn't. It buzzes everywhere, only you can hear it from your ears.

What's the difference between a scalar and a vector?

One climbs mountains and the other's probably a mosquito.

Why was the young mosquito up all night and stressed out?

He was studying for a blood test

"____" walks into to a bar...

A mulatto, an albino and a mosquito walk into a bar. The bartender takes one look at them and.... nevermind.

Mosquito joke

My friends Joke.

"Maybe if mosquito had boobies they could suck each other instead of blood.

Who teaches at a mosque?

A mosquito

How to make Mosquito jokes?

We have collected gags and puns about Mosquito to have fun with. Do you want to stand out in a crowd with a good sense of humour joking about Mosquito? If Yes here are a lot more hilarious lines and funny Mosquito pick up lines to share with friends.

Joko Jokes