Mose Jokes
75 mose jokes and hilarious mose puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about mose that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
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Funniest Mose Short Jokes
Short mose jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The mose humour may include short franchise jokes also.
- I never knew how technologically advanced moses was... But today I learned he had the first tablet that could connect to the cloud.
- God said to set up a router and free Wi-Fi in the tabernacle... ...but Moses is having a little trouble finding the promised LAN.
- Why couldn't Moses adopt a kitten from the animal shelter? Because the shelter was non prophet.
- Why did Moses vote for Al Gore? Because the last time he took political orders from a Bush, his country went mucking around in the Middle East for forty years.
- Who is the first person to have downloaded data from the cloud and onto their tablet? Moses.
- If you hear a supernatural voice in your head telling you to destroy statues of the Ten Commandments, you might be mentally ill. But if the voice tells you to create them instead, you might be Moses.
- Why couldn't Moses believe his mother sent him away in a basket? Because he was in de-nile
- Little known fact, Moses had a motorcycle It literally says so in the Bible:
"And lo, the roar of Moses' Triumph was heard throughout Israel" - Who was the first person that was used technology? Moses. He had two tablets that where connected to the cloud.
- Moses came down Moses came down from Mount Sinai and announced to the people, "I just got done speaking with God." "No way!" the townspeople shouted. "Yahweh."
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Mose One Liners
Which mose one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with mose? I can suggest the ones about violins and udder.
- Moses was the first person to use Control-C as a shortcut
- How does Moses make his tea? Hebrews it.
I'm serious! That Israeli how he does it! - How does Moses make coffee? Hebrews it.
I'll show myself out. - Ever heard of that Hebrew metal band? Guns N' Moses
- Why did Moses part his hair? To make a path for the Israelice.
- Who was the first plagiarist? Moses.
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He ^could ^^control ^^^c - What did Moses say when he wanted to see through his door? Let my peephole grow!
- What did Moses use to cut the sea in half? A sea saw.
- What do you call a gun loving, Christian rock band? Guns N' Moses
- How does Moses make beer? Hebrews!
- What is Moses's favorite beer? Busch Light.
- How does Moses makes coffee ? He brews
- Moses opens his tablet. The notification says, "You have 10 unread commandments'.
- Moses went to Mount Olive. Popeye was furious.
- Why did Muhammad hire Moses to help with his start-up? He wanted to double his prophets.
Silly & Ridiculous Mose Jokes to Spread Joy & Laughter
What funny jokes about mose you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean ole jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make mose pranks.
When Moses came down the mountain, he noticed his followers had bad breath.
So he gave them the Ten Commandmints
Moses is walking down the mountain with the ten commandments...
... as he looks over them he thinks this is just too much to ask a society to do all at once. He has a plan! Just go around the world and give out one commandment at a time.
So he travels to France. "Hello people of France, I want to give you a commandment from God." The French say "Okay we're listening." Moses replies "Thou shall not commit adultery!" The French look at him and say "It's okay we don't need a commandment right now."
So he travels to Germany. "Hello people of Germany, I want to give you a commandment from God." The Germans say "Okay we're listening." Moses replies "Thou shall not Kill!" The Germans chuckle say "It's okay we don't need a commandment."
So Moses travels to Israel. "Hello people of Israel, I want to give you commandment from God." The Israelis say "Okay, how much are they?" Moses replies "Um... well they're free" The Israelis look at him and say "Okay we'll take ten."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What does Moses have in common with a h**... who visited her doctor?
Both took two tablets after discovering a burning bush.
Why did Moses lead the Jews around the desert for 40 years?
Because someone dropped a quarter.
Moses, Jesus, and an old man are playing a friendly game of golf...
Jesus, Moses, and an old man are playing a friendly game of golf.
First Moses goes. He licks his finger to check the wind. He does some simple trigonometry and then hits the golf ball. The golf ball lands in the middle of the lake. He grumbles and growls and sticks his club into the ground to part the seas. He walks into the middle of the now waterless lake and hits it onto the green. He sinks the ball with a birdie.
Next goes Jesus. Jesus puts his hands in prayer and then sets up to hit the ball. He makes contact and hits it onto the green. He puts it in for an eagle.
The old man grumbles and growls. He approaches the tee with his club in his off-hand. He takes a mighty swing and smacks the ball. The ball flies and lands on a lily-pad. It is then picked up by a frog. The frog in turn finds itself in the clutches of a falcon. The frog drops the ball and it bounces in for a hole-in-one.
At this point Moses leans towards Jesus and whisper, "I really hate playing with your old man."
Moses, Jesus and a third man are playing golf one day.
Moses is up first. He hits a nice shot, but it dips and lands in a water trap. Moses quickly raises his club, the water parts, and the ball rolls out of the trap.
Jesus is up next. He hits an almost identical shot, again landing in the water trap. The ball hovers a few inches over the surface of the water, and Jesus casually strolls out and chips the ball up onto the green.
The third man is up last. He hits a long shot, but it's going in a wrong direction. It flies off the course to the left and into traffic. It hits a truck and bounces off, landing on the roof of the pro shop and rolling down the roof until it bounces down the course. It lands in the same water trap. A frog takes the ball in its mouth when suddenly a hawk flies down, picks up the frog, and as they fly over the green the frog drops the ball into a hole for a perfect hole-in-one.
Moses turns to Jesus and says, "I hate playing with your dad."
Moses was the first hippie.
He was a guy who came from the hills with long hair and sandals, and he brought with him tablets that made everybody feel good.
So Moses decides to become a superhero...
...he creates a costume and calls himself The Crimson Crusader, with a crimson coloured 'C' on his belt. In line with his new superhero duties, he goes out to look for trouble and sure enough, he sees a man getting beat up by a gang of thugs. Moses approaches the thugs and attempts to engage in contact, however he is too weak and the thugs overpower him as well. Moses manages to escape the brawl and throws his belt with the Crimson 'C' on the floor. Suddenly, Moses becomes powerful and defeats the gang of thugs with ease. The man is grateful and asks Moses, "What happened? How did you get stronger so quickly?"
"Well" Moses replied, "I just parted with the red C."
How did Moses make get his coffee?
He went to Starbucks.
How did Moses make his tea?
Moses Malone died.
I am sure that when everyone heard he was sick, they just assumed he would rebound.
How did Moses feel after falling for a craigslist scam?
Egypt.
Moses parts the Hi-C...
...To save the juice
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Why did Moses only go down on redheaded girls?
He's into that burning bush.
Why did moses break his glasses in half?
He wanted to part his sees.
What did Moses say to the guy who wanted a boat
I Noah guy
What did Moses say when Isaiah told him the levy had burst?
God Dam It!
Moses walks into a bar
And says "I'll just halve water"
Moses was computer savvy..
..He had two tablets!
Moses Meets Dubya
George W. Bush was getting off of Airforce One in Israel, when he walked passed Moses, who didn't seem to notice him. He turned to Moses and said, "I am George W. Bush, the President of the USA, the most powerful nation on earth. Why didn't you greet me?"
Moses replied, "The last time I spoke to a bush, we starved for 40 years!"
Why did Moses see a burning bush as God?
Because God planned on giving him his first tablets then.
The mistake? They were Samsung Galaxy Note tablets.
What does Moses use to make his coffee?
Holy grounds.
Moses and Joshua found a class of water in the fridge...
They decided to split it.
Moses is out playing golf with two of his buddies in heaven.
He takes a few swings and gets par on the current hole. The next guy swings and gets a hole in one. Moses says to the guy "Hey, Jesus you're pretty good!" The third guy takes a swing and misses completely hitting a tree and bouncing into the pond. Then a fish jumps out of the water with the golf ball and the fish is snatched by an eagle. The eagle flies over and the fish drops the golf straight into the hole. Moses looks at Jesus and exclaims "This is why I never play with your dad. He always cheats."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Moses doesn't mind period s**....
He's used to being in the red sea.
How did moses die?
He head dived into a pool.
Moses may have parted the Red Sea...
But tampons were able to drain it.
How does Moses troll Jesus?
He parts the water that Jesus is trying to walk on
Moses was sent by the Israelites...
to the top of Mount Sinai to negotiate with God over the commandments. After a month of intense discussion, an exhausted Moses came down with a list of 200 commandments.
The Israelites, however, weren't happy with this, and sent him back up to negotiate a better deal.
A week later, a washed out Moses returned from his mission.
"I've got some good news and some bad news," Moses told the Israelites.
"The good news is that I've gotten the list down to ten.
The bad news is that adultery is still on there."
What did Moses say to jews in Egypt.
Lets desert this desert.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What did Moses say to his colon when he was constipated?
"Let my f**... go."
Why did Moses get invited to so many English gatherings?
Cuz the dude knew how to part tea.
What did Moses say when Pharaoh put locks on all the bathrooms?
Let my people go
What was moses feeling when his mum put him in a basket on a river?
He was in denial
What did Moses do after he got a bladder infection?
Parted the Red Pea
Said Moses after smashing the Ten Commandments:
It's okay, I have a backup in the cloud.
Will moses be at the president's cremation?
To witness another burning bush.
What does Moses like to do in his free time?
Television
Where was Moses when the lights went out?
In the dark
Moseses parents didn't start off rich
but they made a handsome profit
Why did it take Moses 40 years to cross the desert?
He got paid by the hour.
Moses reaches the bottom of Mt. Sinai, gathers the people together, and says, "Alright everyone, I've got good news and bad news. The good news is that I got him down to 10."
"The bad news is adultery stays."
Moses was walking down the street when he bumped into George W. Bush.
Moses was walking down the street when he bumped into George W. Bush. Hello, Bush said. Nice weather we're having, huh? Moses took one look at the President, turned, and ran in the other direction.
The next day Moses was walking down the same street and there was Bush. Again he tried to initiate a conversation. Again Moses turned and ran away.
Bush was tired of this bizarre treatment, so the next time Moses ran away from him, Bush followed. When he caught up, he asked Moses what was wrong.
Moses said, The last time I talked to a bush I spent 40 years in the desert.
How does Moses style his hair?
With a parting
Moses, Jesus and an old man are playing golf together.
Moses swings and the ball rolls towards a river. The river splits and the ball goes through. Jesus shrugs, and hits the ball straight onto the river. It rolls straight over. The old man smiles and hits the ball into the river. A fish swallows the ball, an eagle swoops down, grabs the fish and flies off. Suddenly, a bolt of lightning strikes the eagle, it drops the fish, the ball falls into the hole. Moses turns to Jesus "I hate playing with your dad."
Moses, Jesus and an old man were playing golf.
Moses swings and the ball rolls towards a river. The river splits and the ball goes through. Hole in one.
Jesus shrugs, and hits the ball straight onto the river. It rolls straight over. Hole in one.
The old man smiles and hits the ball into the river. A fish swallows the ball, an eagle swoops down, grabs the fish and flies off. Suddenly, a bolt of lightning strikes the eagle, it drops the fish, the ball falls into the hole.
Moses turns to Jesus and says
"I hate playing with your dad."
